⚠️trigger warning; attempts of suicide ⚠️

(Please do not read this chapter if for any
reason you feel as if you can't. Message
me privately and I will give you a brief
overview of what happened in this chapter)

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   THOUGH MY PLAN HAD WORKED, STILES HAD ALMOST KILLED ME AFTERWARDS. He thought I'd genuinely passed out and while his reaction was just what I needed to make it convincing to Coach I did feel inescapably guilty for subjecting him to a fear like that. I couldn't even look at him afterwards and so when we did all eventually get back on the bus I sat down in the same chair I'd occupied all day and averted my gaze out of the window.

I was silently praying for him to come and sit next to me, just to feed the my constant craving for his attention but he didn't. He walked passed me and sat down at the back of the bus, leaving the seat next to him free for Lydia to take.

I was almost sure every supernatural being on this bus bar myself could decipher my chaotic feelings but I couldn't contain them even if I tried. I had to have him and I'd only just realised now how much I needed him. He was like a drug to me and it was so very toxic but I was addicted to the state of euphoria he brought me to. I'd reached highs I'd never experienced before with him and I missed that feeling. I missed him. I missed his body touching mine.

Transitioning into a werewolf had heightened every thought and every feeling I had towards Stiles but today those feelings had been intensified ten fold. All that started it was a simple touch — a slight graze of his finger across my skin and I was undone. He had somehow managed to tear my mind apart from the inside out and I had no idea how to control it.

I had somehow managed to acquire some sleep but I'd spent it all dreaming about him. By the time I'd woken up I felt an more exhausted than before. I'd noticed that darkness had consumed the sky now and immediately I noticed a slight shift in my mood. The dark abyss of the sky changed something in my mind but I couldn't quite work out what. Everything suddenly felt lucid, like I was suck behind a glass wall living an exceptionally real dream.

Coach had returned to the bus, though I hadn't even realised he'd left when he said, "All right, come on." Were his words as he blew his whistle, "Everybody off."

I picked my bag up off the floor and slung the strap over my shoulder as I walked off the bus, my hands tucked deep into my pockets as I stared ahead of me deep in thought. I looked up to our place of residence for the night and suppressed the groan of displeasure from rolling off my tongue. The motel was outdated and run down, in fact it looked like it was about to collapse any second now and I looked to the neon lights that spelt Motel Glen Capri.

"Who the hell is Glen Capri?" Isaac muttered in distaste from beside me then as he piled off the bus.

"Not a clue." I replied as we shared a glance with each other, "But I think I'd rather hitch-hike home than sleep here."

"I've seen worse." Scott said then as he and Stiles got off the bus.

"Where have you seen worse?"

As Coach blew his beloved whistle again I resisted the urge to grab the black string attached to it and choke him with it, "Listen up. The meet's been pushed till tomorrow. This is the closest motel with the most vacancies and least amount of good judgement when it comes to accepting a bunch of degenerates like yourselves. You'll be pairing up, chose wisely."

"Uh, Coach. How many to a room?" I asked him then.

"Two." He replied simply leaving me to groan under my breath as people began to step forward to take the keys from him.

"Two to a room?" Isaac said to me then as he turned to me, "What are you gonna do?"

I shook my head as I sighed but as I turned to him I noticed Stiles staring at me over Isaac's shoulder. I held his gaze somewhat until Isaac turned back to see what I was staring at, "I don't know." I replied to him, "See if there's a room key spare at the end, I guess. Either that or I'm going to have to find someone to share a bed with."

"And who's bed will that be?" Isaac asked me as we walked slowly towards Coach.

"I was thinking Danny but then again, I know what he's like and I know he's pairing with Ethan."

As Isaac reached out and took a key from Coach's hand I stopped by him and said, "How many rooms are there, Coach?"

"Enough to sleep everyone if there's two to a room."

"So there's no spare keys?" I wondered.

"Nope." He shook his head, "You'll have to find someone to share with, Hale."

I swore faintly under my breath as we walked away and towards the motel.

"I could always sleep on the floor." Isaac shrugged as he looked to me.

"Or I could stop in Danny and Ethan's room anyways and just have a threesome with them." I shrugged as I stared ahead.

Both Isaac and Boyd turned to me with wide eyes and I noticed as I looked around that Ethan and Scott were looking too.

"Woah, woah— Hale! Don't you even think about it!" Coach yelled after me then, "I heard that! In fact all of you, keep your dirty little hands to your filthy little selves, you got that? I'll have no sexual perversions perpetrated by you little deviants."

Everyone ignored Coach as we walked up the stairs to the first floor of the motel and as Isaac followed me up he said, "Alex, are you being serious?"

I laughed then, "God, no one can take a joke these days."

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In the hour that had passed I'd spent it staring at the ceiling above me until I decided to pull myself off of Isaac's bed and into the dirty shower. I was still covered in dry sweat and blood and I needed to clean my body into order to rid myself of the disgusting feeling that consumed me.

Boyd had disappeared somewhere and Isaac was trying to tune in the television when I stepped into the shower and the hot water coaxed a relaxed sigh to pour from my lips. I collected the water in my hands and splashed my face as I stood under the shower head, my hair and body soaking from the water that poured down on me.

A thick mass of steam gathered in the small bathroom and it affected my ability to see properly. Any other day I'd of felt suffocated in the hot air but in this moment of time it didn't bother me. My senses felt as if they were heightened but a thick fog clouded my brain. It was overpowering and I had no choice but to surrender to it, letting it overtake my mind and thoughts but I didn't know that by doing that I'd lose all my say in everything.

At first, having no control panicked me until I no longer felt the pain caused by Derek's death. Then I completely surrendered to it. It was the numbing sensation I'd been craving ever since Stiles broke my heart and I was glad to be finally getting it.

I was completely lost in my own world when I heard the bathroom door opening and closing and while I felt a presence in here with me I didn't know who it was. I ran my hands through my hair, washing out the conditioner before I looked around the shower curtain to see Isaac standing there. I held the dingy white curtain around my body as he stood staring at me and when his eyes traveled lower, looking down the curtain I raised a brow at him.

"Isaac?"

His eyes snapped back up to meet mine but his usual soft expression had vanished. His eyes were hooded like he was in a drunken haze and he looked to me through his lashes. His lip curved upwards somewhat into a faint smirk.

When he took a step closer towards the shower I didn't do anything but when he took his shirt off I called his name again. He didn't respond to me though, rather he just hooked one leg round and into the shower before he climbed in completely.

I wasn't sure on what to do but all I could feel was my body pulling me towards him. I didn't get a say in the matter as I gravitated towards him, dropping the shower curtain from around my body as he stepped towards me. Isaac's eyes held mine in a razor sharp focus, as if he didn't want to look elsewhere but as our chests practically touched I became hyper aware of our predicament.

I couldn't pull away though. My body was insisting on staying in this proximity — telling me that I was enjoying it, that it was a good fix in order to rid myself of thinking about Stiles constantly.

He reached up and dragged his hand through my hair roughly until he cupped the back of my head and all I could do was stare into his oceanic blue irises. What struck me most was how Isaac's eyes didn't look like his own, the colour of them was normally bright — almost like a blue sky on a sunny day but now they were hazy, a darker shade like a thundering ocean in the midst of a rainstorm. He wasn't in control of himself right now and it showed by the sudden change in his eyes.

He didn't say anything to me as he lifted my head up to look at him, pulling it backwards by his grip in my hair and forcing me to maintain his gaze. It was like he had placed me under a spell and I had no choice but to oblige.

Go with it, the voice controlling me said.

Isaac slowly leaned in as I reached up and wrapped my hands around his neck. His fingers danced across my wet skin on my back, pulling me closer to him and my breath hitched in my throat as he looked to me one last time before he closed his eyes. Absentmindedly, I closed my own and I waited for his lips to meet mine as my breath hitched. His lips were soft but his pattern was rough and filled with need as he dug his fingers into my hipbone. I was controlled into kissing him back but as his tongue danced across my lip I was bitterly disappointed. It was nothing to do with Isaac himself, it was the sheer fact that he wasn't Stiles.

Stiles..

It was as if my mind finally registered what was going and I stepped back immediately before I scrambled to get out of the shower. My eyes were wide as I reached for a towel and wrapped it tightly around my body, running out of the bathroom and into the bedroom as I ran my hand through my wet hair.

What an earth had I just done? What had we just done.. and more importantly where did it come from? Isaac and I harboured absolutely no feelings towards one another, we'd talked about it just last week so why was he jumping into the shower with me? Why did I stand there and let him kiss me?

I reached up and brushed my fingers over my lips as I heard the shower stop. My head snapped to the closed bathroom door in a panic and I dried my body quickly with my towel before I scrambled to change into a pair of running shorts, a sports bra and a t-shirt of Derek's I'd stolen days ago. I grabbed a jacket quickly as the door handle twisted and before Isaac could emerge I shot out of the motel room.

I panted heavily, resting my head against the door as I took a minute to breathe. I dropped my head into my hands and pulled at the roots of my hair. What did this make me now?

"It makes you a shitty person."

My head snapped up quickly as I looked around with wide eyes, "Who's there?" I daringly spoke but no one answered me. I was completely alone.

"You kissed another boy." The person said again, "And you're blaming him for kissing another girl? You're such a hypocrite."

"He came on to me." I defended myself against the invisible person. 

"And she came on to him."

"What do you want me to do, huh?" I snapped, "I can't fix the past."

"You can mend the future." They whispered to me then and an invisible force hit me. I stumbled sideways as I looked to the ground in front of me. I can mend the future... of course I can.

Stiles, I had to find Stiles.

I had no idea what room he was in but finding him was my sole purpose. I wouldn't stop until I was standing in front of him. We'd both sinned. We were both just as bad as each other. He cheated on me, I led him on and then allowed another boy to kiss me. I was toying with his feelings and that had to end.

"Make him suffer."

"Make him suffer." I repeated what they instilled in my brain as I walked along.

I was in a haze and so when I walked into someone I was caught by surprise. I looked up and met a hazel brown gaze and immediately I felt myself slipping away. All my self control disappeared into an abyss.

"Stiles." I muttered, "I've been looking for you."

"You have?" He asked me in confusion as he furrowed his brows, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine now I'm with you." I replied, my lips curving at the sides as I looked up to him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He repeated as he looked to me in concern.

"I'm fine, Stiles." I reassured him, "More than."

He swallowed thickly as he nodded, "Why were you looking for me?"

"I wanted to talk."

His eyes shone brilliantly with hope then and he nodded vigorously, "We can talk."

"Which is your room?"

He didn't say anything as he took my wrist and guided me along the first floor to the room him and Scott were supposed to be staying in tonight. As we walked I slipped my hand into his and I watched as he barely looked back to me, "Is Scott in?"

"No, I don't think so." He replied.

"Good." I mumbled as we stopped in front of his room. He twisted the door handle once and opened the door, guiding me inside. He dropped my hand as he walked over to the dresser and placed the snacks he'd gotten down and I followed him over as he stood there.

I reached up and placed my hand on his shoulder and slowly he turned around to face me, looking down to me as he towered over me.

"I don't know what you're thinking right now." Stiles mumbled as his brows creased, "This is so unlike you."

"Remember earlier when you asked me what I wanted?" I said to him and I watched as he nodded, "I want you."

"You.. you want— Alex, are you sure?" He asked me then.

I slid my hand up from his shoulder and cupped the back of his neck, running my hand through his thick hair and tugging at the roots of it, "I'm positive." I replied.

He exhaled steadily, as composed as they came, while he held my gaze the entire time. His eyes blazed with an array of emotions and he shook his head, "I don't want to do this and then for you to decide afterwards that it was a mistake. I'm sick of having my feelings toyed with, Alex, I know I hurt you but—"

I shook my head as I placed my finger over his lips, "How you feel is only a slither of how I've felt since you kissed Heather."

"It was a mistake." He groaned, "She tricked me."

"I know." I muttered, running my hand through his thick head of hair.

"You know?" He questioned me, puzzled.

"I know." I nodded.

"How do you know?" He asked me.

I shook my head as I glanced fleetingly to his lips, "It doesn't matter how I know."

Stiles' shaky breath fanned my face as he looked to me and licked his bottom lip quickly. When I looked into his eyes again he looked hesitant but it didn't stop me from leaning in towards him. I moved slowly, seeing how far he'd let me go and as our noses touched I titled my head an inch to lean the rest of the way in but just as our lips brushed he pulled away.

"Alex, I can't be sure of this." He said to me then, "You haven't mentioned anything about forgiveness yet you refuse to let go of my hand, you— your body—"

"What about my body?" I asked him then lowly, my voice foreign in my own ears.

"The way goosebumps covered your skin when I touched your stomach."

I shrugged once, "Maybe I wanted your hand lower." I mused as I arched my brow and I saw as he held his breath hesitantly. I swallowed thickly, "I want you Stiles. There's only you."

His jaw clenched as he battled internally and for a minute I thought he was going to lose until I heard him mumble, "Screw it."

The next thing I knew, I was stumbling back as Stiles held my face in his hands and kissed me with such force. I closed my eyes immediately and savoured the feeling of his lips against mine as we kissed one another desperately. It was as if we'd been starved of this all our lives and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I pushed myself against him.

He threaded his hand into my hair, pulling it away from my face and tugging it. The discomfort he caused by pulling my hair made my breath hitch and our kiss broke as I fought for air. Stiles didn't even give me a minute before he re-captured my lips in another kiss. I didn't think he had it in him, to be so controlling and dominant but I was so pleasantly surprised.

The both of us lost complete control as he took me by my hips and forced me back until my legs were against the edge of the motel bed. He held me as he guided us down to the mattress, our lips never parting until we broke so I could push myself up the bed. I reached up and curled my hand around the nape of Stiles' neck to pull him back down to me again and I smirked into our kiss as he slowly lowered himself on to me while taking some of his weight into his arms. He placed his knee in between my legs to separate them, his hand absentmindedly sliding up my shirt.

Every crevice his fingers traced erupted with goosebumps and I shivered involuntary under his touch.

As I pulled my lips from his he panted for breath and I pushed his shoulder to force him on to his back. I hooked my legs round as I sat on his lap and I fisted his flannel shirt, forcing him to sit up, running my tongue across his bottom lip. Stiles squeezed my hips tightly before he ran his hands down the backs of my thighs and as I shifted more of my weight into him he groaned throatily. I pushed his flannel shirt off of his shoulders and he abandoned my hips to whip it off, leaving him in a plain white t-shirt. He cupped my cheek as he deepened our kiss, capturing my bottom lip in his and I ran my hands down his back, feeling him tense underneath me.

As I toyed with the hem of his shirt he pulled his lips from mine though our noses were still touching and I opened my eyes to look at him, "Alex—"

I sighed as I attached my lips to his neck, "What, Stiles?" I mumbled against his skin.

"This doesn't sit right with me."

"You already said." I responded flatly as I placed both my hands against his chest and pushed him backwards so he was lying against the bed, "And I told you I was positive about this."

"Well I'm not." He said then as he guided me away by my shoulder, "This isn't you."

"Of course it's me, Stiles." I replied as my lips curved upwards in amusement, "Who else would it be?"

He looked at me skeptically and swallowed as I tried to lean in again, pressing my lips against his as I unzipped my jacket and took it off. I tossed it to the side as Stiles kissed me back momentarily but our lips didn't remain locked for long before I reached for his shirt again.

This time he caught my wrist as he sat up again, "Alex, stop."

I blinked once and then twice as I froze. I had absolutely no idea where I was and I looked around the room quickly for something familiar before my eyes landed on Stiles. My lips parted as I panicked and immediately I scrambled to get off him, reaching for my jacket as I backed away, "It happened again." I mumbled to myself.

Suddenly everything Stiles and I had just said and done came crashing into my mind like a tidal wave and I all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide. I certainly had some nerve didn't I? Kissing Isaac completely naked in the shower and then coming here and trying to have sex with Stiles. What the hell was wrong with me?

"What?" Stiles said then as he furrowed his brows, "Alex what is going on?"

I hurried to put my jacket on and zip it up as I barely met his gaze, "I don't—I'm sorry." I scrambled out as he got off the bed, "I'm sorry."

"Wait, can we talk about this please?" He begged.

I shook my head as I reached for his door handle, "I'm sorry." I repeated, "I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry."

I opened the door and stumbled out of it, trying to close it behind me as Stiles shouted after me. I had to get out of here, out of this weird motel and away from everyone. I didn't know what was going on but I knew I couldn't trust myself anymore, not while I was losing my head to another force. Someone was trying to control me and I just couldn't let them, I couldn't let them get into my head again.

Mend my future they said. Mend it how? Because coming on to Stiles certainly wasn't the way to do that.

I ran up the stairs to the second floor as the rain drizzled down on me and I saw the stairs up to the roof. I took them too, trying to put as much distance between Stiles and I as I climbed up on to the rooftop of the building. I breathed heavily as I looked around the darkness, we were out in the middle of nowhere — trapped and I didn't know what to do.

I slowly lowered myself to the floor, my knees hitting the slabs on the roof as I curled my arms around myself wondering just what I'd done. I didn't even recognise myself, allowing Isaac to kiss me in the first place but what made it worse was that I actually responded to his actions. I never pulled away like I should've and told him no, I allowed him to kiss me knowing exactly what he was going to do.

My actions were despicable and like the voice had said, I was a hypocrite. In fact, I was worse. I was holding such a strong grudge against Stiles for going into the basement with Heather and while I'd forgiven him when I found out that it was a misunderstanding I still forced him to suffer for those weeks. He didn't even kiss her back. He mightn't of pushed her away the first time but he didn't retaliate to her lips.

Me, on the other hand, I responded to Isaac's kiss.

What I'd done was worse and I knew that this was going to force Stiles and I's reconciliation back by ten steps. I hated myself for what I'd done and as my stomach ached I curled over and I sobbed.

My tears ran down my face and intertwined with the rain as it soaked me. All I could do was cry and I sobbed to myself for what seemed like hours, hanging my head until I heard the sound of sardonic laughter echo in my ears. I looked up hesitantly but I wish I hadn't as I was haunted by the image of myself. She stood in front of me with her arms crossed while she pouted down at me.

"Look at you." She said, "God, you're pathetic."

"Go away." I whined as I threaded my hands into my hair, "God, just get out of my head, please."

She rolled her eyes as she crouched down in front of me, "Did you not listen to me when we spoke last?" She asked me, "I'm apart of you, Alex. You can't ever get rid of me."

"But I can suppress you." I snapped.

She scoffed, "I'd love to see you try, really."

I shook my head as I closed my eyes and I willed for her to leave. I couldn't deal with her right now.

"Honestly, Alex, what are you doing?" She asked me, "You need to figure it out or you need to leave it."

"I don't know." I cried as the rain spat down on me, "I—I can't figure this out on my own."

"Oh, you had it all figured out." She told me then, "You just lost your head which proves that you are not strong enough for this, you're not cut out for this."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head, "One person dies and you absolutely lose your mind. I mean, come on. It's pathetic."

"Pathetic?" I echoed, "He—Derek was like my brother."

"Your mom, your dad, Derek.. you couldn't save them. Any of them." She snarled.

"How was I supposed to?" I whispered, "I couldn't do anything."

"Exactly." She replied, "Because you're weak. No wonder Stiles kissed that other girl. You don't even have a backbone, you're too busy relying on other people to help you."

"I can help myself." I tried to argue.

She shook her head as she chuckled under her breath, "That was believable."

"Leave me alone." I ordered.

"To wallow in pity like the pathetic girl you are? Gladly." She replied, "As if you thought mending your future was by trying to reconcile with Stiles. How wrong could you be."

"I didn't know." I defended myself then as I dragged my hands through my hair, "I didn't know what else to do."

"I think you'll figure it out soon enough." She replied before she disappeared, leaving me alone and in silence again.

She left a pit inside my stomach and suddenly loneliness consumed me. I felt as if I had no one behind me and that was soul destroying — to feel as if there was truly no one there for you, regardless of if there was or there wasn't. It was something I couldn't shake off and it plunged me into an abyss of compete and utter worthlessness.

She was right. I was pathetic, I was weak, I was a hypocrite.

I couldn't do anything right. I was just constantly making mistake after mistake and I didn't know how to rectify them anymore. I was just a screw up.

Mend my future.

Past, present and future...

My past was the Hale fire. There was no escaping it. It was all it revolved around and I couldn't change it no matter how much I wanted to. It wasn't supposed to be like that though because I wasn't supposed to have survived. I was supposed to stay with my mom and I was supposed to die. That was what the plan was and I had somehow managed to cheat death — rewriting a shitty future for myself. It was as if this was punishment for evading death all those years ago.

It was if the only way to mend my future was to follow the path I was destined to take in the first place.

Derek was dead, Peter and I didn't have much of a relationship in the first place. My friends would have each other to lean on and Stiles would find someone better than me.

This way, I could be with my mom and my dad and we could live the life that we were supposed to before the fire broke out and ruined it all for us.

I looked up to the ledge in front of me, surrounding the roof of the motel and as the rain started to pour heavier than before I forced myself up and on to my feet. I was unsteady at first and I took slow steps towards the edge.

With every step I took my body shook and tears streamed down my face but I reminded myself that this was for the best. I would be at peace.

"Alex."

I shook my head as I pressed my lips together. This wasn't happening to me right now. She wasn't here. She was apart of imagination.

"Sweetheart, this is not the answer."

"It is." I nodded as I stood before the ledge, looking down to the abandoned car park of the motel three stories down. I tore my gaze away from it fleetingly to look at her and my heart broke even more, "We can be together."

"Alex, this isn't you." She said to me as clearly as she could while stepping towards me, "You're not in charge of your own thoughts right not. You don't actually want to do this."

"I don't see any other way." I sobbed, "I made a mistake."

"It was one tiny mistake, sweetheart." She replied, "He'll forgive you."

"I have to do this." I said to her as I looked over the ledge again, resting my hands against the brick, "I have to. There's no hope for me anymore."

"No, sweetheart, please—"

"Mom, just let me do this." I said to her, "I've already made up my mind."

"You're better than this." She tried to tell me but her words fell upon deaf ears as I shakily put on foot on the ledge and pushed myself up. I held my arms out to steady myself as I wobbled but I kept my gaze on the ground thirty feet below me.

"Alex?"

I cried, my body shaking as a sob thundered through my ribs, "Please, just leave me alone."

"Wha-what are you doing?" He said to me.

"Stiles, go away." I pleaded as I closed my eyes.

"You know we can talk about this, don't you?" Stiles said to me then and I heard the trepidation in his voice, "This— you don't have to do this."

"I do." I nodded, not daring to turn back to him, "It's the only way."

"It's not." He told me immediately, "God, Alex, it isn't."

"Listen to him sweetheart." My mom said to me.

"Mom, please leave me alone." I whispered as I glanced sideways to see her standing beside me, "I'm doing this so we can be together again. You, me and dad."

"But what about the people you're leaving behind here?"

I shook my head, "They don't need me. They're better off without me."

"Stiles isn't."

"He is." I replied.

"Alex, get down." Stiles said to me then and between him and my mom I was losing my mind, "You can't do this, okay? I need you."

"No you don't." I chuckled humourlessly, "Stiles, you're better off without me in your life, trust me."

"Why would I be better off?" He asked me then, "What could possibly be better than having you by my side?"

"Anything." I replied quietly, "All I do is disappoint people.. I stand by and watch as they die and I don't ever do anything to help them."

He sighed, "Alex if this is about Derek—"

"Derek, my mom, my dad." I replied, "I couldn't help any of them."

"That wasn't your fault and you know it." He tried to reason with me, "C'mon, Alex, I'm begging you. Just get down from there and we can talk about this."

I shook my head defiantly, "It's better this way."

"You can't do this." He said to me, "I need you."

"You don't.. you just think you do."

I heard his footsteps behind me and I knew he was closing in on me. Between him and my mom still stood beside me I knew I didn't have much of an opportunity left. I had to do this and I had to do it now.

I took a deep and steady breath before I turned to look behind me and I met Stiles' tearful gaze through my own.

"Goodbye, Stiles."

"Alex-wait-Alex— no!"

I closed my eyes and I allowed my body to fall forwards, trying not to think about the fate I was about to suffer but before I felt like I was truly free-falling an abrupt force pulled me backwards.

I fell on to somebodies chest — Stiles' chest — as he restrained me, trapping me tightly in his hold but against my strength he was no match for me. I forced him off of me and as I tried to stand up again he caught my wrist and tugged me back down into his body again.

"Stiles, get off me!" I muttered.

In response he held a red stick up in front of me, a small flame lit and he took my hand, forcing it towards the fire. I tried to fight with him but instead he brought the flame to me and I yelled in pain as it burned the palm of my hand.

I yelped loudly in pain as I cradled my hand into my chest and closed my eyes. My heart was pounding and I'd never felt so out of breath before. The ran patted down on me and soaked me to the bone but it was a nice, cooling feeling as I regained complete control of myself.

It was as if was magic and it allowed me to come back to my senses, metaphorically clearing the dark haze that corrupted my mind.

I was finally able to relax as the flare was dropped to the side of me and instead of my back falling to the floor like I thought it would, I fell into someone's chest. I inhaled deeply but I didn't have to catch their scent to know who it was. I could tell by the way their arms circled around my body — by how familiar it was.

I dropped my head back and rested it against Stiles' shoulder as fresh tears dripped down my face, merging with the rain to create the illusion that I wasn't even crying.

The sound the rain created around us was therapeutic and it eased my mind as I exhaled and whispered, "Thank you."

Stiles ran a hand through my hair and I felt his lips press against my temple, "It's okay." He responded, just as quiet as me, "I'm just glad I found you in time."

"Me too." I muttered, "I didn't want to do it.. the voices.. they made me."

"I know." He replied, curling his arms around mine and embracing me tighter as we sat there, "But they're gone now."

"Yeah." I swallowed thickly, "They are."

There was a slight silence between us before Stiles said, "Did you see your mom?"

I nodded before I said, "Yeah. It always when my life is threatened that I see her. That's the third time now, minus the night of the full moon when I got my memories back."

"What does she say to you when you see her?" He asked me curiously as he rocked me gently sideways.

"She reminds me of what I've got here... and she always tells me how proud she is of me." I replied before an abundance of tears cascaded down my face. My shoulders shook as I sobbed and Stiles shushed me gently, running his hand through my hair to aid me.

"You make her proud every day, Alex." He said to me, "Remember that."

"I haven't today." I shook my head.

"There's still time left." Was his response, "Even if you think you haven't made her proud today, I bet you have somehow."

I nodded as I pressed my lips together before I finally broke out, "Stiles, I'm so sorry."

"It's all right."

"It's not." I shook my head, "I should never of done that to you."

He pulled back to look at me properly before he shifted me so I was facing him. He held my gaze then and his hazel eyes managed to contain what was left bubbling of my anxiety. I watched as he reached up hesitantly before he cupped my cheek, searching my eyes for any sign of disapproval but I didn't show it. I didn't want him to pull away.

"You can't blame yourself for something you can't control." Were his words. His voice was as soft as silk and though he spoke quietly I heard him clearly over the sound of the rain ricocheting off the rooftop.

I shook my head before I leaned forwards and rested my head against his shoulder, "I don't
know what overcame me... I couldn't control anything."

"It's over now." He said to me comfortingly, "It's okay."

"What the hell is going on, Stiles?" I asked him then as I pulled my head out of his shoulder, "Why did this happen to me?"

"I'm not sure." He answered honestly, "But Lydia thinks it might have to do with the sacrifices."

"What?" I mumbled as my brows furrowed, "How?"

"This motel is known for suicides apparently. They keep count of how many people of died here." He replied, "Lydia said she went down for some towels earlier and the count was 198, when her and Allison went down an hour later it was on 201."

"This was the Darach?" I said in confusion, "I don't understand how."

"Neither do I." He replied, "And at the moment I don't care. I just want to get you off this roof and out of here."

I nodded in agreement with his words as he slipped his hand into mine delicately. I didn't know where my head was at the moment. All I could think about was how I'd kissed Isaac and how much I resented myself for it. I was starting to understand how Stiles might've felt during our break up. I didn't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself for subjecting us to this pain. It was me who couldn't forgive him, couldn't trust him but then I went and pulled a stunt like this — kissing Isaac after stringing Stiles along... and the worst part was that I didn't even realise I was doing that to him.

I was truly a horrible person and I didn't need to be under some sort of crazed mind control to recognise that.

I had to fix things. I couldn't leave this out in the open any longer because eventually Stiles would grow tired of waiting and he would move on. Then I would be stuck mourning the gaping hole he created in my heart, unable to fix it because I was so desperately in love with him.

God, love sucks.

I felt as if my brain had switched into autopilot when Stiles helped me up to my feet. I followed him like a dog as he guided me to the stairs off the roof, my eyes glued to our intertwined fingers.

"Stiles..?"

Once we'd reached the first floor he turned to me with soft eyes, "Yeah?"

"What now?" I asked him.

"We find Scott." He replied, "We've helped everyone else out of whatever trance you were in.. now we just need to help Scott."

I nodded and I turned my head to look out to the deserted parking lot but when I did I saw a figure. I prayed to god that I wasn't dreaming because I didn't think I could take another second of losing my mind to hallucinations but the harder I looked the more I recognised the person.

They held a flare in their hands, the flame already lit and absentmindedly I squeezed Stiles' hand as the strong scent of petrol consumed me.

"I think I've found him." I mumbled then, "And I think I know what he's going to do."

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A/N; Just a reminder that no matter how hard life is at times it will always get better. Everything you endure just makes you stronger in the end. Sometimes life is shit and it's cruel and everything hurts and I know from personal experience but it gets easier. If anyone ever feels like they need to talk about anything my dms are always open❤️