Music: Bad Vibes by K. Flay 
Updated: March 17th, 2020

*****

The microphone picked up unintelligible chattering from the siblings outside. 

"Can you understand what they're saying?" Adam asked, an annoyed frown on his face. 

"Not a single clue." Despite living with the Changs for years, Stella couldn't even tell the difference between Mandarin and Cantonese. "If I had to guess, it's something he's not happy about." 

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I guessed that much from his hand gestures alone." Adam ran his hands through his sandy blonde hair, somehow managing to make it messier. "I just want to know what he's getting us into this time." He put his phone away and sprawled across Stella. "This family thing is shit complicated." 

"Preaching to the choir." She put her hands behind her head, leaning into them. There was a cobweb in the corner; her eye twitched at the sight of it. 

"Stay out of my workroom," Adam instructed. "And our bedroom." 

Stella couldn't help the grin. Even Adam knew that she couldn't help the need to clean. Someone called it a control thing at some point or another. "Yeah, alright." She must have been silent long enough for Adam to figure out what her plans were; the truce was an agreement they came to years ago. After Adam lost his temper over not being able to find some critical computer component or another. 

An easy silence fell between them as they waited. 

When the door squeaked open, Adam shot off the sofa. Stella closed her eyes - whatever was going to happen would happen.  The sofa shifted next to her, with a new weight. "Yo," she greeted, without opening an eye. "How've the past ten years been?"  

"Chao Xing, I don't speak Spanish." 

"Ah, sorry. Adam must've started it. Blessings of fluency and all that." Stella knew she wouldn't have to explain to Chyou; the younger woman had done it to her often enough. She tried not to let the name Li Na gave her all those years ago affect her. It was something she left behind years ago; there was no point in trying to resurrect a ghost. 

Chyou giggled at her remark. "So, how long do they normally kiss for?" 

Stella opened her eyes, catching the two in a very loving kiss. Neither seemed interested in stopping any time soon. Or, wouldn't have, if Stella didn't throw a pillow at them. "You've made your point - Chyou is very aware you two are in a very happy, very gay relationship." 

Adam had the grace to flush with embarrassment. 

Howie, well, Stella was fairly certain the only thing keeping her alive was her best friend status. "What?" she asked. "I'm pretty sure she has no interest in watching you two carry on." With a wicked grin, she glanced at Chyou. "Unless, of course, you're into that. No judgment from me." 

Adam groaned. 

Chyou flushed and tried to stammer something out. 

Howie picked up the pillow. "Two seconds." 

Stella turned her grin on him. "I mean, there's nothing-" 

Howie strode across the room, smacking her with the pillow when he got to her. 

Stella shrieked with delight, a giggle escaped. 

"Out," Howie commanded, pointing at the kitchen. 

"Or what?" 

Howie drew himself up, not an unimpressive feat, and crossed his arms. His usual good-humored expression disappeared and was replaced with a thunder cloud. 

Stella was reminded of when she snuck out to go see Eminem in Camden. Wang Lei, his father, looked much the same as Howie did at that moment. For a minute, she was sixteen and facing the scolding of a lifetime. She shrunk back in the sofa, hunkering down for the inevitable tongue-lashing. 

"You look exactly like baba when you do that," Chyou piped up. 

If Howie hadn't just buried her with that look, Stella would have cracked up at the gobsmacked look on his face. The way his eyes bugged out was comical enough. Howie's jaw hanging open was the icing on the cake. As it was, she felt as if she could breathe freely again.

"C'mon, Chyou. Before your father possesses him again." Stella took the other girl's hand as she stood, leading her towards the kitchen. 

"You ok?" Chyou asked once they were in the kitchen. 

Stella didn't answer, opting to head over to the stove and pour herself another cup of coffee. The cinnamon aroma of Adam's recipe for special coffee greeted her as she poured it into the mug. With shaking hands, she gulped down the first half. 

She was okay. 

She wasn't sixteen anymore. 

She was thirty. 

Thirty had been a good year, so far. 

Thirty had brought a sister. 

It meant wrapping up her fellowship. 

It meant that she would be a full-fledged doctor, with research and teaching opportunities.  

She could go anywhere if she could survive this year.

Another sip of her magic bean juice stopped her tremors. 

"Fine," she answered. It was with a sense of relief that she noticed her voice was steady. She sounded normal, whatever that was. 

"Because-" 

"I'm fine, Chyou." Her voice came out a little stronger than she meant it to - the look of hurt Chyou wore was enough to tell her that. "Sorry, it's been a long ten years." She attempted a smile. "Do you want some?" 

Chyou nodded. 

Stella poured her a cup. "Milk's in the fridge. Sugar's next to the tea maker." 

Chyou fixed her coffee and sat at the breakfast bar. 

Stella sat on the counter. "So, what brings you here?"  

In the silence that passed, Stella took the chance to study the other girl. She had the same prominent cheek and collar bones Howie did - a gift from their mother. Chyou, too, had inherited her father's height, standing almost equal with Adam. She had her mother's willowy build and almond eyes. In many ways, Stella felt like she was looking at a younger version of Li Na Chang. 

"I can't stand them!" Chyou finally let out. She almost looked like a deflated balloon after her declaration. "They're such hypocrites." 

"I could have told you that." Stella took another sip of her coffee, drinking it slower now that she felt normal. She ignored the look Chyou gave her - the young woman did not have enough practice chastising others for her angry look to have any effect. "So, what brings you here?"

"I just don't get how they can get rid of both of you and try to bring you both back home when it suits them."  

Stella, if the Changs were able to surprise her, would have choked on her coffee. Instead, her ears pricked forward. 

"And it suits them, why?" She could feel her icy rage flood her veins, moving through faster than possible. Her fingernails dug into her palm. 

"I don't know - but when do they do anything that doesn't suit them?" 

Chyou had her there. Nothing would convince Stella they had only taken her in to be Howie's tutor. Even now, it was the only reason that made sense for them to have kept her around for so long. They'd discarded her only when they were sure she'd served her purpose. 

The fog named silence settled between them. Stella could hear the occasional car pass and Howie's neighbor come home. Off in the distance, a dog barked. 

"I just can't stay with them anymore!" Chyou blurted out. 

Stella choked on her coffee at the sudden noise. 

"They won't let Li Qiang live with us, because why? He likes men?" Chyou's rage bubbled over, her face red with it. 

Stella wanted to cut in, say something. That it was probably somehow her fault. For what? She couldn't make him like women; not that she ever had any interest in trying. Chyou barreled on before she could. 

"And I don't even understand why they kicked you out! All they've ever been able to go on is how good of a student you were!" 

She winced. There was a lot of truth in those words; something that she knew Howie had always been jealous of. 

"They talk like you're their pride and joy! I grew up living in your shadow! Do you know what it's like trying to live up to someone who's not around? Do you know how often every time I got an A, baba would comment that you would have gotten a perfect score?" Chyou took a shuddering breath, a single tear escaping. "Do you know what it was like when I got into UD*? How all he could say was you got into an Ivy League?" 

Stella closed her eyes and tried to listen to her heartbeat. Quick, was her first thought. It was no wonder, with the way she felt. The need to vomit and the urge to run were tearing her in two. Chyou didn't know anything about those years! She knew nothing of the personal hell she lived in! 

Her mug shattered when it met with the floor, coffee soaked through her shoes in the ensuing tidal wave. "Fuck off, Chyou. You don't know what you're talking about." Stella's voice came out in a low growl. It almost didn't sound like her. Ice, that she'd tried to keep at bay, flooded her veins. Years of anger, frozen in time, cracked and flooded her consciousness. 

Before she could enlighten Chyou on all she had missed - including the alcoholism and suicide attempt - that resulted in her removal, Howie stepped in. He put an arm around his sister, guiding her towards the back porch. Stella would have followed if Adam hadn't grabbed her hand.

The message was clear - let Howie handle his sister. 

She took her coffee-soaked sneakers off and threw them across the kitchen, where they landed in the washer. It was one of the rare moments she was glad Adam didn't let her need for things to be a certain way rule his house. In his house, the washer stayed open if not in use.  The thunk they made when they landed was the most satisfying sound she heard that night. She balled her socks up before throwing them in to; to her relief, the additional weight helped them sail through the air. 

Body trembling, she turned to face the sink. Whatever was left of her dinner tore her throat apart as it came back up. 

When she was sure her stomach was done with its rebellion, she sat back on the counter. Adam finished cleaning the mess of coffee and mug around her. "Sorry," Stella let out through chattering teeth. 

"It's just a mug," Adam replied as he threw out the soggy paper towels. "You ok?" He came back over to stand in front of her. He pulled Stella into a hug. 

"She just doesn't know." Her response was muffled by his shirt. There was something calming in the way Adam held her - something in the way she imagined an older brother would have held her. Well, in Adam's case, it was a younger brother. There were times, in the past, that Stella was convinced Adam was older than twenty-seven. Tonight might turn out to be one of those nights. 

"I don't think ripping her throat out would have solved anything." His tone was light, hinting at a smile. 

"I wasn't going to rip her throat out. Just let her know what it's been like for me." 

Adam pulled back, cold air filled the space where he had been. "You looked like you were seriously considering it." His cheeky smile explained it all. 

"Nah - too messy. I know better ways to get rid of me. Harder ones to detect." She smiled back at Adam, a light in her eyes that she thought was gone. 

He grinned back, the remnants of a laugh in it. 

Stella glanced towards the back porch. With a shake of her head, she decided to let Howie handle his sister. "I'm going to get a shower. And wash my shoes." 

"I'll put them out to dry when they're done." 

"Thanks." Stella paused in front of the washer. "For what it's worth, I'm glad Howie found you." 

"I know." 

She could hear the smile in his voice, maybe just a little beam of pride. 

"We wouldn't have done it without you." 

She poured laundry detergent in, remembering how Adam and Howie worked together to help her through detox. "I don't think I ever thanked you for that." She closed the lid on the machine, starting it up. Done, Stella turned to face him. 

"That's what friends do." 

A beat of quiet passed between them. "I'm going to go get a shower."

Adam, for all it bothered her that he was in their relationship, was exactly what Stella knew Howie needed in his life. He'd even go so far as to call her a friend, something that left a hot blush behind. Now, she'd consider him a friend. Then? He was a fuck buddy she tutored. He'd been yet another person she'd kept at a distance. 

Later, after her shower, she curled up next to Howie. Adam was on his other side. This was easily a night when all three of them were glad for the king-sized bed. Chyou had apologized to Stella after she and Howie came back in. With that apology, and a quiet conversation with Howie, Stella agreed Chyou could take her bed for the night. 

Howie wouldn't say what happened on his porch, just that he had smoothed things over. And no, he hadn't told Chyou Stella's business. What sort of friend did she think he was?  Howie also wouldn't tell her Chyou's reasons for leaving, just that they'd agreed that Chyou would go home tomorrow. 

With the night squared away, she made her mental list of things she had to do the next day. First was her med check. Second was that therapy appointment Stella wanted to do nothing more than forget. Third was FaceTime Luna. Fourth was lunch with William Pennhurst. Then she could come back here and get rid of all the cobwebs. 

Tucking away her list, she let her mind drift. It settled on Keith. Would she see him tomorrow? It was possible - he and Howie worked together. How close did they even work together? She eyed her sleeping friend, trying to remember the name of his current partner. He must have told her at some point. 

Of course, she wouldn't remember it! She never went to any gatherings or anything Howie tried to encourage her to. She'd skipped out on his thirtieth birthday party; opting to spend the night in the hospital. Away from a party full of alcohol.

Stella covered her face with a pillow, sighing into it. Maybe, she could convince Howie not to give her a ride? That probably wouldn't go over well - he'd be instantly suspicious about her motives. Her psychiatrist's office was only a block or so from his office; it was beyond convenient for him to take her. 

Then he'd ask questions. Like, did her not wanting to go with him have anything to do with that guy she was seeing. Which it did. And she really didn't want to tell him that she was seeing one of his coworkers. That could get messy complicated. 

She rolled over, pulling her phone off the nightstand. There were still no new texts from him. Resisting the urge to throw it across the room, she put her phone back down. 

Well, it wasn't like it mattered. It looked like Keith had no interest in her after that day. Whatever her manic episode did, it looked like it killed the first chance she had at a real relationship in a long time. 

The fond memories of talking for hours and sending silly pictures would have to remain that. It looked like there was no future to be had there.