CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
( Eulogy Of Devotion )

A DAY LATER, when the nausea erodes into something hardly docile in the pit of Jaehwa's foul stomach and the tears clawing at her eyes fall against the back of her throat, the doorbell rings late afternoon, just shy of the sunset dusting the blue horizon, and Cha Si-woo opens the door for Ahn Suho with a smile.

"Hello, Mr. Cha." Suho says, and his voice carries into Jaehwa's ears as she sits on the couch in the living room, her eyes glued to the television.

Si-woo opens the door and lets him in wordlessly. There's an understanding to his voice only a father could have; Warm, yet worn. "Here to see Jaehwa?"

"Yes." Suho smiles, and molds himself into the steps of Jaehwa's home easily, as though he's always belonged.

"I made dinner." Jaehwa's dad gestures to the kitchen as he shuts the door after him. "Are you hungry?"

Suho is hungry; He's always hungry. Hungry for what he cannot have, hungry for an ambition that serves only to break him. Only this time, his hunger won't be satisfied by mere words. His hunger is more than the rumble of his stomach, more than what bubbles in his interior.

( His hunger is the cast hidden beneath Yeon Si-eun's docile fingers, the emptiness in Cha Jaehwa's once lively eyes. His hunger is the ache in his knee that erodes him into a sentient creature ).

"No, thank you." He shakes his head politely, a liar in a teenage boy's body. His eyes scan the empty rooms for Jaehwa.

"She's in the living room." Si-woo says with an air of humor when the teen's eyes shift past him. Something in his demeanor makes Suho feel at ease. He supposes Jaehwa inherited that quality, that softness to her sharp eyes.

Suho doesn't need to be told twice. Something itches at the back of his throat, and he navigates the halls of Jaehwa's house like a second skin, familiar and warm.

The television is off when Suho finally enters the living room. Jaehwa sits on the couch, almost rigidly, staring at the black screen, tracing his reflection with her eyes. The all too familiar silhouette of his black and red jacket and his school uniform sear her mind. 

"Hi." She says quietly, as though afraid to break the thin string of silence that buzzes in the room.

His response is automatic. "Hey. You didn't come to the restaurant."

Jaehwa tears her eyes from the dark screen. The words I forgot linger on her tongue before she decides to choose a less daunting statement. "My dad made dinner instead. Sorry."

When the silence is broken only by Suho's hum of understanding, Jaehwa continues. "Why are you here?"

He stares at her for a short moment, and his cheek tickles slightly. The skin pulled taught against his bones remembers the touch of her lips, the pulse of warmth that cracks the cage he has been slowly building around himself.

And the rage that simmers beneath his flesh turns solid for a minute. If there is ever a time for Winter; It is now, when this rancorous heat broiling in his bones threatens to burn him alive.

"Just 'cause." He replies simply, leaning against the frame of the door. His lips curl up in a small smile.

Jaehwa stares for a short second, her thoughts wandering between what she knows and what she's trying to grasp, and deep beneath the fissure of her sepia-colored memories, she holds in regard Suho's smile as something unforgettable.

( The copious amount of drawings stuffed away beneath her desk bristle and gray, but she remembers Ahn Suho as vividly as a dream ).

"Have you heard from Si-eun?" Jaehwa asks tentatively when the pressure reaches its peak and her throat threatens to collapse under pressure of her springy nerves.

Suho glances around the empty house, his lips pressed into a thin line. He lowers his voice considerably, conscious of the prying ears in the other room.

"I just visited him." He says. Half of his words have become lies, and unfortunately, Cha Jaehwa is no longer immune to his sinning tongue. "He says he's fine."

"Let's go to my room." Jaehwa offers when she feels another pair of eyes prickling against her back, and she discards the remote on the couch, letting it be buried beneath the cushions.

The walls seem to cave in against the two teens as they shuffle into Jaehwa's room. She feels oddly exposed despite the layers of clothing piled onto her body, and she scratches her head slightly for twisted comfort.

The fading stitches have finally begun to scar. When Jaehwa picks too much at it, her fingers return with traces of blood and scab remains beneath her fingernails.

( She can't help it. It's a reminder of everything she cannot seem to keep track of ).

Ahn Suho's eyes carry familiarity in them as he steps into her room. They dance across the nearly bare walls of her bedroom, letting his mind draw out what used to belong there.

Old, fading pencil drawings are tacked to the wall by Jaehwa's desk. Small traces of red and blue and the occasional yellow and green splash the old pictures. Suho remembers some of them by the light and seemingly airy brushstroke of the pencil. It seems to be the only thing he can recall about this room. The recent drawings seem to lack color, only a heavy graphite depiction of solemn buildings and empty rooms. Suho doesn't linger too much on them; They make him feel guilty for reasons he can't explain.

The door creaks partially shut, a small crack between the doorframe and the door itself. Jaehwa settles herself against her bed, offering a seat to Suho beside her. Instead, he tosses himself onto the plush mattress, his eyes facing the ceiling.

( Just for a moment, he allows his fists to unclench, and he pushes aside the shards of ire digging into his chest ).

"Are you sure he's fine?" Jaehwa asks again, her voice growing in worry, a crescendo that threatens to fill the air with violent silence.

Suho doesn't want to lie to Cha Jaehwa. But he does anyway, because some things are better left uncovered. His grave rattles with skeletons, and he takes the shovel and only buries them deeper into the cold dirt.

"I already told you," He waves a hand around carelessly, but his eyes are still trained on the ceiling. "He's fine."

"If he's fine, then why is he ignoring me?" She pushes, suddenly upset. Si-eun is not the type of boy to break his promises.

( Or, at least that's what Jaehwa thought. Now, she isn't so sure ).

Suho stays silent. He's never been the thinking type. He's never had to craft up lies that were meant to keep someone safe, because a lie is harmful in itself. The more lies he digs into Jaehwa's skin, the more he realizes he's shutting her out.

"I don't know." He shrugs.

Jaehwa's eyes flicker, suddenly regaining their sharpness. "What happened the night of your birthday?"

Suho finally turns to look at her, his ebony eyes twinkling softly beneath the dim lighting in Jaehwa's room. From where he lays on her bed, he raises his shoulders in a small shrug.

"Beats me." He lies through his teeth. What else can he do? "I was with you the whole time."

The amnesiac frowns. The pieces don't fit. There's a gaping hole in between the week, and she cannot figure out what goes where. She feels herself beginning to slip, as though she's back on that hospital bed, staring at the horizon, trying to remember her own mother's name.

She runs a hand through her hair, and throws herself back onto the bed, lying next to Suho. He turns to look at her in surprise, but she mirrors his earlier action and keeps her gaze trained on the ceiling.

"I'm worried about him." She confesses. Janky strands of her hair tickle Suho's ear and neck.

Suho can't bring himself to smile, but his voice is cheerful, full of false promises that, looking back, make Jaehwa sick to her stomach.

"He's fine." His fingers itch to reach for Jaehwa's to provide comfort, even if he just continues building on his lies. But he can't. His hands fall flat on his stomach, and he lets out a soft exhale.

Jaehwa looks at him, and flickers of doubt glint against her face. And still, there's an overwhelming amount of trust in her glossy eyes.

( Ahn Suho wouldn't lie to her, she reasons. Not now ).

"If you don't believe me, go see if he's home." Suho offers, pulling himself off of Jaehwa's bed and back on his feet.

He's overstayed his welcome; That's what his body is telling him. The rage from earlier begins to return the longer he thinks of Yeon Si-eun, of his hinged arm hidden beneath his crew neck, of the inevitable lies.

"Okay." Jaehwa hums in agreement as she sits up off the bed. "Can you come with me?"

Suho pauses and gives her a pointed look. "Can't."

"Why not?" Is the immediate response.

The boy is quick to make up a lie; Well, not a lie, but a misplaced truth.

"They need me to help out at the gym." He shrugs, his shoulders heavy against his body. His knee aches, and strangely not in a physical way.

"Oh. Okay." Jaehwa nods her head in understanding. She gestures to the door. "I'll walk you out."

Her throat goes a little dry as the two exit her room, walking closer than normal, their arms and shoulders brushing against each other. Suho doesn't want to leave, and yet all he wants is to escape Jaehwa's heavy gaze and clear his mind.

( What can a boy do, when he feels not like a man, but more like a small child? Nothing, Suho reasons. Boys are children; But he must be a man ).

Jaehwa calls loudly into the kitchen before she exits the house, telling her father of her impromptu visit to Si-eun's apartment, to which he responds with well wishes and an order to not take anymore than half an hour.

The two exit the Cha residence and find themselves staring out into the expanse of pink and blue hues dusting the old complex, a bright orange blazing against the horizon.

( It's too vivid, Jaehwa thinks. She doesn't know whether she's referring to the sunset, or the way the colors reflect off Ahn Suho's face ).

There's something stuck in the confines of her jugular as Suho waves goodbye, his windbreaker rustling softly against the silence. She can't speak; It feels as though there is something lodged against her throat, and the more she hacks, the further it digs into her skin.

( Looking back, she realizes she had begun to regurgitate the puzzle pieces that tie her to Ahn Suho. Tied her to Ahn Suho ).

Jaehwa watches him go, and he leaves slowly and yet not slow enough. Summer follows in his footsteps, and all the warmth evades her now that Suho has left her side. The tips of her fingers grow cold, and her eyes linger on the sunset, soaking up what vivid details she can grasp before it all fades into darkness.

She squints in the marred distance to make out Suho's steady figure as it slowly disappears behind the next cluster of buildings, and the sky loses a bit of its pink hue the moment he seems to evade her.

( Cha Jaehwa will look into the dewy sunset and imagine Ahn Suho. Or so she will try ).

When his presence is finally gone, and the grating against her mouth has settled into something manageable, Cha Jaehwa makes up her mind to visit Yeon Si-eun.

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THERE IS A corpse that lingers on the front steps of Yeon Si-eun's apartment. Behind the thick metal door are cold eyes, heavy with a lingering emotion Jaehwa can't seem to grasp, staring at her in a way that feels endless.

Si-eun tends to have that eerie effect on people. Jaehwa thought she had gotten used to it, but it seems the more she slips, the harder she falls.

Her gaze, despite its lack of precision, is still sharp. It can make out the faint ragged outline of the cast on Si-eun's arm, hidden beneath his crewneck that reads Optimist Club. It's so absurd that Jaehwa almost chokes out a laugh.

"You're hurt." She says bluntly, her mouth forming the words in a sweeter manner but getting jumbled up on the way out.

Her head hurts, the beginnings of a migraine pulsing against her eyes. Saliva coats the back of her throat, and she feels as though she's ingested an entire stick of butter.

"I'm fine." Si-eun contradicts, pulling his sleeve down and hiding the thickness of his injured arm behind his back.

Jaehwa scoffs. Her eyes burn, and she tells herself it's from the migraine, but she knows the prickly feeling against her eyelids isn't induced by her headache.

"That's what Suho said." She frowns deeply.

Something childish bubbles up in her gut; She wants to throw something, to scream. But she just bites her tongue and holds her breath.

Si-eun lets out a tired sigh. It brings Jaehwa back to the day they met — Well, met again. Yeon Si-eun was but a walking corpse, devoid of any happiness within his big, sad eyes.

( Perhaps along the way something changed. They all changed ).

"That's because it's true." He sighs, tiredly gazing at Jaehwa's sad face. Part of him is too tired to argue, and it's almost pathetic seeing him limply moving around like an old sock after laundry.

"It's not true and you know it." Jaehwa scowls. Her hands find themselves on her hips almost instinctively. The migraine begins to grow worse, filling her ears with a ringing sound.

"Tell me what happened that night." She demands. The air seeps beneath her jacket and prickles her skin. Si-eun blinks slowly.

"Nothing happened." He says simply, his eyes just shy of meeting Jaehwa's. Something about his hesitance makes her stomach churn.

"I'm not blind." Anger begins to simmer against her gut. Not Suho's kind of anger; Something more solemn. "And I'm not stupid. I know something is going on that no one will tell me."

A sharp inhale gets caught in her mouth, and it burns her throat. Cha Jaehwa feels so out of place here, as though her body isn't where it's meant to be.

Si-eun doesn't answer. His phone rings before he can open his mouth, and he fumbles with the device as he brings it up to his ear. His eyes sear into Jaehwa's as she subconsciously leans closer to listen in.

The voice that trickles through the speaker is familiar; The melody of Young-yi's tone filters through the static of the call, and Jaehwa hears it so clearly it's unnerving.

"Hey." She says, and there's an edge to her voice that sounds unfamiliar. "Have you been in touch with Suho?"

"Yeah, he stopped by earlier today." Si-eun murmurs, his eyes shifting from Jaehwa's face to the floor, and then back.

There's a static pause. "Suho found out about the fight."

Jaehwa feels her chest tighten, and she glares at Si-eun. Fight?! She mouths angrily, only to be ignored.

"He's not at work, and he's not picking up his phone." Young-yi murmurs worriedly. "Do you think he's with Jaehwa?"

"He's not." Si-eun replies firmly.

"How do you know?" Young-yi retorts, the frustration evident in her tone.

"Because he just left my house." Jaehwa pipes in, half-angry, half-scared.

A tumult of emotions dig into the crevice of her stomach, churning and mixing until they're muck against her guts and the only thing she can do to hold herself together is keep her hands tight around her abdomen.

( Jaehwa is always afraid. Now, that fear seems so much more real than ever before ).

Young-yi inhales sharply. "Oh."

"I'll try to call him." Si-eun offers dull comfort. He hangs up without another word, too busy thinking of all the places Suho could possibly be.

"We need to hurry." Jaehwa tugs on his sleeve, her eyes growing crazed the longer she stays there. Her mind begins to cloud, picturing Ahn Suho fighting some bullies Oh Beomseok sicced on him.

"We don't know where he is." Si-eun says, his eyes locking with Jaehwa's completely for the first time that night. They're kaleidoscopic, infinite. Everything Jaehwa has ever seen seems to fit into the darks of his eyes.

Something sudden pops into Jaehwa's mind.

"The gym." She says breathlessly. "He said he was going to the gym."

Taking Si-eun's arm, the two run down the hallways of the apartment complex, hearts beating out of their chests, fear clawing in their throats.

There is nothing more to say — When emergencies occur, Si-eun knows he can no longer keep Cha Jaehwa away from what haunts them.

( He only prays that today is a mere false alarm ).

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THEY DON'T FIND Ahn Suho amongst the ruins of the gym. They find traces of him ( A red windbreaker, a pair of boxing gloves, blood on the mat ), but no Suho.

Young-yi joins their search, but they are nowhere near fruitful. Instead, something gnaws on Jaehwa's insides, a feeling of incompleteness.

Where is Ahn Suho?

Not even breaths are heard in the gym. The silence becomes too agonizing to bear, and Jaehwa has to excuse herself because her breathing is too loud and the world is too, too quiet.

( If she listens closely, she can hear the sound of an ambulance making its way through the crowded streets ).

Jaehwa takes a seat on the curb outside the gym, away from the suffocating rooms of familiarity and the stench of sweat intermingling with blood. It makes her nauseous, but her food is too far-digested to regurgitate.

Her phone is dead; Heaven knows how many missed calls she has. Somehow, her parents worrying about her doesn't make her feel anything.

( Ahn Suho, her mind chants. Where are you? )

She'll find out soon enough. But for now, she lays her head in her hands and lets herself weep, praying that everything will be alright.

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

hello all 😢 did you miss me

to start, thank you all so so much for 45k (?) on moonchild !!! it's so great to see all the new whc1 fans discover my fic LMAOO and i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i did writing it! all the newgens are flocking to my fic because why'd i gain 10k views in like one week that was insane

anyway season 2 drops on friday for me and im so so excited (i can't wait to see my baby si-eun again) and therefore that means i should be bringing vol 1 of moonchild to a close ... that said i will miss my s1 gang a lot 💔 but new characters and new interactions AYY gotta look on the bright side or else i might crash out

as a thank you to all you wonderful readers, enjoy a slightly longer chapter (3.5k words and counting) before we finish off vol 1 with the finale !!! also ignore the fact that my writing got so bad towards the end lol this was written over the course of a few nights and the writing for this night was just nawt it ^^

a bit of suho interactions because i had to end off the friendship in an eerie manner mwahahaha and also it makes everything all the more bitter 😇🙏 you guys are gonna love the ending so much you'll hate it LMAO

hopefully i'll be able to write + publish the last chapter of vol 1 before s2 comes out but honestly im not making any promises ... although chap 25 is gonna encompass all of ep 8 and will either be very long or super short LMAO we'll have to see

i usually ask for suggestions for the next chapter but seeing as it's the finale i won't be doing that! however if there's anything you'd like to see for vol 2 pls feel free to lmk!😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE