Ella was sat in the library... again. It was how she had been spending most of her days as of recently. Her head always buried in a book in the pursuit of knowledge like a Ravenclaw. Ella was beginning to feel continuously more unsteady with her house choice. She didn't think she deserved to be in Gryffindor anymore. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw even bloody Slytherin was a better fit for her than Gryffindor. She was not brave or honest or courageous or even trusting. Maybe practical and playful but she felt so out of place in her house.

     Her playfulness had been lost the second that she lost James. Her trust had been shattered at the age of 11 and her bravery, honesty and courage had long since died. Her feelings towards James and the fear that came with them quickly made her lose everything she once had. Yes, she stood up to her father but in the grand scheme of her life, it was nothing.

     Standing up once was not the same as being brave and facing her fears like with James. With James, she had been a coward and she always had been. She was only in Gryffindor because she feared being alone. At least in the other houses, she would have fit in. She had the loyalty, patient and hardworking nature of a Hufflepuff. She had the logicality, the passion to learn and the observance of a Ravenclaw. Hell, she even had the boldness, cunning and ambition of a Slytherin. When she thought of Gryffindor, she felt like she did not fit in. Not anymore.

     And those negative thoughts swirled as she was surrounded by people of everyone from one house or another. She felt inadequate, her fear eating her from the inside out and as the evening drew in, Ella had had enough. She couldn't study anymore. She could barely even think so she closed her book, a little too loudly and packed her things away.

     "Would you be quiet, half-blood?" A Slytherin girl sneered. Her perfect blonde curls someone only aggravating Ella further. The brunette slung her back over her shoulder and stuck two fingers up at her, walking away, "Disrespectful bitch," The girl muttered as Ella walked away. But she heard and twisted back to the blonde.

     "If you're going to insult me, at least have the nerve to say it to my face. Your 'pure-blood' might give you status outside this castle but inside you're just another snake waiting to get stamped on," Ella hissed before she lifted her wand and hissed 'Langlock' making sure to keep eye contact. Ella smirked as the girl tried to snap back only to find her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Ella then turned away and headed out of the library. A few people rushing around to help the Slytherin girl. None of them cared enough to stop her and she had no interest in stopping.

     Originally her intent was to go back to the Common Room but it was likely filled with her friends so decided to go to the Astronomy Tower. It was a Saturday and she was hoping that nobody was up there especially now that it was coming into the evening time. The route was practically imprinted into Ella's mind, having snook up there more than once with James under his invisibility cloak during their early years of Hogwarts.

     The walk up was relatively long but when she finally got there, a soft sigh of relief escaped her lips. The wind blew through her hair and cooled her heated skin. She hadn't even realised how angry she had gotten until the wind blowing through her hair finally gave her a sense of calm. A soft smile spread across her face as she watched the landscape, crossing the grated platform to lean against the barrier.

     She let her head fall forward, the wind whipping her hair across her face. A soft chuckle escaping her lips at the sudden sense of freedom. There was a part of her that wished she could be an animagus like the boys were. If she had been, she might have been a bird and she could just fly away and relax away from the world.

     But, she knew, that wouldn't be possibly. They only fully were able to transform a little over two years ago. It was a miracle that it even worked but they had and they could help Remus on his full moon. They could run around and be boys while Ella worried for the whole night. She almost never slept on a full moon, wondering if this was the night one of them never returned. That had never been the case but it always worried her.

     As she moved to sit down on the edge of the platform, she quickly realised that the worry she had felt had really been for nothing. James didn't care for her anymore and the boys were too loyal to James to spend time with her. Maybe she was destined to be alone anyway. Ella moved her arms to wrap around the metal railings to stop herself from falling. Her legs dangling in the open air.

     "This tower is reserved for lesson times only," A voice startled Ella. She jumped and when she turned back to see it was Dumbledore, she was quick to move back and stand up. Her heart thumping against her chest as she turned her gaze down to the floor. Mumbled, rushed apologises leaving her lips, "Don't apologise," He said as he crossed the platform, joining her side. Ella looked at him, his kind face and eyes that always seemed to be somewhere else.

     "I should really go," Ella muttered as she glanced back at the view before she began to walk but his movements caused her to stop. Her fingers fiddling with each other as she felt his gaze on her back.

     "May I ask why you were up here?" The old man asked curiously. Ella turned around and met his gaze. A soft breath escaping her lips. Something about Dumbledore's presence made her both comforted yet scared. Her want to spill her secrets was overwhelming but she knew that she shouldn't do so. He did not want to know the woes of a teenage girl.

     "It's a good place to think," Ella said. Her Mancunian accent seemingly slipping away in an attempt to make her more sophisticated. It wasn't entirely intentional. Sometimes she just wanted to sound good in front of people in power. If Dumbledore noticed, however, he did not reply. He just turned back to watch the landscape.

     "I'd be inclined to agree," He responded. His words quiet as they blew away with the wind. But Ella heard them and decided to approach him. Her head was filled with so many questions and she was sure that he at least had answers to some of them.

     "Professor, do you ever think the Sortin' Hat is wrong?" Ella asked, her gaze moving from the landscape to his face. His long white beard flowing with the wind. His face seemed to stay neutral for a moment before it gave way to a small frown.

     "It has yet to misplace a student. Do you not feel like you belong in your house?" Dumbledore asked, his tone was neutral yet the curiosity was evident. Ella shrugged a little, her gaze turning to her hands that she was resting on the bars of the tower. He waited patiently, his gaze moving off her.

     "I feel like I belong in any house but Gryffindor. M'not brave," Ella muttered as she pushed her hands along the bar. Wanting to find something to fiddle with to expel her nervous energy. She knew she shouldn't feel nervous but she did nonetheless.

     "And you are sure of this fact? Gryffindors may be brave but that is not their only trait," Dumbledore responded, turning his face so his words weren't carried away. Ella nodded, very aware of that fact but still she felt inadequate.

     "I know, professor. I've just not got nerve or courage. I'm not chivalrous and I'm not the most honest person. I hide things and ruin friendships. That isn't what a Gryffindor does," Ella admitted, the words falling from her lips before she had a chance to think them through. Something about Dumbledore made her feel like she could tell him her secrets but she wanted to at least preserve her privacy even just a little. Dumbledore would not agree with some of her more illicit actions. He was an old man after all.

     "I must object. Your actions in the library and towards your father speak volume. You may not be brave or courageous like Mr Potter but it's still there. And I must remind you that lies are sometimes neccessary to protect those who care for us most," He said, his words seemed to bring Ella some sense of confidence in herself. He was right, she had stood up to her father and the many people who were cruel to her. That was bravery... to some extent.

     "And you must remember that friendships are the most important human bonds we can create. A single argument cannot change years worth of friendship. Feelings are often confused when tensions run high. Do not let words from one argument change the course of your life. Don't burn those bridges if they can be rebuilt." Dumbledore said, turning away and moving towards the stairs. Ella stood in front of the railings, her eyebrows pulled together, "I'd suggest you leave soon, if Filch finds you, he will not be pleased," He added before Ella finally seemed to come back to reality. She opened her mouth to gain his attention but when she turned, she found that he was gone. Like magic.

     How had Dumbledore known? Of course, she said she had ruined a friendship but it was like he was aware that her and James were no longer speaking. It scared her, threw her off. Dumbledore had always been so all-knowing and it made her wonder if he had spies. But she didn't have the time to dwell. Instead, she decided to leave the Astronomy Tower before she got caught by Filch. She did not feel like being shouted at or given a detention for being in a restricted area.

***

     As the week dragged on, Ella only began to feel worse and worse. Her mood being brought further down by the lack of communication with anyone. Marlene and Lily talked to her in class but if they were around Layla, it was quiet. Remus talked to her in class but when they were out of it, she barely saw him. Not even the prefect duty - that they had agreed to do together - did he talk to her. The loneliness was crippling and even after feeling brave and standing up to her father, she felt awful.

     So as she sat in the common room, a few hours after curfew, she tried her best not to start crying. All the prefects had gone to bed by this point as well as every other kid. Only Molly and Ella were occupying the room. Ella keeping the fire alight as she just stared at it. Her hands rested in her lap as she tried to figure out what the hell to do.

     Her eyes blurred every few minutes before the tears receded. Never really falling until Molly came over with a soft meow. The brown striped cat, reached her paw out to gently press against Ella's chest and it made Ella break. A soft sob escaping her lips as she wrapped her arms around herself. Molly recognised her owner's sadness almost instantly and rather than staying close, she ran away. Which only made Ella sob harder. Even her cat hated her.

     She slid back to lean against the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest as she continued to let out soft quiet sobs. She just needed somebody to care about her and it was killing her. The loneliness was killing her. It was like James was the start. She had lost him and then everyone else had gone with that. Ella stayed like that for a long while, softly sobbing until there was a noise. The portrait hole opened and she could hear laughing and talking.

     James and Sirius. She recognised the voices anywhere. They stumbled inside and from the corner of his eye, James spotted Ella. The laughs quickly stopping and James took a few steps towards her. His body pushing him to go towards her but then Sirius tugged his arm and pulled him towards the staircase. Sirius still going on about the prank they had pulled and the look on Filch's face when he sees it. Ella watched them go up to the boy's dorm and her sobs crashed down on her twice as hard once they had gone. She didn't know what to do anymore.

     A few minutes later, Ella heard another set of footsteps and she looked up to see the blurry shape of a cat and a boy. He was tall and she could vaguely make out his dirty blonde hair. It only took her a minute to realise that it was Remus. Had Molly brought Remus down? She didn't understand but when Remus saw her crying, he couldn't help but frown.

     "Ella?" He asked softly. Ella scrubbed the tears from her face and looked up at him. Blinking until her vision cleared up a little more, "What happened?" He added quickly as he moved to sit next to her. Molly walking around the pair, brushing up against their legs. Why was Remus always the person to find her? He had enough problems, he didn't need hers too.

     "Nothin', I'm just lonely," She admitted softly. That made Remus frown and he moved closer to her. Sitting right by her side as she let her hands rest on her lap. Molly walking across them to try and get Ella to stroke her which she proceeded to do. Feeling relatively comforted by Molly's presence and soft purrs.

     "You haven't been sitting with Layla," He responded and Ella nodded. It wasn't a question but she felt the need to respond anyway, "Why not?" He added after a moment. Ella looked at him for a moment before she looked back to Molly, stroking the cat slowly as she tried to think it over. She didn't know how to say it without sounding pathetic.

     "We argued over James and she told me somethin' that I don't know if she wanted me to know. Now, she 'ates me and I'm alone," Ella decided. Her assumption on Layla's hatred really had come out of nowhere but she was doing what James was doing. Pretending Ella didn't exist and acting like nothing had changed even though everything had. It made Ella's heart hurt and having to stay in the same room as her was becoming suffocating.

     "You're not alone," Remus said as he watched her eyes turn glassy once again. Ella just staring off at the fire with such longing it made Remus' heartache. Ella was hoping that maybe everything would just be fixed when she woke up, if she stared long enough maybe she would gain her friends back. But that wasn't how magic worked. Instead, she was stuck with this loneliness.

     "Who 'ave I got? Really? You're loyal to James. Lily and Marlene are loyal to Layla. I am alone. I pissed them both off by jumpin' down their throats for no reason," Ella muttered as she wiped away her tears aggressively. She hated crying, she hated a lot of things. She just felt completely pathetic. Her friends meant too much to her, anyone else in her situation would have just found new friends. Started talking to different people but Ella couldn't. There was nobody else.

     "Have you tried to apologise to either of them?" Remus asked. Ella shook her head and pushed her fingers through her hair. She had contemplated it, for James at least, but she knew it would fall on deaf ears. She had called him a wanker and she had called him arrogant. It probably hurt his ego and she doubted that he wanted to talk to her after that.

     "I dunno what I'd say and James has been ignoring me. 'e doesn't want to speak to me so I'm not... there's no point me bein' the bigger person," She muttered softly and Remus looked down to Molly who had now sprawled herself across both of their laps. He began to scratch the cat's belly. Molly purring more now as Remus began to smile a little wider. He couldn't help how adorable the little cat was.

     "Maybe start with I'm sorry and go from there. Layla is your best friend. I'm sure she's not actually angry at you. Just talk to her. Have you?," Remus responded as he smiled a little wider as Molly rolled over and crawled fully onto Remus' lap. Ella shook her head and Remus nodded, "Just talk to her. You don't even have to say sorry."

     "Alright. I'm goin' up. Thank you for everything," She said softly. A smile spreading across her face as she pushed herself to stand up. Her eyes were a little puffy and her cheeks were red and tear-stained but she felt better. She knew that it would be fine and she stretched her arms before she headed towards the girl's dorms. Remus saying he'd keep Molly company for now. Ella nodded and then headed up. She was taking the stairs slow and she realised as she was walking that someone was talking to Remus.

     The voices were quiet and muffled but she was sure it was two boys. The other voice was either Sirius or James and she had no idea which but at the same time, she didn't have the energy to know. She just needed to talk to Layla. Hopefully, the brunette would be up but if not, she was going to take a bath and they could talk in the morning.

     When Ella walked in, the girls seemed to be asleep so Ella walked across to the bathroom and opened the door. She didn't bother locking it and instead just began to run the bath. Muttering an incantation that would muffle the sound. She didn't want anyone to be woken by her late night bath. She needed it though so once it was done, she undressed and got inside. Leaving her wand in arm's reach in case anyone woke up and she needed to lock the door quickly.

     There wasn't much disturbance for most of Ella's bath. However, she had laid in there for at least an hour before she decided to get out. Her skin on her fingers had shrivelled now and with a mutter of the drying spell, she reached out and began to redress into pyjamas. That's when she heard the door open and she looked up quickly only to see that it was Layla.

     "Oh, sorry," The brunette muttered but Ella was quick to rush over. The shirt just about over her head as she grabbed Layla and pulled her back into the room. Ella then closed the door and looked to Layla who was watching her with a cocked eyebrow, unsure why her friend was suddenly acting like this. Ella had barely spoken a word to anyone since the train.

     "Layla, can we talk?," Ella said quickly. Like it was the most important thing in the world and she'd die if she didn't say it. Layla opened her mouth and both went, "I'm sorry!" Ella smiled slightly and Layla chuckled. 

     "I'm Sorry for just not bein' around and for accusin' you of orchestrating this. I don't really think that. I'm just wrecked over James. It's just so disorientatin' to lose my childhood best friend and I took that out on you and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry and we don't have to talk about me anymore if you want to actually be able to talk to about your life because I've been so selfish recently. I barely even noticed anything with you. I didn't even realise you liked Lily and I feel completely idiotic," Ella finally managed to get out. Her words were slightly rambly but she just needed to say everything she was feeling. Hopefully, if she spilt her guts and exposed herself, Layla might actually forgive her for her behaviour.

     Layla smiled softly at her friend and pulled Ella into a hug. It was far from what Ella had expected but she gladly took it. Her arms encircling Layla's waist and feeling the tears prick her eyes, "You don't have to be sorry. I should be sorry. I shouldn't have been pressuring you and I knew you'd tell him when you wanted to. I was so worried about you getting hurt and then when you were, I just completely disregarded you. I should have come to you sooner. Promise to talk to me and come to me if you need me. And I can tell you whatever you want to know," Layla said softly. Ella shook her head and pulled back to look at Layla properly. Meeting her gaze.

     "I was bein' a tosspot," Ella muttered softly. Layla rolled her eyes and quickly wiped away a tear that fell down Ella's cheek. The relief that Ella could feel was something beyond belief. She had been so worried she was going to lose Layla too. Everything was falling apart but now with a smile on Layla's face, she realised it was still okay.

     "We're all tosspots, El. Now come on, let's talk in the morning," Layla said as she brushed Ella's hair out of her face. Ella nodded and took a deep breath, blinking back the tears before they fell anymore. Everything felt so much lighter with her best friend back by her side. The heaviness still weighed on her heart but it felt a little more tolerable.

     "Thank you so much," Ella muttered and Layla rolled her eyes. They hugged again, gently and eventually pulled away. They opened the bathroom door and went to their separate beds. Molly had yet to return and when Layla noticed, she gave Ella a look, "I think she's with Remus," Ella whispered, keeping her voice low in an attempt to not disturbed their other roommates. That made Layla chuckle though it was no surprise. Molly had always been fond of the boy.

     Layla opened her mouth to make a joke but decided against it. Instead, the two brunettes clambered into bed and went to sleep. Ella having a lot more space without her furball best friend hogging half the bed. It was strange to sleep without Molly by her side but Ella knew she was well taken care of. Most likely getting a lot of affection from the Marauders since they all secretly loved the cat.

***

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! aight so chapter thirteen bois, we got some making up between my favourite girls and more remus and ella content cause their friendship gives me LIFE (i also posted two scenes of them being romantic in my misc book should anyone be curious :) ) but yeah here's the chapter and quickly just wanna talk about shifting cause i wanna shift to hogwarts and be with/around james, is that weird? i've just got this desire to do it and i just wanna try cause this reality is SO BORING RN, i just want to be somewhere cool and magical, ty, anyway, i hope you enjoyed!