Every day had been the same since; slow mornings that made Hyeongjun feel tense, then evenings when time seemed to run so fast that he'd forget he was tense with all the customers coming in and out. There were even some customers that he could recognize—and had memorized their orders as well. Some would compliment his long hair, some would sneer. But what caught his attention the most was Seungmin who had been coming in every day for two weeks ever since they had met again.

Sometimes, Seungmin was with his two friends, sometimes there was another one, and sometimes he was alone. Sometimes he would come in wearing his uniform from the hardware store (the apron that was on the brink of death). In all those times, Seungmin would give Hyeongjun a greeting followed by a tiny chat, but it would never go further into a deep conversation. Each time, however, Hyeongjun would have the same reaction; freak out, reason with himself, then freak out again. People would've naturally grown accustomed so that they wouldn't react like that anymore, but Hyeongjun was not people. He knew that he was freaking out but he didn't know why, nor how to stop it, because he was too busy thinking of how Seungmin looked or acted or the way he spoke or the way he smelled like the sea. Whatever it was, he did not necessarily hate any of it.

He learned a few things about Seungmin in those little chats as well; they were both the same age (eighteen), he lived with his older brother, he worked part-time at the hardware store, and he was also a college dropout. Seungmin never explained why, but Hyeongjun could guess it was about that one thing that he was curious about.

Seungmin's fate vein had always been a mystery to Hyeongjun; something that he had been itching to ask and would remind himself but whenever the opportunity came, he would blank out, unsure of what to say. Hyeongjun thought it would be rude to mention it but it was something he badly wanted to know about. Still, however, he couldn't bring himself to ask regardless of how much it bothered him. There was also that thing he owed to Seungmin, which they both hadn't brought up to one another.

In light of all things, business was going great for him and his family, and at this rate, things were starting to look good.

Almost.

Today, Hyeongjun was down in the dumps again. It was one of those days where his body decided to be feverish despite his efforts of being careful. Yes, he was careful even when he was working; he knew when his body was getting tired and he would be apologetic to his parents about it, but he knew not to be stubborn either so he made sure to get the rest he needed every time. Regardless of his efforts, his body said fuck you and completely did fuck him over.

He groaned, something was irritating him. Usually, he wouldn't be so bothered about being sick since he had already accepted that this was his fate, but it just bothered him that he had to be sick now. He was starting to enjoy working at the restaurant, meeting many kinds of people who share the same sentiment about the small town (it being small and all) and being a server helped him get the exercise he needed, yet he could live without having to do all those things, he could definitely live all day in his bed, too, it was just...something was amiss.

Something he felt like he missed.

What was it?

He tossed and turned in his bed. Although he was feverish, he was also restless. He might take it back; he probably couldn't spend another day in his bed after this. His room felt cramped since it had no windows. He had no idea what time it was or how long he slept—there weren't even clocks in his room since he still hadn't unpacked some of his stuff. His phone was probably dead, too, because he couldn't care less about it. He had no one to call or text anymore so why would he use it? He groaned, wishing he could just get some shut eye. But...

It was just irritating. And he didn't know what it was.

Hyeongjun slowly lifted himself up from his bed, the weight of his body pulling him down with his dizziness. He slipped out of his sky blue pajamas, shivering when the cold air hit his bare skin as he maneuvered his room only lit by his little moon lamp on his desk table. He headed towards his closet, picked out some sweatpants, a shirt, and a zip-up jacket in all the shades of dark blue. It was a painfully slow process getting himself to wear his clothes with every muscle aching, but he managed to dress himself neatly, except for his hair.

When he saw his reflection on his mirror above his desk, his hair was all over the place, and even if he brushed his hand through it, it would still be a mess. He grumbled and tied his hair into a low ponytail, leaving his front bangs out.

As he took in his figure in the mirror, it was hard to tell that he was dying. He looked completely normal—his skin was flush though it felt cold most of the time, his hair might look like a mess but it looked healthy, and he was skinny but not to the point where his bones would show. It was almost foolproof, anyone would've thought he was healthy. He didn't know what to feel about it.

Instead of thinking too much, he zipped his jacket up, wore his shoes, and headed out his room.

The door behind him clicked shut, the sound resonated throughout the dark hallway. The only light source came from the end of the hall where a dim lamp shade was lit above a wooden storage cabinet situated below a hung window. The burgundy curtain draped over it blocked any light from coming in, though Hyeongjun could tell it was already dark out as trills from nightingales rang in his ears, including that it was already quiet outside. Their little apartment was just at the corner before the plaza which was always bustling with people night or day, but only until midnight would the noises stop, and that would mean his parents had closed shop and were asleep.

He headed downstairs to the restaurant, the stairs directly led to the kitchen where it was dark already with only moonlight helping him navigate through the backdoor. To no one's surprise, the backdoor was locked, but Hyeongjun knew exactly where the key was so it didn't take him long until he finally felt the fresh air blowing through him.

He blinked once, twice, his eyes were getting used to the brighter lighting outside. At the back of the apartment was a foliage of oak trees with a path leading deeper into the town, only a handful of lampposts providing light. Though it was a beautiful sight, Hyeongjun knew it was straight death for him; he became allergic to pollen when his sickness worsened, and it was springtime. He could almost feel his nose itch just thinking about walking through that path. So, he went to the front where the streets were empty and silent. He didn't want to go far since he still felt sick, and just sitting by the sidewalk was enough for him to clear his mind.

He hugged his knees tightly. It wasn't cold yet his body felt cold and extremely hot at the same time, but it was also to provide himself comfort. Although his parents showed him their utmost love and care—to the point it was kind of suffocating—he still felt alone. He lost all of his friends after he dropped out of high school a year ago, but that was mostly his fault. He thought it would be best to cut them all off as soon as he dropped out to avoid any misunderstandings about his fate. He already expected it was going to be lonely this way, so it wasn't hard to adjust to the sudden silence. However, it was lonely. Hyeongjun tried his best to deny it; emphasizing the fact he was nearing his death wasn't something he wanted to do but the steps it took to keep people from pitying him only led him to where he initially wanted to avoid. It was really lonely this way for someone who wasn't used to being alone. He missed his friends, his closest friends who he could laugh and be normal with. There was nothing he could do now, since he'd already done what he did and he doubted he was welcome to at least bid his goodbyes.

He sighed, he wished there was something to relieve the ache.

The silence that engulfed Hyeongjun was suddenly gone as he heard footsteps coming from the corner of his eye. He thought it was just some passerby that happened to take a walk just as he was taking in some fresh air, but the footsteps abruptly stopped on the other side of the road, parallel from him. He still hadn't looked up but he could see the person's shoes were facing towards his direction. The person crouched down and...oh.

Seungmin.

Hyeongjun's eyes widened as soon as he met Seungmin's. The silence hung between them, the road serving as a bridge that dared one of them to make the first move. Seungmin, however, seemed relieved as he gave Hyeongjun a wry smile, as if they hadn't seen each other for years.

Yet, Hyeongjun felt different this time. His heart wasn't beating fast, he didn't feel awkward—instead, he felt safe. Like he had been blasted off to the moon and when he came back down to Earth and to his home in Seoul, there would be a bowl of freshly hot kimchi soup waiting for him at the table. That was what Hyeongjun felt when he saw Seungmin after a day of not seeing him, and he realized this was what was irritating him, the fact that he hadn't seen Seungmin all day.

Although the road was just wide enough to fit two cars, watching Seungmin walk across felt like years to wait. But Hyeongjun sat still and when Seungmin finally stood on the pavement in front of him, he watched Seungmin crouched down again.

There it was, the smell of the sea overwhelming Hyeongjun's senses as Seungmin brought the warmth between them. Hyeongjun felt like he was being devoured neatly with Seungmin's foxy eyes and he never hated the feeling. Something deep within Hyeongjun wanted Seungmin to continue undoing him with just a look, even if it was too self-indulgent at this point. He wanted to keep meeting Seungmin in the eye where he felt like there was some unspoken connection between them that said they were both broken by fate.

"Where have you been?" Seungmin's voice was so soft and restrained it could've left with the flowing wind.

Hyeongjun blinked, then smiled faintly. "I was sick." He said, his voice just as weak.

He flinched slightly when Seungmin suddenly placed a hand on his forehead, but he allowed it to happen anyway. As usual, Seungmin's hand was cold. "You're burning up," Hyeongjun realized he was dizzy once more when Seungmin mentioned it, but it wasn't as bad as earlier when he couldn't get up.

"I'll be fine." He mumbled. He truly was going to be fine; he felt better now.

Seungmin wasn't fazed, "Right, sitting alone in an empty street in the middle of the night, looking pale as shit is totally fine." Hyeongjun could tell Seungmin was trying his best not to roll his eyes. "You look like you're about to die. Not physically. Like, you want to die."

Hyeongjun tried to hold back his laughter, but as much as he tried to, it was too ironic to bear. Seungmin could only chuckle at his reaction but Hyeongjun knew the former was only guessing as to why he had such a reaction. "I'm sorry for being sick, then?" Hyeongjun wiped the corner of his eye.

Seungmin's smile fell, his brows looking like it was itching to furrow, Hyeongjun could see how his jaw clenched slightly before he spoke. "It was irritating not having to see you," His throat bobbed, like every word he was saying right now came from the pits of his stomach. Hyeongjun could only listen in surprise; he felt the exact same. "You think I just went there to eat? I went to see you, each and every time."

Hyeongjun felt the corners of his lips pull up into a big, shy smile. It was the first time in ages that he actually smiled involuntarily. "You'd still have to eat. We would go out of business if you didn't." Hyeongjun joked but his heart skipped a beat when he saw nothing in Seungmin's eyes hinted to jest. He didn't say anything in response. "Why are you out?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Seungmin shot the question back.

"I needed some fresh air."

"And I, too."

Hyeongjun paused, then, "It's weird that you suddenly stopped here," he said. Surprisingly, he wasn't as nervous or tense as he would be. Everything he was saying came out smoothly as he intended. Maybe it was because he was finally at ease since his irritation from earlier had left.

Seungmin tilted his head, that habit of his beginning to be something Hyeongjun needed to see or his day would be incomplete. "I was waiting for you to show up, but I didn't think you'd actually come out." The fox suddenly had a shy smile on his lips, "I guess you could say it's a miracle?"

"Are those even real?" Hyeongjun lowered his head to hide his bitter smile, his dark hair casting a shade on his face. He didn't want Seungmin to see how pathetic he was being, but it had been long since he stopped believing in miracles.

The silence finally came back, except that it wasn't suffocating as it should be. It came at such a perfect timing as both of them had to think, because miracles had been a far fantasy they could only wish upon a star to happen, and even wishing stars were miracles. Those things never came to them; it was clearly written in their fate veins.

Hyeongjun noticed Seungmin's pale hand faltering on the side of his face—gripping on itself and then letting go softly, almost like he was about to grab Hyeongjun and who knew what was next. Instead, his hand dropped to Hyeongjun's side, careful not to touch him. "Do you remember the thing you owe me?" He whispered, and by that alone Hyeongjun felt something fluttering deep within his belly.

"I was about to ask." He whispered back, because their secret was sacred for this cruel world.

Seungmin gave Hyeongjun a smile, "I'd like to claim it now," he pushed himself up from the ground and held his hand out.

For some reason, Seungmin's inviting hand was all Hyeongjun wanted to take. He felt that there was something waiting for him, for them both, and once he'd take his hand, they would enter a world with no limits. No more fates that held him back, no sickness that hindered his every step, no death that waited on his door. Was he finally allowed to indulge himself in this fantasy? But Hyeongjun was not looking for an answer. He was not going to let fate get in the way of his dying wish again.

His fingers fit perfectly into Seungmin's rough palms, and without a second spared, he was pulled upward so smoothly that he forgot he was dizzy with a fever. As Hyeongjun got a hold of his footing, he couldn't help but giggle, he was starting to feel giddy. He gazed into Seungmin's surprised expression, "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Do you know we live next to a coast?"

Hyeongjun raised his brow, "No?" He actually wasn't sure. Everything around the town were forests, but if he could remember, he did see the coastline on the map when they were travelling from Seoul.

Seungmin's fox eyes glistened as he grinned, "Let's go to the beach."

—

why is this chapter so ASS bro im gonna crash out