-IT'S THE SEX NUMBER PART!! CAN I GET A "NICE"?-

Ages:

Jason - 16

Roy - 16

Artemis - 13

Dick - 10

"I'm in charge of watching the brother." Jason flexed, holding up the camera. "So we're going out!"

Roy leaned into frame. "Out of state that is."

Jason nodded. "Exactly, we're in the grocery store parking lot right now- I won't say what store, because,"

"No Free Clout." They said in unison.

"But we're gonna go the snacks, and then we're driving into the barren area off the highway and we're gonna OFF ROAD!"

Roy took the camera. "Let's introduce you to the crew today, you got me- well you've got Jason and me."

"That kinda goes without saying." Jason added snarkily from off camera.

"And they we've got Dick, say hi, Dick."

The ten-year-old in the backseat waved. "Hi."

"And I was put in charge last minute- I was put in charge of... what's your name?"

"What?" The blonde asked.

"Say your name."

"Artemis." Artemis said.

"Yeah, we're watching Dick and Artemis, and we're taking them out of school today." Jason told the camera, unbuckling and opening the car door. "And we're takin' em off roading!"

"Yeah." Roy started exiting as well. "to clear up, Artemis is not my sister, she is a strange child that Oliver kidnapped."

"For legal reason's that is a joke." Jason clarified, leading the way to the store as the kids kicked their doors shut. 

"Yes, it's a joke. So we're gonna go get some snacks and supplies." 

"You guys ready to get snacks?" Jason asked the kids.

The two cheered.

----

Roy filmed his face, still in the parking lot. "I got kicked out for filming, but Jay's in there with the shortstacks, and they're... they're coming out now." He waved, reversing the camera. "GUYS!"

"Hey!"

Artemis pointed, laughing. "You got in trouble!"

"Yeah yeah. Fuck you." Roy scoffed. "What'd you get?" 

"We've got... family sized Cheetos, family sized chocolate buttons, a two litre of ginger ale," Jason said, raising each item as he announced them. "and..."

"What the Hell is that?

Jason laughed a little. "I'm not sure, Dick found this in the international section, they claim to be Canadian chips. They're Cappuccino flavoured chips, and I think we have to try them."

"Alright, kiddos, no touching snacks on the ride over." Roy unlocked the car.

"Shut up." Dick told him as he and the thirteen-year-old climbed into the back seat of the car.

"We're gonna kick you outta the car." The redhead threatened. "You two can walk home."

"To be clear," Jason said, climbing into the front seat. "This IS kind of legal. I have my N, so technically it's recommended that I don't drive with children. and Roy only has a permit."

"So this- please don't tell."

"Well, we aren't technically breaking the law, unless we put on music of use the GPS." Jason pointed out. 

"Aw what? That's ass!" Roy replied. We'll do it on my phone, that's allowed, right?"

"Yeah, maybe." Jason started pulling out. "You buckled up, kids?"

The backseat duo gave four adorable thumbs up.

----

Roy was filming himself on the road, camera on the dash. "We're on the highway right now, and, I think we're gonna have fun. We might get in trouble for wheeling around in the desert, but... I think it'll be fun." He repeated.

Jason glanced in the rear-view mirror at the tweens. "HEY! Don't do that! Dats nasty!" 

Roy adjusted the camera a little to see the kids. Artemis had the two-litre of ginger ale up to her lips, drinking. "Cut that out! That's gross!"

"You drink milk out of the cartain!" Dick replied as Artemis wiped her mouth and passed him the bottle. He wiped the edge and took a swig. 

"Yeah, cause that's us! Y'all are just- UGH! That's gross!" Jay shouted. 

"Grow up!" Artemis taunted.

"Dick, you're sharing with her! you're gonna get cooties, man!" Roy replied. "Did you ever hear about that? Was that our generation?"

"We've never heard of that." Dick replied.

"You're gonna get mouth herpes. Both of you!" Jason said.

"Roy gave you a UTI!" Dick snapped back.

Jason swerved, almost crashing the car.

----

"Okay, we're here in the middle of nowhere..." Roy said, they'd left the car and were standing in a large dusty field, filled with rock and a very little amount of dying grass. "We're about  a mile from the highway, and... we're gonna drive a bit."

Jason turned the camera on the kids, who'd both put on sunglasses. "Look at these two little divas. Miniature Wayne and Queen over here. can you give us a tour of the car?"

Dick squinted, even through the glasses. "Yeah, uh, we have... tires."

"Tires." Artemis agreed. "Wheels, bumper- we're going to need that when Roy crashes the car-"

"HEY!"

"And... nice silver paint job." Dick said. "And we've got snacks."

"All the essential parts of a car." Jason confirmed. "You wanna drive around the rocks?"

"YEAH!" They chorused.

----

Roy put on some driving sunglasses, and taken his place in the front seat. He had to turn around to face the camera in the back seat. "As I can barely drive, I am going first. We've got the kids in the back, and Jason's outside filming the car."

"YOU READY TO GO?!" Jason shouted, flipping to his camera view, a safe distance from the car.

Roy leaned out the window. "YEAH! LETS GO!" He turned in to face the kid's camera. "You kids ready to die?"

The two let out hoots of 'Yay!' And 'let's do this!', confirming that they were ready. 

Roy kicked into high gear and tore off, resulting in some of the best footage of a Toyota Yaris drifting on a dirt plane, accompanied by the sounds of two kids screaming. 

It took a good twenty seconds for Roy to slam of the breaks, skidding them to a sharp stop. Dick, who was a little too short for his seatbelt, jerked forwards, leg kicking roy in the face.

"HO LY  SH IT."

"Oh my god THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"I'm ALIVE! I'M SO ALIVE!"

"HOLY SHIT. Didj'all Film That?!? Where's the camera?"

"Here." There was a shake as Artemis picked the camera off the car floor. "OH MY GOHD!"

"That was awesome!" Dick kicked his legs with excitement. 

Roy faced the camera, his sunglasses had been tossed off in the excitement. "That was fucking incredible. Thats was glorious! I can't belive I did that and that we filmed that!"

The redhead turned as there was a knock at the car window. Jason leaned in, eyes huge. "Oh my god ROY."

"You were filming, right?" 

"Yeh!" Jason giggled giddily. "I got it all, man!"

Roy grabbed him water. "This is great! Weren't gonna get hella views!"

Artemis turned the camera to face herself. "How about 'Almost crashed a car with kids inside'?" She suggested. "Not clickbait."

"Are you pitching titles?" Jason asked. 

"'Car explodes in dessert!'. And it has us in the thumbnail." Dick said.

"They're naturals!" Roy grinned, tearing off his seatbelt and grabbing the camer. "Come on! You tag in! I'll film!"

Dick grabbed his belt's buckle. "I'm getting out for this."

"You don't want me to drive? I'm the one with the license! I drove us here!" Dick ignored him, hopping out if the car. Jason scoffed, buckling in. "I can't believe you don't trust me! UNBELIEVABLE, RICHARD!"

"I'll stay." Artemis said, cleaning the lense. "You're better than Roy, I'll film!"

"Thank you! See Richard? This is what good siblings are like!"

"I'll count you down!" Roy said as he and Dick backed up, zooming in as Jason put on his sunglasses. "FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!!"

The car zoomed off, drifting around a couple boulders, kicking up a dust cloud that would put the 1935 dust bowl to shame.

"GO JAY!" Dick shouted, he and Roy backed up as the car zoomed by with the sound of a shrieking Artemis, and Jason seemingly frozen at the wheel.

After another thirty-ish seconds, the car glided to a stomp. Jason slumped over, panting, as they ran over, camera in hand.

"DUDE, JAY, THAT WAS AWESOME!"  Roy exclaimed.

"I almost died," Jason panted, laughing from shock. "I swear to god my life flashed... before my eyes..." He laughed harder, almost crying.

"Hello? I'm the child you almost killed!" Artemis said, a little shell shocked. "Holy shit that was awesome!"

"Hey! Watch yer fuckin Language!" Roy shouted. "I think... you good, Jay?"

"I dunno..." He giggled, shaking and wiping his eyes. 

"You almost crashed Ollies car!" Artemis shouted.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Its only a Toyota Yaris. How about Jason busts opn the chips, and we'll do a few more rounds? We'll just... insert a compilation of the coolest stuff right here."

----

"Break time!"  Roy exclaimed. "The kids are busting open the snacks. Dick? Opinions?"

"The cheese-ies are good!"

"Duh, They're always good." Artemis said. Dick nodded in agreement. "The chocolates are good too."

"And we have ginger ale in cups this time." Dick said.

"Yeah! It's in our bottles." Dick said, holding up his water bottle.

Roy panned over. "How about those-" He giggled. "How about those cappuccino chips?"

Jay sniffed the freshly opened chip bag suspiciously. He pulled out a chip and frowned. He carefully put it in his mouth. Jason ground his eyes shut, chewing hard. He swallowed with a gasp. He grabbed the bag and shook it at the kids. "Hey Dickie! Try this!"

"No!"

"Try it!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Cause its Gross! You made it look gross!" He exclaimed. Flinching as Jason shook the bag in his face.  "EW! Why does it smell like that?"

"Like what?" Artemis sniffed the bag as invited. "Ew! Yeah!"

"It smells weird but seriously Dick, it's so good!"

"I don't trust you!" He exclaimed.

"No seriously Dick, just eat it- EAT IT!" He grabbed his brother, wrestling the boy still, tickling him, and forcing the crumbling chip into his mouth.

After a few seconds he got free, squealing, and spat at the dirt, but his tongue had absorbed most of the flavour. "Ew! Why?!?"

"Is it bad?" Artemis asked.

"It's so bad!" Dick grabbed the bag and thrust it at her. Artemis took a chip and popped it in, frowning. 

"Ew." She said. "It's no Bad..."

"No, it's just kinda funky" he said. "It's not right."

"Lemme try." Roy took one from behind the camera. "Ew. EW. It's like the uncanny valley between bland and nasty."

"I know right?" Jason popped another few chips in his mouth. "It's... not good."

Roy panned across them. "Okay final verdict on Cappuccino chips? On five. Five! Four! Three! Two! ...One!"

"4.5!"

"3!"

"5-and a half!"

"6!" 

"Six!?" Jason and Dick shouted

Artemis shrugged. "It's not bad. It's just weird and funky."

"Okay!" Roy laughed. "I'll slap you about this later, but y'all finish your soda, and let's hop back in the car!"

----

"Alright, so, we've decided to do something even more illegal than before..." Jason angled the camera down on the blonde tween.

"They're gonna let US drive the car!" She exclaimed, bouncing on her heels.

"Yeah, so first we're gonna let Arty do some steering, sitting on Jason's lap, and then they kids will go on they're own.

"So... I'm uncomfortable getting up there." Artemis said. 

"Oh, Honey I'm gay and sixteen, I don't want your Freshmen ass." Jason said. "I'm the registered new driver, so you can sit on my leg and steer, and I'll handle the pedals and gears." 

"Okay." Artemis hopped up. "So... how do we belt?"

"I'll belt, and I'll have my arm around your stomach just in case. If that's cool with you."

"Nope! It's fine, just so dangerous!" She laughed. Everyone in!" 

Roy climbed into shotgun. "Usually I'd be outside, because... if we crash we need someone to edit and post the video, bu5 I'm NOT missing this."

"I'm also filming, but I'm also inside because I Can't edit!" Dick told his camera.

"Yeah, he can't use final cut, so he may as well Die with us!" Jason said, making his brother and boyfriend laugh. 

"Wait! Don't say that! You're freaking me out!" Artemis squealed.

"Okay, Artemis, I'm just gonna..." Jason leaned on the accelerator and the vehicle shot forwards a little, making her scream a little. Artemis jerked the wheel a little, trying to keep it even.

"Okay, okay, Arty just look at the road and don't turn!"

"There's a rock-boulder!"

"It's SO far away! You won't hit it!" Artemis was breathing hard as Jay shifted up a gear. 

"I AM gonna hit it!" She closed her eyes.

"OPEN YOUR EYES!" The redhead shouted. "OPEN.YOUR.EYES. Okay, Artemis, You aren't going to hit it, I promise! Just  B R E A T H!"

"Hey, I'm the registered driver!" Jason snapped.

"You can do it Artemis!"

The clip contained about another minute, Artemis becoming increasingly confident as the dynamic shifted from Her shouting and the teens calming her, to Jason and Roy shrieking and Artemis rolling her eyes at them.

----

"Okay, after that shit show, we apparently didn't learn our lesson, because we're letting BOTH the kids drive. Roy? How're you feelin'?"

"I'm a little nervous. After that. I dont want her behind the wheel, let alone without you going the gas pedals."

"But hey, Artemis won't be steering, Dick is!" Jason panned over to the kids. "You guys excited?"

"Yea!" Dick exclaimed. "How do we do this? Do we?" He frowned, weighing the legistics.

"I think Artemis goes on the outside, by the door, and Dick goes on the inside because you're skinny and young and can fit on the same seat." Jason said, helping the kids up onto the seat. "I guess we'll just... buckle you together?"

"That's so dangerous!" Artemis said, reaching the belt across to hold her and Dick in place. "I have long legs, I'll do the pedals." She turned to Roy. "Is the left one for go or stop?"

"Oh my god, we're going to die." Roy croaked.

----

Jason had taken the back seat, camera in hand, as Roy set the other camera on the dash in front of the kids.

"I'll give you from five, and then go lightly on the accelerator." Jason said. "FIVE, FOUR-"

"ZROOOOMM!" Artemis yelled, putting her full weight on the pedal. The car leapt into speed, zero to sixty in seconds.

Dick screamed, instinctively jerking the wheel to the side, almost toppling the car. 

"ARTEeEmIIsS!" Dick's voice shook from the shaking car.

"HAVE FUN!" She yelled. "NYyYOOoOoM!"

"We're gonna die!" Dick jerked the wheel, which had been causing the car to spiral in a tight circle. "ARtY!"

"SWERVE, DICKIE!" She yelled. Jason dropped his camera, leaving the dash cam to record the  following events.

Dick turned the wheel to opposites sides, terrified and excited, causing a violent figure eight. The widows started getting obscured by kicked up dirt.

"BRAKE!" Roy screamed, clutching the handle above the door. "BRAKE, ARTY!"

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" Jason shrieked.

"HELL, NO WE AREN'T!" Artemis slammed on the break.

 Both kids were thrown forwards, knocking into their own legs an nearly setting off the airbags. Turns out you shouldn't use one seatbelt for two people. Jason And Roy choked from the snap as their seatbelts turned taught.

They sat there, panting. Dick was shaking, and Artemis bordered on tears. Roy slowly raised his head, realizing he wasn't Dead.

"Artemis?" He asked shakily. "Artemis!"

"Roy?" She sniffled.

"Oh thank- Jay?! Dick?"

"He's okay." Artemis grabbed Dick, holding him upright.

"Roy, holy shit!" Jason rubbed his neck. "I think I have whiplash."

Roy feverishly unbuckled and opened the door. He jogged around to the driver's side, forcing the door open. "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!"  Roy screamed at her, He reached in and grabbed her, pulling her out of the camera's eyeline. "YOU ALMOST KILLED US YOU CRAZY BITCH WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Jason crawled into the front seat, pulling his brother safely into his arm. "I got you. We're okay."

"Imsorry." Artemis sniffled, voice breaking.

"I'M SO FUCKING PROUD!" Roy leaned back into frame, against the car, clutching Artemis against his chest. "You insane little shit! Oh god I love you!" He panted. "Do that to Ollie next time!"

"How?" Artemis asked, crying a little. "In what? The Arrowmobile?"

Roy giggled, almost puking, still hugging her, just as Jason was hugging his little brother.

"You guys scared the shit out of us!" Jason cried. "You two are NEVER allowed to do something me and Roy would do at your age." 

"You CANNOT torture us like we tortured Bruce and Oliver!"

"Let's go home." Dick muttered.

"Yeah, lets head out." Jason said. "We'll record an outro later." He reached forwards, and the film went dock.

--------

"THIS is what happened to the car?!" Oliver shouted, turning away from the screen.

"No." Dick replied, sipping the slurpie Roy bought Artemis and him as a treat. "Jason rear-ended someone on the trip home."

"You fucking snitch."

"I can't believe this! I know you two are dumb as rocks but you almost killed yourselves! I Cannot BELIEVE you let the kids DRIVE! Bruce will kill all of you when he gets here."

The teens looked at each other in terror.

"Hey Ollie." Artemis grinned, blue and tongue stained blue. "You want some chips?"