Ok, so you know how artists do that thing where they'll take a drawing they did x years ago, and redo it to show the progress? I was thinking, there is such a humiliatingly extensive catalogue of my writing, published online for the entire world to see, I could very easily do that, but like, in literary format. I don't know if this is interesting to everyone, I have a bajillion more pressing things to attend to, but I thought this might be interesting for people to see, and I miss writing Dark/clear, and original timeline happened to be, like, almost entirely dark and clear. So, here is the scene I chose to rewrite:

"Can I ask you something?"

It's the night after the wedding party. I don't even know what time it is; we danced until way too late at night.

I prop my head up with a pillow. "Sure."

"Why are you so scared about Shadowhunter?" Darkstalker meets my eyes--not judgemental, but firm. "What is it? You can tell me. I won't get angry. I promise."

He reaches out, grabbing onto my talon, ever-so-gently. Like I'm some kind of anxious animal he's trying to coax out of hiding or something.

We've had this conversation before, haven't we?

"It's... it's complicated."

"I'm not stupid. And I think I need to know."

I sigh. "It's..."

"You can tell me," he whispers, sounding just like the dragon he used to

I take a deep breath. "I think..."

"What? What is it?" His eyebrows are wrinkled up in concern.

"I think she's going to be an animus."

His jaw drops. "Clearsight..."

"It's not because it's your power. It's because... Darkstalker, I can't even sleep anymore. Because of the nightmares." I rub my eyes. "I can't even tell what's a dream and what's a vision, because everything is terrible. And it's not that I don't want her. It's not that I don't love her. It's not that I don't love you. It's just... I'm scared. I'm scared for her. And I'm scared for this kingdom. And I'm scared for myself. And I'm scared for you. And... "

"Isn't that a good thing? She'll have all the chances--"

"Darkstalker. This is not a good time to be an animus. If it ever got out, do you realize how the queen would react? She would turn her into a slave. She wouldn't ever let her out of her clutches. Not to mention how the IceWings will react. There's a good chance that by the time I have to announce this, they'll--" I rub my forehead. "Oh, never mind--"

"No. I get it. But... can't we keep her safe from all that? We don't have these powers for no reason, Clearsight. She'll have the two most powerful dragons in Pyrhhia for her parents. Who could be safer?"

"We can't keep her safe from everything."

"We'll figure something out. It'll be all right." Darkstalker laces his talon through mine. "We can do this."

Our eyes meet for a moment. I glance down at my scroll, breaking eye contact.

"I hope that's true," I say quietly.

"She'll be the happiest dragon in Pyrhhia."

"You don't control that," I point out.

"We'll make sure no one ever hurts her like they--" his face twists into something, something raw, and wild, and uncontrolled. "like they hurt me. Like they hurt you."

"What do you mean?"

"She won't grow up--like we did. Like--" He lets out a massive breath, unclenching his talons. "She'll be safe. We'll make sure of it. On my life. I promise you."

"It's not that simple."

"We'll work something out. I promise. We stopped an entire war together. How hard can it be?"

"I just--she could grow up to murder us, Darkstalker. This power isn't just a party trick. It could take lives. Do you understand--"

His jaw drops a little bit. "Are you sure?"

"Darkstalker. She's just a dragonet. And--and right now, half of her futures are being enslaved by the queen if her secret gets out, or killing innocent dragons. There are another half that are all right, but... it just..." I rub my temples. How can I be feeling all these things, all at once--exhausted, angry, scared, in love, in hate--

"That won't happen," he says, voice going thick. "I will not let that happen, Clearsight. I--with my life--I'll protect her with my life. I'll protect both of you with my life. I would rather die than watch that happen."

I reach over, and lace his talon with mine.

We're silent for a long time.

"I can't handle losing anyone else," Darkstalker whispers.

my notes

Ok, so I thought i'd try and totally show my process here. Maybe this is interesting to someone, or at helpful?

At this age I had never written longer chapters than, say, 1k, and I mostly knew how to write interpersonal stuff, although i was really interested in political intrigue and broader plot stuff. But to me, these conversations feel a little bit stuck, because I can tell I'm afraid to interlace them within the network of the wider plot and do things like better physical descriptions--it's too much pure dialogue, and that makes the dialogue feel a bit circular. I feel like I need to distill this out and then expand on the conversation.

I could have chosen a much more important scene in my head--their wedding and Shadowhunter's hatching are still some of my favourites, but I felt like this one had some missed potential whereas i'm mostly happy with how the other two came out. Plus, this one is more of a challenge.

I think its SO funny that Clearsight was like "all right, we've been married for three hours, which means it's time to tell you all the futures in which our daughter kills us." They remind me of this video so much, except they're BOTH like this. But especially Clearsight.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

My rewrite

I can hear the cicadas chirp outside the window, the distant roar of the river, slamming against the walls of the ravine. The gentle wind, blowing through the breeze. It's a little cold, but I don't want to get up and close the window. The sun has risen, and the sky is stained a dreamy orange-pink colour.

I curl up closer to my husband, adjusting the blankets around me.

I could fall asleep. I could stay in this moment. I could have a nice story we'll tell our daughter, some day.

I could be normal.

We could be happy.

"Are you tired? I can stop reading, if you want. I didn't mean to keep you up," Darkstalker says absently. I blink open my eyes, the world a bit foggy. I'm tired from dancing, tired from running around thanking all the guests. Tired from smiling, from the rush of euphoria now faded into exhaustion.

He sets down his scroll.

"No, it's fine," I protest. "I'm sure, um, your scroll is--"

He holds it up, reading the title. "The War that made Pyrhhia: The Scorching, and Its Impacts on the Modern Day. Someone at work recommended it to me, and I made the mistake of trusting them." He rolls his eyes. "This might not actually be a very high compliment--but you are a million times more interesting to me." He shifts around so we're facing each other, our eyes meeting.

It feels so ordinary--just another quiet night at our small house, far away from the city. I'm all right with that. We don't need a fancy honeymoon anyway.

"Hey." He grins, spreading a warm wing over me like a second blanket.

"Hey."

"You're my wife now. That's so cool." He grins. "I'm gonna tell everyone, even the guy we buy tomatoes from at the market. I'm gonna be like--this is Clearsight! She's my wife! My beautiful, brilliant, stunning--"

I giggle. "That's so stupid. Please do."

He hesitates. "I'm--I'm really sorry, honey. I know I maybe--I know I'm not someone who's easy to love all the time. I know, um... I know I mess up. A lot. And I can't promise that I'll never mess up again, but I do promise that I meant what I said. All that nonsense about, you know, death do us part, and rain and sunshine and all that."

"I know," I say softly. "I know I'm not... always very easy to live with either."

He touches my cheek. "You're thinking something, I can tell. What is it?"

"I'm not--" I protest. "I'm just--" I sigh. We could be normal. We could at least save this discussion for another night.

"Now this is starting to feel ominous," my husband says, laughing a bit nervously.

"Our daughter's gonna be an animus," I blurt.

He's quiet for a moment. "Wait. What? How long have you known--"

"Just a little while. I couldn't figure out how to say it." I hate keeping secrets from him. I always crack eventually, no matter how hard I try. I tell him everything, in the hopes he'll do the same--I let surprises slip too soon, I let him know in advance what I'm getting for his hatching day. I guess this is no different.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He shifts a little, furrowing his brow. "I don't get it. My power is the best thing that ever happened to me. It's who I am. If I get to share that with our daughter... then great. That's awesome! I'll teach her how to cast all the right spells and I'll show her how to make her own scroll, and maybe one day when I'm old and tired, she could take over for me, working at the palace, serving the kingdom--"

The flash of a smile curls across my snout. I can imagine it, for just a moment--that wonderful, ill-fated dream, taking flight before his eyes.

"It's just..." I hesitate. "Um. She doesn't, always... use it well. And can you imagine what Queen Vigilance would do if she ever found out? You're an adult, you can say no, Darkstalker--when the queen starts acting like you're only there to make magic playthings at her every whim. What do you think she would do if she was handed a little dragonet who she could shape to her liking?"

His smile drops. "Oh. I hadn't--I mean--okay, Vigilance has a ton of daughters, it won't be that long before they take over. And it can be a secret--just between the three of us. I kept my power a secret for a long time, it was probably good for me--"

"But, um--sometimes, Vigilance isn't even the worst threat. Sometimes, Shadowhunter doesn't use it right. No matter what you teach her. Sometimes, she uses it to hurt a lot of innocent dragons, and sometimes she uses it to hurt a lot of dragons who deserve it, and either way she's never the same." Now I've started talking, the words rush out of me like a waterfall.

"It's so far away," Darkstalker says faintly, as though to reassure himself. "We're talking about a whole dragon here. A complicated, messy dragon who hasn't even hatched yet. A billion things could change..."

"This won't. I need you to believe me on this, Darkstalker. This won't go away." I look up to meet his eyes, stormy grey. Ready to protect and attack in the same breath.

He takes my talon in his. "Okay. Then--we'll do everything we can to guide her away from those paths. We'll keep her safe from all that. You and me, together. The dream team."

He touches my cheek. I can't help but laugh, just a bit.

"Everything is perfect, honey. This is what we've always dreamed about. So... can we just... forget about all the things that could go wrong, and enjoy it for a little while?"

"Okay," I say ruefully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin it." I roll my eyes. "I promise, no future-talk today. Hey, I love you so much, I'll even leave it off the table tomorrow."

He rolls his eyes. "Wow."

"That's a huge sacrifice," I remind him. "I don't do that for just anyone."

"I know. I feel so special."

"Shut up," I mutter.

***

Ok, so in true early-Timeline spirit i wrote this in one big swoop, took me about 40 minutes, to write and another 40 to obsess over every slightest possibly error. if there are any mistakes, blame it on the part where it is 11pm and I'm really tired.

I feel like I did a good job fleshing it out--I tried to describe things a little more and improve on those things I mentioned. I hope this was interesting, and you liked it. I'm really proud of all the progress I've made in the past few years, and I'd love to do something like this even a year from now. I don't love the conclusion but I don't know how to improve it right now, I am tired.

To be fair, I think no matter what I did it would have read 100x better because, you know, progress. But I guess that's the point of this.

I wrote this to the Mitski cover of "Let's Get Married" by Bleachers, hopefully the vibes of this song carried forward into the scene. It's one of my favourite love songs, and it reminds me a lot of Dark/clear, and the way Mitski covers it... *chefs kiss*

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]