CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.
( DISCOVERIES.. )

     The rest of the week went by slowly for Ella and all she could do was pretend to be okay. Her smile didn't feel as true anymore and her behaviour was more closed off than she had ever been. To most outsiders, she seemed fine. She sat down with her friends, engaged when they spoke to her but always seemed distracted. Her head buried in a book or her mind somewhere else.

     Most days, she was quiet and too distracted by her work. The Marauders, Lily, Marlene and Layla all obviously noticed but if they tried to talk to her about it, she brushed it off. She made an effort to seem fine but it wasn't long until she drawn-back again. On their prefect rounds, Remus, Lily and James had all tried to bring her out of her shell but it only served to frustrated Ella more. Not Remus but the others trying.

     It was like a kick to the gut. She only felt how she did because of James and Lily and they knew that but it didn't make them stop. They seemed determined to keep at it until she opened back up again. Even her father had kept trying to talk her, most times she had been saved by Marlene taking her away from Herbology.

     But her father was persistent, he had turned to finding her other times to finally just talk to her. He wanted to talk to his daughter and Ella understood that but his behaviour made her even more reluctant. He hadn't even spoke to her mother about everything, he hadn't apologised and Ella wasn't going to talk to him until he did that. She didn't have the energy.

     However, Herbology wasn't even the lesson that Ella dreaded anymore. Astronomy was what she dreaded. It had happened twice since the incident at Hogsmeade and it was unbearable. She would usually have stuck by James but instead she found herself sitting as far from him as she could. Sitting by him and being alone with him only hurt more. It reminded her that she could never have him. She wished she had the courage to cut ties with him completely but she didn't. Life without James wasn't worth anything in Ella's eyes.

     And that thought had led to many sleepless nights. Ella staring at the top of her bed as she just let her mind wonder. There was nothing she could do to quieten her mind. Even sleeping potions didn't work. She usually woke up within an hour having one nightmare or another. It was awful and Ella found herself getting increasingly more tired.

     By the time the first Herbology lesson of the new week rolled around, she was exhausted. Barely paying attention and nearly hurting herself accidentally with the secateurs more than once. Marlene - who was still working next to her - notice and she was concerned. She had been concerned since the previous weekend but it was getting worse. Everything was getting worse.

     So once the lesson finished and the two left, Marlene pulled the brunette away from the crowds and into one of the hidden alcoves. They were out of sight and hopefully out of hearing distance of most people. Ella not saying anything as she stared up at Marlene, a single eyebrow raised as her hands rested at her sides.

     "Why aren't you talking? What's wrong?" Marlene asked as she looked back at Ella properly now. Her eyes flicking across Ella's face, trying desperately to read her face but it didn't show anything. Nothing useful just the same blank expression that had been there all week.

     "A conversation with Lily and James would clear up all your questions," Ella said as she pushed off the wall. She attempted to get away from Marlene but the blonde quickly grabbed Ella's shoulder and pushed her back against the wall. Ella thought that James and Lily had already got together but the confused look on Marlene's face maybe that wasn't entirely true.

     "Just stop, stop with this bollocks. James is bloody miserable without you as he always is. Lily isn't much better. She doesn't know what to do with herself and she wants nothing more than to fix what she's done wrong," Marlene said. Ella rolled her eyes and adjusted her satchel over her shoulder before she stepped forward again.

     "It's their fault that I'm like this. I'm trying to stop myself from getting hurt again, Marlene. Now I'm going, I don't want to talk about this anymore," Ella responded as she pushed back with more force than before. Marlene stumbled back slightly and watched Ella walk away. The blonde pushing her fingers through her hair before she turned away and headed to their next class. Ella would hopefully turn up at the class even if she didn't want to sit next to Lily as she always did.

     Ella walked down the corridor, her heart pounding in her chest. She wanted nothing more than to be at home or in her dorm. Honestly, she would do anything for James to give her a hug but he couldn't hug her. He was too enamoured with Lily that it didn't matter anymore. She didn't matter anymore.

     Turning down another corridor, Ella kept her gaze on the floor. Her mind had wondered off that she didn't even notice the boy walking right into her. Ella stumbled back, throwing her arms out to stabilise herself.

     "Bleedin' hell! Watch where ya goin'!" Ella shouted before she looked up and realised it was James. Her anger dropping as her heart sunk to the pit of her stomach. She had been mostly avoiding him except on prefect duty. The fact he was here now made her want to run away. Her arms wrapping around herself as she tried to move past.

     But he grabbed her arm, pulling her back with a gentleness she hadn't expect considering her anger towards him. Ella looked back at him and didn't make a move to react. Instead she just watched him and he frowned. He dragged her a little more towards him and they turned to face each other. Ella quickly looking down to the ground.

     "Why are you avoiding me? I want to talk to you, I need to talk to you," James said quickly. Ella scoffed and shook his arm off. She then turned to leave but he grabbed her again. His grip firm and wasn't as easy to shake off despite Ella's best efforts.

     "I'm not, I'm protectin' myself from you, James," Ella muttered as she tried one last time to pull away. Her arm slipped momentarily before he gripped harsher. His fingers digging into her skin harshly and she winced at that. James noticing instantly and he let up, pulling his hand away. He went to splutter out an apology but he didn't have a chance. Ella already had rushed away from him. He just watched her as she headed towards the grand staircase. Away from where her lesson should be.

     Ella dashed up the stairs, heading right for the Gryffindor dormitory. Her eyes filled with tears, just interacting with him made her want to break down but he had hurt her. Intentionally or not he had and it made everything feel so much worse. She managed to say the password without her voice breaking and once she was inside, she had to weave away from Remus and Sirius who were talking amongst themselves. They clearly had a lesson free. They had most lessons free compared to Ella at least.

     Both boys instantly noticed Ella's entrance and the tear-eyed look was not lost on them. Sirius glanced to Remus and stood up before they could really say anything. Sirius crossed the Common Room and walked up to Ella, stopping her from disappearing up to her own dorm. Ella paused and looked up at him, pretending she was fine.

     "What's up, Sirius?" She asked as she adjusted her satchel. Sirius sighed and moved to stand next to her. He placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the boy's staircase. Ella gave him a confused look but followed him anyway. As soon as he noticed this, Remus got up and followed after. The trio heading up to the Marauder's room. Their dorm-mate seemed to be gone for lesson so that was good at least.

     The door closed behind Ella and she looked between the two boys. She didn't know what she had expected but she just followed them. Her stomach was twisting in anxiety as she adjusted the bag over her shoulder.

     "Yeah?" Ella said as she looked between them. Sirius crossed the room to James' bed and Ella just watched as she wrapped her arms around herself.

     "What's wrong?" Remus asked as he looked down at her. Ella shrugged as she tightened her grip. She then loosened it and let her arms fall. Her arm aching slightly though she tried her best not to show it. Her eyes moving to Remus from Sirius who seemed to searching for something in the bedside table.

     "A lotta things," Ella muttered as she rolled her shoulder, trying her best to try and get more comfortable. The two of them weren't doing anything. They were just talking to her yet she couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated.

     "Have you been around James?" Remus asked as he gestured for her to sit on his bed. Ella took a cautious step before walking over. She sat down and let her bag fall from her shoulder to the floor. Remus waited patiently for her response as he sat on their other roommates' bed across from them.

     "I saw 'im briefly," Ella shrugged and Remus nodded. That's why he could smell the boy on her at least. Ella let her arms rest, trying to relax. She was with people she could trust, it was fine. They were fine. Every part of her knew that nothing was going to happen yet she felt like one of them was going to hurt her or do something bad. Sirius slamming the bedside drawer not helping her jumpiness.

     "The wanker moved it. Have you seen it?" Sirius asked as he looked over to Remus. The boy shook his head and Sirius tutted under his breath. He then walked around to James' trunk and opened it beginning to search for the object. Whatever it was he seemed desperate to give it back to her.

     "Did you two not talk? You've barely talked to any of us all week, not to mention you never skip classes," Remus said as he leant forward, watching her closely. Ella felt observed and she felt herself tense again. Her hands moving to wrap around her waist as she shuffled a little further away from Remus. There was no reason to be scared.

     "I'm just.. .stressin', it's nothin'. Nothin' either of you need to worry about. James is 'appy," Ella shrugged and Sirius scoffed. Louder than he had intended which earned him a glare from Remus but something she heard nonetheless, "Why did 'e scoff, James finally got the girl," Ella said as she looked up at Remus. The confusion evident on her face. Marlene was her friend but Ella didn't want to necessarily believe her when she said James was miserable. However Sirius admitting it was something completely different.

     "What girl is that? Because Lily's gay and you're ignoring him," Sirius said rather bluntly. His words muffled since half of him was in James' trunk searching for something. Ella just rolled her eyes at him and stood up. She didn't need this conversation. She didn't want to feel more stupid than she already did.

     "Quick bein' a prick, Sirius. 'E doesn't want me like that and you both know it," Ella said as she crossed the room. Her hand reaching for the door but suddenly it turned burning hot. She yanked her hand away, cradling it against her chest turning her gaze to Remus. The boy was sat on the bed with his wand pointed at the door handle.

     "You keep running away from your problems. It's not going to fix anything," Remus said as he stood up. Quickly towering over the brunette as he walked over. It only served to make her feel small as he gently grabbed her arm in the same spot James did. He gave it a soft tug and she felt herself wince. James really hadn't gripped her arm that harshly yet it still felt like it was bruising.

     "Get off me," Ella muttered as she pushed his arm away. Remus was quick to do so, stepping back as he gave her a concerned look. Sirius was still searching for something so didn't seem to even care about how Ella had winced.

     "Who hurt your arm?" Remus asked and Ella shrugged. She turned for the door again before she stopped. Maybe this would stop them lying to her.

     "It was James, 'e gripped my arm too tightly." Ella muttered before she pulled out her wand. She used her magic to open the door and went to leave until Sirius let out an excitement 'Ah-ha!'. Ella looked back, half-way out the door and saw the photo she had left at the Potter's. The glass was shattered and it looked dent at the frame but the picture was still there.

     "This is what I wanted to find. James was supposed to give it back to you but you shattered the glass when you bumped past him. I think he spelled the actual picture to never be damaged. I don't know but I thought you should have it back," Sirius explained quickly, rushing through it as he offered it out to Ella. The brunette hesitated before snatching it from the boy's hand and leaving.

     She had too much to think about and she was very late for her lesson. She had no idea what she was supposed to tell them but she was sure she could come up with some sort of lie. But then again it was Professor Binns so he probably didn't even notice she wasn't there. She just had to walk in and then it would be totally fine.

***

     As the week went on, Ella only found herself getting more and more isolated. Between her anxiety and acts of self-sabotage, she had managed to ice just about everyone out of her life. She was unwilling to believe that what she thought was wrong. She knew that there was some possibility that it might not be true but a part of her wanted it to be true. Just so she could avoid anymore heartbreak. She was madly in love with James but him not talking to her again would only make it easier.

     Everything that had been said before that Hogsmeade trip didn't matter to Ella. It didn't seem real. To her it was just some joke that James was pulling on her because he thought it would be funny. She didn't realise how much he missed her or how much he cared. Instead, she had let her thoughts eat her from the inside out and now she was lost.

     So as she sat in Herbology midway through the week, she was silent. She hadn't exchanged any words with Marlene, no banter. Just Ella fiddling with her tie to do it up as her father spoke and lectured them. Ella hadn't mastered her skills with tying a tie and without James, she felt useless. The loss of him and everyone else was overwhelming but she didn't know how else to stop herself getting hurt again. It was the hard decision but Ella didn't think there was anything else.

     As they moved to the practical portion of the lesson, Professor Hollander began to approach Ella. Something she didn't have the energy to really object to. She was tired, she wanted to just be at home. She didn't want to be here and her father continued to loom over her. She took his instructions did as he said and finished what they were supposed to long before anyone else.

     That meant she got a headstart on the essay that he had set them. The brunette sat on the table and scribbling out an introduction while everyone else struggled. She didn't even pay attention to them and didn't see the point in trying to help. Nobody would listen to her so she just wrote and stayed quiet.

     The lesson eventually drew to an end and the class began to file out. Ella stuffed everything in her bag as quickly as she could but was still forced to stay behind. Her father asking her if she would stick around for a few minutes. Ella didn't see the point in denying it anymore. Everyone knew that he was her father and Ella knew that she could at least listen to him.

     "We just wanted to check up on you, Ella. You're behaviour has been odd this past week and I wanted to know if you'd like to talk," He said as he looked down at her. Ella rolled her eyes though she was subtle before she met his gaze. Their brown eyes practically mirrored each other in colour as Ella gripped the edge of the table.

     "You didn't care before, why now?" Ella asked, cocking an eyebrow. She would never usually be this defiant to a teacher or even be this defiant to him. She would have usually made an excuse and left but at this point, she was so sick of everything. Sick of her father desperately trying to make some sort of connection with her, sick of having her heart played with, sick of her own feelings, sick of school and the constant crushing feeling it gave her. She wanted to be done with it all.

     "Because you're my student and my daughter," He responded, pretending like his words were the most obvious thing in the world. Ella rolled her eyes openly now and placed her satchel down. If he wanted to play the 'I'm your father' card, Ella was going to hit back at him. She didn't see him as her father, he was just another man to her and she hated how he tried to use that to his advantage.

     "You're not my father, Professor 'ollander. You are my 'erbology teacher. You lost the righ' to call me your daughter when you stepped out of that 'ouse when I was a kid. I could barely even walk and you left me and mum! You have no right to know and you have no right to even care! You are not my father and as far as I am concerned, you never bleedin' will be!" Ella shouted, all her frustration from the past few days pouring out. She threw her hands out in a wild gesture before she let out a deep breath. The anger was boiling in her veins and a part of her just wanted to hurt somebody to get rid of it. She wanted someone to understand how much hurt she was going through.

     "And I will always regret that decision to leave you and your mother. I'm trying so desperately to make repairs here, Ella. Why can't you just talk to me or at least try?" He asked, the desperation evident in his tone. It felt weird to him to plead with a 17 year old about being accepted but there was nothing else he could do. He wanted to be better than he had been but she was giving him no chance.

     "You never tried for me! Why should I give you that luxury?" Ella responded, her words harsh but quieter now. There was no part of her that wanted to draw attention to this conversation. It would be embarrassing if someone walked in on them arguing. It would be unprofessional and Ella would no doubt lose housepoints.

     "I'm trying now," He responded and Ella rolled her eyes.

     "Not good enough, Professor," She muttered before she glanced at the door. She could just leave, she should just leave. If she answered his question, she could go and another day would have been survived without him being around but she didn't want to leave and face the rest of the world. She didn't want to be harmed out there.

     "Tell me what I can do so you will finally talk to me like your father. I can't talk to your mother. The owls bring back the letters no matter how much I try. I just want to get to know my daughter," He said as he looked down at her. Ella shrugged and ran her fingers through her hair. She was only getting more frustrated at his beginning and his want to be good to her. Wanting to be a good father. He didn't express this desire before. He had abandoned her but now here he was.

     "I don't know, Professor. But do you know what I do know? You came back into my life when you found it convenient. You left my mother behind because you couldn't 'andle 'aving a family. Now you're 'ere, wanting me to accept you but you abandoned us. Both of us. You were a coward, an awful cowardly father that didn't even try and see his daughter grow up. You left the second it got tough and I spent so many years wantin' you back but now I know who you are. You're a coward and the fact that you were ever sorted into Gryffindor is bafflin' to me!" Ella shouted, ranting and looking around the room as she did so. She didn't even notice as a woman walked in. She didn't notice how her Ancient Runes teacher had walked in and definitely didn't notice the face of fury.

     Not until a hand collided with her face and Ella let out a whimper of pain, stumbling with the force of it. She flicked her head around to look at her Ancient Runes teacher who's face was contorted in anger. Professor Landon stared at her and Ella opened her mouth to say something but she pulled her wand out, stopping Ella in her tracks.

     "How dare you talk to your father in that tone!" She shouted. Her voice shrill and full of fury. The opposite of what Ella had expected. She opened her mouth to speak but a quick 'silencio' passed through the older woman's lips and Ella was stopped. Her anger bubbling to the surface as she looked to her father. The man simply stepped back, "You are a nasty girl! He has been a wonderful husband and father to his true family! Do not insult him." She warned, taking a step closer to Ella. The mad-anger in Professor Landon's eyes brought a new sense of anxiety and fear to Ella's chest.

     "My darling, it's okay. I'm sure she didn't mean it," Her father tried to step him when the older woman had pressed the tip of her wand against Ella's chest again. Ella was sure her heart had stopped beating as she stared with bated breath. At the words - however - Professor Landon turned around and took in her... husband. Ella's father had remarried. Of course.. Of course.

     "She meant every word of it, Aaron and you know that! Don't try and defend your wretched daughter to me. I know her better than you do, I have been teaching this beastly child for seven years," Professor Landon responded as she practically glared Ella's father down. He nodded in compliance and stepped back. Professor Landon then turned back to Ella, her hair whipping around her face before she lifted her wand again, "You need to learn to keep your mouth shut, Ella-Rose, especially around your father. You are an ungrateful spiteful brat now get out of this greenhouse. I can't bear to look at you," Professor Landon said. Ella reached out and grabbed her bag quickly before she rushed towards the door. It banged against her hip and arm on the way out and Ella's eyes quickly filled with tears.

     Her father had remarried and had two more children. She had been replaced, she was unimportant to him. Her Ancient Runes teacher - a woman that Ella had once deeply admired - hated her and put a charm on her. She had assaulted Ella, slapped her and scolded her like Ella was some sort of bratty four year old. The anger mixed with confusion and sadness and all Ella could think to do was cry. Nothing else made sense.

     Ella briefly glanced back and watched as her father hugged that women. The two kissing and talking quietly about her. It had to be about her. Ella tried to blink back the tears as she rushed away from the greenhouses. She was glad she didn't have another lesson and quickly ran towards the Common Room. She didn't care who she bumped into, she just needed to get out of that place

     Once Ella had reached the room, she found it full of people. It was the time that most Seventh Years had a free lesson so Ella crossed it quickly, shielding her face. She didn't want anyone to see but the one girl Ella had least expected to care saw. Saw the complete and utter despair and noticed the lack of noise. Lily noticed and was quick to follow.

     Ella collapsed against the floor of her dorm the second she came in and was lucky that none of her roommates were around. Soundless sobs wracked her body as she curled up. Her breathing bated, her breaths short and inconsistent as the tears flowed freely. Her whole life had fallen apart and that's when Lily came in.

     The redhead shut the door behind her and rushed down to kneel beside Ella. She pulled out her own wand from her pocket and said 'Sonorous' softly. The second Ella could make sound again, the sobs became louder, more real. The brunette fell into Lily's arms and the redhead cradled her, keeping her close. Shushing her softly and trying her best to calm Ella down.

     It took at least five minutes until Ella had stopped crying. The tears still fell but they felt less overwhelming, she felt less overwhelmed. Lily took a tissue from her pocket and placed it in Ella's hand. The redhead then used her sleeves to wipe away the leftover tears from Ella's red and puffy face. Ella didn't understand why Lily was even here. She didn't understand a lot of things but she just took it. The brunette wiped her nose before just staring at her hands in her lap.

     "What happened, Ella?" Lily asked as she finished wiping the tears away fully. Ella didn't know what to say as she stared down at the floor. She fumbled miserably over her words and stopped before she made a fool of herself. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she wiped her nose again.

     "It's... 'ard to explain," Ella muttered. Lily nodded and let her hand rest against Ella's cheek which only caused Ella to wince. The brunette turning her face away which made the redhead frown. Lily frowned and let her hands drop, "I'm sorry for 'ow I've been actin'," Ella muttered as she stared down at the floor. The redhead shook her head and shuffled closer, pulling Ella into a tight hug.

     "Don't worry about it," Lily muttered as she held her close. Ella feeling so much comfort as she just enjoyed the redhead's hold, "Just, I know your cheek hurts, I can't do healing charms. I think you should speak to James," Lily muttered, keeping a hold of Ella for a moment before breaking away. The brunette shrugged, staring at the floor and Lily gave her a look, "It'll help you feel better. He misses you, Ella," Lily responded, her voice and words soft. Ella just stared at her hands for another movement. Her mind flicking through all the possible situations.

     Everything that came up seemed either incredibly possibly or totally ridiculous. Ella wasn't sure what to do but with another few minutes of Lily's encouraging, Ella gave in. She knew that she wanted to see him, she had been desperate to talk to him despite how much she had been avoiding him. She just wanted to see his stupid face and this argument with her dad and teacher had sent her over the edge. She just had to give in to herself so she headed to the boy's dorms. Praying that none of the other Marauders were in there.

***

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! soooo, we got some info here and revealed how much of a dick her teacher is :) a lot more will be revealed in coming chapters, there's about 10 left after this one now i believe so we are trucking along getting to the end which i hate but... it is what it is and ella has a sequel that's in the works so we're seeing more of her, but also yes i cannot go a chapter without james, don't come for me, i love james more than myself sooo, but yeah i hope you enjoyed <3