Taking a long slow sip of water I sat watching the table, Aurora had decided the pack would have one giant meal together before Mondschlacht. I couldn't help but smile as I watched them. Rocky pulling pieces of stray corn from her locks as Mateo still flicked them at her from across the table, despite being told to stop by both Rocky and Aurora.  While most of the other mingled amongst each other. In the weeks leading up to Mondschlacht, most of them had become friends... family, even to me. This was home.


 I couldn't imagine it any other way. This was how things should be. Which is why I had made up my mind. After spending time with them, growing closer to them, I couldn't let it change. The thought of something happening to any of them, especially Roman and Luciano broke my heart. I knew what I had to do. 


With a smile on my face, I watched them, memorizing their features, even the freckles on Mateo's face. Cause deep down  I knew I'd miss him too, even if he was the most annoying creature on earth next to Lennox.

As night came the pack slowly retreated, finding there a way to their beds.  while they slept I laid awake sandwiched between Berry and Aurora. I looked back and forth at the two, warm tears sliding down my cheeks. Inhaling a deep shaky breath I carefully sat up sliding my way down to the edge of the bed. Lifting my self out of the bed, I looked over my shoulder a sorrowful smile pulling at my lips. 

I stood there watching them for a moment before I carefully crept through the darkness of room. Pausing outside the door I looked down the hallway, the living room was dark but I knew going that way was still a risk. Creeping towards the back door I was cautious to open it not wanting it to creak as it opened or as it closed out.  The chilly night air hit my skin instantly forming goosebumps.


The plan was simple,  I'd make way to the edge of the property and take Mateos jogging trail through the forest came out a little way down the road from the diner, from there all I had to do was make one phone call. One call and everything would be over. 

"what are you doing?" Mateos voice sent a chill through my entire body.


I jumped at the sound of his voice, my heart suddenly thundering in my chest. Slowly I turned around my hand clutched over my chest as I took in a long deep breath. He stood there in his track sweater jacket a serious look on his face.


"Cant sleep. thought I'd go for a walk. How did you get out here? I didn't here door" I added trying to distract him.


"Bedroom window" he insisted nodding back over his head.


I was somewhat surprised to see his bedroom window on the second floor wide open. Had he really seen me sneaking out and instead of going down the stairs like a normal person climbed onto the roof before jumping off it to run and catch me.

"But that is not the issue. Your lying. What are you doing" He stated eyes locked on me.


"No im not." I defended crossing my arms over my trash.


"I know you Trash Panda. You've been acting weird all night what are you doing sneaking out." He questioned mocking my stance as he toward over me. " And don't say going for a walk, because first off you once told Coach Lynn you were allergic to sweat so you did have to do yoga. Secondly there no way you'd be leaving the house at this time, without Berry or someone with you. unless you didn't want them knowing" he ducted eyes never leaving, I let out a frustrated sigh.


"I'm doing what's right. What I have to" I demanded to turn my back to him as I stared down the past again.

"What?! No, no, no, are you serious right now?" a mix of anger and panic filled his voice as he suddenly appeared in front of me blocking my path.


"Yes. I'm serious. I'm not letting any risk getting hurt for me. Say what you want Mateo it's the right thing." I stated firmly 

"That's not your choice" Mateo demanded holding his ground.


"funny. your brother said the same thing" I admitted trying walk around him

"Because he's right. It's not. It's his and its Romans" Mateo instead grabbing my arm preventing me from going any further. 


"I'm not going to let them get hurt, or worse killed because of me Mateo. This is the right thing to do. To protect them, protect all of you. I know what happens to a pack without an Alpha. Stoney told me. I won't let that happen." I demanded tears welling in my eyes.


"Do you think they don't know that? that Roman and my brother don't know the risks? They do and they made the choice.  They could of said no, but they chose to do fight for you, to protect you." Mateo  demanded his voice


"You don't get it.. Just let me go Mateo" I pleaded with him tears now falling for my eyes,


"You're right. I don't get it. Anyone with half a brain wouldn't understand why you'd sacrifice yourself when you have a chance at being safe" Mateos voice boomed through the cold night air.


I had known him for years, I'd seen him mad before but I had never seen him like this, his voice this deep... this animalistic. His hand tightening on my arm to the point of almost causing pain his chest heavy as he breathed starting down at me his jaw clenched. He was waiting, waiting for my answer, for me stay something. I could feel my body tremble a whimper escape my lips as I looked away from him for a moment before I finally let the voice inside me tell my truth.


"Because I'm not worth it!" I screamed back at him, the sound scratching at my aching throat. 

All the anger in Mateo's faces melted his body dropping as the tension vanished.  I tried to pull away from him... all I wanted to do was run and hide... He wouldn't let me, his arms suddenly crashing down around me as he pulled me in tightly into his chest arms snakey around me firmly, crushing me in his embrace. 


I felt myself breaking in his arms,  I couldn't hold it in anymore, the pain... despair... fear... guilt it all came at me crashing down on me at once. If felt as if an elephant had dropped on my chest forcing the air from my lungs. My legs trembled as I fell into Mateo's strong grasp. I didn't know how long we stood there as I broke down in his hands, the little voice of doubt in the back of my head finally breaching the walls.

"Don't say... don't you ever say that...." There was a tremble in Mateo's voice as he spoke his hand pulling at me as if trying to pull me closer.

"You are worth it. don't you even dare think your not," he added a croak in his voice.


Gently peeling my head from his chest I titled my head to look up at him. Matteos pools of amber held a deeper tone than normal, his eyes red water as a single tear escaped running down his cheek. In all the years I had known him, I had never seen him more vulnerable then he was in this moment, his tough-guy exterior shattered. Reaching my hand up I cupped his cheek using my finger to gently brush the stray tear away.

"Your crying?" I whimpered more then questioned.


"Shut up" He grumbled whipping his eyes.


"If I didn't know better Cacciatore Id think you actually care about me" I attempted to tease sniffling.


"You really are idiot trash panda," he stated flatly my heart stinging at his words. " Of course I fucking care about you " He demanded his large hands cupping my face.


"You suck at showing it" I admitted


"I know. I'm a jerk and that is why you're so obsessed with" He smirked his typical Matteo charm coming out once again.


"I still can't let them do this Mateo" I insisted pulling my head away from his hands.

"You have to. wether you run off or not. I know my brother and Roman and they will still march over there and demand for Mondschlacht." Mateo asserted 

"What if they get hurt..."  I mumbled looking away.


"Well, that's the beautiful thing about life my little trash panda. We hurt. We burn. We bloom. It'll hurt like hell, but all the best things do." he smiled tilting my head  to look up at him. "and sometimes, when we care deeply enough about someone hurting is just what we have to do" he added




"but..." I tried to argue back


"The butt I want to see if yours marching its way back inside the house." Mateo insisted spinning me around " Now go" he instead his hand slapping my butt, a gasp escaped my lips as I glared over my shoulder at him.


"I will do it again" he taunted


Groaning I stormed forward. I knew he wasn't going to let me get away, and fo now... I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to. I never realized that home could be a person... or people until now...  this is where I belonged... and even though a part of me tried to fight it, afraid of getting hurt... losing people deep down I knew this is where I belonged.