E.

It was a new type of torture. Watching her, smelling her, hearing her breath but not being able to touch her.

Erik stood up from the armchair three times that night, just to force himself to sit down again, to not walk to the bed, to not touch her face that looked so innocent when she was sleeping.

Actually, she looked innocent all the time; one more reason why he couldn't and didn't want to do anything that might frighten her or make her resent him even more. It was enough to see the hate and fear in her eyes every day.

September sixteenth would be the night of the Blue Moon, a date he was now anxiously looking forward to. Or at least a part of him was. He remembered the night the Moon Goddess came to him three months ago, exactly three weeks after they had been together under the Blood Moon.

***

He felt her tongue brushing over his lips and opened his eyes.

"Erik, I came to tell you I found the girl."

She smiled. That smile was irresistible but Erik sensed the trace of malice in it.

"What girl?"

"The human that is a wolf's mate. You just have to claim her."

There were no words to express how he felt. He just watched her astonished.

"Katharina was my mate. I do not have another."

"But you were so young, you only had twenty-five years together, and you have so much more ahead of you," she said with that smile on her face that made Erik shiver.

He wondered why he didn't trust her; he seemed to be the only one that was not blind in adoration for her. Every wolf envied him for having been chosen by her on Blood Moon night. The way they mated had been feral. He felt all the cells of his body vibrate and her power invading him and making his body vibrate in pure ecstasy to the brink of pain. 

"I do not want a mate, your Highness," he whispered.

"Jetzt ist es vollbracht,"  answered the Goddes. 'now it is already accomplished'...

The sound of his native language, which he did not use for years made a lot of memories come up, most of them of war and death.

"It is your choice if you act on it or not, but others certainly will," she continued.

She looked him deeply in the eyes and kissed him passionately again before she disappeared.

***

After the Blue Moon, the girl will become normal again, she can go back to her life and so ca I.

Yet there was that small phrase that she said, that he tried to ignore and to not think about, not linger in his thought, but it did. She would have nothing to return to. He did not know much about her, only that she was a nurse and apparently from an Eastern European country judging by her accent. But there were some details one could just put together, details that mattered. 

She was alone in London. That made things easier for him. Nobody seemed to search for her so far. Yes, easier for him, but ...nobody? Not even her parents? 

His back ached still from the night before and he was moody and sleep deprived. 

Mental note to place a damn sofa in that room, Erik. What was this girl thinking? Did she actually want to kill herself? Did I make her want that? 

The acknowledgment of that fact pierced through him like a dagger. He thought of Katharina and of how it felt to not want to live anymore. 

None of the things that were happening were his fault. Or were they? There were indeed times when the loneliness seemed unbearable but he always thought it was the right punishment for him, for all the lives he took. He deserved to suffer, but she didn't.

The men he ordered arrived before sunrise. Twenty that time, to avoid any risk. Technically, on new moon nights, all wolves were human, purely human, so they should not perceive her as a lure anymore, but he couldn't risk not being careful. Despite centuries, nobody had a clear idea of how magic worked. Sometimes it was erratic and that particular time it couldn't be any other way. 

It was true though, that the way he perceived her scent was different from the day before. The ache and longing in his chest were also gone. For the first time in ages, it felt liberating to be purely human. That meant he would feel nothing when he would look at her.

Michael had called to say they were retained for a few more days in Spain. He could handle it; he was his best man, and now that the mating bond cut him some slack he could do some work. Finally. But then she slipped into his thoughts again and he walked to her room, not to his office. 

Who knows what else will occur to her?  

The thought was not so sarcastic and disdainful as he pretended, at least not in the way it felt. It was surprisingly genuine concern. 

When he entered her room she was having breakfast peacefully. She rolled her eyes when she saw him. It stung a little bit. It upset him. His mate should rejoice at setting him and coil anxiously her arms around his neck and kiss him. And he would lift her up and she would wrap her legs around his waist and then... 

Erik shook his head. Those thoughts were venom. 

He looked at her for some seconds, at the real her, not altered by what the mate bond made him feel. She was pretty; not irresistible as the bond made her seem but pretty enough with her long golden hair and petite figure.

"Yes, Erik. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. Just checking if you need anything," he answered almost flustered. 

"Oh, I certainly do. My freedom, a new job, some cash to not contemplate eating out of the dumpster again," she said sarcastically.

Erik frowned. He took a look at her clothes, a real look for the first time. They were old and cheap. It looked like they had been washed a thousand times. She seemed to not have a particularly good taste either and was generally a bit unpolished.

"Just behave and we can see to that."

"Sure," she muttered looking away.

He noticed relieved that he felt nothing. Well not nothing, he felt a lot of things but not the perpetual longing that was torturing him, so he walked away.

With Katharina, it had been different. When they were in human state they mostly had a fight but he still cared for her, just saw her flaws more clearly.
Then again he had known Katharina since they were children and had cared for her. He kind of always knew she was his mate. When the mating bond became active when they were around sixteen it was just a confirmation of what they already knew.

Being human felt liberating maybe for the first time in his life. Generally, he felt vulnerable in that state; that was why all the guards were there. Many coups happened during the new moon. Other wolves hired human mercenaries to take care of their enemies. Now, because of Mila, he had to be even more careful.

At least his head was clear and he could concentrate on work. He enjoyed the focus but after four hours of staring at charts, Mila crossed his mind again.

She greeted him with the same enthusiasm as in the morning when he entered the room.

"Look, I am having dinner downstairs. Would you like to join?" asked Erik.

"Why would I? Your face is not really brightening up my day, quite the opposite," she said again in that irritated tone from earlier.

"Why do you have to be so difficult? If you behave and don't try to do anything foolish again I will try to make your stay here more pleasant."

"Aha... And what do you expect in return? That I develop Stockholm syndrome and bow in gratitude for letting me watch TV for an hour."

Erik took a deep breath. In the end, she was right about being angry. She didn't know his motives and she never would. If she was going to hate him, that was the price he had to pay to save her. It was his fault she was in that situation. He had to get over himself but it irritated him more than he thought it would. 

"Fine. If you don't come down I will bring dinner to you. For both of us. You choose."

"So you want to oblige me to suffer through your presence?"

"Yes. You brought it upon yourself yesterday. I told you," announced Erik and walked away.

That was not quite being the bigger man...

Erik sighed annoyed with himself. One hundred and twenty years almost and she made him behave like a teenager. 

Half an hour later when the maid set the dinner table in front of the glass wall in the girl's room, he could not help noticing the sheer cliché of the setting.

"Oh, a candlelight dinner? What have I done to deserve that?" asked Mila wanting to sound sarcastic again, but this time he could notice something different in her voice.

The maid probably thought that it was indeed the purpose. She lit candles and even insert flowers in the table arrangement.

Mila did not protest this time. She just shrugged and sat down at the table. If her clothes would have been silk not flannel, she would have fitted perfectly in the frame of this setting with the background of the moonless night full of stars.

Silk... On her... This girl really needs better clothes.

Erik closed his eyes to snap out of the sudden distraction.

"It's good, my goodness," said Mila taking a bite of the lasagna.

She did not even wait for him to sit down. Erik noticed irritation growing in him. She was behaving like a bratty little girl. 

"It's not quite haute cuisine but it's fine," said Erik.

"Hot what?" said Mila looking at him skeptically.

"Haute cuisine... As in fine dining. I might show you one day the difference if you behave."

"Oh this is fine enough for me. And you, you are a snobbish prick. Who would have thought....".

She was continuously feeding the irritation. As an alpha there weren't many people he interacted with on a daily basis that were disrespecting him so blatantly. 

"There is a difference between good and excellent. But I know excellent is rather rare," he said sitting down and having a bite. "How old are you? And where are you from?" asked Erik.

"What do you care?"

"I don't. I just wanted to break the awkward silence," he said, regretting it instantly. Why was he doing that to himself? She clearly didn't like him.

His eyes went to the moonless sky again. It was oddly beautiful, as it was oddly refreshing for his wolf to be silent for a few days. Regardless, he was looking forward to his power coming back, the exposure and vulnerability he felt without it seemed to concern him more than he thought in the end. If something should happen, if somebody should attack, he would not be able to protect... the girl. The thought stung. He was a trained soldier, but as a human, he could wield only o small spark of the power he possessed as a wolf, not any wolf, but one of the six elemental alphas.

"I am twenty-three. Will be twenty-four in July. I was born in Zrejanin, a small town in northern Serbia, close to the Romanian border. You can also call it the end of the world and wouldn't be wrong about it. I lived there my entire life till five months ago when I came to London. I don't have siblings, and there is generally nothing special about me," said Mila in the end, making Erik leave his trail of thoughts and turn his attention to her.

Nothing special? Not anymore, girl...

"I have not been to Serbia in a very long time. I barely recall how it was over there." Serbia was not called Serbia the last time he had been there, many years ago.

"It's... sad I would say. Most people I know just want to move away," said Mila.

Last time he traveled to Serbia had been after the fall of communism in the early nineties. He remembered the misery and the pain that was all over Eastern Europe at that point. Serbia was not different; all those countries looked more or less the same.

She was probably not even conceived at that point. Erik couldn't help to smile at the irony.

"Are you going to sleep tonight here too?"

"Yes. Until you behave and I can trust that you are not going to injure yourself."

"Great," answered Mila curtly. "Thank you for the food. It was good. The company not so."

That night Mila went to sleep in the same grumpy manner as the previous night.

Erik was swearing from behind clenched teeth at the uncomfortable armchair he was sleeping on again. After these three nights, he would need proper sleep. Michael or Angel would have to take care of the girl.

He woke up to his phone vibrating in his pocket. Six am. Mila seemed to be still asleep.

A smile appeared on his face when he saw the name on the screen. Samira. He didn't talk to her for ages.

"Cousin, it took you ten rings to answer. Don't you like me anymore?" said Samira in her usual jolly tone.

"I had a... rough night," sighed Erik.

"With your new mate? Rumors say the Moon Goddess granted you a new mate. Is that actually true? Oh goodness! I am so happy!" she squeaked.

"It isn't as you imagine," said Erik. "She is... I don't want to talk about it. "

When Samira finally hung up his thoughts went back to the girl.

Mila's mood seemed to be worse than usual. She didn't leave the room for almost three days. The maid was always there when he wasn't, but not talking at all, as by his instructions. That must affect her.

She was right, he had to do something. She would go mad till September if it continued like that.

"You are really persistent," said Mila while laying down on her bed the next evening. "Why? Why this weird interest in keeping me alive? I asked that before, do you want to sell my organs? Because if not, I do not have any better idea. For God's sake, go away. I can't stand seeing you here. You freak me out and I feel really awkward. I promise I am not doing anything. I just need a proper night of sleep."

That was something Erik needed too.

"Fine." He gave up, exhausted with the current and the whole situation.

"But if you do, I will hear and you will be tied up next time."

He left the room and went to his own bedroom sinking exhausted on the mattress. There had to be a solution to this exasperating situation, with a mate that didn't even know who or what she was or how she was torturing him.

"I should indeed take advantage of the clear head and sleep." Tomorrow his wolf would awaken and together with him the torment.

The water of the shower was dripping over him and as it so often happened it made room for unwanted thoughts. 

What can I tell her? I am a werewolf. I had a one-night stand with a goddess and she thought to grant me a wish I never asked for. And you ... you are the wish... my mate. Or every other unmated werewolf's... What does that mean? Well, we are all madly attracted to you while you feel exactly nothing. The magic and all that, it's real, we are just not very familiar with how it works despite centuries. Why are you here? Because I want to prevent a stray wolf fucks you bloody.

Erik felt like laughing, crying, and punching a wall. It was so stupid, the whole situation. He didn't ask for it and it shouldn't be any of his concern what happened to the girl, still it was...

He put some pajama bottoms on and walked down the hall to her door. Perfect silence. It seemed she was sleeping. And it was certain he was pathetic. Nine months...

Whatever... He was a soldier... Suffering through things was always part of being one.

But then, his heart stopped when he heard a scream coming from Mila's room. He ran over in seconds, not thinking, and found her still screaming, and whimpering not really awake but not asleep either. Her whole body was shaking and tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"No, no, please, stop." She begged some immaterial being.

Her body was in distress, shaking and sweating. She was hurting and he just wanted it to stop. He sat down on the edge of the bed and cupped her face in his hands.

"Milena, wake up. What happened?" he whispered gently. 

She was not answering just crying and shaking.

Against his better judgment, he wrapped his arms around her and started caressing her face and hair.

"Everything is fine. Nobody is hurting you. I will not let anyone hurt you." He meant every word despite everything. 

Calming down slowly, she let her head fall on his chest. The sobs became lighter and the shaking stopped after a while.

"What happened?" he whispered after some minutes.

"It was so horrible. I was killing people. It was like I had claws and was ripping into their flesh. It felt so real. I never had a dream so real in my life and so awful. I felt the warmth of their blood on my hands," she said and started shaking again.

"Everything is fine," whispered Erik again, against her forehead.

She felt her so small and fragile in his arms but still fitting somehow perfectly. Despite his dormant wolf he felt all that in all the shades. 

Maybe Michael was right and he had been alone for far too long.

"Don't go," said Mila in an almost inaudible voice.

And he didn't.