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Canadian Bros

Y/N: No seriously, who the hell are you?

???: Well, I'm known by many names. The merc with a mouth, the best mercenary in the world, dumbest, but you, you can just call me, insert image....

???: Deadpool!

You stood there for a moment trying to figure out if you were hallucinating or not. Did you really miss Gwendolyn that much that you made a male version of her?

Deadpool: How dare you?! I'm the OG. Well, I was a rip off of another character from another company but I'm obviously the better one.

Y/N: The hell are you on about?

Deadpool: That's not important. Your daddy is missing and the last few chapters haven't been the best so now I'm taking over. You're going to come with me and we're going to save papa Sabertooth from the ultra top secret base.

You walked past him. Definitely a hallucination.

Deadpool: Gasp! I know you did not just walk past me!

He was suddenly in front of you again.

Y/N: Look, person dressed like they belong to a BDSM dungeon....

Deadpool: Real original.

Y/N: I don't know who you are, how you know my dad, or even if you're real.

Deadpool: I'm Deadpool, I'm Deadpool, and is this real?

He punched your shoulder. Yep. He was real. He then grabbed your hand.

Deadpool: Ok author! Do your thing.
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Y/N: How the hell did we get here?

Deadpool: Scene transition. It either moves time forward or shows a different perspective. Not that the author cares to explain it at all.

You were both standing before a base in Antarctica. Seriously, it was like you blinked and you were here. Was this guy some kind of magic user?

Deadpool: Nope! Just a guy with a really cool healing factor and guns. Lots of guns. Oh! And I can say fuck whenever I want.

Y/N: Anyone can.

Deadpool: No no no. You don't understand. I can say fuck whenever. I can just drop it in there like a tab of acid.

Y/N: You know what? You remind me of someone I know.

Deadpool: Moon Knight or Gwenpool?

You shrugged. Both you guessed. Deadpool nodded and pulled out a rocket launched before aiming it at the front doors.

Y/N: Where did you get that?

Deadpool: The plot.

He fired it off and the front doors blew off. He tossed the launcher aside and pulled put his swords.

Deadpool: Time to unalive these fools!

Y/N: Unalive?

A swarm of ninjas came rushing out and you popped out your claws.

Y/N: Since when did Hydra get ninjas?

Deadpool: I took some liberties in these next two chapters.

A ninja leaped up and tried to attack you but you blocked his blade and kicked him away. You ignited your claws and used it to break through their blades.

Deadpool: Lame! Just stab them. Like so...

He stabbed a ninja in the leg and kicked him away.

Deadpool: This isn't Disney kid. You can shed some blood.

What did Disney have to do with anything? You blocked another blow and sliced through the ninjas arm. You lunged back to avoid a hit but ended up stumbling. You fell back on your butt.

Deadpool: Haha. Butt.

You looked up as a ninja lunged at you. You just let the blade phase through you. You moved so it wasn't impaling you and stabbed the ninja in the chest. You got back up. Everything was kinda wobbly to you.

Deadpool: Remember kids! 9 hours of sleep is the healthy recommendation. Though I know some of you are up way too late reading this.

You charged at another group and ignited your feet. You flipped up and preformed a flying Hell's Kitchen successfully knocking them out. You caught yourself and looked up to Deadpool. He stabbed a man, pulled his blade out, jumped the on man's body, and rode it down the hill towards the base.

Y/N: Moon Knight. The things he does remind me of Moon Knight.

You blasted off to follow him. He front flipped off the mans body and did the splits midair before falling on two men. He then snapped his head to look at you.

Deadpool: Kill of the week?

Y/N: Is that a thing?

Deadpool: It is now.

He got back up and you turned to face more ninjas. There were none. Deadpool whistled and pointed behind him to show a massive pile of bodies behind him with a flag on top. It had his face on it.

Y/N: Don't question it. Don't question it.

Deadpool: It's because I'm cool.

He walked through the massive hole he created and you followed.

Y/N: So how do you know my dad?

Deadpool: Daddy Hairy? Me and him go way back. Back when I was so so bad guy and he was still Sabertooth. We used to do jobs together before he got all heart eyes on me and met your smoking hot mom. Who knows? Maybe you could've been my son in another life. I'm sure there's a fanfic somewhere out there.

Y/N: Did you know my mom?

Deadpool: Know her? I knew everything about her! What her favorite color was, what shampoo she used, her bra size....

Y/N: I don't want to know.

Deadpool: D 42".

Y/N: Dude.

Deadpool laughed and threw his arm around you. He began to mess with your hair before you pushed him off of you.

Deadpool: Just saying. They were some nice honkers.

Y/N: That's my mom.

Deadpool: And you look like her. Though for the sake of the readers I'm not saying what race you or your mother are. Let's just go for half Canadian so I'll only kick your ass half as bad if you insult Canada again.

Gwenpool. He talked like Gwenpool but slightly different. Why did he keep saying things like story and readers? Whatever.

Deadpool: So now we look for you father.

Y/N: Yeah. I have no info on this base or any map to go off of.

Deadpool: That's fine. We'll just find him on our own.

Y/N: And how do you plan on doing that? It's not like there's a sign that reads "Sabertooth's Holding Cell" or something.

Deadpool pointed at a pair of largely noticeable metal doors. The sign read "Sabertooth's Holding Cell". How does he do that?! Deadpool walked over and knocked.

Deadpool: Oh papa Sabertooth~ It's me. Deadpool. I brought my newly adopted son along to save you.

Y/N: Newly adopted son?

Victor looked through the window and saw you. He then glared at Deadpool. He seemed to be yelling something but the glas prevented him from doing so.

Deadpool: I'll take that as, "thank you Deadpool for saving me and keeping my son safe after storming a base filled with ninjas".

He then pulled out a very large device. Once again, from now where. He placed it on the door and typed something in.

Deadpool: You might want to step back.

He grabbed you and ducked behind some cover while your dad backed up against the back of the cell. You covered your ears and waited for the explosion. It didn't go off. You looked over the cover and narrowed your eyes.

Deadpool: I put it for 69 seconds.

You sighed and sat back down. You waited a bit before you started to play with your claws. You looked over and saw that Deadpool had Wolverine's mask over his own. He also had three plastic forks between his fingers.

Deadpool: I am Wolverine. Fear my small size.

You popped your claws back in before peeking over the cover. You wondered how long.....

BOOM

The entire door blew off and slammed against the back of the cell, narrowly missing your father. Deadpool stood up and held up a sign that read 4.5.

Deadpool: I've done better.

He tossed the sign aside and walked over to the cell and tried to look through the smoke. A big hand grabbed his throat and slammed him against the wall.

Deadpool: Harder.

Victor stared him down.

Victor: Wade.

Deadpool: Daddy.

Victor dropped Deadpool before looking to you. His expression soften and he hugged you.

Victor: Are you ok? Did he corrupt you?

Deadpool: We were together for a chapter! Not much I could do anyways. This whole thing is mostly fucking talking anyway.

Victor let go and turned back to Deadpool.

Victor: Time to go.

Deadpool: Already on it daddy-o.
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Deadpool: And we're here.

You looked back at him confused. The three of you were sitting in a hospital room back in Canada. Your dad was in a hospital bed recovering from his injuries while you sat next to him.

Y/N: What are you talking about? You stole a jet and flew us here. We've been here for a hour.

Deadpool: I wasn't talking to you.

You turned back to your dad and sighed. You were beyond tired and the last few days have been a blur.

Deadpool: Nah. The last few chapters did that thing where the author sped up the time of passing so that he can hurry up and move the plot along instead of stalling.

You gave up. You didn't even want to know what he's talking about anymore. You were way to tired. Deadpool looked at you and sighed.

Deadpool: Go home kid. Get some rest. I'll look over your old man.

You looked at him.

Y/N: Are you sure?

Deadpool: Absolutely! I don't want my not legally adopted son to pass out from exhustion. Besides, you have someone you need to apologize to.

That's right. Felicia. You looked out the window and saw that the sun was coming up. You should go home now.

Y/N: Thanks Mr. Deadpool.

Deadpool: Please. Mr. Deadpool was my father. Just call me Deadpool.

You smiled a bit. Maybe it would be nice to keep him around for a while. For now you need to get some sleep.

Deadpool: Oh and since you already got two plot points out of the way, here's another one.

He handed you a file and you opened it up.
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You entered the cabin and stumbled through the living room. You spotted Molly watching the Sunday morning cartoons and you ruffled her hair.

Y/N: Morning kiddo.

Molly looked uo at you and smiled.

Molly: Morning Y/N. Where did you go yesterday? Cat said you were at the river but you never came back.

You chuckled a bit.

Y/N: Sorry. I was out with a friend. Speaking of which...

You handed her the file Deadpool gave you.

Y/N: Your friends are safe. They managed to escape the base they were being held in. No clue where they are now though. You can stay here with us until we do.

Molly looked through the file which reported how her friends escaped a week ago. You saw tears start to form in her eyes before she got up from the couch and rushed around to hug you.

Molly: Thank you! Thank you so much!

You hugged her back and smiled.

Y/N: No problem kiddo. Practice is canceled for today. I need sleep. Also, when the others wake up, Victor is in the hospital off of main street. You can go visit if you want.

Molly: Is he ok?!

You nodded.

Y/N: Just a bit banged up. A man name Deadpool is there watching over him.

She smiled as you petted her hair. You walked towards the bedrooms before coming to yours. You hesitated to open it. Felicia was on the otherside of this door. You really messed up. Finally, you opened the door and walked in. Felicia was still asleep in bed so you just kicked off your shoes and took off your jacket and shirt. You sat down on the bed and fell over.

You heard Felicia groan at the sudden movement. You rolled over so you were facing her back. Her hair was slowly turning back to normal at the roots. You slowly reached out and touched it. She began to stir.

Y/N: Felicia?

She moved to show she was awake.

Y/N: I'm an asshole.

Felicia: Yeah.

Y/N: A big one.

Felicia: Yeah.

Y/N: I said some stupid things.

Felicia: Yeah.

You scooted closer to her and wrapped your arms around her.

Y/N: I'm sorry. I'm going to bed now.

Felicia: You better.

You both laid there for a moment as the morning light shined on you.

Y/N: Victor is safe now. He's in the hospital.

Felicia: We'll visit him later. Go to sleep.

You nodded and buried your face in her hair.

Y/N: I love you.

Felicia moved to get more comfortable.

Felicia: I love you to.

Finally, you slept.
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Deadpool: And that's the time my movie broke the box office.

Victor: For the millionth time, SHUT UP!

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