E.

Control is a seductive image, but an illusion altogether. It's wishful thinking. We can never control our whole narrative. There are too many characters involved, too much uncertainty. Still we strive for it till hell and beyond just to acknowledge in the end, that to some extent, we are eternal slaves, of fate, nature, circumstances, or of our own desires and fears.

And as a werewolf, there is the moon, as an additional influencer in our nature.

Erik looked again at the sky. The crescent moon always made him uneasy. It was inherited from his ancestors, that were afraid their mistress would disappear forever from the skies. Despite that ancestral feeling, he would have been glad if that happened, if she disappeared, and with her all her nefarious influence on his life. Still, his wolf felt differently.

Many wolves searched for closure and solace on nights of the crescent moon. There were times when he did that too, decades ago, when he used to lie beside Katharina and hug her tightly as a reassurance that they were both alive and not alone.

After she died, he used to kill on those nights, or later, lay with one of the unmated females of the pack. Most of them were more than willing to mate with the Alpha. It helped to some extent, but the emptiness in his soul only became deeper with these hollow gestures,  so in the end he stopped doing it all together and spent the nights on his own.

The girl's face was pale and her lips chapped from the fever. It had been two days. Even if the wounds got tended to, and they gave her antibiotics, the fever was not sinking.

He didn't even know her, but thinking she suffered or even might die was making him crazy.

God damn mate bond.

"Erik, you know what you have to do if you want this to stop," said Michael leaning against the door frame.

"That is not an option!" he said from behind clenched teeth. "You bloody shouldn't mention it again unless you want another bruised eye." Michael's pragmatism was one of the features he admired most about him. It made him an invaluable ally and an excellent companion and Beta. But in that particular moment, when it was directed toward him, in a way that made him uncomfortable, shoving in his face things he didn't want to hear,  it felt incredibly irritating. 

"You know I am right. Do what's good for you and for the pack. Mark her, then claim her, and let us move on with our lives. Some company would really do you good; you have a horrendous temper lately."

Michael was the only one that could say such things to him and still survive. But not without a price. Erik pressed him furiously against the wall making the concrete splinter a bit.

"I will not destroy her life by marking her and I certainly am not going to rape a child."

"She is not a child, she is twenty-something," said Michael.

"And I am about a hundred years her senior," said Erik rolling his eyes annoyed. "The fever will sink. It will just take a while. Humans just heal slower," he continued after calming down a bit.

"Tell that to yourself not me. You are the one walking a hole in the floor and barely sleeping for three days."

Erik only growled at him and clenched his fist suppressing the urge to take his beast form and fight Michael.

"Fine... Keep torturing yourself..." said Michael walking away and rolling his eyes.

Erik could not help it, Michael's words lingered in his mind. 

I could technically mark her. If I give her my blood, I can heal her too. Maybe she would feel the mating bond then. Maybe we could spend time together, maybe she would like me... bit by bit, and she would sleep with me of her own will.

The thoughts were too seductive, but Erik perceived them as wrong. 

No, she would only, if anything, feel the things the bond is making her feel. It would not be her feelings. She would lose herself in it, as I did.

His hate for the bond was strong and obvious, but still, he could not supress it. He could not ignore the fact that since it was summoned into existence he fought the urge to find her but gave in, in the end. He was dying to know her, to see how she would look and sound and smell.

Oh, that smell. It was easier to fight an army than to fight the urge to touch her while being in the same room. He desired so badly to stroke her long golden hair or her smooth white skin.

She looked so different from Katharina, but that goddamn bond made him perceive her just as, or even more attractive.

He had fought Michael for having been careless. He wanted to think it was all his fault but in the end, that whole situation was only caused by his own existence, an existence he had despised for more than eighty years now.

It seemed that the medicine was slowly working. Her breathing and her pulse became more regular.

Those two days she only woke up shortly and her mind was lost in delirious dreams. He didn't know what she was dreaming but tears were running down her cheeks sometimes and she was saying things in a language he didn't understand.

There were a million things he had to take care of: the pack, his business, the rogues; but he could not be away from her, now even less.

He found himself pathetic enough a week ago, wandering the woods around the house like a lost puppy, to maybe catch a glimpse of her, to feel her scent even if only faintly.

He hated the feeling with every fiber of his being, he hated himself and his very nature all together.

If there was something he despised that was weakness, his own most of all, and that was laying impersonated in the bed in front of him smelling like honey and night flowers.

Michael came back before nightfall.

"We need to talk business" he said.

"I know," sighed Erik.

"The rogue attacks in south Spain are getting worse."

"That will need intervention. I think you should go. It is not a mission for Charlotte, anger would get the best of her and she would shed too much blood. You can take Angel with you, he can help you with the language."

"And you are darring to stay here alone with her? Now that is a change of heart."

"Yes, I have to face this issue and decide what I am going to do about it long term. You leave tomorrow," said Erik.

"Fine. Sounds doable. We also don't have any clear news on Kiril. He seems to be brooding in his ice castle but it is still troubling to think he was in London not long ago. To trespass like that a teritorial agreement is like spitting you in the face."

"It is," growled Erik, his eyes lighting up.

"We also spotted a white wolf in the mountains and had news about one in Ireland. He is searching for something. Or somebody..." said Michael.

"You think...?" said Erik frowning.

"Kiril is in himself a curiosity. An alpha that was never mated and fended on his own for almost a hundred and fifty years is a sight to behold. Not sure what game he is playing but maybe he is being played," said Michael.

Erik always admired his complex way of thinking, that was one more reason why he was his Beta, beside being cousins, brothers in arms and him being one of the greatest warriors alive.

"So what do you think he wants?" asked Erik.

"I am not sure but I suspect... Her. She feels like every unmated wolf's potential mate. Even Kiril's... Maybe what he wants is not so different from what you want."

"What do I supposedly want?" asked Erik annoyed.

"To not be lonely anymore. I didn't know that either before I found Angel. I didn't even notice how lonely and broken I was."

"I am neither. This is just how life is and I was fine. Now I am not anymore, I have a living breathing issue to take care of on top of all others," said Erik.

"Luckily living and breathing. Don't say you don't agree because I don't believe you. Mirko, Daniel and Angel traced the wolf that escaped. He was under no influence, just a regular wolf. So at least no other one except Kiril is potentially after your sweetheart."

"Michael you're pushing it. I remind you who failed their one job that night," said Erik irritated.

"I am sorry, Erik," said Michael seriously.
"I would never have wanted your mate to get hurt. It will never happen again."

"No, it won't," said Erik on the same tone.

"I think you should contact Yelena. After you are back from Spain, I want you to go to Russia and give Kiril my regards," Erik's eyes litt up again while he said that in smothered anger.

"Gladly," answered Michael with a confident smile.

After Michael went away, Erik fell asleep. He awoke at sunset to the sound of Mila's voice.

"What happened? Why am I here again?" she asked. Her features were twisted in pain.

Erik stood up from the chair and walked to the bed.

"Everything is fine. What do you remember?" he asked in a soothing voice .

"I, I remember the woods and the wolves and... you."

Erik touched her face gently. He shuddered a bit, it was strange to be able to touch her finally... still a part of him felt like he was violating something.

She did not flinch but looked him in the eyes.

Her eyes are so beautiful, thought Erik, looking at her face without blinking a bit too long. They were the color of grass, moss and bogs, but mingled with gold and a touch of turquoise.

"Your fever seems gone. How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like run over by a truck," she said smiling a bit.

Erik could not help to smile too.

"What's your name? I don't remember," she said.

"Erik."

"Erik... What do you want from me? Do you... Want to kill me?"

He was caught of guard and hesitated with the answer.
What could he answer? Telling the truth was not really an option. Exposing a human to the paranormal world was always risky. He didn't want, ... couldn't risk that, the pack...

"No..."

"Then...?"

"Milena, I know I am asking much, because you don't know me and the situation is strange but please trust me. I am trying to find a solution so that you can return to your life."

She frowned. Erik perceived that as incredibly attractive.

"Well Erik," she said raising an eye eyebrow.

Damn mating bond, thought Erik while his senses were dulled by the way she was saying his name. He could not help imagining how very sensual it would be if she would be moaning it.

"Tell me... What shall I do if I have nothing to return to? Life itself if not really worth much if everything else is gone," she said.

He felt a sharp pain when he heard that. For years it was what he was feeling. Like his life without Katharina made no sense whatsoever, but he had to carry on because of the pack and because death was a blessing he was not entitled to.

"I do not know," he answered in a dark voice.

"Well then let's be done with it. Shoot me. After that, you can do as you please," she said defyingly.

"No. Rest, we will talk in the morning. Angel will come up to take care you are not doing anything stupid."

"Great," she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, at least I get the most enjoyable of you morons."

Erik frowned.

Does she like Angel? thought Erik deeply disliking himself for caring.

"You are not frightened of me," said Erik.

"I am not frightened of death, I hope you are not worse, but don't take it as a challenge," she said.

Erik smirked unwillingly. She was brave. Foolishly brave. She had no idea how easy and how painful he could kill her.

Could he actually? Would the mating bond let him? He doubted that.

As much as he got to hate Katharina after what she did, he could never lay hand on her. He still stepped into gunfire for her and killed legions just to keep her safe, against his convictions, against what he perceived as just, against the greater good... he became a monster just to not lose her. She died anyway and it was the just punishment.

A few days alone with her are going to be an interesting time.
May you live interesting times was a chinese curse...