Thankfully when Margaret and Mia apparated to the Hogwart's platform with James and Ella, the train would be leaving in only a few minutes time. The two mothers left their children to head to the train themselves. Ella and James silently walking beside each other before getting onto the train. James still being the gentlemen and letting her go first.

     James, however, got into the compartment first and took his place while Ella stood at the door. Remus looked up at her and he could see the sadness on her features. Despite her attempts to hide it and he got up to join her. Layla and James - with reluctance - came too since they had to have the meeting with all of the prefects. The trio walked down in relative silence and Ella barely spoke throughout the whole meeting.

     She was then assigned to patrol one of the carriages with Layla and the two walked down to do so. Ella couldn't help but feel her stomach twist in anxiety. Nausea taking over as she walked. Everything felt wrong and she wanted nothing more than to be curled up in James' arms. She wanted to feel safe stood next to him but now she had lost that.

     "Why are you so quiet today? What happened?" Layla asked finally. The silence had been deafening and had gone on far too long for the fringed girls liking. It was frustrating and Ella almost never shut up usually or would quickly start ranting as soon as they were alone.

     "James knows." Ella muttered as she moved her gaze to the windows, watching the countryside go by. Her stomach only twisting more as she watched it flick past them. So she moved her gaze back to the floor not wanting to vomit on the train. There were no toilets so throwing up wasn't exactly the best thing she could do.

     "Oh." Layla said. She almost sounded disappointed and that made Ella look up. She cocked an eyebrow, "I just expected it to be something bigger and different than that," Layla added. Ella scoffed and pushed her fingers through her hair. Layla seemed so oblivious and Ella quickly began to realise that it was probably set up. Layla probably wanted James to know.

     "You don't even realise what tellin' 'im has done. I spent a week at 'is house and he ignored me the whole time. It ruined my Christmas. I was supposed to be happy and escapin' from the hell that Hogwarts is turning into this term and all you can say is 'oh'." Ella spat. Her anger bubbling to the surface as she threw her heads out as she ranted. Layla looked up at her and crossed her arms over her chest, stopping in the corridor.

     "You could have been more honest with him," Layla responded, looking back at Ella. Ella laughed humourlessly and rolled her eyes. She just couldn't believe Layla. Her heart was breaking because her best friend wouldn't even speak to her and she was acting like it was Ella's fault.

     "Did you want this to happen? Did you set this up? I remember comin' over to you towards the end of the party and I'm assumin' you let James take me upstairs. Is this what you wanted?" Ella asked, her tone accusatory leaving barely any room for Layla to convince Ella that she was wrong. Ella didn't even know why she was jumping down Layla's throat but she was so frustrated and sad and angry at the world.

     "I'm sorry I was too enamoured with the girl I love to care about your boy drama. Don't blame your actions on me. I'm going back to the compartment," Layla said, turning away and walking off. That definitely left no room for argument and the tears pricked in Ella's eyes. She felt sick, she was sure she was going to vomit. She needed to hide, to be away from people. Be away from everything.

     Ella turned and walked towards the end of the carriage where there was an alcove. An empty alcove which is exactly where Ella curled up. The tears beginning to fall down her face as she let her legs rest forward. Keeping them straight as well as her back staying straight against the wall. She took in long deep breaths hoping she could stop herself from sobbing and throwing up. She was ruining everything. She was being ridiculous.

     When she thought back to James and Layla, she felt her stomach turn and shift. There was no way she could avoid vomiting now and that's when Remus appeared. He could see the nausea on her face and he was quick to sit down next to her.

     "Episkey," He muttered, pressing his wand against her chest. It was really a healing charm but it seemed to work just as well to stop people from throwing up. Something Remus had learnt during his first few years at Hogwarts, "Are you okay?" He asked as he put his wand away. Ella looked a mess, not as much as Remus did after the full moon but bad nonetheless. Ella shook her head and just collapsed against Remus. He ran his fingers through her hair softly.

"James... I told 'im and 'e 'ates me..." Ella muttered as she wrapped her arms around Remus. Trying to seek some sort of comfort as she buried her face. The tears threatening to spill and a sob close to escaping her lips. She had no idea what she was even supposed to do with herself anymore. She had lost everything that meant anything to her.

     "He doesn't hate you," Remus said softly before Ella pulled away. She shook her head and used the palm of her hand to rub the tears away from her cheeks.

     "'e spent all of Christmas ignorin' me, Remus. That's not just 'im bein' unaware and not knowing what to say. That's 'im hating me. And I tried to talk to 'im and I just shouted at 'im and called 'im an arrogant bastard. I've screwed everythin' up and I don't know what to do." Ella muttered, her words spilling out before she could even really comprehend them. Remus sighed as he looked at her. He let his hands fall away and Ella lifted her head up so she was actually looking at him now.

     "I'm sure he doesn't hate you, El. No matter what you said, he can't hate you. He goes on about you far too much to ever truly hate you," Remus responded. Ella sighed and let a few more tears fall before she scrubbed them away with the sleeve of her robes. She was already back in her Hogwarts uniform and they made her feel better but at the same time, she hated it.

     "'E does. I really fucked it up this time," She muttered. Remus stood up and offered a hand out to Ella which she took with a little bit of reluctance. He pulled her from the floor and then hugged her properly this time. His arms wrapping around her waist, keeping her close. Ella rested her head against him and hugged him back. She was glad at least someone still liked her.

     "Come on, let's go to the carriage. You sit next to him and I'm sure it'll be fine. It always is. Just try and talk to us. Act normal, it'll help. That's what I have to do whenever I feel out of place," He responded. Remus always knew what it felt like to be out of place and to have people dislike him. Some of the few people who knew he was a werewolf despised him for it but he had learnt to just ignore those people and just continue on as if everything was fine. It had been his best coping mechanism along with the support system the boys gave him.

     "I don't know 'ow to..." Ella admitted. The heaviness in her heart was preventing her from being able to even think straight around him. All she could think about when she was in the same room with him was how much she wanted to be with him. Sit with him, hold his hand and kissing him. She wanted his cuddles and to be able to just talk to him but she couldn't. She couldn't act normal around him.

     "I know it's hard but you're a Gryffindor, Ella. You've got to be brave, alright? You can get through this, you can prove yourself. Come on," Remus said as he pulled away from her. Ella sighed and he gently pushed her forward so she led the way back to the compartment. Ella did so with reluctant steps and with each one she felt a little braver.

     Without the nausea, Ella felt a little braver and stepping into the compartment with Remus behind her made her feel that little better too. The boys seemed to be playing a card game and Sirius and James shuffled back to their usual place at the presence of their friends. Ella sat down next to James but she didn't even get a smile from the curly-haired boy. He just continued to rant on about the game, calling Sirius a cheat.

     "You joining Moony?" Sirius asked and Remus reluctantly agreed. Ella then reached into her bag and pulled out the book Mia had gotten her for Christmas. She had read it once already but decided to read it again. It was the Great Gatsby and she was truly fascinated by it. Nobody seemed to notice her quietness except Layla who was watching her. The girl wanted to talk to Ella. They had both said things they didn't mean and as Ella nibbled her lip and constantly shifted, Layla wanted to just apologise. But before she could get the chance, Lily appeared at the compartment door.

     She sent Ella a smile before asking to speak to Layla. Ella gave her a half-smile in return before Layla and Lily left the compartment. The guilt hitting Ella that much harder. Ella had kissed the girl that Layla was in love with. It seemed she was becoming a worse friend as the journey went on. She tried not to think about it though and just buried her head in the book.

     She only came back to relatively when they were at Hogwarts. Her tired eyes closing slowly before reopening. The lack of sleep from the previous night and reading for the hours had left her exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep but Remus had managed to get her up and they went into the castle. Ella returning home, yet another broken place for her.

***

     The second day of school was when Ella finally had Herbology. She knew that the new teacher would be her father the second that she stepped inside but it didn't stop her stomach from twisting in anxiety when she saw him there. Her hesitant step caused Marlene to raise an eyebrow, the blonde tugging Ella inside and to their usual places.

     Though Marlene did her best to talk and distract Ella, who had made it clear how miserable she had felt. Ella had sat alone at breakfast, lunch and dinner the past few days. Marlene noticed that Ella struggled to do her tie most mornings, eventually getting it only when she was halfway to class. The other girls had noticed too but there was something going on that Marlene didn't understand. Either way, she tried to just talk to Ella. The girl was clearly going through some troubles. Marlene had never seen her like this before.

     As the class started, it was clear Ella was somewhere else the whole time. She was staring off at the wall, barely writing down what she needed to. It was like she was purposefully trying to sabotage herself in that class. Only when they went to the practical work did Ella get stuck in and try and do it wotuhtout much thought.

     Her father continued to watch her as they did so. Watching his daughter and seeing how good of a student she was. Ella couldn't help but feel her skin crawl under his gaze. He wasn't her father, he was her professor - she had decided - and his staring was creeping her out. Marlene noticed and decided to ask him a question which distracted him enough to move on from watching his daughter.

     Ella managed to finish first and as the lesson came to an end, she was asked to stay behind for a few minutes. That made Ella's stomach dropped and she looked over at Marlene pleadingly. The blonde didn't seem to have an excuse and she was quickly ushered out of the class. Leaving Ella alone with the bag over her shoulder and a soft sigh escaping her lips. How she was going to make it through, she had no idea. But she was going to try and listen.

     "So, I'm guessing you know who I am. Dumbledore said that he told you," Her father said, approaching her with a gentle smile. Ella nodded her head and leant against the table in the greenhouse. She had no interest in whatever he was going to say but she had to at least hear him out. She was on a free lesson next so she had no excuse, "I just wanted to talk to you. I'm hoping I could actually get to know you, Ella." He added. That instantly caused the brunette to roll her eyes, adjusting the satchel as she looked up at him. Surely, he was kidding.

     "Why?" She asked simply. Not wanting to give him any more attention than that. She honestly just couldn't understand him or any of it really. He was here in her school and though that wasn't strange, he had probably just taken up the post, it still frustrated her. He was invading the place that she once thought would keep her safe when James eventually found out. Now, she didn't have anywhere to turn. Nobody to turn to. He was making it worse.

     "Because you're my daughter. I understand that I left you and your mother but I want to get to know you now," He said, stepping around so he could try and catch her gaze. Ella refused to look at him, not wanting to give in. She had already looked at him a few times and her mother's description was accurate. She was just like him and that made her hate him more.

     "And what about what I want?" She responded, defiantly. He sighed and pushed his messy hair out of his face. The worry lines were evident as she looked up at him finally. Taking in her father at face value. The same honey-brown eyes as her. His hair was messy and swooped to the side. Their skin was the same colour. Their noses, jaw, eye shape. All practically the same. She was the spitting image of him and she hated it.

     "Well, what would you want?" He asked as he let his hands rest in the pockets of his work trousers. Ella thought for a moment, analysing his face and really just thinking about what she would want. She had a lot of feeling regarding her father and her life thus far but nothing stuck out to her more than one request. Something she had always wanted since she learnt that he had abandoned them.

     "I don't wanna talk to you, I don't wanna be around you." Ella said simply and watched as his face fell, "But I might consider it if you apologise to mum for leavin' us. I don't care that I didn't grow up without a dad. I'm probably better without it but you abandoned her with a young child and no job. You abandoned your wife so that's what I want. I want you to apologise to her. In person, by owl. I don't care but you've gotta apologise." Ella said simply. She then pushed off the table and headed towards the door but her father caused her to pause again.

     "I didn't abandon her," He said and Ella scoffed. She turned around on her heels to face him. Her fists clenched at her side.

     "Leavin' her for another woman. That sounds like abandonment and you have no right! You have no right to determine what is abandonin' or not! You left and you left me and mum with abandonment issues. I lost my best friend because I've been so scared of losin' more people. So do not invalidate my whole life just to make yourself feel better!" Ella shouted. Her anger evident on her face as she looked up at him. Her hands balled, her nails digging into her palms. She could have hit him if she wanted to, she wanted to but he was a teacher and she was a seventeen year old. It would be assault and she would, no doubt, be expelled for hitting a teacher.

     "I'm sorry," He said stepping back. He looked down at the floor and a soft chuckle escaped his lips. His mind had seemed to wonder and when Ella raised an eyebrow, clearing her throat, he looked back up, "You sounded like your mother. She was always the fierce, loud outspoken Gryffindor. I guess you'll be the same," He smiled softly. The amusement on his face and his eyes crinkled from happiness. Ella rolled her eyes and stepped towards the door.

     "I'm not like mum. You don't know me, Professor, so don't pretend," Ella muttered before she stepped out, letting the door slam behind her. She glanced around, up and down the space between the greenhouse. And that's where James was stood. A small frown on his lips as he looked at her. He had his satchel over his shoulder and was holding something. Ella didn't know what and she didn't care. James gaze moved to the teacher inside the greenhouse and then back to Ella, a dumbfounded look on his face.

     "Yeah, my dad's back. That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Ella said as she walked towards him. She had to go that way to get out anyway, "Thanks for bein' there for me," She said, patting his shoulder sarcastically before she shoved past him. She didn't even hear the glass smash against the floor. The picture frame he'd been holding lying on the floor. Clearly, it had not been spelled to avoid damage. A mistake on 'Ella's mother's' part.

     Ella didn't even bother to look back at James. He had ignored her, ruined her Christmas, she was not going to let herself be dragged back in. Especially not when he didn't even want her around. That felt pretty obvious at least. She pushed her fingers through her hair as she headed towards the dining hall. She needed lunch and then to study for a little bit.

      Her mind needed to be put at ease and studying always had a strange way of helping her think clearly.

***

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! okay no editing done her cause ya girls got schoolwork to do bois, my list is lowkey getting LONGer and it is stressful as hell but we move, we move, it's fine, this is all FINE. anyway, angsty chapters, whoops i'm just hurting everyone's souls here aren't i? i  apologise BUT IT DOES GET BETTEr, also ella's dad is here hehehe :) i hope you enjoyedddd <3