CHAPTER ELEVEN
(  Falling Into Memory Lane )

CHA SI-WOO IS a collector. It is with gratitude and an embarrassed sort of pride that Cha Jaehwa is relieved of such a fact.

Her father likes the physical reminder of something he can hold, see, and feel — Something that doesn't threaten to seep through his fingers like sand.

Perhaps that is why he chooses to decorate the Cha household with bitter reminders. If Jaehwa cannot remember, at the very least she can feel welcome. 

Beneath all the cloudy confusion and lack of memory, Cha Jaehwa will forever and always be Cha Si-woo's only child.

( And he could never hate a child who so yearns to be loved ).

He understands, although, with a bitter underlaid sentiment that crawls into his frown, that his daughter will never be the same. Si-woo accepts that her love will never be something that can be pieced back together without a few missing parts.

He accepts such a fact, but that doesn't make it any less excruciating.

Cha Si-woo just misses his daughter. Sometimes such a thought consumes his mind in the depths of night, and he feels stray tears graze his pillow, and he despises himself for thinking of someone the way he thinks of his daughter — As though the one standing before him is not really his Jaehwa.

Maybe the guilt that eats him away is what drives Si-woo to be better. If not for the Cha Jaehwa that he once cherished beyond his own life, then for the Cha Jaehwa of now, whose smile is far too bitter and her face is far too weathered to be seventeen. To the Cha Jaehwa who cries in a curled-up ball in her room when she thinks Si-woo is asleep, leaving his heart a trail of broken fragments for ever thinking that she is anything other than his one and only precious daughter.

Missing someone who is still there haunts Si-woo's aging mind. Guilt pierces his chest with an ache, and he finds thinking about his daughter in the past tense is something he does often.

It is difficult, to bear the life of another person who cannot even remember their most cherished moments together.

But Cha Si-woo is a father. If there is anything he is, it would be resilient.

( Or at the very least he is when the family watches. He is nothing more than a burning pile of flames in the cabin of his mind, when the sun goes down and both Moon Boram and Cha Jaehwa sleep soundly ).

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‎IT IS WITH the fading image of a blurry memory that Cha Jaehwa awakes, panting and shivering and sweating within the confines of her blanket cocoon.

Winter has stolen her breath away, and she feels as though it is no longer as cold as it should be. Jaehwa burns, flames agonizing against her cold skin and her flesh tears at the thermal shock of such a contrasting temperature.

( Like always, it is the visage of the Sun that leaves her a shattered mess ).

Beneath her bones settles a dull ache, seeping into her veins and flowing like a mellow river within her blood.

Jaehwa yawns, and with the rest of her strength, sums up her crumbling will to stand up from her bed.

Sleep drags her body through the halls of the empty Cha household. It has been two whole days, and neither Moon Boram nor Cha Si-woo has returned.

Moon Boram had called earlier, saying that her shifts were so hectic — There had been a terrible accident at the hospital — And she had been unable to answer any more of her daughter's calls after that.

Cha Si-woo, on the other hand, was flooded with a mandatory business trip, and unable to cancel, was dragged along with his fellow colleagues.

Even though they bid her goodbye and told her to stick by Si-eun, Jaehwa had difficulties getting up from her bed. Si-eun, for all his smarts, lacks empathy, and therefore has not bothered to even check up on Jaehwa.

An empty numbness fills her stomach, and Jaehwa does nothing to get rid of the gnawing feeling of hunger in the crevices of her mind and body.

With a sigh, Jaehwa closes the fridge, and the cold shiver of air leaves her body instantaneously.

She hates being lonely.

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‎EVEN THOUGH JAEHWA hates to admit it, Yeon Si-eun makes her happy. He is too bright, despite being Autumn and his taciturn personality, he is too, too warm.

Jaehwa finds him outside her door, a small grocery bag in his grip, awkward gaze set on the metal that separates them.

Something awful swells up in Jaehwa's chest — It feels like a blurry heatstroke and heart attack all at once.

Instead, she lets her lips curve into a smile, because Yeon Si-eun is there, in front of her door, and Cha Jaehwa hates being lonely.

( Yeon Si-eun makes her feel less alone ).

"Hey." Jaehwa greets, moving to one side so that the boy can slip out of his shoes and step into the house.

He makes everything feel warm — Bright.

"Breakfast," He murmurs instead of hello, but Jaehwa dismisses his brash response.

He is Yeon Si-eun, and Cha Jaehwa isn't one to turn away company when she so desperately craves it.

"Don't you have school?" She asks, pulling out two clean cups from the cupboard.

Si-eun spares her a small, dull look, and Jaehwa stares into his eyes for far longer than she should've.

"It's Saturday," He says softly, and he hands her a lidded bowl.

Inside, there's rice and a fried egg. Jaehwa stares at the struggle meal for what feels like hours.

"Is it?" She says vaguely, and turns away from the boy, pulling out sauces and two pairs of spoons.

"Yes." His response is dull, but it is firm.

Jaehwa lets slip a small chuckle. "Aren't you supposed to be studying?"

Si-eun frowns, his bottom lip pulling lower as he stares at Jaehwa with a slight pinch of his brows.

"I took a break."

"I know, I'm just messing with you." Jaehwa laughs, taking a bite of her now-seasoned rice.

( She knows that for Si-eun, such a feat is an achievement in itself ).

"Did you talk with Ahn Suho yet?" Si-eun asks, and the faint sweetness of the atmosphere collapses into cold dread.

Jaehwa swallows her food with difficulty and pushes it aside, no longer having an appetite.

"No." She says with finality.

Soon, Jaehwa promises herself, I will explain everything.

For now, Cha Jaehwa is content in hiding within herself. At the very least, she has Yeon Si-eun.

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‎ ✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE !

such a bad chapter omg 👿 i feel like my writing is failing me so bad rn like i js can't write how i normally do 😭

this ch was meant to be posted on the 21st as a bday post but i didn't finish in time so here it is 2 days late 😓 forgive me yall i had like 3 tests this week

next ch i'll be (finally) getting back into canon!! i briefly touched up on the canon show in like chs 9-10 but this chap deviated sooo i gotta get back on track if im gonna introduce beomseok and write more angst 😊

this chap is dedicated to all the whc1 lovers and all of u who read this book ily all smm 💓 !!!

if u guys have any suggestions for next chapter lmk PLEASEE bc i actually have no idea what im doing 😊 also opinions and so on would be appreciated xx

other than that pls lmk if there are any mistakes in the spelling or anything so i can fix it !

also don't b afraid to vote or comment, i will probably (very likely) reply!!!! and if you don't understand something, plsplspls lmk!! i want yall to fully understand what's going on

happy reads!

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─── ANNIE