CHAPTER TWENTY
( I Don't Wanna Talk About Anything )

AHN SUHO HAULS Cha Jaehwa out from her coffin ( otherwise known as her room, which houses a near freezing body on the verge of deterioration ) on a Friday night, begging and pleading with her to come hang out with him. He even goes as far as calling her parents, who have grown fond of his presence every time he happily drops off Jaehwa back home. His smile inevitably wins over the shrewd and suspicious glances from Boram and Si-woo, and he too becomes like their own.

He inhabits their living room more times than either parent can count, filling the air with senseless laughter and hearty conversation. While they struggle so deeply to make Jaehwa feel like she is not a stranger in her own home, Ahn Suho is apt in the art of making a house into a home. On the occasional day when Si-eun is willing enough to join them, Moon Boram and Cha Si-woo can say that their daughter has finally found her spark once more.

Slowly, they begin to forget about the aching feeling of Beomseok's absence.

( Jaehwa forgets it the moment he walks out on them. She wants to feel bad, but it's hard to feel anything for a boy who feels nothing for her ).

Instead, they begin to grow enveloped by the biting chill of an oncoming winter, cold and brittle, yet warm enough to hold together three bodies in an entwinement of heart and soul.

Jaehwa has forgotten what it means to be alone. She is always tethered, one way or another, to Ahn Suho or Yeon Si-eun.

Yet again, she finds herself interwoven in their mischievous late-night escapades, where Si-eun wears the helmet to Suho's motorbike despite his mumbled protests. When Jaehwa can relinquish the frown that sits heavily on her lips for a lighthearted grin, where she can discard her baggage into the delivery bin of Suho's vehicle.

It is so easy to feel when it is them she is feeling it with.

Wind caresses her tied-up hair as she grips the grooves of Si-eun's middle. She no longer cares whether the world can see her for who she truly is — A little girl who has been taken apart and put back together — Because the world hardly matters outside of the small circle she has made for herself. Not caring whether they are too big to fit on Suho's clunky delivery bike, not caring that passersby point and stare, Cha Jaehwa finally lets herself untether from everyone else's perception of herself.

Eventually, the trio find themselves resting at a small table beside a convenience store, energy drinks rotting their dry throats and bright blue seats digging into their backsides.

The dim lighting flickers in and out of Jaehwa's focus, and she takes another long swig of her drink.

"It's good, huh?" Suho grins to his two softer-spoken friends.

In response, Si-eun takes a sip of his energy drink and gulps loudly. His lips smack together in polite agreement.

"It tastes funny." Jaehwa replies with a furrow of her brows. The two boys share a look.

Sometimes, they too forget Jaehwa is in the process of experiencing her first life for the second time.

"It's still good, though." She adds when she takes another sip, letting the liquid finally settle in her stomach. She tastes familiarity in its cool summer flavor, relishing in the change of season that it brings within her mouth.

When their soft stomachs cease their bubbling and their mouths get dry, the conversation struggles by a thread to continue on their shy tongues.

"Is Young-yi working well?" Si-eun asks, digging his hands into his jacket pockets.

After the arrest of her friends-slash-family, Ahn Suho had offered Young-yi a place to stay and a job for her to make money. She had taken it without complaint, happy for the warmth of a grandmother she never had the privilege of having.

"Yeah." Suho grins, "She has a knack for it. She gets along with people too."

Jaehwa thinks back to how easily she wedged between them, almost as if she belonged there all along.

( It is as if she fills in the empty cracks that Beomseok left behind ).

But there will always be another body meant to mold alongside theirs, torn apart by the seams and tossed to the dirt by his own stubbornness and doubt.

Si-eun, who desperately tries to keep the tethers of his dwindling friendship knotted into one big ball of yarn, continues to tug on the rope in hopes that someone will hear his pleas.

"I think Beomseok is being used by Lee Jeong-chan and Han Tae-hoon." He confesses.

Lee Suho, who no longer cares for those who rebuke him, takes another long sip of his drink.

"So what?" He scoffs.

"I think he buys them shoes and clothes." The shorter boy continues. "He buys them drinks too."

Jaehwa quietly sips her drink. Beomseok has never been her problem nor someone she really knew, but what he had gone through was a terrible ordeal she would never wish upon anyone.

"He reeks of alcohol every day." Si-eun continues, hoping that some part of Suho can find empathy for the boy who cried wolf.

But Suho doesn't care. He stopped caring when Beomseok accused him of wishing the worst for him, when his trust and friendship were broken at the hands of someone who could never trust what was blatantly in his face.

"What if Beomseok is the one using them?" Suho asks. "That punk wanted it from the start."

"He latched onto us because he wanted to be popular." His eyes flicker angrily. "He thought hanging out with us would make him cooler."

"Maybe it wasn't always that way." Jaehwa mutters. The two boys turn to look at her.

"Hurt people, hurt people." She pushes her empty can against her palms, and the thin metal bends and breaks against her fingertips. "And sometimes, those people stay hurt."

She lets go of the can. It tumbles into a twisted mess of irreversible metal.

They stay silent after that, and eventually, they throw away their empty cans and walk toward the apartment complex.

Jaehwa and Si-eun bid their goodbyes to Suho, who waves a hand less-than enthusiastically as he puts on his helmet and turns his back to them.

The two remaining teens slide into the elevator, ignoring the dull hum that coats the quiet atmosphere.

"I know you're thinking about Beomseok." Jaehwa pipes up when she takes notice of Si-eun's crinkled brow and pensive face.

It has taken her what feels like an eternity, but she can finally read Yeon Si-eun openly.

"It's nice that you're still trying to look out for him, but Suho was right about one thing." Jaehwa sighs. "Beomseok doesn't think of us as friends anymore."

If he ever thought of me as a friend in the first place, Jaehwa says to herself.

"I know." Si-eun says simply. His eyes look sad; Watery and frightened, like they always do.

( Jaehwa wishes he would tell her how he feels, if only to ease the burden resting on his feeble shoulders ).

When they reach Jaehwa's apartment, Si-eun mumbles his goodnights. The girl waves and watches until he is out of reach before closing the door.

She sighs. Nothing will ever be full unless there is a change.

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DEATH FOLLOWS AHN Suho like a weary gnat sucking the life from the plentiful human, constantly gnawing down his bones into nothing more than casts and fractures.

Cha Jaehwa hates that Ahn Suho pretends to not care, because it always makes her feel more miserable than before.

( Will he only cry when he is on the verge of death? )

No one tells her anything. She begs and pleads, but Suho insists that he merely fell off his bike while making deliveries and injured his foot. Si-eun only looks at her with those sad eyes, and she knows that he too has been left in the dark.

Young-yi, who tries to look beyond the straight-legged limp and the hidden winces of pain, offers to decorate a party room for Suho's birthday. If they cannot talk about it, at least they can forget about it.

( Jaehwa cannot forget. It is engraved into her bones that Ahn Suho will kill himself before ever letting her know the truth ).

Jaehwa feels herself spiraling. The scar grows hot against her scalp, and soon she is back in the hospital room, scratching her peach fuzz spot and wondering who she is and why she feels so utterly useless.

A sick feeling rings in her stomach.

Cha Jaehwa knows the end grows nearer.

( She just doesn't know whose ).

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

... hello guys

sorry for being gone for like 4 months and not updating this fic i was kind of super badly unmotivated and also swamped w schoolwork 😣

literally probably the shortest and worst chapter that i have every written in the history of bad moonchild and js bad annie chaps in general (it's basically a filler chapter) because i fear i completely forgot how to write jaehwa and also there is no outside school content to work with ..!

another adrianne lenker title ref bc i love her songs !!!

still unsure about the love interest but a lot of u were rocking with the throuple agenda and i lwk fw it so perchance i will be willing to go that route (since eventually it'll end up as a single couple anyways gulp)

i really want to write good ending chapters since we're about to reach the end of the first volume (im predicting around 2-4 more chapters before its over) so be prepared for (hopefully) some good long chapters in the following months if i have the time :)

next chap continues ep 6 and will (probably) delve into jaehwa's feelings about being left amount and also worrying over her friends and perhapss she will go with young-yi and sieun to the abandoned building and finally learn what's going on bc my baby deserves to know the truth !!! hopefully it'll take me up to ep 7 where i can start off the next next chapter and leading into the series finale

ntm tho guys im rewatching as i write bc i lwk forgot what happened but be last few eps (besides the obvious important parts) so i have to rewatch to get dialogue and ideas !!

chap is dedicated to my faithful voters  commenters u know who u are i love u all so much yall acc make my day 🤗 ty for sticking around even after i give these horrible dookie updates every other month

if u guys have any suggestions for next chapter lmk PLEASEE bc i actually have no idea what im doing 😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE