// welcome to my new book - I hope you enjoy it! //

dan

Being different sucks.

It's okay if the differences aren't noticeable, like different hair colour, or interests, but when it's a physical difference which sets you far apart from everyone else, you become isolated.

You wish with all your heart that you could be regular, you'd give anything to just simply blend in. And then there's basically all the 'normal' people, who just turn your differences against you.

That's exactly how Dan's life is. He's lacking something that every single other person in this world has.

He doesn't have moods. He has emotions, but in his world, moods aren't emotions. Moods are small, simple icons which hang above your head.

Each emotion for individuals have a different picture. For example, if you're feeling sad, there may be a rain cloud hovering over you, happy, a smiley face or sun.

Moods make it impossible to hide your true feelings, but in this world, the truth brings harmony. No one lies, and the world works like that.

Dan is an exception though. Above his head, where there's meant to be his moods, is a simple line. A dash, and that's all. It never changes, no matter what.

Dan thought it was bad enough all through his childhood, when kids looked at him funny, whispered about him, their parents warning them to stay away, worried that Dan might make their child mood-less too.

The thing is though, Dan isn't emotionless, his emotions just never seem to show. No matter how hard he tries, his 'mood' stays a short, stubborn, black line.

It was bad through the first years of his life, but when Dan was sixteen and his brother died unexpectedly, his whole world became ten times worse than it already was. Dan sobbed his heart out, locked himself away, stopped trying.

But no one thought he was upset because his mood didn't show it. Humans lie but moods don't, that's just how it works.

Now seventeen, Dan rarely speaks. Not that anyone wants to speak to him anyway. He's basically been shunned his whole life, but he's used to it now.

His parents tell him they love him, but he hears them, their whispers behind closed doors, wondering why their son isn't like everyone else. Dan sees their moods, never once has love been their emotion towards Dan.

Dan sits cross legged in his brothers room - which still hasn't been packed up. He runs his fingers lightly over a photo frame sitting on his bedside table. He misses him so much.

"Dan, dinner is ready!" His mother calls from downstairs.

"Okay!" Dan replies, sighing deeply before pushing himself up off the bed and walking downstairs to where his parents are both seated at the dining table.

Dan sits down, picking up his fork and spearing some pasta. As he eats, his eyes keep drifting to the empty seat beside him. Even after a year, he still can't quite get used to it.

"How was your day sweetheart?" Dan's mother asks, breaking the silence.

"It was okay. Same as every other day I guess," Dan says with a shrug.

When Dan glances up at his mother, he can see her mood floating above her head. It's just a tired face, the face a mother gives her son when she's truly given up on him.

Dan swallows and looks down at his bowl.

Not even your own mother can love you, his mind jeers at him, how fucking pathetic.

Dan's fist clenches tightly around his fork, his jaw tensing as he tries to ignore the voice inside of his mind.

"Any interests you want to take up?" His father tries.

"Not really, just art and piano," Dan replies quietly, his gaze still set on his bowl.

He doesn't want to look up to see his parents' moods. He's tired of it, tired of everything - especially the way he's treated like some kind of mutant alien freak.

"Can I be excused?" Dan asks after a moment of silence.

"Yes but don't you want to finish your-" his mother starts, but Dan is already halfway up the stairs before she can finish her sentence.

Dan closes his bedroom door behind him, leaning against it and letting out a sigh. He steps forward and collapsed onto his bed, curling up and hugging tightly onto one of his pillows.

He's so tired, so sick of everything. After the first strangles sob escapes his lips, many more follow, and soon, Dan is just crying heavily into his pillow, wishing for a better life;

Or even to have his current life taken away.

***

Dan sighs, dragging his scuffed shoes along the path.

He's on his way to school, but he'd rather be anywhere but there. He can't stand school, all the judgemental looks he receives, the taunting, the bullying...

School is his worst nightmare. It's basically throwing Dan into a pit full of angry, hungry monsters who take joy out of Dan's misery.

Dan notices the glances he still receives every single time he walks through the school gates. For one girl, an alien mood flashes above her head as he stares at Dan with distaste, indicating that he's an alien - a freak.

Dan looks at the ground. He can almost hear the words echoing around in all their heads. Freak. Loser. Weirdo. Emotionless. Heartless.

Dan pulls the sleeves on his black sweater down more, clenching the extra material in his fists as he keeps walking forward. He should be used to it by now, but after his brother - the one person who actually loved Dan for the way he was - died, Dan just lost all hope.

If people want to think he's emotionless, he'll let them. But if they had just one hour in Dan's mind, they'd see actually how sad he is. There's no other word for Dan's emotions; sad just sums it up.

All he feels is an overwhelming twist of grief pulling inside his heart twenty four hours a day. He always feels like crying, like screaming until his voice runs out, like just closing his eyes and never opening them again.

Dan stands at his locker, staring into the small, dark metal box. He wonders if this is what others think he is; empty, cold, dark. Just a hollow shell of a human being.

"Pj! Hey!" A cheery voice rings out across the hallway.

Dan turns to see a boy with a floppy, black fringe which is forever falling into his bright blue eyes running towards where Pj, who owns the locker two down from Dan.

There's a wide grin on his face, his pale skin glowing in the fluorescent lights. A bright, blazing sun hovering above his head. It's Phil Lester, the polar opposite of Dan.

Phil is outgoing, liked, always happy and always making those around him happy.

"I got a kitten last night!" Phil says excitedly.

"I thought you were allergic," Pj replies.

"Yeah, but I'm not severely allergic," Phil says, "a kitten is worth the sneezes."

"What colour is it?"

"He's dark grey with these big blue eyes," Phil says, smiling happily, his mood changing to a cute kitten, almost smiling - Dan swears he can hear it purring.

Dan sighs, picking up his bag, about to shut his locker but he pauses when he feels the presence of people standing behind him. Shit, Dan thinks to himself, what are they going to do to him today?

"What are you staring at freak?" A rough voice says, hands gripping the front of Dan's jumper and slamming him against his locker, "emotions you can never have?"

Dan just looks down in defeat. He's long past standing up for himself. He just takes whatever they give him. He bites his lip in an attempt to distract himself from how badly he just wants to cry.

A burst of pain spreads across Dan's left cheek. Dan slumps over, holding his hand over his injured cheek. His jaw stiffens.

"You don't even care if we hurt you. You're so emotionless. What's it like?" Alfie sneers in his face.

"You didn't even care when your own brother died did you freak?" Joe asks, "it should've been you. The sooner you go the better."

The thing is, this doesn't affect Dan because he agrees with them. It should've been him - not his brother.

"Your locker looks a bit empty, like you are," Joe says, "how about we fill it with something."

They shove Dan inside his locker, which is majorly uncomfortable for Dan, as he's quite tall so it's a squeeze. Dan didn't fight them though, he just let them push him in. Now he's stuck, with a cold, metal door pushed against his face, three slits letting in minimal light and his neck bent at an awkward angle.

These are times when Dan wishes he was small instead of awkwardly tall. Because he's tall, he sticks out. He can't sneak through a crowd, or hide.

Dan sighs, shutting his eyes as he hears the first bell ring. This is going to be a long day... He can't move a muscle because he's stuck so tightly. He's starting to feel claustrophobic, trapped, but there's nothing he can do.

Dan feels a tear slip down his cheek. Why him? Dan thinks, why does he have to be this way? Why can be just be normal?

Dan mind is starting to slip into the dark corners. The darkness is beginning to wrap and curl around his mind, his soul, the thoughts alone beginning to tear him apart.

But then, there's a whisper.

"Psst. Um, what's your locker code?"

*************

an// heyo hope you enjoyed! thanks so much for reading so far, I'm excited to write this!

You guys are awesome, I hope this book will be worth your time reading ^_^