CHAPTER TEN
( Push & Pull )

CHA JAEHWA FINDS an eternity in Ahn Suho's eyes. They burn with something too heavy to stomach, and like always, Jaehwa looks away.

That eternity is suffocating — She swallows, but it rises from her throat once more and clogs her jugular with acrid bile.

"What are you doing here?" Suho breaks the silence, breaks the eternity, and lets his eyes wander from Jaehwa to Si-eun.

They look too friendly — Too warm. Ahn Suho scowls.

"Hanging out with a friend." The amnesiac comments mindlessly, gathering enough courage to take a peek at the expression written on Suho's face.

He looks angry, perhaps sad. Most of all, he looks worn out. He looks thin.

Once again, Cha Jaehwa has said the wrong thing and Ahn Suho stares at her silently.

"Since when did you become friends?" He scoffs, sparing a glance at Si-eun. He felt nothing in particular for the shorter boy, only that he seemed to steal Jaehwa for himself.

"Why do you care?" Jaehwa raises a brow, feeling a buildup of pains and aches in the back of her head. Ahn Suho is so difficult, too much to bear.

( She wants to remember, but she no longer wants to ache ).

The taller teen looks at her, hurt etched onto his features. Jaehwa feels a sharp pain in her chest — She knows she has gone too far.

Ahn Suho lets his hurt morph into anger, and he glares at Jaehwa with only small hints of malice. After all, when you know someone as deeply as Ahn Suho knows Cha Jaehwa, hatred isn't an option.

"I don't," He mutters, and he backs away from the door. "Not anymore."

The door shuts with a shuddering thud, and the Yeon house is enveloped in silence.

Yeon Si-eun tenderly looks at Jaehwa, watching her for signs of tears. He hates when people cry, but for her, perhaps he is willing enough to wipe her tears and offer her some comfort.

She doesn't cry, and Si-eun relaxes.

"He doesn't know." Jaehwa feels the need to tell Si-eun, that Ahn Suho is a good person, that he must be confused and angry and hurt — But she can't because he has become calloused and cold and Jaehwa still aches when she sees his face.

Yeon Si-eun nods in understanding. "I know."

"Fuck, I don't know what to do anymore." Jaehwa sighs, bringing her hands to mess up her already messy hair.

The boy shrugs. He doesn't have an answer for her. Instead, they walk back to his room, and Jaehwa makes herself comfortable once more on Si-eun's bed. It feels warmer than before — Homier.

The image of Ahn Suho spins around her mind, again and again and again until Jaehwa feels as though she's going insane.

"Do you have water?" She asks, if only for the sake of quelling the dizziness and nausea the images in her head are producing.

Si-eun looks back at her and frowns.

"In the fridge." He provides her with a short answer. "You look pale."

"I'm fine," She waves him off. "Just a headache."

Ahn Suho's a headache.

Jaehwa makes her way to the kitchen, feeling slightly colder in a bleak house without Si-eun's weirdly warm presence.

The fridge is empty, save for a few half-empty water bottles. Jaehwa takes one and grabs a cup from the cupboard.

The water is cold, freezing her insides and clearing her throat.

She returns to Si-eun's room feeling better, and he doesn't comment any further on her sudden dizzy spell.

In turn, Jaehwa doesn't comment on Yeon Si-eun's lie about them being friends. She likes being his friend, anyway.

It makes her feel less lonely. More normal.

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‎AHN SUHO MISSES Cha Jaehwa. He misses her terribly cute grin, the glint in her eyes, the way she could solve all his problems both logically and emotionally.

Suho misses Jaehwa, but he doesn't want her to return to him.

( Or so he tells himself, but Ahn Suho is a fool who would rebuke even life if it condemns him ).

Jealousy is a word that Suho had never considered himself to be. There had never been anyone to be jealous of.

If he didn't care for school, there was no reason to be jealous of those who put their soul into their work.

( Besides, Jaehwa had always let him copy off her, even though she nagged and nagged that he was never going to go anywhere in life with an IQ of a ten-year-old ).

For once, Suho felt jealous. Jealous of Cha Jaehwa, who could live as though he had never even existed. As though Ahn Suho meant nothing to her but a name and a face she could hardly remember.

Why couldn't Suho forget, too?

( Maybe Jaehwa is too entwined into his own life that tearing her out would mean losing himself ).

He is jealous of Yeon Si-eun, who has coveted what had once been Suho's to love and to look at, for himself. He is jealous that even friendship comes easy to Si-eun, despite being emotionally detached.

( Suho is angry, and he's alone now too ).

He hates being who he is, but he cannot change or stop the tumultuous waves of envy that crash and fall into the depths of his stomach.

Ahn Suho wishes he could forget Cha Jaehwa. Maybe then, loving her wouldn't be an issue.

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

idk what's going awnn but happy ten chapters !!!!! i feel so shocked that it's already been 10 long (super short) chapters of pure angst 😊

kinda didn't like this chapter but here yall go !! i chose to write this instead of doing an essay and a spanish project LMAOOO im cooked

finally getting on track w the canon show soooo suho and jaehwa's reconciliation is def coming soon ( but so is (bum)seok and he is js a bundle of angst waiting to detonate ) !!

also this chap is dedicated to my biggest supporters of this fic antonaut & hollxe1 🤗

if u guys have any suggestions for next chapter lmk PLEASEE bc i actually have no idea what im doing 😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE