Music: 3 AM, AJR
March 23, 2020 

*****

Stella sat on the grassy embankment, her legs spasming from her run. The constant twinges reminded her that it had been a while since she'd been able to run a good three and a half hours straight. At full speed. 

With a smile, she laid down in the grass. The cool blades tickled the back of her neck. She pulled her headphones off and stuck them next to her phone. The music stopped playing at some point during her run; her phone was probably dead. She could check. 

She listened to the chatter of people go by, too tired to think about why she started running in the first place. Instead, she closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the late afternoon sun against her face. 

This, this, was paradise. 

"Hey," a familiar voice said. "Could we talk for a minute?"

Too tired to panic at the voice, she opened her eyes. A silhouette against the sun, she could hear the anxiety in Keith's voice. Every bone in her body complained as she sat up. 

"Don't," he held a hand up in defeat. "If you don't want to talk, I'll leave." He must have interpreted her movement for wanting to run away. 

As if she could right now. Yes, watching the river float by was nice and relaxing. But, she couldn't fathom walking, or running, back to Howie's right now. 

She made him wait a second longer before patting a patch of grass next to her. "Let's talk." She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat as he sat down next to her. Remembering Howie's text from earlier, it was nice to know that she wasn't the one who'd fucked up their last date. She could hear him out. Whatever it was he had to say. 

He set his gaze on the river, his hand inches from hers. "I wanted to apologize for the other day. I realized earlier I was a bit of an ass."

Her fingers brushed against his as she shifted position. "Its already been forgotten. Trust me," she said, giving him a wry smile. And it wasn't keen on coming back, either. Little pieces of the day, like random parts of her shopping spree, came back if she really stopped to think about it. Yet, their time together eluded her. 

"I still want to say I'm sorry that I'm an ass. I shouldn't have pushed you like I did the other day. It's obvious that your feelings aren't as strong as mine." He paused, looking off into the distance.

Stella studied his face. Between his frown and worry lines, she felt that he might be genuine. Cautiously, she moved a hand towards him.

"Anyways," he started again.

She dropped her hand back onto the grass.

"That's all I have to say. I guess. Good luck. With everything." He moved to stand up.

Face red, Stella grabbed his arm. "You don't have to go," she whispered, looking at the ground. "Thank you for the apology. It," she stopped. "It means a lot to me."

The grass rustled lightly as he settled back in next to her.

"I wouldn't say that I don't not like you. It's just," she paused, realizing that she was holding his hand. Feeling her face heat up more, she continued. "It's just, I don't make the best choices for myself." She intertwined their fingers, feeling how dry his hand was in comparison to hers. She dropped it; he must have been disgusted by how sweaty hers was. 

Keith took her hand back, lacing their fingers together. "I don't have the best history, myself. I've," he exhaled sharply. "After the other day, I've decided to go back to therapy. There are some, things, I've been through that I guess I haven't really taken care of yet."

Tearing her gaze away from the grass, she turned to look at him. "Like what?"

He moved to look back at her. "Are you ready to tell me all of your damage?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"I suppose not," she said, grinning sheepishly at him. 

"So, about what I said the other day. Would you like to?" 

She felt her blush spread down to the back of her neck. What did she want? "What did you have in mind?"

He flushed. "Something a little more, exclusive? Only if you want to of course. And you're really welcome to call me on my bull shit. Like when I push you too far." His face was as red as it could possibly be by the time he was done talking.

"Oh!" she responded, her own blush deepening. "I, um," she exhaled sharply, a failed attempt to calm her racing heart. "What is it about me, that, you know." Fuck, she felt like a high schooler, all over again. 

Well, at least those years hadn't been completely horrendous. 

"There's just," he trailed off. "You just," he tried to speak again. "I feel calm around you, you know?" 

She nodded, she understood that feeling pretty well. 

"And you seem really caring. There's this part, I can tell, doesn't take shit. You don't seem afraid to stick up for yourself. I know there's this part of you that's been damaged, but you don't let it hold you back, you know? I think you're an interesting person." 

By the time he finished speaking, her face was redder than a tomato. "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a while," she whispered. 

Keith locked eyes with her, his gaze soft. He reached over and tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear, letting his hand linger on the cheek. She leaned into it, the tenderness leached into her cheek. 

"So, what is it about me?" 

She looked at him - the shaggy black hair, charcoal eyes, and golden skin. Memories of gentleness, time spent making her laugh, and showering affection flitted in and out. Her heart ached at them, happy memories that she both wanted and wanted to deny. "Every time we've been together, I feel," she paused. The word she wanted to say wouldn't come out. "Important," she settled for.  "You take the time to notice me. Fuck, that sounds corny." 

He ran his finger across her cheek. "It makes you kind of cute, though." 

A giggle escaped and she smiled just a little bit. Her vibrant green eyes caught his deep charcoal. The world dropped away as they inched closer. His lips were soft, tender even. His hand held her close, a heavy presence through the sweat on the back of her shirt. For a minute, that's all the world was. 

They separated, the magic having run its course. With their eyes, they still held each other. Quiet passed between them, a moment of its own. Kids still shrieked with delight, dogs still barked. It didn't interrupt the space between them. 

"Is that a yes?" he asked, voice a low whisper; filled with hope. 

Stella's face split with a smile, nodding her acceptance. A strange warmth spread through her when he kissed her forehead. They changed positions so he could hold her against him; they watched the river together. 

"So, can I invite you over for dinner? I would really like to show you my garden." 

She took into consideration her sweat-soaked clothes and hair. Why he wanted to hold her like this, she didn't quite understand. There was also the dinner with Howie's parents. That she really didn't want to go to; especially after this afternoon. "If you don't mind waiting for me to get ready." 

"Yeah, I can do that." 

His warmth left a gaping hole behind when he stood up. With her own shaking legs, she tried to stand up. They wobbled with the exertion, threatening to collapse underneath her. Keith helped her up, not letting go even when she was steady.  

"I could give you a ride back to your place. So, you can get ready. Could wait if you wanted me to." 

"I'll take you up on the ride. But I think I'd rather get ready without you there." 

It was not going to be easy to explain to Howie that she was standing him up for another guy. It would be infinitely harder to do it with said guy there. She knew she could get him to understand. 

Besides, with her out of the way, Howie stood a chance at having a good relationship with his parents. Maybe they'd see that they had a good son, who really had become everything they wanted their child to. She didn't need to take that away from him. 

On the way to Howie's, he told her about his garden. It had been his mother's first - he lived in the house he grew up in. How he tended to the same rosebushes she did, the same ones she taught him how to care for. She watched the way his face lit up when he talked about her, wondering if she'd been able to do the same about her parents. Maybe, she still could. 

"So, I'll see you in a bit?" he asked as he pulled up in front of Howie's. 

"Yeah. Just a quick shower and I'll be over. Just text me your address." 

"Alright, see you soon." 

She leaned over, meeting him over the center console. He was still gentle, his first brief kiss sent tingles down her spine. With his second, longer, one, the world fell away again. The warmth from earlier returned. It was the same magical feeling she had when it snowed. The quiet, anticipatory magic of something greater waiting in the wings. 

A promise that this was good.