CHAPTER FIVE
( Stone In Sea, She Can't Float )

THE EARLIEST MEMORY of Ahn Suho that resides within Cha Jaehwa is perhaps that of six years ago.

It is a memory severed from her end, crumpled like a piece of paper and thrown into a trash bin. Ahn Suho is the only one who can recall such a day.

It is befitting of the two that they should meet on the border between Spring and Summer — On a warm afternoon in late March. When Jaehwa had been a cacophony of pollen and petals, swept up by the wind and embraced by the coming summer heat. Before she became the raging winter, encompassed in melancholy and the faintest air of deadening flesh.

Ahn Suho had been a measly four-foot-seven, mocked for having a slight lisp as a 10-year-old boy. Cha Jaehwa was tall for her age, standing slightly above five feet. She was easily the biggest kid in her grade, and sometimes self-consciousness weaved its way into her head.

They were both odd little misfits in a world made to fit every piece, every shape within the puzzle of life. Unfortunately, Cha Jaehwa and Ahn Suho had never been part of that puzzle — They were the spare pieces that were swept beneath the rug and left to sit and collect dust.

But Ahn Suho was destined for greater things than an overly complex puzzle and he couldn't contain all of what he was within that small body. Perhaps along the way, he grabbed Cha Jaehwa and molded her to hold his every bit of grandness, using her as a jar to store what he was so that he could be the Ahn Suho he was meant to be.

Cha Jaehwa let him, because she was torn by the knees and destined to be a slave to education, buried beneath piles of textbooks and repeating the same formulas like a mindless being. She was destined to perfect scores and cram schools, paintings that were all too perfect and smiles that were all too fake because Cha Jaehwa had never once been herself.

She had been Ahn Suho, and sometimes she had liked to pretend she was Yeon Si-Eun ( Whose lips seldom twisted into a smile, but he would forever be infinitely more than she would ever be ) who did not need to hide behind a smile because at the very least he knew the fate he had been assigned to.

Cha Jaehwa had lived a life mirroring those around her — And now that she is forced to recollect the fragments she had so carefully crafted together, there is nothing left to call her own.

Cha Jaehwa is a piece of blank paper, and she needs someone to make her into something that is more than emptiness.

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‎JAEHWA FEELS AS though the axis of the world is tilted, for one shoulder droops further than the other, and her back aches and everything feels slanted.

She chalks everything up to the bag that sits awkwardly on her shoulder, filled to the brim with air and a few pencils. It feels heavy on her body despite its obvious flatness. Perhaps it is simply the prospect of carrying something reminiscent of the education Jaehwa once lived for, empty of everything, that sits heavy against her chest.

Almost another month has gone by, stolen by the cruel winter wind. Autumn is slowly ending, the way September ebbs like a river to Jaehwa, constant and meaningless.

Jaehwa has not seen Ahn Suho nor Yeon Si-eun. She takes pride in avoiding both boys, especially when the former tried paying her a visit one night.

( She had been too scared to open the door, because his eyes were too raw and his face was twisted in a grimace and Jaehwa didn't want to ruin the canvas she had been so carefully drawing of him in the depths of her mind ).

Regret muddles into remorse, and Jaehwa feels that perhaps avoidance will get her nowhere — Although, she feels that is already where she is. Nowhere.

The last few weeks of September bring along new opportunities for Jaehwa. For one, Moon Boram seems more at ease with letting her leave the house, and Cha Si-woo doesn't complain when she does.

Jaehwa can see the familial connection between them on the days when they gaze at her warmly, choosing her happiness over their own.

She feels it — The small broken fragments of a lingering Home.

And this feeling permeates her chest, piercing through her ribs to get to her heart. Jaehwa has people who love her.

The only problem is learning how to reciprocate that love.

Her feet patter coldly — The soles on her feet doing little to emanate the warmth that her body is desperately clinging to — And they pause for a moment.

She stares at the banner before her, a white reminder of how she once lived, for a long time. Even imagines herself walking up those slopes, gaining traction and feeling the ache in her knees.

( If she imagines hard enough, she can feel the thorns of pain that poke at her ribcage, and perhaps the bloody reminders that blossom like spring flowers against her skin ).

Jaehwa stares, and she stares for longer than she should've, compelled to look away but stuck on the building as though her eyes are glued to the scene.

The morning is too early, too bitter. Gloom pulls the grey clouds together, and they circle around Jaehwa like a pessimistic premonition of her impending deat. She lets out a small, shuddering breath.

Her eyes squint, and they move from the banner to the silhouette of a sloped back and shaggy dark hair — Yeon Si-eun takes Autumn with him as he walks into the school.

He doesn't look in Jaehwa's direction. She is too far away, hidden by the shrubbery that surrounds the less-than shoddy school, and for once she is glad that she stopped growing at a young age.

Jaehwa watches as his eyes scrape against the cement floor, tracing the small dents and faint scars against the concrete, as though he finds the world below his feet a much more comforting thought than the one that envelops him.

When his presence is altogether diminished, Jaehwa turns her back on the school and begins walking home at a slow pace.

She sighs softly, feeling her head throb the way it does when she thinks too much.

The name Yeon Si-eun sits faintly on her tongue.

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

not a big fan but imma publish anyway bc i've got the motivation!

thank you sosososo much to those of you who kept my family and i in your prayers, thankfully the situation wasn't as serious as i previously believed, and it has cleared up some free time for me as well so i will not be as busy as i thought 🤗

short chapter but i think next chapter will def be starting in the actual show bc i need to get these interactions going 😓

jaehwa is literally so in love w si-eun she js doesn't know it yet ! and no she's not stalking him i swear she js happened to remember the loc of her old school 😭

again, no suho interactions, only faint mentions bc i need to build up that misunderstanding and milk it for as long as i can bc it makes for good plot !

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE