There were many people who stood opposed to Shinra. The Wutaians, long ravaged and defeated by Sephiroth's ruthless efficiency in killing them, were no longer much of a threat to the great company. Any individual that posed a threat was usually taken out, swiftly, by the Turks– Shinra's frighteningly effective spies. But there had been a new group growing dangerously quickly, known as Avalanche– who vehemently despised Shinra's careless use of lifestream and mako and disregard for the planet. They had made it their mission to put a stop to the company's frivolous endeavours for the sake of corporate greed, for they viewed the planet's cost to be too great.

Their intentions were noble. Their goals were understandable. But it was not Sephiroth's place to question his orders. Although he occasionally had that little voice going off in his mind, that perhaps obeying Shinra was not the right thing to do– he seldom listened. Shinra was all he had ever known. 'Right' and 'wrong' were concepts that hadn't really been explained to him, and whatever intuition he'd once had with morality had been stamped out a very long time ago.

Avalanche, regardless of their goals, was no more than another enemy for him to annihilate.

One of their headquarters had been uncovered by Shinra. And he'd been given the mission to run it to the ground. Usually, this was saved for one of the Turks– but Shinra had to make sure that their perfect weapon was still ever loyal to them, did they not?

Sephiroth loomed over the fallen, bloodied corpses, an ethereal demise given form. Not even one could be recognised, he'd torn through them like they'd been made of thin paper, and strewn their limbs, heads, and flesh across the walls like an elaborate art piece. He contemplated the death all around him. He'd come so far from the days when he was a child weeping over the prospect of taking life.

There was no silence. His head perked up as he noticed the sound of someone whimpering, and a faintly beating heart. Their breaths were ragged– they were not untouched.

But someone here was still alive.

He turned to be greeted by the sight of a woman slightly older than he, her pallid skin tainted by dripping crimson rivers. Pale, wide eyes bore into his own for but a moment before she shuddered and looked away; he was too frightening even for her mere gaze. Her hand gripped at a stump on her shoulder, a raw stump where her arm should've been.

Sephiroth's hand tightened around his Masamune. He'd grown very used to such things, in fact, this was far from the most wretched sight he'd seen.

"Dale," she murmured, looking at one of the mutilated corpses. "Dale, wake up. Dale, please!"

He drew closer.

"You killed them all," she sobbed under her breath, stumbling away from him as blood dribbled down a gaping wound on her thigh. "Y-you... you've torn them apart, like they were nothing. Why...?"

Sephiroth did not speak. He only kept moving forward, ready to finish the job. Was the answer not obvious?

"If we don't fight... who will? Shinra's destroying the planet with its greed. So, what choice have we, but to take a stand for every living being? What we do, it's– it's to protect, to preserve! But you," she spat out the last word as if it was poison. "You destroy. You obey Shinra mindlessly! Why? Why do you misuse your power like this?"

Sephiroth stopped moving, and looked into her desperate eyes as she uttered something he seldom dared to ponder. He'd left such thoughts behind where they belonged, in the mind of a weeping child who'd tried so hard to resist being moulded into the perfect soldier.

What choice had he had?

"I can see it in your eyes," she raised her voice, desperate to somehow survive this encounter. "You're not like us, you don't do what you do because it's what you believe in. But you don't do it for power or status either, I can see it! "

"No," he finally spoke, voice low and unmoved. "I do not."

Her mouth dropped open slightly, as if she was shocked that he'd responded to her words.

"So then... why?"

His brow began to raise.

"Why do you fight?"

For a moment, his eyes softened.

(((The silver-haired child cowered as he dropped his blade. He'd not known what had come over him, but the monsters he'd been put up against were all limp on the ground, fear frozen in their lifeless eyes. Hojo entered to examine the scene, grinning and praising him. But he'd never wanted this.)))

(((The Wutaian spy whimpered, his nails meticulously sliced off his fingers, his skin peeled open as the teenage soldier targeted nerves with a scalpel to cause the most pain possible. Hojo grinned as he watched through a window, giving the boy a nod of encouragement. But he'd never wanted this.)))

(((The soldier stood amongst crowds of fans, all hailing him as a 'hero', their cheers piercing his ears. All eyes were on him as they praised his violent acts, his hands so stained with the blood of men, women, children, and creatures of every kind. But he'd never wanted this.)))

"What choice have I?"

"What do you mean? You're the most... powerful person in the world. What's stopping you from leaving? Why do you obey them in the first place? They're treating you like a pawn, but what control do they really have over you?"

He shut his eyes. It was clear she was trying to get to him– and it was working. A pawn. No one had ever referred to him so. And, of course, it enraged him– because he knew it was the truth. He knew he was helpless to resist Shinra's strings as they curled around his limbs and made him dance to their will.

Sephiroth aimed his sword, almost robotically.

"N-no, please– I don't want to die!"

He struck the Masamune's tip through her skull. She opened her mouth, as if to speak– but it was already too late.

((("You... monster...")))

***

Sephiroth sat on his bed, arms crossed as he idly stared through the window. A book on planetology was leaning on his lap, but he'd not delved into its contents at all. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be affected by the meaningless cries of his desperate victims, not anymore. Professor Hojo's training had done well to stamp out any second thoughts, any empathy that once plagued him, by this point he'd taken the lives of thousands, hundreds of thousands– maybe more. It certainly felt so.

So why did this woman's words stick to his mind so ? He'd been doing what he's done for so long, why now were his doubts being provoked? He'd occasionally have days like this, once every year or two, where the weight of his actions felt stressfully palpable. But what choice had he had? This was all he'd known since he was a child, what could he possibly do to break free of it? It was hopeless, he knew it in his heart. The woman had uttered what everyone, deep down, had known: he was no more than Shinra's puppet.

(((Why do you fight?)))

He gritted his teeth. There was no reason, not really. She'd had a goal, a noble one with the rest of her comrades. And he was just aimlessly obeying this corporation's whims, because it was all he'd ever known.

He was torn from his thoughts as he heard someone knocking at the door.

"Hello?" Zack spoke from behind it. "Anybody in here?"

Sephiroth glanced over, his mood quickly lightening. This was exactly what he needed– someone close he could trust. Ever since meeting him, he'd spent a lot of time with Zack, both doing missions together and outside of their professional interactions. The man had a strange way of making him feel at ease, that in this strange and lonely world, there was at least one person he could trust.

Walking over, the moment he unlocked the door, Zack barrelled inside.

"Sephiroth!" he exclaimed, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to give him a hug, but not knowing how he'd react to it. "Everyone said you'd come back, but then no one knew where you were, and I was looking everywhere , and it had been hours, and... I was just worried, man!"

It seemed the raven soldier couldn't resist waiting any longer. He lunged forwards and grabbed Sephiroth in a hug, wrapping his warm arms around him. Sephiroth only froze up for a moment before returning it, very lightly– he never really knew how much pressure to apply with a hug, especially considering his strength. But Zack never seemed to have this caution, so he could only wonder how the average human could survive such a lung-crushing bear hug from this soldier.

Either way, this was the exact warmth he needed in this moment.

"I'm all right," he said, parting away to sit back on his bed.

"Oh, uh–" Zack looked around the room. He'd never actually been inside it before– he must've been very worried to have burst in like this. But Sephiroth didn't mind, for he was his only friend in the world– knowing someone cared for him so was... nice.

"I never thought your room would be so small. I mean, uh–" Zack chuckled. "I was just expecting a bit bigger with way more stuff, y'know! You're THE soldier and all, so I thought your room would be all huge and overwhelming! But it actually doesn't look so different from the dorms we've got. Except for that little bookshelf over there, we don't have one of those."

"It's all right, Zack," Sephiroth spoke. "Please, take a seat. And do not fret over expressing your opinion."

Zack grinned, grabbing a chair by the desk at the window and plopping down. "It's nice and home-y of course, I don't mean to say it's bad. And this thing over there– "

He gestured to some dried flowers encased in glass, something Shinra had allowed Sephiroth to have when he'd requested it as a teen.

"It's cute."

Sephiroth's smile was very subtle– most would not even have noticed its presence. Much of the time, only Zack could provoke its appearance.

"Which is to say, uh– how've you been, man? You just– I don't wanna push you or anything– but you just look a little bit shaken."

Sephiroth gazed into Zack's earnest, kind eyes. They were deeply blue, like a vivid ocean, with just a hint of that mako glow. He found it easy to get lost in them.

He sighed, breaking their eye contact as he looked down at the book he still held in his hands. He was supposed to be pure, a beacon of strength without a single crack of vulnerability tainting him. But Zack... he knew he could trust Zack.

"I had a rather troubling mission. I'd rather not indulge the details, but..."

His voice trailed off. Zack put his arm around him.

"It's okay. I'm here for you."

Sephiroth nodded, not knowing whether to lean into the touch or remain as he was.

"Why do we fight, Zack?"

Zack paused for a moment; lips pressed together in thought. It was clear he'd not been expecting such a question.

"Well, for me– I wanted to be a hero. I know a lot of people look up to you as one– I'm no exception. Doing real good for the world, spreading the technology and power of Shinra, putting down the bad guys– that's what it means for me."

"Real good... bad guys?" Sephiroth echoed with a soft murmur. This had not been the answer he was looking for. But it was clear to him it was not Zack's foolishness that had produced such an answer– he was occasionally absent-minded, but he was no fool. This was all just Shinra, he'd heard these phrases from many a soldier before. Anyone who stood the company was bad and wrong and had to be put down by noble heroes. Shinra knew better, it knew what was good, so it was the job of the noble heroes to spread it with their bloody weapons and tainted hands.

"Well, yeah," Zack offered a reassuring smile.

"And you've never... had moments of doubt?" Sephiroth suggested. "Never questioned what Shinra has framed as heroic, or good, or evil?"

The raven-haired man fell silent for a few moments.

"What happened?"

"It's all right," Sephiroth lied. "I was only wondering."

"I know something's wrong, " Zack said, putting both hands on Sephiroth's shoulders and pulling him over to face him. "Look, I know you can't get super emotional in public and whatnot, but– you're with me! You can tell me anything, if you want to, of course. I just... can't sit here and watch you pretending everything's fine, when there's clearly something bothering you. Remember– your emotions are not weakness."

Sephiroth sighed.

"I killed many people on my mission today. And one of my victims tried to 'open my eyes'. Yes, they were Avalanche, but they were not manipulating me. They reminded me of things I'd known for a long time. I wish not to go into it."

Zack's gaze softened, and he wrapped an arm around him again. A wordless affirmation that he was there for him, no matter what. These days, Zack was the only one who ever was.

"I always wondered..." Sephiroth mumbled. "You know my childhood was not like most's."

"Yeah," Zack nodded solemnly.

"So much of it was just... fighting. I knew the fields of war and stench of death when most would be playing innocent games with their friends. People look up to me for it, but... I never had a choice in the matter. I've always felt different, Zack. Even before then, with the few children I did know– I'd always known I was unique, in some way. I have made my peace with that, but I do not see why it necessitated such an isolated, violent life for me."

"Of course. Just because you're different doesn't mean you should be mistreated. You know, for the record– I've always liked your eyes," Zack grinned, trying to cheer him up. And it seemed to work, Sephiroth chuckled– though, it sounded slightly sad– and his cheeks grew ever so slightly red.

"You know that's not the only thing I meant," he smiled.

"I know, but– you know!"

"Indeed, I do," Sephiroth chuckled again. "But, well... I cannot help but wonder. What is it like, to grow up with others? To have friendships and bonds with others? To have... parents that love you?"

"Parents? Oh, do not get me started on them," Zack playfully punched Sephiroth's arm. "Man, mine would never get off my back. 'Zack, don't go too far from the village'! 'Zack, don't go jumping in the mud puddles'! 'Zack, don't play in the trees during thunderstorms!"

"Well, you shouldn't be in high areas during a storm. That's dangerous."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I mean, it was annoying, but... they were just looking out for me, I guess. Not that it stopped me, I loved to do crazy things as a kid, and they'd always get so furious once I was back home. Led to a bit of a, uh, shaky relationship, especially as I got older. They hated the idea of me joining Soldier."

"Is that why you do not write to them much?"

Zack laughed quietly and looked away, nodding slowly.

"My apologies. I did not mean to–"

"Nah, it's fine. It's part of it, at least."

"I'm just... slightly lost," Sephiroth spoke. "You have difficulties in your relationship, and yet, it continues. No matter what happens, it seems both of you have this..."

"It's because they love me," Zack said, leaning his back against the wall and looking up to the ceiling with a wistful expression. "Despite my flaws, the mistakes I've made, how little I really talk to them about anything... they still love me. Unconditionally."

"And... you love them back?"

"Of course!"

Unconditional love. Sephiroth was uncertain if he'd ever known it. Doctor Gast, perhaps, was one of two people who entered his mind upon the utterance of this word. But, even then, when Gast had left, he'd not spoken any word of warning to Sephiroth. He'd not even attempted to contact him. The boy had spent many a night weeping in his room, wondering if the doctor had forgotten of him while he still dreamt his face every day. And, of course, he'd never understand why this all happened, for Doctor Gast died mere months after taking his leave. Whether he'd had some legitimate reason or not to never reach out to Sephiroth, it had left a hole in his heart. Would someone who'd loved him unconditionally have left (((abandoned))) him so easily?

And the second person...

Sephiroth almost considered asking Zack if he loved him unconditionally. But perhaps there was no need. The unrelenting warmth the man would bring him, all the care and attention and genuine friendship– it was almost overwhelming. On their days off, Zack would always take Sephiroth along to enjoy things he'd never had before, even something so simple as a walk taken together. He liked to think that maybe, just maybe, he'd finally found someone who loved him unconditionally– and who he loved back, too.

"Such bonds, they seem to be so rare," Sephiroth said. "Most of my caregivers would only offer rudimentary necessities. And the only one I thought offered more, ended up being the one to leave. But Zack, you..."

(((In all my years, I think you're the only one to have ever truly loved me at all))).

But he spoke not a word.

"Hey," Zack smiled at him patiently. "I'll always be here for you, Sephiroth– that's my promise to you."