The Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin had passed now with Gryffindor winning. The whole dorm had celebrated that night, James once again asked Lily for a date and to Ella's surprise, refused once again. But that didn't stop the belief that she would eventually just admit it. Ella knew that much. However with exams and Ella's emotions running high, she was barely around anymore. Spending most of her time in the library or sleeping to be energised.

     She had been with James once over the past few weeks. It was strange but the heat from Layla and Remus to tell James seemed to have subsided because of it. So it left Ella feeling a little more relaxed as she tried to study herself half to death for the first set of exams of the year. They were also the last set of mock exams they would ever face and that scared Ella more than anything.

     So when the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff match occurred for Quidditch, Ella was barely phased. She spent the whole match cooped up in the library and only discovered when she trudged back to the common room that Ravenclaw had even won. Everyone seemed to be celebrating and seemed happy enough that they had won.

     James seemed to be the one most happy with that but Ella had been unable to concentrate with the celebrations going on meaning she quickly hid away in her room while everyone calmed down. By the time everyone had finished, it was way past curfew. Dorothea, Layla, Inez and Betty were finally all upstairs and in varying degrees of getting ready for bed. While this occured, Ella took her leave needing to do some extra potions studying.

     Little did she know that she would end up studying far past curfew. She wasn't sure what time it was when the stress and anxiety of the exams finally hit her. But she knew it was far too late. Her head on the desk, her eyes staring at the table despite the gloom of her vision. Her arms protecting her face from anyone watching her.

     She didn't even look up and acknowledge the portrait door opening. A laughing and panting boy stumbling through as someone screamed in the corridors. It sounded like either Filch or Peeves. Ella didn't know which and didn't care. The portrait closed and she heard their footsteps but didn't look up. Not until she heard her name said in that oh so familiar voice. She lifted her head up now, tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked at James through blurred vision.

     It felt like so long since she had seen him. Really it was only a few hours but the two of them hadn't been alone in far too long. He seemed happy a moment ago but now all she could see was blurred concern. His eyebrows pulled together as he walked over to her. A strange coloured cloak draped over his arm which she recognised as his invisibility cloak.

     He wasn't wearing his outer robe anymore but he had his jumper on. His tie off and his shirt unbuttoned a little. She had no idea what he'd been doing or why he was even outside but all Ella could think about is the worst. Not that she would say that to him. His hair was tousled and he looked dishevelled. He'd either just played a prank or hooked-up with someone. Ella didn't want to know which. Not right now.

     "What's wrong?" He asked as he moved to sit next to her. Pulling their chairs closer together so he could look at her properly. His hand reached out to hers and Ella pulled it away slightly. Trying to blink back the tears but they only came on stronger as she looked back to her work.

     "Nothin'. Just, uh here's your notes," Ella said quickly spotting James' potion notes underneath the piles of her own. She had no idea how she still had them but he clearly hadn't missed them. She stacked them together and handed them to him hoping he would just take them and leave.

     "Thank you but seriously, Ella. It's like 1 in the morning. You should be asleep, not studying," He said gesturing to her work pile. She shrugged in response, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her shirt before she opened another book. She needed to get this herbology down. With a new teacher coming in, she had no time to make mistake or get a low grade. The exam results were probably the only thing that they are going to see before they meet her.

     "I've gotta study. I'm gonna fail otherwise," She shrugged as she pushed a few more notes out of the way to grab her herbology ones. She was revising some of the OWL content and she felt like it had all gone out of her head in the past year. She couldn't seem to remember any of it and she hated that more than anything else.

     "You're not going to fail," James said as he grabbed the work from her hand. He was gentle as one hand removed the parchment and the other held her hand. He placed the work down and grabbed his wand, tapping the desk and muttering a spell. All her work organising and then sliding back into her satchel on the desk.

     "James." Ella said quickly trying to reach for her work but James' hand quickly moved to her chin. He gently tilted her face to look at him. His eyes finding hers once again glassy. Her heart thumping in her chest from the rising anxiety and the proximity to James. He then pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, sighing softly.

     "Don't. Look at you. You're crying over the exams. This isn't healthy, Ella." He said as he pulled his sleeve over his hand. Wiping away a few stray tears that had slid down her cheek. He watched her, her gaze downcast. Her hands fidgeting in her lap. A clear sign of her anxiety and nervosity. He didn't know if that was him or just the stress she was under but either way, he reached out and took a hold of her hands. He then pulled her closer to him, allowing her to rest her head against him.

     "I've been passin' this way for years," She muttered. James gently shook his head, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before resting his face against it. A mumble of 'I know' passing his lips as he kept a hold of her hands that he noticed were only fidgeting more under his hold. That made him want to pull away but he knew better.

     "I don't care about then. I care about now," He said, pulling her back so he could cup her cheeks. His thumbs gently stroking her cheek as she kept her gaze off his face. His hands then gently tilted his face upwards and she was forced to look at him. Meeting his gaze as he smiled softly. Unable to help herself from smiling back at him even if it was only small and subtle.

     "I'm already failin' potions. Slug'orn hates me and the new 'erbology teacher is gonna hate me too if I fail. I need to make a good impression," She said, looking at him. Her look saying a million things that he didn't quite catch. Not that it surprised Ella, the boy was more oblivious than she ever realised but she was glad. If he wasn't oblivious, she would have long exposed herself.

     "Tell me your last grade in Potions," He asked and Ella thought it through. Leaning into his touch. One of his hands dropping to take her hand. Intertwining their fingers while his other one still stroked her cheek. Hoping to calm her anxiety despite being able to see that she was going to break down any minute. James didn't want that.

     "Poor, I nearly got dreadful," She chuckled though it was only to disguise the lump in her throat. Her gaze flicked down to her lap again and he was holding her hand. He was holding her damn hand like a stupid loving boyfriend was. Why did he make this so hard for her? Her emotions were on the verge of spilling out. His thumb briefly stopping as he heard her grade.

     "Alright. Then let's work on that. We can study together and I mean actually study. I don't want this to happen anymore. Seeing you crying over exams breaks my heart. You deserve better than this, alright?" He asked though it was more of a statement. She nodded anyway and he ran his fingers through her hair, sorting it out since her parting had become uneven due to her constant fiddling. Once it was a little better, he smiled softly.

     "And I've seen your Herbology grades. E and Os. You are doing just fine. Now come on, let me walk you up," James said as he pulled out of his seat. His hands dropping to his sides as he waited for her to stand up. Ella shook her head and instead, pushed her chair in. She grabbed her wand from the side and muttered a soft goodbye to him before muttering 'silencio' to keep herself silent. Her wand in her left hand and flicking slightly with the spell. She grabbed the bag, gave him a tight-lipped smile and walked towards the stairs. James watched her go and Ella could feel herself wanting to desperately turn around and speak to him. But she couldn't. She had taken that way from herself. She was not allowing herself to do this. It would hurt too much doing it now. She couldn't. After Christmas. She could do it then.

     The silencio would have worn away by the time she woke up. It was only a weak version but she needed it. If she had stood there any longer with him looking at her with those gorgeous eyes and caring smile she would have cracked. Would have spilt her feelings to him and admitted every little thing she had managed to hide so far. Her stressed out self was not going to beat her.

     So she got to her room and dumped her satchel next to her bed. Molly prowling out from underneath with a soft meow. Clearly she had been waiting in the room with no way of getting to Ella. The girl wanted to chuckle but no sound escaped. Her tears quickly falling as she realised what she had to do to keep this a secret from him.

     It was ridiculous. She had spelled herself to stop herself from loosing James. She didn't know when she had become this person but she had and she hated it. Once she changed into her pyjamas, she slid into bed. Her eyes blurry and filled with tears that continued to fall. Molly jumping up and rubbing her face against Ella's nose, wanting cuddles and attention which Ella gladly gave as she thought about how ridiculous this was.

     James Fleamont Potter and exam stress had caused her to silencio herself and she was oddly okay with that. She couldn't believe what she had become. She was so scared to reveal the stuff that she was forcing herself to be a coward. She had never felt more like she belonged in another house. Maybe she should have chosen Hufflepuff all those years ago. That's what the Sorting Hat would have preferred. She knew that much but here she was. Maybe this was where she was supposed to be or maybe the universe was just cruel.

     Molly began to fall asleep as Ella stroked her. The two falling asleep not long after the other. Ella's mind travelling to far off dream worlds where she was actually with the man she adored and he loved her back just the same. Some mystical land where she wasn't so alone and didn't have to hide everything from the people she loved. When Ella woke up to find out it wasn't real, she couldn't deny the disappointment in her stomach not that it lasted for long. The exam stress quickly overshadowing everything as she realised her first exam was looming. Ready to be taken in less than an hour.

***

     The exam week had passed both slowly and quickly for Ella. She had spent much of her free time studying alone or a few times with James. Despite his teasing and flirting comments and suggestive eyebrow wiggles, she actually understood Potions much more clearly. He had gone through everything. Even asked Slughorn if they could practice, which they did. It hadn't ended in the most conventional way and they were lucky nobody walked in but Ella understood everything.

     But that didn't matter. As the week dragged on, she realised how ruined she was for the History of Magic paper. It was one of her favourite subjects, often finding it interesting despite how Professor Binns went on. However, she found learning the content difficult. With so many facts, figures, dates and statistics, she had no idea how they'd all go in.

     That's what led Ella to be sat awake past curfew with her nose in a book. The whole common room was empty, a strange sight, but with most of the school in mock exams they seemed to have taken the smart root of getting a good night's sleep. Ella, however, had been yet to do so. She instead just found herself rereading the same chapter of notes for the third time.

     It wasn't going in and she knew it wouldn't go in no matter how long she stared at it but she still was. Her vision blurring as the overwhelming emotions slowly began to hit her again. She had managed to curb any breakdowns since the night before the exams started but she had barely spoken to her friends today. Layla had been busy with studying. The Marauders had all been in various places doing one thing or another which left Ella isolated. Marlene was too busy with Lily to even notice Ella's suffering. Lily always had her head in a book and Ella didn't want to disturb her most days. They weren't the closest either and Ella didn't want to unload her problems onto the redhead.

     So, she was now sat, her heart aching and tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. It was ridiculous really. It was only a few days with barely interaction with her friends and it was nearly breaking her. There was no point in crying over any of it. It was mock exams and nothing bad could really happen but that didn't stop Ella's brain from telling her it was the end of the world that all of this was happening.

     Most of the prefects had come back from duty by now - including both Remus, herself and James - but Ella then heard the portrait hole door open. She turned her gaze upwards and saw Lily stood there. Ella quickly looked down again, wanting to hide her glassy eyes and tired look. Lily would no doubt begin to worry even if they weren't the closest of friends. Lily just cared and she was Head Girl after all. She had an obligation to check on all the students. One of the best traits in the redhead was how much she cared even without Head Girl title.

     So, upon seeing the glassy look and a tear roll down Ella's cheek, Lily approached. It took less than a minute to get Ella to look up. Her hands shaking as she placed the History of Magic book down. Ella unable to stop herself as she began to sob. It was so unexpected for both of them but the familiar face of the girl just broke something in her. Her emotional walls collapsing in an instant. Lily had not expected it either but that didn't phase her. She pulled her seat closer and wrapped her arms around Ella. Keeping the girl close. Their time together the past few weeks had brought them closer but Ella didn't think the redhead would go this far. It was strange but oddly comforting.

     "It's okay, Ella. What's happened? It's okay, just calm down, it's alright," Lily whispered in her ear. The words soothing and Lily's attempt to calm Ella's anxious brain. They managed to help Ella calm a little despite the tears that continued to fall. Her body practically collapsing against the redhead who was stroking her hair comfortingly. The soft sobs still escaping her lips as she kept Lily close. Her whole body shaking with them as Lily whispered sweet and comforting things. Ella felt like she was being mothered. The girl protecting her from the harsh world. It was oddly comforting and as the sobs slowly began to die down and were replaced with heavy breathing and tears, "What are you doing up so late?" Lily asked. Her words sincere and genuine rather than spiteful. She just wanted to know. She cared and that made Ella want to start crying all over again. Of course James had fallen for the redhead. She was Merlin-sent, clearly.

     Ella gestured to her work and Lily shook her head. Ella pulling away after a moment, using her sleeve to wipe away the tears and scrub the red marks off her cheeks. Not that it did much, instead it only made them worse, "I'm studyin'" Ella muttered. Lily nodded and pulled the notes over to her. She instantly noted that it was history of magic. A subject that they shared a class in. One that she knew Ella excelled in so as she stared at the notes, she was unsure what to think. The titles seemed to be clear but the more Lily tried to decipher what Ella had wrote, the worse it got. The usual neat handwriting of the girl had become messy, scribbled. Far from what Lily was used to seeing. It caused her to smile slightly, her lip quirking up in amusement.

     "I don't think this is studying anymore," Lily chuckled as she tried to read over the work again. Ella cocked an eyebrow, giving the redhead a look. The despair dragging her down not a second later and making her face fall into a frown. More tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself. She felt like sobbing again and she just couldn't handle it anymore. Her head fell forward, banging against the desk as she slouched over against it, "I meant that it's too late that it doesn't really make sense," Lily responded as she moved closer. Her words were an attempt to make Ella feel better but instead they just made it worse. Lily placed the notes down and gently began rubbing Ella's back. Lily hated seeing Ella like this especially with the way that Layla talked about her. Ella was her overactive, smiling friend who was a lovesick fool. Not what the exams had turned her into.

     "I can't do anythin' right, can I?" Ella muttered. Lily pulled the girl to sit up and pushed her hair out of her face. A small frown on Lily's face now, "I'm gonna fail. I just know it..." Ella sighed softly. Lily shook her head and pulled out her wand. She then tapped Ella's work, muttering the charm that packed her stuff away. Just like James had done a few days earlier. They even knew the same spells, Merlin, they deserved each other. Her heart aching more at that mere thought.

      "You're one of the best witches in our class," Lily responded. Her words soft and genuine. That struck Ella the most, her head tilting slightly as she looked at Lily. Lily smiled kindly and reached out to take Ella's hand, giving it a soft squeeze, "I mean it," She added. Ella gently shook her head and looked down at the floor. Unsure what to think or do.

      "I ain't," Ella chuckled softly as she fiddled with her fingers, unsure how to actually react to the words. Lily sighed and tilted her head slightly. Waiting to see if Ella would make any other comment but the brunette seemed stumped. Unsure where to go from there. All she could think about is the compliment and how odd it felt to come from the redhead who she had always deemed to be the brightest witch in their class.

     "You are. You know more than I do and the way you actually make Binns' classes enjoyable is beyond me. You can crack jokes and bounce off Layla in a conversation easier than I've ever seen. And you can bounce of Peter and bring him out of his shell to be just like James. But you don't distract from the lesson, she answer questions and from what I've heard when I've been in the library, you could tell me the whole of the curriculum in detail. Something that even I struggle with." Lily responded, leaving no room for Ella to argue. The redhead wanted to show Ella that she was brilliant. Lily had always been one to silently admire the true talents in their class but now felt like an appropriate time to express the admiration.

     "You're makin' me out to be better than I am," Ella muttered, gently shaking her head. Lily chuckled at her words and shook her head. Never in a million years would Lily do that. Lily was blunt if nothing else and that's what meant that Potter hadn't even got a pity date. She wasn't going to waste time on someone she didn't care about.

     "Come on, you need to get upstairs and sleep. You look half-dead as is," Lily said, her words teasing as she picked up Ella's satchel. The brunette, however, didn't want to move from the desk where she had found her head resting again. A soft huff escaping her lips. She didn't want to go to sleep and from the corner of her eye, Ella could make out the bushy tail of Molly coming down the stairs.

     Ella did have one more question to ask. It was rather strange but it had been playing on her mind and Lily had reminded her of it when she mentioned refusing James for a date. Ella lifted her head up and looked at the redhead who cocked an eyebrow.

     "Why 'aven't you accepted James' request? I mean, even after the Quidditch tournament. Why don't you like 'im? He's fuckin' perfect," Ella asked. Not even caring if she exposed her feelings in that moment. She would rather just get straight answers than skirt around the question and the idea until Lily finally gave into the curly-haired boy.

     "Perfect to you. I'm just not into him. He's too James especially with his new position" Lily said, an amused smile on her lips as she reached out for Ella's hands. She then pulled the brunette up, giving her little choice on what she can or can't do. Ella wanted to stay on the desk but Lily clearly was having none of that.

     "Is it 'cause he's a boy?" Ella asked, the words spilling out of her lips before she even had the chance to think about what she was saying. Lily's movements briefly paused before she finished pulling Ella up from the bed. Lily shrugged and Ella looked at her, "I'm just sure that you've checked out Layla a lot before. I mean, there's nothin' wrong with it. It's cool." Ella said, her tongue seemingly moving without her brain's approval. It was stupid really, she was probably exposing Lily who didn't want to talk about this, "It's just I've never kissed a girl but I feel like they'd be more lovin' than a boy." Ella continued but she quickly stopped herself before she spouted any more nonsense. She pulled her hand from Lily's grasp and ran her fingers across her face, "Merlin, M'so sorry. This stress must be gettin' to me. I won't say anythin' again. M'sorry." Ella said quickly. Wishing that she had just shut up and not said a word. Maybe she should have silencio-ed herself again.

     "It's fine, Ella." Lily, being surprisingly calm about the situation. She then handed the bag out to Ella who cautiously took it, putting it over her shoulder as she sighed softly, "And I think you should kiss a girl you might like it," Lily added, a slight smirk appearing on her face. Clearly Lily was implying something and Ella wasn't entirely sure what. Whether it was that the redhead wanted to kiss her or that the redhead simply kissed girls, Ella had no idea. Either way, she realised as she stood across from her that Lily would never say yes to James.

     "I might try." Ella muttered before the pair began to walk up the stairs together. Ella had a small smile on her face as she felt some hope return to her chest. It was unlikely that James would ever like her back but there was certainly that change. Maybe... just maybe he realised that Lily wasn't in love with him and he would move on. Maybe he could move on to her.

     But as she opened her door and said goodnight to Lily, she realised how unlikely that was. James had been fawning after the redhead for as long as Lily could remember. It was never going to happen. His feelings wouldn't suddenly change. James was oblivious to everything but as far as she knew, it was never oblivious to his own feelings. He always seemed to have everything worked out.

     Molly pulled her out of her daze of changing with a soft meow which made Ella look down. The cat clearly wanted her attention, meowing again before Ella pulled her shirt on. She was ready for bed and was quick to pick Molly up. She was too delicate to jump up onto the bed today clearly. The two then sat in bed and Molly quickly became comfortable nestled up to her owner. The two falling asleep again.

***

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! so... the book hit 1k sooo have a double update hehe, so we got lily and ella interaction!! which i lowkey love and also of course more james and ella with james being the cute oblivious boi he is and ella being... conflicted, she is a mess, she is not having a good time but ya know what, nobody in our world is sooo ya know. anyway i hope you enjoyed hehe