Empty and Numb

Chapter 20

                Anna made her way up the stairs to the Ravenclaw hallway; her thoughts consumed with Draco and what they had just shared. She guessed she should feel bad about it, and maybe just a little shame, but she wouldn’t take it back for anything and she felt like she was floating on a cloud.

                Annabelle turned the corner almost to the Ravenclaw dorm, when a voice stopped her, making her turn in surprise.

                “Miss, do you realize that it is well after curfew?” the voice with a strange accent said. Anna looked at him; he was young, good looking and he didn’t have a British accent. His voice was very sultry and it was obvious he was a yank. He was young enough that she could almost mistake him for a student if she hadn’t noticed he wore a Ministry of Magic badge identifying him as an auror. The aurors were there to patrol Hogwarts and as extra protection against the dark lord and his death eaters.

                “Yes, I do,” Anna admitted, “and I am terribly sorry. It will not happen again,” Anna lied, feeling very uncomfortable as his deep green eyes never left hers.

                “I thought I heard someone else,” he said, looking around and then looking back at her.

                “No, only me,” she said looking away; she’d never been a good liar. “Well, goodnight,” Anna said quickly, going into her common room quickly to get away from that attractive auror and his intense gaze. She had never seen him around Hogwarts before, but then again she had never really paid attention.

                Anna and Draco meet at the Quidditch pitch over the next few weeks and Draco worked with her on her flying, that and other things, because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It was almost Christmas.

                “You are doing great on your flying,” Draco murmured against her hair as they lay in each other’s arms up in the Astronomy tower. This was their usual place to go after flying since it was cold and snowy outside, “It will not be long and you’ll be flying better than me.”

                “I don’t think so,” Anna laughed nuzzling his neck, “besides, I much prefer riding with you.”

                “I know,” Draco laughed, “I am absolutely irresistible.”

                “You are for me,” Anna said seriously, leaning up and kissing him thoroughly.

                They both got up off the sofa after midnight because they didn’t want to get in too much trouble if they were caught. As they made it to the stairway where they would split up, Draco gave her a deep mind blowing kissed and whispered goodnight. They both split up in opposite directions, Draco headed down toward the dungeons and Slytherin, and Anna headed up to the upper floors and Ravenclaw.

                As Anna headed up the stairs it was really dark that night and she knew it was terribly late, so she tried to be stealthy and didn’t light her wand. But then suddenly she hit something hard yet very soft at the same time, and it nearly caused her to stumble back down the stairs if she hadn’t grabbed the railing.

                “What in the world?” said that same masculine voice that was so different from any she knew at Hogwarts. And then he lit his wand shining her right in the face. It was the same handsome auror she’d run into the other night a few weeks back.

                “Sorry,” Anna said uncomfortably. His wand was still right in her face and it was getting annoying, “Could you please remove your wand from my face?”

                “Maybe,” he responded, “if you can tell me why I have found you out of your house past curfew again?”

                Damn, he remembered, she thought. “That’s really none of your concern,” Anna said hotly, “It’s not like you’re my head of house or something.”

                His beautiful smoky green eyes staring into hers were making her uncomfortable and a little nervous, but she stood her ground.

                “No, I’m not,” he said, lowering his wand from her face, “but maybe Prof. Flitwick or Dumbledore would be interested in finding out why one of their students was wandering around Hogwarts in the middle of the night,” he was threatening her.

                Anna wanted to be angry, but she decided to remain calm, “Look, I have trouble sleeping sometimes, so I like to go for walks, that’s all,” Anna lied, which was really hard looking into those hypnotic big green eyes.

                “Ok,” he said, not as stern, his voice more youthful. Anna realized he had to be in his early twenties and probably not much older than her, “I don’t want to get you in trouble, but you can’t continue to be out of your house past curfew, it’s not safe. If I catch you again I am going to notify one of the Professors.”

                “I understand,” Anna said softly, looking at him. He really was cute with his dark unruly hair and those wide, deep green eyes that seemed to look into your soul. He seemed pretty young for an auror, “I will try not to break curfew again,” she started walking past him to go to her dorm.

                “Oh, and one more thing,” he said as Anna turned back to him, “You would do well to stay away from Draco Malfoy.”

                Anna looked at him in shock, how did he know?

                “I saw you with him out on the Quidditch pitch over the past few weeks,” he explained.

                “I don’t believe it is any of your business who I see,” Anna’s hazel green eyes sparkled with anger.

                “You make it my business when you are out past curfew, Miss Blackburn,” he looked back at her smugly.

                “How do you know my name?”

                “I’m an auror, I make it my business to find out about anyone suspected of being up to no good. And that is the only reason a person would be out past curfew,” he responded smartly, his eyes sparkling; he had put her on the defensive.

                “Well I was not up to no good, I was trying to work on my flying if you must know,” she sassed back.

                “By the looks of it, that didn’t seem to be all you and Malfoy were working on,” he laughed at her look she gave him. This guy seemed to be enjoying making her angry.

                “Well, I will just have to make sure you never catch me out past curfew again,” Anna said smartly, “Now, goodnight to you,” she said primly and she pushed past him as she headed the rest of the way to her common room.

                “Goodnight,” he said, chuckling a little at her anger.

                Anna could not believe his nerve. It was none of his concern who she associated with. Anna had sent a note to Draco that next morning warning him about the auror and what happened. Then she didn’t see him for a few days. Draco was going out of his way to avoid her. There was a trip to Hogsmeade that weekend and she was hoping to spend time with him at the school while everyone else was gone, but she couldn’t find him, it was as if he had just disappeared. And it happened that weekend that Katie Bell from Gryffindor was cursed by a necklace meant for Prof. Dumbledore, and no one knew how she got the necklace. Anna couldn’t help the bad feelings she was having about Draco, since she didn’t know where he was for the past few days. And then on Monday, the week before Christmas he sent her a note, asking her to meet him by the Black lake.

                When Anna saw him she knew immediately that something was wrong. He wasn’t looking at her and he had been pacing back and forth.

                “Is everything okay?” she asked concerned, “Why have you been avoiding me for the past few days?”

                Draco did not know how to tell Anna what he was about to say. In fact it was hurting him terribly just thinking about it, but there was no way around it; he had to do this.

                “Anna, you and I must stop seeing each other,” he couldn’t even look at her or he felt he might lose his resolve and crumble.

                “What are you saying Draco?” she whispered in stunned shock.

                “I am saying that it is best for both of us if we stop pretending that this is going to work,” he finally looked at her, mastering his emotions and giving her his best prince of Slytherin look. He saw the hurt come over her face and it was almost too much, “We are two very different people from very different worlds. I can’t change who I am any more than you can. We just aren’t good for each other.” The lies flowed easily off his tongue.

                Anna could not move. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. After what they had shared together he was just going to toss her aside, “You can’t mean any of this,” Anna said roughly, the sting of unshed tears building in her eyes, “Why are you really doing this Draco?” her voice was rising in anger.

                For Draco, it hurt looking at her, knowing he was breaking her heart, but what Anna didn’t know is that he was breaking his own too. He had work to do for the dark lord and to protect his family; he couldn’t let his own feelings get in the way. And if he continued to see Annabelle he would never be able to carry out the dark lords plans. So he told her something that he knew what lose her to him possibly forever, “I did not want to tell you this and I had not planned on our relationship getting as far as it had, but you must know,” Draco looked her in the eyes, his silver blue meeting her watery hazel ones, the lie was hard coming out “it’s over. My parents arranged a marriage for me to another. It’s to take place after my 7th year and has been in place for some years now.”

                Anna felt numb listening to Draco. Her whole body felt like it would crumble if even the slight breeze blew against her. Draco had used her. She had given herself body and soul to Draco Malfoy, and he had done exactly what she had warned herself from the beginning that he would do to her. Anna couldn’t speak and she no longer knew how to feel; she was like an empty shell. Anna felt her knees finally crumble and she found herself sitting in the snow, unable to move. How could he do this to her? Anna thought she knew the real Draco, not the one he tried to show everyone else, but she had been wrong and he had fooled her. He was the cruel, heartless, selfish bastard everyone believed him to be.

                Draco watched Anna’s reaction to the blow he had just given her and it took every ounce of willpower and strength not to run to her, taking her in his arms and tell her it was all a lie, that he could never do that to her. That he could never be with anyone but her, no matter what his parents wanted. But he had to hurt the one person who cared for him regardless of what anyone else thought. The hardest thing he had ever done in his life so far was walking away from Anna and leaving her sitting there in the cold snow, knowing she was hurting. But she could not know his heart felt the pain as if a hundred knives were piercing through it.

                Anna was barely aware that Draco had walked away. She wanted to cry, but the tears would not come. And she had promised herself she would never cry for him again. He had taught her a valuable lesson, never trust another because it will only bring you pain. Anna didn’t feel anger or hate or any of those other terrible emotions, no, it was worse. She felt nothing. Over the past year he had spent every emotion she had and now there was nothing. Anna was only left with the terrible numbness and total lack of feelings. As she finally got to her feet to make her way back to Hogwarts; she wondered if she would ever feel anything again.