NOAH

Jordan's silence has me more anxious than ever. The last two weeks have been rough for us both. A few days before Christmas, I got a call from the social services worker of Jordan's case. I didn't think much of it as we had been communicating often on his progress and the process for getting his custody. Her call came with unfortunate news and I never imagined it would be the beginning of emotional turmoil.

Nolan Key had been diagnosed with colon cancer in November and had been receiving treatments without success. The doctors decided to stop the treatment and he was moved to hospice care outside prison. I asked her if I should tell Jordan, and she left the decision to me. Jordan has been going through several emotional stages since he moved in with me and I'm glad we are receiving help, because it hasn't been easy at times. The mere mention of his father sends him either into rage or he shuts down completely.

In need of answers, I decided to pay Nolan a visit at the hospice home. I needed to understand why he didn't bother to contact Jordan during all this time. Did he even care where he was or with whom? A nurse kindly escorted me to his bedroom and I was surprised at the state I found him in. Nolan was a troublemaker when we were in school, but didn't lack interest from the girls because of his good looks. The man in front of me was just the shadow of his past.

"Good morning, Nolan. I don't know if you remember me..." I said as I approached his bed.

"Noah Tanner... My first and only visitor... Why you?"

His words confused me, but I decided to go ahead with the purpose of my visit.

"I'm here to let you know that I have Jordan's custody."

"Good. Keep him. I will be dead soon. I didn't need him then and certainly don't need him now."

"That can't be right Nolan. Wouldn't you like to see him again? He is your son, your blood. You must feel affection for him or miss him."

Nolan just gave me a crooked smile and shook his head.

"You don't know a shit. Do you?" 

"Know what? What do you mean?"

"Your daddy, Jonathan Tanner, made more than one kid. Well, he cheated on his wife when they were about to get married and had a kid with the other woman that he didn't give a shit about. Didn't even recognize him or gave him his last name. After he got married, he had another kid. That one did get his last name but wasn't wanted either."

At first, I thought he was trying to wind me up with a lie. Until I stared at Nolan up close and saw my same eyes, nose, and hair color. The same way that Jordan looks.

"So... Little brother... What makes you think that I feel anything for Jordan? Our dad didn't care about us."

I started hearing a ringing in my ears and I thought I would pass out. Nolan Key could be my brother and Jordan my nephew. In a town like Lonstino, so full of gossip, I don't know why this information never got to me. Did my parents know? Who else knows?

"If what you say is true and we are related, why did you never contact me? We were in the same school for fuck's sake! We saw each other every day! If you didn't want to take care of Jordan, I could have done it and spare him from the miserable life you gave him."

"Why do you care so much about him?" He asked while sporting a cynical smirk.

"Because I know how he feels about being your son, because it is the same life Jonathan Tanner gave me. Abuse and negligence! But I'm better than my father and I will never do that to my children. Jordan came to me under unusual circumstances. I took him in and don't regret it one bit. I've grown to love him as my own and it makes me so proud that he's smart, loving, helpful and a hard worker. He even got his first girlfriend. It makes me happy that I get to be part of his life and his experiences. If you would have taken the opportunity to care, love and help him, you would have seen for yourself what an amazing kid he is."

"How was I supposed to do that when nobody has ever cared about me?" He asked furiously. "I was seventeen when he was born. When Jessica told me that she was pregnant, I freaked out because to me she was a one time fuck and I didn't feel anything for her. She wanted to keep Jordan so bad. My mother kicked me out of the house when she found out. Jessica's parents did the same. I tried to get a job, but I had been to juvie already and nobody wanted to hire me. We did what we could to make things work and started doing drug runs to earn money. We promised each other that we would stop when we had enough money, but she started using meth and things went worse from there. Did you know I've never touched that shit in my life? Yes, I'm a drunk and I was paid to kill a man. Life is killing me now so it's getting its revenge. When I found her dead, Jordan was a few feet away playing, completely oblivious of what happened. He was only three years old. How could you have helped me? When he was born you were only fifteen."

The new information made me understand more about him and it was heartbreaking, but he had the choice to care about Jordan and he took a different path. When I left the hospice, I sat in my car and cried to the point of getting a headache. I called Gianna, who got very alarmed when she heard me crying as I explained the situation. She offered to come over to the house to support me while I relayed the news to Jordan. She also told me there are DNA tests for our case to find our if I'm indeed his uncle.

Jordan looked at us with suspicion when I invited him for a chat in the living room. I told him everything that had been going on since the call with the social services worker up to the hospice visit. He didn't speak, and looked pretty much like he does now, a mix of every possible negative feeling. Suddenly, he stood up and slammed the door of his bedroom closed.

"I guess there's no right way to deliver this information. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't keep this from him. It's crazy enough that I never heard any rumors about my father having a kid with another woman."

Gianna sat next to me on the couch and rubbed my back in a soothing way. "I believe you did the right thing. I guess you also want to slam a door after everything you found out."

"You know me well."

"Give him time to process the information and let him express his feelings in the best way he knows and can. He will talk when he is ready. Also take time for yourself to deal with this. Do you have a session soon?"

"Tomorrow. Can't be a better timing for it."

Gianna took care of us that evening. She brought food to Jordan in his room and stayed with me. Jordan didn't come out of his bedroom until the next morning. His face was pale and he had puffy eyes, the sign of little sleep and plenty of crying. On a moment, I asked him if he wanted to see his father and he only shook his head. I didn't pressure him further because I would have reacted the same.

We went to the clinic a few days later and got our tests done. That's where we are driving now, to pick up the results. Nolan passed away two days ago. Jordan refused to attend the funeral.

"Are you okay? You are very quiet," I say to Jordan as we park the car, trying to sound casual.

"I'm pissed."

"Do you want to tell me what are you pissed about?" I ask and brace myself for his response.

"I always thought I had no one, no family. He knew about you and never told me. If I had not met you on that night, who knows what would have happened to me. I would have probably done something horrible to myself because I had lost hope by then. He's a fucking selfish bastard and I'm happy he is dead," he cleans his eyes roughly with his palms.

I hold Jordan in my arms because I understand how he feels. My dad died when I was 20 years old and I didn't cry. I felt relieved that he couldn't hurt me anymore. The Sommers were my family and without them I would have been lost.

"I want to be clear on something before he head inside to pick the results. The outcome doesn't matter. I love you and that won't ever change. My plans to make your adoption official are still in place," I say and he nods.

We walk through the hallways until we find the place we are looking for and announce ourselves at the reception. I'm left slightly disappointed when the receptionist hands me a small envelope with no other information. 

"We should give it to Gianna," Jordan suggests. "She'll know what to do if we freak out."

This is the most sensible plan so I call Gianna and we agree to meet at the mall. Maybe being surrounded by people will help to keep our emotions in check. 

"Thank you for sharing this moment with me," Gianna says when we meet her at the food court. 

I hand her the envelope and place my arm around Jordan's shoulders as she opens it. She smiles as she reads it.

"You are related. Noah is your uncle," she says to Jordan.

This document will certainly help to speed up the adoption process. The three of us join in a hug, and I don't give a fuck about the people around when I cry tears of joy.