CHAPTER NINE
( Poppies In Midwinter )

EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. Even Ahn Suho, who seldom appears in Jaehwa's dreams anymore, and Yeon Si-eun, who becomes a more reoccurring thought in her head, are connected.

She finds out one late night, when Moon Boram is busy picking up another shift at work, and Cha Si-woo is called into work on an emergency. They leave her with Yeon Si-eun, whose father is off on a business trip — Being together is better than being alone, their parents both reasoned.

They are still children, after all, even if their eyes are far too worn and their fingers far too blistered by the hold of a pen instead of a lover.

Boram and Si-woo depart with a goodbye and a kiss to Jaehwa's hair, smoothing it down and Si-eun watches with envy rimming his eyes. He envies Cha Jaehwa, but it is not the same envy he had once had for her. It's different now; Contained, Softer.

Despite the boy being a bundle of hidden anger and sadness, he only nods his head and opens the door for Cha Jaehwa, and something that lingers in his eyes makes her chest tighten.

Pity fills his gaze, and Jaehwa wants to slap it away and make those eyes look at her with something that isn't sorrow — She feels like a porcelain doll with too many cracks to be considered anything to look at.

"Sorry for the intrusion," She murmurs as her eyes scan the floors, laden with a thin sheen of oncoming tears.

Like always, Si-eun frowns but says nothing, and Jaehwa wonders when she had become so sensitive.

Had Ahn Suho finally worn down and stolen her heart from its cage? Had he punctured it so ruthlessly that it bled from her eyes and stung her chest like an insurmountable weight?

The Yeon house is cold, fridge empty and walls too bleak to be anything that resembled father nor son. Perhaps it is the lack of familial presence that twists Jaehwa's stomach, or perhaps it is the look on Si-eun's face.

Jaehwa thinks he looks too small of a person, as though this house is not Home and it never had been. She takes a seat on his bed; It is, at the very least, some reminder of the person that inhabits the room.

"I need to study," Si-eun tells the girl, eyes trailing against her face before falling back to the floor.

He turns and faces away from her, and Jaehwa lets out a small breath. Si-eun's presence is more comforting than she could've imagined.

"Okay," She says breathlessly. The room steals her breath and leaves a small thrum in her chest, and she watches Yeon Si-eun.

"Were we friends, Si-eun?" Jaehwa asks as she takes a piece of her hair and examines it. Her cheeks burn and she feels stupid as the seconds prolong into what feels like minutes.

Si-eun pauses, and the grip on his pencil tightens. He can recall the visage of a teen his age, razor-sharp gaze and bitter smile, perfectly dressed and hair done.

He also remembers the bruises and cuts that hide beneath that perfect exterior, and he feels sick to his stomach because he knows. Knows that his silence, the glimpses he saw, meant trading a life for his own.

( Cha Jaehwa died in his stead, and he had turned a blind eye to her murder ).

So he lets her believe; Si-eun lets Jaehwa believe that their rivalry had been a kind one and that their competition meant nothing other than a small game.

"Yeah," Si-eun says, as loudly as he can muster. It still leaves his lips as a whisper. "We were."

He lets himself believe that lie, too.

Because that's another thing Cha Jaehwa and Yeon Si-eun have in common. They will be eaten by society, and they will lie to save themselves.

Jaehwa smiles, and Si-eun's heart throbs at the crease in her eyes and the small dimple that appears on her cheek. He wishes that he could've saved her the first time.

At least then, she wouldn't smile at him, wouldn't look at him. At least then, he could pretend he hadn't felt anything whenever they happily fed on each other's hatred.

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‎JAEHWA FALLS ASLEEP on Yeon Si-eun's bed. Against his better judgment, the boy puts down his pencil and watches her silently, lips twitching as her chest rises and falls steadily.

Up, down, up, down.

Cha Jaehwa has always been an enigma. That is what made her so beautiful. Something so out of Si-eun's reach, something that he could look at without tainting it.

Someone he could argue with, fight with, laugh with.

( Even if the laughter was mocking, he still relished in the sound of Jaehwa's soft laughs ).

Si-eun reaches out a hand to brush the hair away from her face. He stares longingly at the small scar on the back of Jaehwa's head.

He wants to trace every line of her face, but she feels too cold for his scorching fingers to touch, so he retracts his hand and pulls the covers to his bed over Jaehwa's shivering frame.

Sometimes, Yeon Si-eun wishes he had never met Cha Jaehwa.

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‎THE SOUND OF knocking wakes Cha Jaehwa up from her sleep. She doesn't recall when she had fallen asleep, but her face flushes when she realizes that she feels warm beneath the sheets of Si-eun's bed.

This feels all too intimate, all too warm for someone who is supposed to be Winter. Jaehwa pushes the blankets and sheets off of her body, and with the decency that she still has, remakes Yeon Si-eun's bed.

She greets the boy at the door. He is staring at the thick metal, watching as the knocking continues.

"Are you going to open it?" Jaehwa asks, stepping closer.

Si-eun almost jumps, and his ears feel warm. Jaehwa is too close as she brushes past him and twists the knob open.

She feels a smile crawling onto her lips as Si-eun steps slightly closer, leaning his head so close that it almost lays on her shoulder. He feels warm too warm, and then not warm enough.

Ahn Suho stares at Jaehwa, and then at Si-eun. His eyes narrow, and something evil sparks in the pit of his stomach.

"This isn't your house." He directs his eyes to Jaehwa, who feels as though she's freezing and burning all at once.

It's odd that the opposite seasons are giving her opposite feelings.

Jaehwa's eyes fall onto the takeout boxes in his hands. She finds directing her voice to Yeon Si-eun an easier feat than answering Suho.

"Did you order chicken?"

He shakes his head, lips parting slightly as he looks from Jaehwa to Suho. He feels himself slipping, too out of place as they turn to stare at each other again.

That's right, he thinks to himself, In a crowd of people, I was never the one she looked for.

That person had always been Ahn Suho.

( For once, Yeon Si-eun burns in jealousy and regret. For all the things he did, and all the things he didn't do ).

In the distance, the flowers within Jaehwa's mind — Symbols of regeneration and remembrance — Begin to wilt in the midwinter chill.

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

surprise !! 2 chapters in a row bc i felt like it 😊

i also kinda pulled the title from out of my ass so don't focus on that too much 😭

this chapter is actually a decent length compared to the other ones andddd im finally on track with the cannon show LMAOOO i think i deserve a pat on the back for that !!

i can't wait for this trio's interactions 😈 all the angst and the happiness and ups and downs bc beomseok is gonna b introduced soon which means angst !!

ik i say this a lot but whc1 is a masterpiece like the actors all did such a great job and embodied their roles so well i love it sm

if u guys have any suggestions for next chapter lmk PLEASEE bc i actually have no idea what im doing 😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE