// that makes me happy ^_^

I have a new teen fic up called the deep end so pls check it out?

also I have Kik now, so you can message me on that if it's more convenient. My user is @phanci

AND I have a tøp fic up which I'm considering writing! It's called my heart's a black hole. //

dan

Dan paces his room, staring down at his sock covered feet as they take every step.

Although it's one a.m., Dan cannot seem to stop thinking about Phil. What does he want from Dan? Or, more the real question is; why does he want to be friends with Dan? Why now of all times as well?

Dan can't deny he is growing fond of Phil and wants to have him as a friend, but there's still that part of him which is holding back. Dan is scared to be let down, hurt, shattered, because frankly, he doesn't think his heart could take it.

Phil seems like the sort of person Dan can trust, and now thinking of Phil brings a smile to his face. Especially after yesterday.

Phil sat next to him until class began again. And even then, Phil walked beside him, silent and not saying anything, but he was letting Dan know he was there for him. And Dan has to admit, it did feel nice to not be alone.

Dan doesn't want to be alone, or desire it, it's just how he ended up. Dan has to make the choice of whether or not to open out to Phil. He's stuck in an inward battle between his heart and his mind.

But he thinks that slowly, his heart is beginning to win, and that's scaring him.

Dan rolls over and reaches his hand towards his phone. He clicks the home button, squinting as the light from his screen shines brightly into his eyes.

Dan unlocks his phone after his retinas stop burning from the light and scrolls through his tumblr feed. He doesn't have any other social medias, no one would add him anyway.

Apart from tumblr, he tries to avoid the Internet as he's a common subject on it. Of course he's featured, he's moodless to the whole world not just his town but he manages to (mostly) keep his head down. After seventeen years the mystery of his missing mood has died down a bit.

Dan sighs, locking his phone and placing it back on his bedside table. He wishes he had friends he could text. The only person he could message would be Phil, which he considers but he's be too scared that he'd annoy Phil into hating him.

Dan often wishes he could just switch off his emotions, but then again, what would he do without them? What kind of person would he be?

With nothing to hold him back, nothing to live for and nothing to make him sad, Dan's pretty sure that it may be even more of a miserable life than what he has now.

After all, emotions are what make people human.

But then again, Dan always felt like an inhuman freak anyway.

***

Dan wakes to his alarm and groans sleepily as he switches it off.

Is it bad that Dan dreads waking up every morning? Probably.

It's colder out now, and Dan cannot seem to find a jumper to wear so he opens his brother's bedroom door and pulls open one of his draws.

He feels a bit weird, wearing one of his dead brother's jumpers. But when he picks up his brother's grey jumper with ears on the hood, he can't resist slipping it on.

Dan closes his eyes as the smell of his brother surrounds him. It feels like he's with him again for a moment so he decides to leave it on, pulling the sleeves over his hands.

When Dan walks into school, he awkwardly readjusts his backpack on his shoulders, wishing he was somewhere else right now.

He's used to being alone at school, but even when he sits against the English block wall with his earphones in, he finds himself looking for Phil.

'I'm never what I like, I'm double sided and I just can't hide, I kinda like it when I make you cry, cause I'm twisted up...'

Dan jumps when an earphone is pulled out of his ear and he looks up, expecting to see Alfie, but he's surprised to see Chris, minus Alfie for once.

"Wh-what do y-you want?" Dan asks, his eyes holding a look which says 'please leave me alone I mean no harm to you and will probably mentally break down if you lay a finger on me.'

"I'm not here to hurt you Howell," Chris says, running a hand through his fringe, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I'm not an ass you know."

"C-could've f-fooled me," Dan snorts, looking at the ground, "j-just leave."

"Is he bothering you?" Another voice asks, and Dan looks up in surprise to see Pj standing there, his mood angry.

"No, I was apologising," Chris says defensively, his mood turning to a blush.

"Well Dan clearly doesn't want to hear your pathetic apology," Pj says, "so why don't you just leave."

Chris opens his mouth to argue but decides against it, letting out a long sigh and just walking past the two, his head hanging in what appears to be guilt.

Dan feels like he should've given Chris a chance, but honestly he was so sick of everyone already and Chris had helped Alfie make him feel like shit, but Chris also held Alfie back when he was going too far.

Maybe Chris wasn't all that bad...

"Chris is such an ass," Pj says, shaking his head, "look, if anyone ever bothers you, just tell me okay Dan? Phil's my best friend and if he wants to look out for you, I will too."

"Th-thanks," Dan says, a small smile on his face.

"Well I'd better go to my locker," Pj says, "bye Dan."

Dan smiles softly and can't help but think about how much his life has improved now that Phil Lester has stumbled in it.

Phil was literally Dan's sunshine in every way possible; he lit Dan's world in the dark, but like the sun, Phil too wasn't there all the time.

And Dan is still sometimes briefly left in the dark, and his sky is missing a moon.

***

"D-slice!" Phil calls through the halls as Dan is walking off to his locker during the first break.

"D-don't call m-me that!" Dan says, a blush heating on his cheeks.

"I like your hood D-slice," Phil says with a grin, ignoring Dan's comment and flicking the hood onto Dan's head, "it's cute."

Dan smiles softly, looking up at Phil from under the hood. Phil laughs and puts an arm around Dan, leading him towards a bench to eat.

Half way through, Dan decides to break the comfortable silence with a thought which has been eating away at him for a while now.

"Ph-Phil, w-why don't y-you sit with y-your friends? Wh-why do y-you sit with me?" Dan asks quietly, looking down at the half eaten apple in his hand.

"Because Dan, all my other friends have friends," Phil says, shrugging, "and besides, you're interesting."

"I-I am?" Dan asks.

"Yeah you are D-slice," Phil laughs.

"I-I told y-you to stop th-that," Dan laughs, looking down and blushing again.

Phil smiles cheekily at him, chocolate cake in his teeth.

"Y-you have ch-chocolate o-on y-your teeth," Dan giggles, looking over at Phil.

Phil laughs, running his tongue over his teeth. Dan looks above Phil's head to see that the sun above him is shining brightly and there's a smiling face on the sun. [sun from the Teletubbies lol]

"See Dan, you make me laugh," Phil says, "and I want to get to know you Dan, I want to be your friend, I mean, we are friends right?"

Dan pauses momentarily, but his heart is singing say yes to him he wants to be your friend! YOU CAN HAVE A FUCKING FRIEND!!!

"Y-yes," Dan says, smiling, "we a-are f-friends."

Dan can't believe he's saying those words and feels happy that he does have an official mutual friend.

But then his mind reminds him, you need Phil, he doesn't need you. Phil has friends, he's your only one.

"S-shut up," Dan whispers, squeezing his eyes shut.

"What's wrong Dan?" Phil asks, worry in his eyes.

"N-nothing," Dan stammers, forcing a smile.

But he's lying. For Dan, there is always something wrong.

*****************

an// hey guys hope you enjoyed! Sorry it's been a while I've been so busy and have eight assignments and tests in the next few weeks!

I have a teen fic book up called the deep end and a new tøp book up called my heart is a black hole #spon lol.

Thanks so much for all the followers recently! Wow idk what happened

I love you all so much you guys literally make my day with your messages and comments!

thanks guys, I hope to update soon but I may be a bit busy ^_^