CHAPTER NINETEEN.
( M'JUST TIRED.. )

     Ella had managed to survive through another lesson of Astronomy and with James talking to her again, it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Something Ella was at least thankful for but she hadn't finished the work. James distracting her basically the whole time as she tried her best to write. This led to Ella having to continue her work even after class was over.

     James staying with her and leaning against the railing as she checked through her telescope. The rest of the class had filed out by now, the Professor telling them to finish up quickly before leaving. Ella nodded and the Professor left. Ella was a prefect and James was Head Boy. There was no reason not to trust them really.

     "Are you almost done?" James asked as he leant forward. Ella let out a 'uh-huh' in reply, continuing with her sketching. James then proceeded to stand up and headed towards the secret stash. He grabbed the cigarette box and moved to sit down. He clearly needed to de-stress as much as Ella did. The brunette glanced over, giving him a disapproving glance.

     "You need to be careful with them," Ella muttered as she looked back through the telescope. She then finished her sketch. Grinning now it was finished, she let her fingers skim across it before she seemed satisfied. Rolling her parchment up and sliding it back into her bag. James was still holding the cigarette box but had yet to actually open it. He seemed to be thinking.

     "Yes, mother," James rolled his eyes, deciding against using them and instead, placing them down on the balcony. Ella scoffed at his words and began to disassemble her telescope, gently shaking her head.

     "Don't call me your mother," Ella muttered as she continued with her disassembling. Always finding it easier than putting together, cautiously but quickly putting it away. If she was completely honest, she just wanted to get to her dorm and go to sleep. She was exhausted and had been all day. This was her last commitment.

     "You seemed to enjoy calling me daddy," James smirked and Ella lifted her head up. She threw her empty ink pot at him and he snorted at her reaction. Managing to catch the ink pot before it actually hit him. Ella was huffing as she attempted to placed the bits of her telescope away now she was done.

     "Shut it, you enjoyed it," She muttered. James chuckled softly and crawled over to her. Ella frowning as she tried to take it apart. A particular part of it not wanting to disassemble or go into the box it seemed. James watched her as she grew more frustrated before he held his hand out to stop her. A breath escaping her lips.

     "Calm down. You're fine," He said softly as he looked up at her. Ella lifted her head up to meet his gaze and found her lips inches from his. Every part of her was telling her to just lean forward. He had kissed her a few weeks ago. This would be no different. She could just do it but Ella knew better. Instead, she pulled back away from him. Standing up. Her hands were shaking and she could feel the stress overwhelming her. She was exhausted.

     James didn't question her and let her do as she pleased while he put her telescope away for her. A small frown on his lips as he did so. He could see how nervous and shaky she was and he just wanted to try and ease her mind.

     Once he was done with the telescope, he stood up and walked over to her. His hand tentatively wrapping around her waist as he stood next to her. Ella jumped at the feeling of someone else near her but when she realised it was James, her shoulders dropped. It was only him, they were friends. This was fine, they were talking again.

     "What's on your mind?" He asked softly as he looked down at her. Ella shrugged and found herself moving to rest against him more. Her head resting against his chest, turning her back to the outside world. Her arms wrapping around his torso as she closed her eyes. James rested his head against her, holding her close. Letting her hug him as he felt her take deep shaky breaths.

     "Everythin' is so stressful," She admitted softly. James nodded and pressed a soft kiss to her hair, murmuring about how he understood. Ella knew he didn't really understand but she didn't want to argue. She just wanted him around her. His presence was the only thing that was keeping her sane at this point. The two stayed like that for a moment before James managed to coax away.

     The pair then began to name constellations. Ella leaning against the boy with her hand in his. Their eyes flicking across the clear night sky and debating over what constellation it really was. They eventually grew tired and with some persuasion, James managed to convince Ella to head back to the dorm with him. Ella would have preferred to just stay at the Tower all night but James was right. Sleep was important.

     So the two headed back down to the Common Room and as they went, their conversations went to strange places. The deliriousness from Ella's lack of sleep finally hitting her as she began to go on about random topics. James cracking jokes along the way, holding her hand and dragging her into the Common Room before she went past the portrait.

     James nearly tripped over the lip of the door but Ella managed to haul him back to his feet. A grin on her lips as they both stepped inside. The pair walking through to find the Common Room seemingly deserted. Ella looked up at him and tilted her head a little. James then leant down and pressed a soft kiss to Ella's forehead, wishing her goodnight before the two split apart.

     Ella stumbled up the stairs to her dorm and was still giggling at James as she walked into her dorm. The girls seemed to be asleep as Ella snook over and changed into her pyjamas. She then collapsed into bed, hearing a meow from underneath. Molly then appearing and stretching out before she jumped up onto Ella's bed.

     "'Ello, Mols," Ella muttered as he began to stroke the cat who promptly flopped onto the bed. Ella gave into the fluff-ball and gave her belly scratches. Layla watching with a curious eye. It had been nearly an hour since their lesson ended and Ella seemed a lot happier than she had beforehand. Layla found this suspicious but decided not to say anything quite yet, "You're such a good kitty," Ella added in a whisper as she continued to scratch her stomach. Molly purring in content.

      "Where have you been for nearly an hour?" Layla whispered across from her bed. Ella jumped at the noise and when she saw Layla, she proceeded to smile. She kept half her attention on Molly and the other half on Layla.

     "I was just in Astronomy with James. We were talking," Ella whispered in response. Layla tilted her head a little, clearly she was curious as to what they were talking about. She then quirked an eyebrow and Ella found herself wanting to throw a pillow at her, "Stop it. 'e's in love with Lily remember? We were just talking about constellations and stuff," Ella muttered and Molly proceeded to meow. Clearly she did not find that Ella's attention was good enough. The brunette rolled her eyes at the cat and then began to stroke her, looking down at her now.

     "He's in love with you," Layla whispered in response as she watched Molly. The cat rolling over and Ella chuckled softly at the fluff-ball. Her hands moving to scratch under her chin. Molly enjoying all this special attention after Ella's rejection the previous night.

     "'E's not, don't say that," Ella muttered as she glanced over at the fringed girl. Layla smirked and turned back over to face her fully, "We're only just gettin' back to friends, Layla. I can't ruin this..." Ella added after a moment. Layla frowned slightly wishing that Ella actually understood what was going on. Though it was pretty obvious to everyone else, the brunette still seemed to be completely oblivious to it.

     "He literally let you sleep on his chest before Astronomy. Don't act like you can't see it," Layla responded, her words blunt and ringing scarily true. Ella sighed and finally took her gaze off of Molly, looking up at Layla.

     "I don't want to get my hopes up when it could be nothin',"

     "You need to talk to him."

     "I can't just bring it up to 'im. I literally confessed a few months ago, s'weird."

     "And now he's acting like he's in love with you and he kissed you!"

     "We're friends, he was drunk. Can we just drop this?" Ella said quickly becoming frustrated. As much as she wanted James to be in love with her, she couldn't assume that he was in love with her still. Yes he was touchy but he was always like that. Didn't mean anything especially with their history. Ella just didn't want to think about that possibility. She wanted to live in her own world.

     "Alright tetchy," Layla muttered. Ella sighed and gave her an apologetic look through the gloom of the room. But the two said nothing more, Ella burying her face in the pillow and letting her eyes close. Her mind still wouldn't quiet even in the darkness and silence of the room. Her mind running away with a million thoughts and ideas.

     She didn't know why she was acting like this. She had never over-analysed what James had done before and now everyone seemed to think it mean that they were in love with each other. Yes Ella was in love with him but he was just touchy and caring. That's who he was as a person. There was nothing wrong with it. They were best friends. There's no way it's because he was in love with her. It seemed silly and frankly ridiculous.

     So Ella tried her best to fall asleep, trying to find some peace of mind as she directed her thoughts towards school and schoolwork. That at least was set in stone. The only thing that could ruin her with schoolwork is the possibility of her father tampering with her grades. Other than that, it was fine. Stress-free and it somehow allowed Ella to fall asleep.

***

     The Easter break came and went with a flash. The two weeks passing by in the snap of a finger. Ella had spent most of it at the Potters like she did most of the time. Sirius had visited a few times now that he could apparate since he got his license but other than that, it was a relatively normal holiday. Ella had spent most of it buried in books. James coaxing her outside a couple times. Lots of late night talking and baking had ensued.

     He just seemed to be closer to her and Ella found whatever Layla saying to be untrue. He was just acting as he always had. Gave her space but also talked to her and annoyed her to no end. Ella had adopted James' sleep schedule by the time they got back and she wasn't entirely pleased with it. It would be an easy fix but Ella didn't have the energy to even try and fix it quite yet.

     Her mind was too full of other things and the mountain of schoolwork she was quickly given meant she barely had any time to sleep. Her attempts to stay on top of it mostly failing miserably but she had tried her best. It was now the second week into term and the Hogsmeade trip was happening that weekend. Ella was just thankful to be able to go this time.

     Though before she could walk around the village and buy as many sweets as she wanted, she had to get through her last lesson of the week with her father. Ella's dislike towards him had only increased the more time went on, finding his refusal to apologise exhausting. It was a simple request and yet he was unable to fulfil it.

     Once Ella had sat down with Marlene in class, Ella let her head fall against the desk. The brunette wrapping her arms around her head, a soft sigh escaping her lips. Frankly she did not have the energy to be around her father. There was too much on her mind to have to deal with his attempts to talk to her too. She just wanted to be left alone frankly.

     "What's up with you, drama queen? You've been a right misery ever since we came back," Marlene said as she gently poked the back of Ella's head. The brunette groaned and turned her face up so she could look up at Marlene. Frankly she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to not be here and Marlene was right.

     "M'tired," Ella muttered before she moved her head back. Letting her eyes close as she let out a soft yawn. Marlene gently shook her head and pulled the girl up by her shoulders. Ella letting out a groan of protest before leaning against the back of the chair.

      "Did James keep you up over the holidays?" Marlene asked, cocking an eyebrow. Ella scoffed, it was clear what Marlene was implying but she wasn't entirely wrong. James had kept her up but not by fucking her simply by just talking to her. She had tried to teach him how to make a cake which had ended with Mia shouting at them for using the oven so late.

     "Yes but we were talkin' and bakin'. So just don't. We're friends," Ella responded as she pulled her Herbology book from her bag. The brunette flicked through to find the page that they would be working on today. As she did so, her father came into the classroom through the greenhouse door. A smile on his laps though he was dishevelled. His hair messy - as it always was - and it seemed his robes were done up slightly wrong. Ella trying not to take note.

     "You were friends last time but you were still going at it every other night," Marlene smirked, leaning closer in an attempt to make it so only Ella heard. She did and it promptly led to the blonde being elbowed in the boobs. A slightly annoyed look appearing on Ella's face, it quickly turning sour when Ella noticed her father staring at her.

     "I want the ground to swallow me. I've been avoidin' 'im all week," Ella muttered as she averted her gaze from the front of the class. Looking down at her textbook before her father began to talk. Beginning the lesson and quickly going about with what he usually would. Explaining to the class what they had to do. Giving homework and instructing them on the practical. Just the normal lesson but - as always - her father continued to help her and Marlene just that little bit more.

     And though it frustrated Ella, she couldn't do anything about it so just decided to accept it. Once she got through this lesson with him she could begone and just not see him for the weekend. If she was in Hogsmeade, she could escape him. Escape the castle. Escape everything and that is exactly what Ella needed. An escape.

     As the lesson went on, Ella seemed to only grow more exhausted so barely even noticed when her ancient runes teacher came in. Her sweet saccharine voice bringing Ella from her daze. The brunette's head flying to her father and her teacher. They moved to the front of class and began to quietly exchanged words. Obviously not wanting to be overheard.

     Ella watched as they exchanged something and she decided to just look away. She didn't have the energy to even care. It was suspicious and she knew that it would probably be important to her at some point. Her father was clearly doing odd things but as she did her Herbology lesson, she wanted nothing more than to escape her life.

     With the possibility of tampered grades and her best friend not being in love with her, Ella had enough to deal with. She didn't want to take on whatever her father was dealing with to. Well... unless what he was doing was involved in her grades. Then Ella would definitely take some action because she was not letting her grades be tampered with. However, she had no idea if that's what the two Professors were talking about so just went on with her work. Marlene noticing her deep in thought and distracted gaze.

     The lesson eventually came to an end and Ella was thankful. Finishing the last few notes, she quickly began to shove everything into her satchel. Marlene stood at the desk and just waiting for her to finish. The blonde had a feeling that she would have to save Ella from her father and was ready to do so. A lie already present in her mind.

     "Ella, would I be able to talk to you?" Her father asked as he approached them. Most of the class had gone now so it was at least less embarrassing. Either way, Ella wanted to disappear into the floor. She was exhausted from just about everything. She shook her head and finished shoving everything in, pulling the satchel over her shoulder, "It's important," He repeated and Ella shrugged, heading towards the door.

     He was quick to then grab her wrist and Marlene decided to step in. She couldn't just let this happen so decided to stepped between them, "Sorry Professor Hollander but we're got a really important essay to write in the library. We only have a certain time to be able to get the books so we really need to go," Marlene said quickly. Lying flawlessly as she always seemed able to. Ella's father seemed taken aback by how quickly she stepped in and nodded his head.

     "Of course, girls. Off you go," He said, stepping away. Ella let the relief wash over her as they exited the greenhouse. Then once they were out of sight the two began to speed walk heading up towards their common room. Ella could only relax when she flopped back onto the couch in the Common Room. Her shoulders finally falling as she draped her body across the loveseat.

     Lily - who was also on a free - watched the brunette with a cocked eyebrow. Ella just sent her a smile and Marlene sat down next to Lily, holding a similar look of relief, "And what happened to the pair of you two?" Lily asked, cocking an eyebrow. Marlene glanced at Ella who already had her eyes closed, clearly in no state.

     "We just escaped Herbology. Her father and the ancient runes teacher have been acting suspicious. I think it might be to do with Ella's tampered grades," Marlene said as she leant back against the couch. Ella huffed and pushed herself to sit up. Marlene had been the only one to doubt the tampered grade theory and now she was taking credit for everything.

     "Oh now you believe it," Ella huffed. Marlene rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at the grumpy girl. Ella's reactions being too slow to defend herself so she just took the pillow to the face. A small pout on her lips as she flopped back again.

     "Our Ancient Runes teacher?" Lily asked as she looked over to Ella. The girl letting out a hum of agreement. Lily gently shook her head, unable to believe it as she closed the transfiguration text-book, placing it down on the table. That just didn't seem to make any sort of sense, not really, "Well, if you think that's true maybe we should take a page from the boys book," Lily said as she sat up straight. Ella cracked her eyes open to look at the redhead. A mischievous smile on her face.

     "What?"

     "We follow them," Lily grinned and Ella gently shook her head. Marlene seeming incredibly happy with this idea, her grin widening. Lily just waiting to see how Ella would actually react. The brunette rolling off the couch and then finally siting up, looking over at Lily.

     "You're serious? You're supposed to be 'ead Girl," Ella muttered throwing her arm out. Lily shrugged and Ella groaned again. It wasn't the worst idea. In fact it felt like a very good idea but at the same time, Ella was worried about them getting in trouble. If something went wrong it could be disastrous for just about everyone, "We're not doing it this weekend. I want to go to 'ogsmeade," Ella muttered after a moment. Lily grinned wider and glanced over at Marlene. They exchanged knowing looks before Ella collected her satchel again.

     "Alright," "Works for me," Marlene and Lily said in unison. Ella nodded and then rubbed her face with her hands.

     "Can one of you wake me up before last period?" Ella asked curiously. Lily nodded and Ella trudged away from the Common Room. She climbed the staircase to her dorm room and was quick to flop into bed. Her eyes closing and she almost instantly fell asleep. Her exhaustion finally getting to her as she napped between lessons. Something Ella usually would never have done but desperate times called for desperate measures.

***

     It was Saturday which finally meant Ella could escape Hogwarts and head to Hogsmeade. Something that she was incredibly grateful for. Between her confused feelings about James, her father and the stress of their final year, she wanted nothing more than to get out. It was only a few months until she left Hogwarts and that thought made her stomach turn. She wished she didn't have to grow up but she did and life would go on without her if she didn't.

     But Ella needed a distraction that day. Her mind running away with her thoughts which Ella quickly soothed by deciding what to wear. The other girl had already picked her outfit. She was covered in various shades of grey. Her pants were patterned grey flared jeans and her shirt was a simply loose black shirt. A leather jacket on the side that she was ready to put on once they were actually leaving the tower.

     Layla's style choices had always been slightly out of the norm and completely contrasted Ella who preferred the bright mainstream fashion. Her bright red high-collared long-sleeved graphic tee paired with belted dark blue pants and some simple boots.

     The wizard fashion had certainly turned away from the traditional and similar to muggle fashion in recent years. Something that Ella had been very happy with especially when she watched muggles go past her window and admired what they were wearing. Now she felt similar to them and it gave Ella the biggest confidence boost she'd had all year.

     "Are you ready yet?" Layla asked as she grabbed her leather jacket. Ella hummed in thought as she stared down at the outfit. She felt like something was missing and shrugged, "Oh for the love of Merlin, I'm going down for breakfast. Come join me when you're done," Layla said. The brunette twirled around and left the dorm. Leaving Ella to decide what to change. Crossing over to the mirror, Ella looked at herself and hummed in thought.

     She took her wand out and said 'accio' a jacket flying into her hand. It was a simple plain button-up black jacket and as Ella shrugged it off, she felt better. It fit with the outfit and she grinned, grabbing her bag from the side. She put her wand inside and her money before pulling it over her shoulder, heading out of the dorm.

     Everyone else was already out it seemed and as she walked into the common room, it was a lot quieter than it usually was. A few people studying at the desks but other than that it was empty. Ella went to leave until she heard a boy call her name. He was wearing scarf she hadn't seen him wear before and a pack of sherbet lemons in hand.

     "I opened your Christmas presents," He grinned as he walked over to her. She rolled her eyes and gave the scarf a questioning look. It was spring time, a scarf really was unnecessary for this time of year so she was quick to undo it for him.

     "I'm glad ya did but it's the middle of April, James," She muttered as she pulled it off. He pouted but didn't protest otherwise as she looked up at him. He was clearly taking her in, so not used to seeing her dressed up more smartly. She was always dressed for comfort when they were around each other. Today was different and he did prefer it oddly.

     "I know, Sirius already taxed the chocolate like the tosser he is," James said as he reached out to take the scarf from her but Ella snatched it back. Instead, she put it on as she looked up at him. A playful smile on her face. He rolled his eyes at her and just used the scarf to tug her closer to him.

     "Tax it back, I already gave 'im chocolate," Ella pouted as she let her hands rest against his chest. Her smile widening a little as she looked up at him. He shrugged and let his hands move to rest on her waist, admiring her fully now. Taking in her face, her body, her outfit and her smile. They all made his heart pound.

     "He doesn't care. He just wants to stuff his face," James said as he glanced around the room. The few students that were in there didn't seem to be paying attention to the couple. Instead, they were focusing on their work. They weren't being loud so clearly weren't disturbing them, "And the note in the joke book was cute. I'm glad I read it now rather than at Christmas," He added. Ella tilted her head slightly, completely forgetting what she wrote. It took her a moment until she realised and she paused, wanting to take a step back but he stopped her.

     "James, I should really go. Layla is waitin' for me," Ella muttered. Not wanting to see where this was going. It would surely only end in heartache for her. He didn't know what he was doing, that's why he had said what he said. It wasn't because he was actually in love with her or wanted any of that back. It wouldn't make sense that he did.

     "Just, let me say something first, please," The curly-haired boy said. His eyes held this pleading look that Ella couldn't resist. The puppy dog eyes and the tentative smile making her just stop. Hear him out at least. It might work out after all but Ella highly doubted that. The universe was just not that kind to her. He took a deep breath, flicking his gaze around the room before looking down at her, "I really like and I think it's in a more than friends way. And a more than wanting to just fuck you way," He said, rushing the last bit in an attempt to clarify himself. Ella stood there for a minute and she felt James' hands drop away as he stepped back.

     "This is a joke, isn't it?" Ella muttered as she pulled the scarf off. She gave it to him and he shook his head softly. He hated that she had even thought of that but that was exactly where her mind had gone, "If this is somethin' Sirius set you up to or one of the girls, I don't wanna 'ear it." Ella added, suddenly doubting everything. She knew her friends wouldn't be that cruel but did she really know that? They could easily have done this just to play with her.

     "It's not a joke. Look, just meet me at the Astronomy Tower later, normal time as we always did and we can talk about this away from people after you've thought about it today, alright?" James said as he looked down at her. She nodded and he lifted her face up by her chin. Looking into her eyes, "Just meet me," He muttered, pressing a kiss to her cheek before Ella stepped back. She nodded, said a soft goodbye to him before heading down to the Great Hall.

     When she dropped into her seat, she was quick to find that Lily wasn't there. Layla explaining that she was probably going to head to Hogsmeade later on in the day since she had things to do. Ella didn't question it and just ate her lunch. The trio heading to Hogsmeade without her. It felt strange to not be a four but Ella soon got used to it. It was only one less and Marlene seemed to go on more without Lily around. Talking about her painting and mischief that Lily would never approve of.

     Ella found it beyond amusing and they continued to talk about it over butter beer. Marlene explaining an elaborate prank she had set on Slughorn in their second year. It was what originally brought Lily and Marlene together and it was the funniest thing.

     "His face. Honest to Merlin, I thought he was going to drop dead on the floor. Sirius and the boys were all laughing about it. The whole thing beyond amusing. Lily was of course not amused but she soon lightened up to it," Marlene recounted as she watched Ella. The brunette's gaze drifting off for a few moments before she came back to. Marlene didn't say anything, looking to Layla and continuing her story.

     The noise from the blonde's mouth quickly becoming white noise as Ella stared out of the window. The streets were bustling with students but James stuck out. His curly-hair and neutral toned jumpers almost impossible to miss in a crowd - or maybe Ella just really loved being around him. Either way, she saw him and when she glanced at who he was with, her heart sank to the floor.

     The emotional wave crashing over her as she saw Lily laughing with James. The two stood by each other, laughing and giggling as James spoke. Making wild hand gestures and a grin on his lips bigger than the Cheshire Cats. Clearly he was having fun and Ella didn't know what to think. He had just said he liked her as more than a friend but now he was walking around with Lily - the girl he was ridiculously in love with.

     And Lily had said that she wasn't even coming to Hogsmeade until after lunch and it was very much still the morning. Ella only just managed to tear her gaze away, her heart aching worse than it ever had before. James had got the girl yet Lily had expressed that she didn't like him in that way. Maybe things had changed, things always changed.

     "Merlin, Ella, you look like you've seen a ghost? Is Nearly Headless Nick roaming around Hogsmeade?" Layla asked, a playfulness to her tone. Ella forced a chuckle, pushing a smile onto her lips that she hoped would be convincing enough. It usually was and when the two smiled back at her, it seemed like it had worked.

     "No, I thought I just saw someone. It was nothin'. I think m'just tired," Ella said as she rubbed her face with her hands. Layla sighed softly, shaking her head and pushing the butterbeer towards her. Ella then took another sip of it, "You want me drunk?" Ella asked. Layla shrugged and gave her a teasing smile before the brunette scoffed. Ella was frankly not getting drunk for the next year at least. She had spilt far too many secrets as it was.

     The conversation quickly resumed back to normal. Ella trying her best to ignore the sinking pit in the bottom of her stomach. Surely she was just seeing it wrong or misinterpreting it. From what Ella could tell, Lily was in love with Layla so it made no sense that she was now after James. None of this made sense. Maybe the past year had all just been one joke. Maybe Lily and Layla were in on it and just wanted to be cruel to Ella.

     Honestly the brunette didn't know anymore and she could feel her world crumbling around her as she went on with her day. Trying to act normal but when Lily finally joined them, she found it unbearable and decided to head back to Hogwarts early. Sleep is what she needed and then meeting James. Hopefully when she met up with him, this could all be sorted out. It could be fixed because Ella really just didn't know what to think anymore.

***

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! you thought it was gonna be happy forever? NO! i love to make myself and everyone else suffer but ya know, this chapter lowkey made my heart HURTTTtt but it's fine, i went through it and did a little bit of editing on it so hopefully less mistakes?? idkk i'll be going through all of this soon enough so will be fixing any problems! but here's the chapter, i hope you all enjoy! <3