final chapter lol. only the epilogue now ;)

dan

He's falling.

But he isn't falling in a bad way. He's not falling down a bottomless out inside his mind, he's not falling down as life knocks him flat on his face, he's not falling as in 'world ending' falling. He's doing the best kind of falling:

Falling in love.

The thing is, Dan knows he hasn't fallen for Phil, and in his eyes he never will. He will never have completely fallen in love with Phil because he always continues to find new things to fall for. He'll discover Phil's secret boxes of crunchy nut hidden away underneath his bed and laugh at what a child he is, or he'll get a random text from Phil throughout the day, telling him that he loves him.

Little things are making Dan just fall deeper and deeper in love with him, and he never wants to stop falling.

"Dan! I forgot to do the english homework please help me!" Phil begs, running up behind Dan and throwing his arms around his neck, leaning his head on Dan's shoulder.

"G-get off me, y-you can d-do it yourself," Dan says, rolling his eyes whilst trying to reach around and pull Phil off him.

"No! I am not letting go until you agree to help me! I know you've done it!" Phil says determinedly, holding onto Dan even more tightly.

"I-is this r-really necessary?" Dan asks, still trying to shake Phil off him, however he seems to have converted into a koala and is holding onto Dan like he's a tree.

"Yes! Anything to save my english grade!" Phil declares, his voice especially loud as his mouth is next to Dan's ear.

"P-Pj! G-get him o-off me!" Dan pleads as he sees the curly haired boy walking towards them, a small dazed expression hovering above his head.

"What was that Dan?" Pj asks, looking over at Dan with a goofy smile.

"Oh m-my god, g-get it off!" Dan yelps as he feels Phil's hot breath brushing against the back of his neck, making goosebumps coat his skin, "P-Pj!"

"He's okay, love is beautiful," Pj smiles.

"Y-you're higher t-than my w-will to live r-right now," Dan says, glaring at him and trying to pull Phil's arms off him.

"Aw Dan!" Phil says, leaning forward and planting a slobbery kiss on his cheek, "it's okay."

"O-okay fine!" Dan sighs, "I'll help you with your bloody homework."

"Thanks Danny boy," Phil says with a grin, releasing Dan from his arms.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"T-that's debatable r-right now," Dan grumbles as he follows Phil towards the school library where they can complete Phil's homework in the fifteen minutes remaining before school.

"Dan! It's been a while," Alfie says, smiling widely at him in a cruel and twisted kind of way.

"A-Alfie," Dan stammers, feeling his heart begin to shrink and crawl away into the shadows, fear filling his chest in its place.

"Alfie, leave him alone," Phil says, stepping in between them, his mood changing to a fire; rage, anger.

"Let Howell fight his own battles, you're just making him an easier, weaker target," Alfie sneers, his mood smug, "you know deep down he doesn't belong here Phil. Look at him, he doesn't feel anything."

"Yes he does! It's you who apparently doesn't feel anything. What is wrong with you? Seriously, why are you so intent on making Dan's life miserable?" Phil asks angrily.

"I didn't make it miserable, it was already miserable. It was miserable the second he was born. I'm trying to help everyone out here, he's a mistake, a fault, a freak, a reject. He doesn't feel anything Phil, what makes you think he feels anything towards you if he can't even show it?"

"He can show it in other ways!" Phil protests.

"But we all know moods are the only real truth about our feelings and emotions," Alfie counters, pushing Phil aside, who looks dazed and in thought.

"I-I do f-feel things! I-I have emotion a-and I m-may have b-been born miserable, b-but I've finally f-found that j-just because l-life has always b-been miserable it doesn't h-have to stay that way," Dan says, stepping forward and standing up straight - turns out he's taller than Alfie.

"Look freak, all I'm hearing is empty words. Where's the proof of your emotions and feelings?" Alfie asks, shoving Dan back so he slams into the lockers, "do you even feel anything?"

"I-I do. I-I feel love a-and I also f-feel the urge t-to do this," Dan says, stepping forward again, his fist clenched and a determined look on his face.

He then swings his arm forward and punches Alfie in the jaw before anyone realises what is happening. He looks Alfie in the eyes, glaring down at him while he pretends his fist isn't in immense pain and that his heart isn't pounding.

"S-stay the f-fuck away f-from me," Dan growls, "d-dickhead."

He then grabs Phil's hand and drags him off down the hall before Alfie recovers from his shock and comes after them.

"You stood up for yourself Dan! That was amazing!" Phil says with a wide grin as they walk.

"I know," he smiles, "it really was."

***

"Ph-Phil!" Dan says, blushing as Phil hugs him and kisses his cheek, almost making him drop their drinks.

"Hey, I'm allowed to me affectionate to me boyfriend," Phil says, smiling widely at Dan.

Dan hands Phil his iced chocolate, raising an eyebrow at the amount of cream and ice cream floating in top of the rich, chocolatey drink. Phil grins cheekily and takes a large sip.

"You r-really do love y-your sweets and s-sugar," Dan says, smiling fondly at Phil.

"Damn right I do. You just got that coffee cause it's bitter like your soul," he says with a laugh, leaning forward and ruffling Dan's hair.

"S-stop it y-you nerd!" Dan says with a laugh.

"Never!" Phil yells and throws his arms around Dan, his drink tilting dangerously as he continues to reach for Dan's hair.

"Y-you're such a-an idiot," Dan says, pulling him off as they head towards the park.

"You love it," Phil says with a wink.

"I love you," Dan says.

"You didn't stutter! Dan! You didn't stutter!" Phil yells excitedly, his mood changing into a bright sun as he stupidly dances around in celebration.

He doesn't see the car, but Dan does and suddenly he's back where he was with his brother, but the roles are switched.

"Phil!" Dan yells desperately as he begins to sprint forward...

Dan sits up in his bed, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead and holding his curls on his skin.

His breathing is ragged and fast, chest and lungs heaving as he tries to regain his breath. His eyes are wide as he tries to adjust to the darkness of his room and his brain is hazy yet it is vividly replaying his dream over and over and over.

Dan hauls himself out of bed and walks over to his window, pushing the curtains aside, opening the window and sticking his upper body out. He looks at the damp street outside. The amber streetlights make the wet asphalt shimmer, the air is cold and fresh, tousling his hair gently and making his face flush with colour.

Dan looks up to see all the stars shining in the sky and takes a deep breath in, telling himself to calm down after all, it was just a dream. He stays there, with his head out his window for hours at least. He stays there until rays of light begin to crawl their way onto the earth's surface, until birds rise and everything doesn't seem so dark.

He stays there until the world fills itself with light.

He's then interrupted by his phone ringtone. He rushes over to his phone to see that an unknown number is calling him. He frowns and answers it quickly.

"H-hello?" Dan asks.

"Dan! There was an accident yesterday night, Phil got hit by a car, he's asking for you," a voice that Dan recognises to be Phil's mum says, making Dan's heart sink to the floor, "we're at the local hospital, room 102. Don't worry, he's going to be okay."

"I-I'm on m-my way," Dan stammers, his fingers shaking as he ends the call.

He throws his phone onto his bed and sinks to the floor, holding his head in his hands as he cries. He can't hold himself together, he's falling apart.

But Phil is asking for him.

So he holds together what pieces of himself he can in order to go to the person who needs him and has held him together so many times. Phil Lester is his love.

When he bursts into the hospital room, Phil sits up, his left cheek bruised and swollen, arm in a sling and legs hidden under a scratchy, white blanket. He smiles at Dan, who immediately begins to cry and he runs to Phil's side. Phil slips his good hand into Dan's own and gently squeezes it as they lock eyes and Phil's mood shapes itself into a tiny, blue heart.

Despite how many times the word tried to destroy him utterly, he's still standing, shattered, broken and in pieces, but he's still standing and the world led him to Phil.

So all in all, when he sees Phil smile, feels his love, he knows that all the pain has been worth it.

*************

an/ so last chapter done woop. it's so bad I'm so sorry god I'm trash.

just the epilogue to go and no one died what a miracle yeah! please leave a vote and comment, if really appreciate it!

also please check out my other books: edge, down from five and lumos!!! I'd really like more reads on them and I'm actually proud of them and have a plot!?!?!

anyway I'll say more in the end note of the epilogue but thank you so much for reading the mess that is this book!

stay tuned for the epilogue (you're gonna like it I swear! OR ARE YOU?!?!)

lol haha

thanks so much for reading this, love you all so much it means the world xx

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