I RELEASED A SOFT SIGH when Sheriff Stilinski placed a black coffee on the table in front of me. I looked at him as he sat down opposite me at the small dining table and gave him a soft smile while mumbling my thanks. My eyes were still heavy even after the thirteen hours of sleep I'd had last night and into this afternoon. My whole body felt heavy and I begged to go back to bed but the Sheriff wouldn't let me. He said I had to get up, even for a few hours, just to feel the effect of being awake. I had to tire myself out some more before I could go back to bed.

I figured if I wasn't allowed to sleep all day the three of us may as well of sat down and talked about all the events that transpired over Stiles's possession and my abrupt departure from Beacon Hills. The sooner this conversation was had the sooner I could start to heal. It would stop keeping me awake at night. This way, I could put this behind me and focus on our latest supernatural disaster before it pulled me under yet again.

I sipped the coffee and released a content sigh as the taste exploded in my mouth. It was quite possibly the best coffee I'd ever had and it was only because I was so exhausted. Once I'd placed it back on the table I dragged my hands over my sunkissed face, rubbing my eyes for a short minute before I sat back and looked between Stiles and his dad.

These two had given me everything—literally. Without them I'd be nowhere. They'd taken me in when I couldn't stand to be in a broken home any longer. They stayed awake through the night to console me whenever I woke up screaming in terror. They gave me a bed, a place to stay, a home. They were my home. Without them and their love I'd be nothing.

I had tried to repay them in every way I could but my efforts would never be enough. No amount of thanks could ever truly depict how grateful I was to have Stiles and his father in my life. I counted my blessings everyday, thankful that someone had thought to bring me to them. Perhaps it was my mother? Maybe it was fate. I'd never find out who was responsible for the three of us forming such a bond but I could live with that. Just as long as they stayed by my side.

I was a fool for leaving them behind. I recognised that now but during that brief period of relapse I couldn't. My brain was too emotionally overstimulated. I truly had gone through too much to begin to process anything else properly. That's why when Derek was taken I went into complete overdrive. My mind took me into autopilot and I did the worst thing I could've done. I left them... without proper reasoning, without proper explanation.

I left.

Last night was the first time Stiles and I had slept in our bed together in months. It had been that long I couldn't physically remember when it was. After we managed to release him from the clutches of the Nogitsune I still couldn't properly process my feelings for him. A part of me was still cowering in fear every time he reached for my hand. I'd flinch every time he moved. I wouldn't trust it was truly him for minutes when I saw him.

I didn't move back in with them. I still hadn't formally moved back in with them either. Though I couldn't remember moving out—that part was also incredibly hazy. The entire ordeal was one huge discombobulated blur. Several days had pushed and forced themselves into one due to lack of sleep. There were gaps in my memory where I couldn't remember things happening. The more I looked back on it, the worse my recollection of it all was becoming. My brain was starting to associate it with trauma. What had happened to my memory after the Hale fire was happening now.

It was the only way my brain knew how to process what had happened to me.. to us. It was the only way it knew how to understand it. I wasn't mad that this was what was becoming of those memories. I didn't want to remember it. I knew I would still remember certain aspects; Aiden and Allison's deaths for example. But I hoped everything else would continue to disappear.

I wrapped my hands around the mug in front of me and felt as it warmed my digits. Stiles and the Sheriff were silent, gazing at me and waiting for me to speak. There was nothing they could say to initiate this conversation. They didn't understand why I decided to leave. They didn't understand my trauma just like I didn't understand theirs. This was for me to figure out. Not them.

I released a hesitant breath as I glanced between them before I cast my eyes downward and said, "I am sorry for leaving you, you know?"

A short silence followed until I heard the Sheriff release a soft sigh, "We know, Alex." He said, "And while we don't know why you did, we've forgiven you for it."

I looked up then and a hopeful expression tore at my face that matched my tone, "You have?"

Stiles reached out and he took my hand, interlacing my fingers in his. He offered me a supportive smile and nodded, "Of course we have."

Such relief pooled out of me. I released a sigh I never knew I was holding as my shoulders dropped. A heavy weight felt as if it had been taken from my shoulders and I hung my head while saying, "Oh, thank god."

"What happened was traumatic for us all," The Sheriff began by saying, "but you lost much more than what any of us did, Alex. We can't blame you for your actions."

"I wasn't thinking." I said to support both myself and his words. He was right in what he said. I had lost more than them all combined.

It wasn't just Aiden and Allison. It was Ethan and Isaac, too, and while they hadn't died they weren't around anymore. All four of them had played such an important part in my life. Allison had been my friend longer than I could ever remember. We'd been best friends in San Francisco for years and while our relationship had taken a significant strain in Beacon Hills the bonds never broke. We still shared significant love for one another. We had formed years worth of memories together and at one point I could've trusted her with my life. I told her everything and to suddenly not have her to rely on was difficult.

To go from having them all in my life to none of them was difficult. I hadn't mourned Aiden and Allison—I hadn't even began to process their deaths and it had been so long I feared I never would. A part of me thought I'd live in denial for the rest of my life.

I nodded. The Sheriff's words were a bitter pill to swallow and I struggled. I sat back in the dining chair and drew my knees up to my chest, resting them against the table. Stiles' joggers and lacrosse hoodie was far too big for me but the comfort and warmth it brought me was something I'd never be able to describe.

"They're dead," I mumbled after some few minutes. My voice wavered and as the words spilled from my lips tears gathered in my eyes, "actually dead. Like, not coming back dead."

"I'm sorry, Alex." Stilinski offered me his condolences but they weren't of much use to me now. 

A tear ran down my cheek and I hurried to wipe it away, "They were my best friends.."

Stiles squeezed my hand tightly, "We know."

I met his gaze through blurred eyes, my brows pulled into a taut frown, "Why did this happen to us?"

"I wish I knew." He replied softly, "I really, really, do... because I'd go back and stop it myself."

I wiped the hot tears from my eyes and pushed my hand into my hair, pushing my bangs out of my face. I could see Stiles clearly now and his eyes were glassy just like mine. This was breaking the both of us.

"None of this was your fault." I told him and I hoped he listened, "You didn't ask for it."

"It's wasn't yours either, Alex." He responded.

I nodded, still holding his hand tightly and I exhaled deeply, "I'm still sorry." I said, "For everything I did."

His eyes softened, "It's okay."

"It's not." I disagreed, "I lost my mind. The Nogitsune's tricks were too much for me. They made me question everything. The entire time you were possessed I couldn't..." I took a deep breath as tears pooled over my waterline, "I couldn't function out of fear. I was helpless. At first I just wanted to help you. I wanted to save you so bad but by the end I was so sick of it all I—"

My breath hitched in my throat as I caught myself. My feelings towards the Nogitsune were exceptionally clear from the start. Once I found out Stiles harboured the evil spirit my hatred took over. Every time I saw the boy I loved with all my heart all I wanted to do was kill him. It struck me so deep. I had been all sorts of conflicted over it. It was like I had lost Stiles... like he had physically died and I was staring at his murderer but instead of it being someone else it was still him. It was still his body.

Yes, his eyes had changed. His body language and his mannerisms were no more. His voice had been so cold it could cut you like a knife but it was still him. By the end, when we had him paralysed on the sofa in the McCall living room I was ready to kill him to put an end to it all. I would have killed the Nogitsune...and Stiles if I hadn't of been pulled back and that sickened me. It hurt me so much that I was willing to sacrifice Stiles to put an end to it all—to release him from his pain and our pain for good.

And when the time came for us to kill the Nogitsune I couldn't stand back and let Kira be the one to deliver the final blow. I knew I would never settle if it wasn't me. After all the pain he had inflicted upon me and all the terror he had caused I deserved to be the one to put an end to him. The satisfaction I felt when I felt his body go limp still lingered in my mind. It sickened me that killing the Nogitsune brought me relief and satisfaction. I hated it...but after everything I'd been forced to endure because of him..

"After it was all over I felt delirious." I admitted to them both, "Aiden and Allison hit me like a truck and I was stuck living in an endless cycle. You would come to the loft and when you walked in all I would see was him. When the loft was ambushed and Kate took Derek I had to go after him. I couldn't let myself lose him like I lost Aiden and Allison. I couldn't save them and I knew I had to save him,"

"Issac and Ethan both told me I needed some time away from Beacon Hills to heal. I was planning on leaving. I was going to tell you all that night of the ambush, I just never got the chance..."

In those moments I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders. I finally felt free. Nothing was holding me down now. I'd made my peace and I'd said it and while it was heavy I was so thankful I'd been able to relieve it from my chest. Admitting to them that I did plan on leaving Beacon Hills for a while was just what I needed, even if it was painful.

Silence swept over the kitchen following my confession and I sat within in, glancing between Stiles and his father with wet cheeks and hazy vision. I'd laid it all out on this table before us and they had listened.

"So—" Stiles cleared his throat after his voice broke. I met his gaze and saw the hurt clouding his features but I hadn't been the one to cause it. He was hurting because of what I'd gone through, because he blamed himself for everything the Nogitsune did, "So you were going to leave after all?"

I nodded sadly in response, my eyes softening, "I never planned to be gone for long. Only a few months."

The Sheriff sighed heavily as he ran his hand over his face. He settled his elbows on the table as he looked at me and nodded to himself in understanding, "That's why you didn't tell anyone. You knew we would stop you, right?"

I nodded and looked at my nails, "The cowards way to do it, I suppose."

"It's not cowardly." Stiles said quietly to me. I met his gaze and watched as he shook his head, "You did what you had to."

I nodded in response as the Sheriff said, "But do you feel as though you're ready to be back here? I mean, after everything you've just said Alex, it's a lot. I don't—we don't—want you to be unhappy, especially if you're not ready."

"I am." I reassured him with a soft smile, "I'm ready to be back... I'm not ready for this fight but I'm ready to be home, with my family."

________

I was very vocal with my opinion about returning to school. The words I used weren't ones that were heard frequently and Stiles all but listened in amusement the entire journey to the building that haunted my nightmares every single night.

I hated Beacon Hills High for an outstanding number of reasons. The list was endless. The top point was simply the fact that I hated school and at the bottom of the list at present was the fact my best friend had died in my arms here a few months ago.

I didn't doubt I'd have another point to add to it soon, however.

My morning had started with Derek and a meeting with the school principal. As my official guardian it was down to Derek to ensure I made it into school every day even though Sheriff Stilinski was essentially the one who took care of me. I didn't expect my cousin to show up, in fact, I was kind of annoyed when he did. I'd hoped for him to not show and the principal to have no other choice but to re-schedule this little meeting. Unfortunately for me, Derek did decide to show his face..

He and Peter had spent the past week searching high and low for Kate Argent. It was something I couldn't quite bring myself to do. I just needed a few days to myself and I took them selfishly, living in every moment and savouring it all. I knew when today came around I'd have no choice but to press play on my life again, no matter how much I didn't want to. I couldn't hold the pause button forever.

The meeting had lasted the entirety of my first period and I had struggled to keep myself focused. The running theme was if I didn't get my grades up I'd be re-sitting my Junior year. I didn't need to hear the principal say it in ninety-seven different ways or phrases like he did over the hour long period. The words had been drilled into my skull after the first minute when he looked both Derek and I in the eye and delivered the blow.

The notion of re-sitting Junior year and being behind my friends, behind Stiles, wasn't something I was interested in. As much as I hated school, I'd hate it even more if I was kept back a year. They'd all graduate together and go to prom and leave for college and I'd be stuck with a bitter smile on my face waving goodbye as they drove their cars out of town to start their new life.

That's how long the meeting had lasted... I'd been able to picture and live through all that.

When the principal all but dismissed Derek and I from his office the two of us stood in the hallway in mind numbing silence. Neither of us we sure of what to do or say and I stared at the floor blankly, holding to the strap of my bag. I had just short of six months to turn my grades around and if that wasn't bad enough the PSAT's were stupidly close.

"You need to get your grades back up, Alex." Derek said to me after some few minutes.

I scowled at him through narrowed eyes, "Tell me something I don't know." I snapped, "You try and keep your grades up while dealing with supernatural crisis after supernatural crisis, Derek. It's like he doesn't know I've been through literal hell and back last year and that's not even including the supernatural. Asshole."

"I'm sure your principal—"

"Does he shit," I rolled my eyes before Derek could even finish. I wasn't even sure what he was going to say.

Silence seeped between Derek and I. I spent it staring at the ground while feeling Derek's eyes lingering on me. He was still furious with me for tracking him into Mexico by myself and being captured by the Calaveras. I'd argued until I was red in the face that I did it all for him but even still, after all this time Derek still couldn't understand why people would put their lives on the line for him. It had been a long night with us going back and forth and Peter pacing the loft worried about his money, or rather our money.

Apparently we had been robbed. Apparently we had money to be robbed from us. One hundred and seventeen million dollars to be exact. All that money and I had no idea. A part of me had always wondered how Talia had afforded a house so far into the Preserve on private land. I'd wondered how Derek had afforded the loft and his brand new FJ cruiser and the Camaro—even though I'd smashed that into smithereens, but still. I had no idea my family were so rich and all I could think about was the guilt of living with the Sheriff for all that time and not having anything to contribute towards it.

Stiles and I had watched him struggle financially for a few months and knowing that I could've solved it all if I'd known about my family's fortune...

The shrill echo of the bell sounded and I shook my head. I had five minutes to find Stiles and get to my next class and I knew I wouldn't be able to do both. I released a deep sigh and looked at Derek fleetingly before mumbling, "Gotta go," I said, "classes to get to and all."

He looked like he wanted to say something but instead all did was nod his head. I turned my back to him with a sigh and walked away, heading deep into the hallways as they filled with bodies. I strained my ears to listen for Stiles but I struggled for a second until I could pinpoint him. He seemed to be in the same direction as my next class and I made my way through the crowds, finding him approaching me from the opposite corridor.

His eyes softened gently as he met my gaze and nodded once in my direction as we met in the middle of the corridor. He pressed his lips together gently, "How'd it go?"

"Oh, yeah, great." I bit sarcastically, "He told me not to worry about my grades, yeah. Said I'll be fine and I'll pass Junior year without a hitch even if I do skip all my classes."

Stiles grimaced as we walked down the corridor towards our next class, "He didn't say that did he?"

"No." I grumbled, "I'm not going to pass Junior year. Not unless some miracle occurs."

He readied himself to reply but the two of us ran into Malia as she walked hurriedly out of our classroom. She bumped straight into Stiles and I and looked up, eyes widening slightly. Frozen, she didn't move.

"Going somewhere?" Stiles asked her with an arched brow.

She stuttered over her words and Stiles sighed under his breath before he looked between me and her. I knew exactly what he was thinking and not a second later he began to mumble about how he was ever going to get Malia and I through the rest of this school year. We were both as bad as the other and while I had general knowledge around my subjects at school, I still hated it just as much as she did.

________

Stiles had all but dragged Malia and I into our next class silently and we had to sit and suffer through it. I kept quiet, reading ten chapters behind the one we were currently on while questioning myself about how I was ever going to catch up on time to sit the PSAT's and do well. Meanwhile, Malia was called up to the board to figure out the first equation and I sympathised with her deeply because I had no idea what the question was.

That single thought that I wasn't going to pass my PSAT's consumed me entirely throughout the rest of my classes, even when Scott and Stiles had found out a family had been killed by an axe-wielding murderer and the youngest son had escaped. Stiles had practically begged us to leave and figure it out if it weren't for Scott keeping us.

Let the adults handle it, he'd said and for once it was good enough with me. As much as I hated school, I hated the idea of an axe-wielding murderer more. I wanted normalcy and Stiles called us irresponsible for it.

The irony was not lost on me.

Instead, I had to sit and listen to Stiles talk about a new Freshman who had all but kicked their asses in practice this morning. His name was Liam and according to Stiles he was frustratingly good, good enough to threaten both Scott and Stiles' position on the team. I let him rant, practically to himself, while I sat in free period with my nose in three different text books.

Then I had to go to Lacrosse try-outs in support of Scott and Stiles. I don't know why I had to go, it was a no brainier that they would both make the team but I kept my mouth shut, sat on the benches and watched Stiles vomit into a trash can after running five laps of the field.

That was funny, though I wouldn't admit it to him.

But it wasn't hard to spot the boy Scott and Stiles had been talking about. He was young, yes, barely a pubescent teenager but his strength and fitness was like that of Scott's. Probably from years of training.

Malia inhaled deeply next to me, sniffing the air before she leaned forward and looked at Kira who sat on my other side, "What's wrong with you?" She asked bluntly.

I closed my eyes and sighed. While Malia was clearly good at reading chemo-signals she wasn't good at figuring out when to and when not to talk about them.

"Me? Nothing." Kira replied quickly, nervously.

Like something was definitely wrong.

Malia gave her a flat look, "You reek of anxiety." She deadpanned with no sympathy whatsoever, "And it's distracting," then she looked at me and I dreaded however she was going to involve me in this conversation, "doesn't she Alex?"

I inhaled lightly. Malia was right on the nose, Kira was oozing anxiety just as much as Stiles was sweating frustration.

"Yes, Malia, she does," I replied before saying, "but there are moments when we don't point out our friends chemo-signals. This is one of these moments."

How did my life turn into trying to teach a sixteen year old were-coyote how to live? I mean, not like I was complaining, it could be much, much, worse. Like fighting seven foot tall supernatural creatures from the Aztec temples of Mexico for example. Or trying to find an ax-wielding, family killing, murderer. Yeah, I definitely wasn't complaining, I'd rather be teaching Malia about this.

"But why?" She asked, "She's obviously anxious....so what's wrong with you?"

"Scott and I sort of had this thing happen but it wasn't much of a thing and now I'm starting to think it never was anything...at all." Kira sighed.

It took me longer than it should've to realise she was talking about a 'thing' in a romantic way.

"What do you want it to be?" Malia asked.

Kira was silent for a minute before she dropped her head on to the top of the lacrosse stick she was holding and said, "More."

Malia nudged me then and I glanced her way to see her widen her eyes in an obvious manner, silently gesturing to Kira. I widened my eyes back as if asking her what the hell she wanted me to do about it. Kira and I were not close enough to be having these kinds of conversations. I didn't know what to say to her. I was too busy trying to save the love of my life from an evil Japanese fox spirit than get to know her when she first moved here.

Speaking of the love of my life, I saw out the corner of my eye as he stepped up to take a shot at the goal. He took all my attention in his training gear. Those black sweatpants and that tight grey Nike shirt, Jesus Christ his arms in that shirt... and don't even get me started about his hair laid flat against his head. I had half the mind to jump on to the field, grab him by that damn shirt and drag him into the locker rooms.

Scott caught my eye from the back of the line and he widened his eyes, giving me an 'are you serious right now' look before I heard him say with my heightened hearing, "Can you please not, Alex?"

"Shut your mouth, Scott." I grumbled, feeling a blush come to my cheeks knowing he'd caught me ogling.

He chuckled to himself as Stiles took the shot, throwing the ball right into the pocket of the goalies stick. I groaned in disarray, sinking back on the bench as that freshman, Liam, stepped up and fired an almighty shot. He put Stiles and the rest of the team to shame and Coach yelled in triumph seeing the shot. Then Scott stepped up and hit the post.

The try-out's progressed, Scott and Stiles missing every shot and I watched in pain knowing studying would be better but it was one of those situations where you couldn't not look. I could see the frustration getting to them both and after Scott's last—and missed—shot Kira quipped, "Isn't the Captain supposed to be one of the best players on the team?" She asked, "Or good?"

I couldn't help but snort and I grinned in amusement at the expense of my best friend and my boyfriend before saying, "It seems Scotty-boy is cracking under the freshman pressure."

Coach called them in to re-assign and before we knew it, Scott and Stiles were heading off into goal. I watched, elbows resting on my knees as they went two-to-one. The first player came down the field, advancing toward the goal until Scott and Stiles stepped out, manoeuvring around him and ultimately knocking the stick out of his hand.

I sighed in relief while Kira grinned in triumph beside me. I rubbed my hands together, nodding, while I said, "That's it boys, let's go."

They hi-fived in triumph before the next boy came down and they knocked him to his ass, and the one after that. Those waiting to play groaned in pain for those Scott and Stiles had knocked down and I watched them both belly bounce off each other in triumph until Stiles went absolutely flying to the ground and I had a hard time controlling my laughter. He bounced back up as if it hadn't just happened before Liam took to the front line.

We all waited for Coach's whistle before he advanced on them both and somehow managed to manoeuvre around them. I watched in a mixture of shock and bewilderment. The kid really did have skill and it showed when he then proceeded to score a goal past the goal-keeper.

"Well shit." I mumbled as Kira groaned in dismay beside me.

Scott and Stiles were bewildered on the field as Liam celebrated with his other freshman friends and then to make matters worse, Malia stood up beside me and shouted, "That was luck!"

My eyes widened as I looked up to her, "Woah, no, Malia." I said, reaching for her wrist to pull her down, "Sit down."

She moved her arm before I could grab it and instead yelled, "Do-over!"

I hung my head in exasperation, "Oh, my, god."

"Sweetheart, there's no do-overs. This is practice." Coach dismissed her.

"Ten bucks on Scott and Stiles." Malia offered.

It shouldn't of surprised me when Coach turned around and said, "I'll take that action." but it did. Then he looked at Liam and yelled, "Hey! Get back in there, Liam."

Malia grinned in triumph and I grabbed her hand and pulled her down, "Will you sit down." I hissed.

She looked at me innocently, "What? It's not fair. Scott and Stiles can take him any day."

I rolled my eyes and looked back to the field, "We'll you better hope you're right."

And as it turned out Malia was in fact right. Yeah, Scott and Stiles did take Liam... to the hospital with a broken foot after Scott knocked him flying and sent Coach flapping.

A good Lacrosse try-outs, indeed...

__________

A/N; It's been over a year... that's right. One whole year since I updated this but here I am, with fresh motivation to continue Alex & Stiles's story. I have bought Amazon Prime and MGM+ just so I can watch Teen Wolf (my poor bank account is crying) so I have no excuse now.

So I'm falling back in love with Alex and Stiles and I will bring their story to an end and hope it doesn't take me another year to do so!