I was so tired. Mentally and physically, I felt drained to the point that I wasn't even that hungry. Every single thing felt like so much of a chore that I slept a good portion of the day.

The first day after the whole ordeal with Apsens, Matteo didn't say anything. He just let me sleep for nineteen hours. I woke up feeling more tired than I did when I first fell asleep. The second day, Matteo tried to get me to eat lunch. I rolled away from him and went back to bed, but I did eat dinner with him later. It was mostly because he brought it up to our room and practically force-fed me. Yesterday, Matteo made me wake up before noon. He didn't really say much, just ran me a bath and let me lay in there for a while. I knew that what he was doing was right. I didn't want to stay in bed all day. I didn't want to not eat, but not a single cell in my body made that possible. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in years.

"Kai," Matteo shook me lightly, making me groan. "Look at me." I sighed in annoyance but decided to just listen to him. If I'd learned anything from the past few days it was that Matteo really didn't like to take no for an answer. He pretty much always found a way to wake me up or get me eating.

My eyes slowly opened to see Matteo fully dressed and crouched in front of me beside the bed. Despite the weather still being cold, he only had on a pair of dark wash denim jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt. I wasn't complaining, though. The shirt fit his chest and shoulders nicely which was always a bonus for me.

"Come with me today," he said softly. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his minty breath fan over my skin. It caused goosebumps to rise on my arms, but they weren't detectable from being under the blanket. I didn't respond, I just shook my head. "It wasn't a question. I need you today." I'm not sure why, but hearing him say that he needed me made warmth swell within me. If I wasn't so tired, I probably would have smiled.

"I need to shower," I mumbled. The corners of Matteo's lips turned upwards into a small smile. Again, warmth swelled in my chest making my toes curl.

"I'll grab you some clothes," he said, placing a soft kiss to my cheek. I took in another deep breath before pushing myself out of bed. I think it was a little too swift of a movement for the morning, though. My vision went blurry for a moment, and a coldness swept over my entire body. I gasped and felt my knees buckle underneath me. Luckily, the bed was below me, so I hit that before the floor. I held my head in my hands as I waited for the dizzy feeling to go away. This shit felt worse than a hangover. At least hangovers aren't emotionally involved; well, mine aren't.

I heard Matteo's heavy footsteps make their way around the bed. I didn't trust my body enough to lift my head up to look at him. Matteo wasn't really having it with that excuse, though. His large hands held both sides of my face and lifted it so that I was looking at him. He frowned, most likely taking in the drained look on my face.

"Bath instead?" I shook my head.

"I need to get up," I sighed. I didn't entirely trust my legs, but I needed to get them going. I might as well have pool noodles for legs at this rate. Matteo helped me up and steadied me by holding my arms. "Will you come with me?" I asked, feeling a bit brave. Honestly, I could see this conversation going either way. He could either say, "no, I already had a shower," or "sure, I love seeing you naked even when you look like you've been hit by a bus". Either are acceptable answers coming from my mate who seems to have two totally different personalities half the time.

Matteo didn't really give me either of those answers. Instead, he gave me a lopsided smile.

"Come on," he coaxed, gently pulling me toward the bathroom. As we got in, Matteo took a seat on the lid of the toilet. I frowned knowing that this is what he meant when he agreed to come with me. This is not what I wanted.

I could feel Matteo's hesitance. He had been this way since we came back from Apsens' territory. It was evident that the whole incident knocked a screw loose in my head, but I think Matteo was genuinely worried about my mental health. I don't blame him. A part of me was, too.

That was a fact that I absolutely f—king hated.

I was never the one to mope around, to flaunt the idea of depression. I wasn't depressed. I couldn't be. Not over this. If I end up dead, then it was meant to be. Nothing to get so upset over. Right?

I swayed for a moment as I turned from Matteo and stared at the shower. It was just a week or two ago that I cried in there. Now, you would never know. All broken remnants of the door had been discarded and replaced by a new one. I ground my teeth back and forth as I thought about taking off Matteo's crew neck and sweats that I had on. I was so comfortable. Did I really want to take them off? No.

I reached for the dial on the shower and turned on the water. I could practically feel Matteo's questioning eyes burning holes into the back of my skull. My right foot stepped into the shower, absorbing the streams of water as they came down, but the left didn't have enough time. Matteo had already pulled me back.

"What are you doing?" He asked in disbelief. I shrugged and leaned back into his chest.

"Getting in the shower."

"With your clothes on?" Wasn't it obvious by my wet pant leg that that was clearly my intention?

"Yes."

"You need to take them off," he chided as if I was a child.

"Do it for me." Well, that certainly caught his attention. He leaned away slightly allowing me to turn around and actually face each other. The look on his face confused me. He looked torn. A few months ago he'd be tearing these clothes off of me, but now he just seems unsure. Do I really look that bad? "Wow, okay," I muttered pulling myself away from him. Recovering quickly, he pulled me back.

"Kaia, it's not like that," he explained as I tried to look everywhere but at him. "It's just clear that you're not okay. You almost passed out in there." I frowned knowing he was right to a certain degree, but not entirely.

"It's just a shower, Matteo," I said quietly as I looked down at the floor. A few seconds passed before I heard his tired sigh. I kind of assumed he was just going to leave, but it took me by surprise when he started to lift the crew neck over my head instead. The complete loss of fabric on my torso made my skin immediately pimple from the cold air. His warm hands hooked into the band of the sweatpants that I was wearing and pulled them down, leaving me there in just my underwear. We both looked at each other. I think he was waiting for me to take them off, but I gave him an impatient look instead. Getting my hint, he slowly took them off as well. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't my favorite part.

"Go ahead," he ushered, nodding his head toward the shower. I narrowed my eyes in response. With an eye roll, he stripped off his shirt revealing his perfectly sculpted torso.

Just a shower, Kaia.

"I'll follow you in," he assured, nodding his head toward the shower again. His hands moved down to the buckle of his jeans, and I couldn't help but want to do it for him. I didn't trust myself, though. I'd probably get down on my knees too fast and practically pass out, again. Then, I'd definitely be taking a shower alone. Slow movements were essential this morning, I guess.

The contact of hot water on my cold skin made me jump for a moment before I began to adjust to the temperature. With my eyes shut, I sighed in contempt as the water ran over me. It wasn't long before I felt Matteo's presence behind me. He never actually came up to me, though. Even when I was just trying to have a sweet moment between the two of us, he was still being so cautious.

"Matteo, come here," I chuckled lightly, wiping the water from my eyes. Damn, why couldn't this shower be smaller?

"You said just a shower," he reminded me.

"Yes," I scoffed turning my head to look back at him.

Eyes up, Kaia.

"I'm dizzy," I continued, hoping he'd get the hint that I wanted him to actually hold me and not just stare. It didn't work out very well.

"You're impossible," he said, reaching over me to get my shampoo. I pouted while he put the coconut-scented soap in my hair. I was on the verge of resisting when his fingers began massaging it in. Damn, what is sex? This was something different. Knowing he was close enough to me, I took a step back and leaned into his chest as he continued to lather the soap in my hair.

"I love you." I'm not sure why I said it. Maybe it was out of appreciation? Lust? Actual love? Whatever it was, I felt it at that moment. Therefore, the words flew out, and I really didn't feel ashamed of it, either. It was indeed a first.

"I love you, too," he replied without hesitation. I grinned excitedly. I felt like a kid again, for a moment. It made my heart bubble to hear those words and know someone actually meant it without having to earn it.

Our shower went on without anything actually happening. I knew Matteo would have already gotten a shower that morning, so he just took his time washing me instead. I think it was the calm, quality time we both needed. Our lives as of late had been so consumed by the overhanging threat of Vindicta that we didn't really have time to worry about anything else.

"Can you hand me my brush?" I asked as I towel dried my hair. Within seconds, Matteo was in front of me with a purple brush in his hand. "Thanks." I snatched the brush and worked it through the knots in my hair. Hair is kind of weird if you really think about it. "What is hair?" I questioned, as Matteo slipped his long-sleeve back over his wonderfully toned torso. Damn.

"Uh, like dead cells or something."

"Oh," I replied as I thought about it. My hair is dead cells? They're just dead cells—hanging there. My nose scrunched up in disgust. "Ew."

"I'm going to go grab you something to eat. I'll be back," he stated seriously, giving me a nod and walking out our bedroom door.

"Okay, no need to be so formal. It's not like you didn't just fondle my tits ten minutes ago," I muttered to myself, as I wrapped the fluffy, light-blue robe tighter around myself.

By the time Matteo got back, I had changed into my outfit for the day: jeans and a crew neck, another one of Matteo's. This time, it was an old high school one he got when he played hockey. I had a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth when he bathed into the bathroom with a water bottle in one hand and a glass of what seemed to be orange juice in the other. I quickly spit the foam from the paste into the sink, wiped my mouth, and turned around to give him a raised brow.

"Something to eat, huh?" I joked. He rolled his eyes and shoved the water toward me.

"Breakfast is downstairs. A pack member was kind enough to offer." I could tell by the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes that the pack member didn't just offer. The idea of food was incredibly inviting to me, nonetheless. Ignoring the water bottle and snatching the juice instead, I took a quick gulp and forced a smile.

"Let's f—king go, then." I internalized the wince caused by my heart practically smashing itself against my rib cage. She really was not happy.

Breakfast was fast. The atmosphere made me restless, so I ate quickly. I think everyone in the packhouse was on high alert. Especially so since the failed alliance. I've found that word tends to spread fast around the pack (their Luna locking herself in her room probably wasn't helping the situation, either). People were starting to get the hint that this was not going to end well for someone, and right now, it wasn't looking to be in our favor.

After asking me seven times if I was still hungry, Matteo took my plate away. To be honest, I kind of was, but I didn't want to stay in that room any longer. It was making me do that bouncy thing with my leg that my dad always hated.

We left breakfast and went to Matteo's car. I argued it for a minute, but he assured me that it was only a few minutes of a drive. I crossed my fingers and prayed that my stomach could hold it down for that long, especially after eating. I must have been in someone's good books because we made it to Caedes' prison compound without any vomit.

"What are we doing here?" I asked. He obviously knew what I meant. What am I doing here if I'm not allowed?

"Jack hasn't left. He won't listen to me because he just sees me as the Alpha who is keeping his mate locked up." I could hear the hint of pain in his voice, but the frown etched into his face is what really gave away his sadness. Despite their constant arguing and lack of compassion for one another, it was obvious that the two were best friends, brothers even.

"That makes sense," I concurred, not really knowing what else to say. How would I feel if I were in Jack's shoes? Probably a lot angrier. Although, I couldn't deny the fact that Dani's words from a week ago kept trickling in.

She's doing her Alpha's dirty work. You were doing your own.

They have every right to be hunting you down.

Of course, we're going to stand behind you, no matter the situation, but just because we stand behind you doesn't mean we believe we're fighting for the right cause.

It twisted my insides into knots. I had to physically place my hand on my leg to stop it from bouncing, again.

"He just needs to come home. Eat something. Preferably take a shower," Matteo explained.

"He literally hasn't left the compound?" I gaped. I assumed when Matteo said that Jack hadn't left, he meant that he came back to the house to at least eat something. Even for just a few minutes a day.

"No, but I think he might listen to you." Did he really? The last conversation Jack and I had ended with me telling him to leave. I didn't really see Jack taking anything I had to say at this point to heart. Especially when it came to his mate.

"I don't think this is your brightest idea. You're closer to Jack than I'll ever be," I argued.

"You're closer to the kid than you think."

"I think we have a mutual friendship that goes as deep as him being my babysitter, at one point," I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. That was a lie. I knew, for me at least, that it went deeper than that. I told Jack things that I hadn't even told Matteo. I'm not sure how much of how I felt went both ways, though. "Besides, I'm sure I'm the last person he wants to see. His mate is in there because of me." My voice turned to a mumble the closer I got to the end of the sentence. It wasn't difficult to admit, but it was a hard one to accept. I looked down at my lap, biting my lip. If I was a crier, I probably would have teared up. Instead, I focused on the threads of my jeans.

"Kai," Matteo said seriously. I felt like a kid who was about to get a lecture. Why was he so serious today? I didn't like it.

"Hmm?" I hummed softly. I was hoping that maybe Matteo would just take the hint that my guilt was eating me alive for what I was putting Jack through, but it turns out he didn't.

"Look at me," he demanded. His tone stern, yet pleading. I guess that was a little better--a little.

"Why?" I asked, my guilt coming off as annoyance.

"Look at me," he repeated. This time, his voice was louder, but the words came out slower. Deciding I was going to have to look at him at some point, I raised my gaze from my lap. I was expecting to meet an angry set of blue eyes, but I was surprisingly greeted by a small frown and comforting pair of dark blues. "It isn't your fault that she's in there. It's her's. She got caught in Caedes, and now, she'll pay for it. Jack knows that." It was supposed to be reassuring, but it didn't work. The only thing it did was make it a little harder for me to swallow.

But, it wasn't her fault, I wanted to argue. She didn't just come over here because she wanted to. She was doing it because it was her duty. She didn't need to believe in what she was doing. She just had to do it.

It was because I spilled blood when there wasn't a reason to. Now, innocent people are expected to even the score.

I suppose that was one of the nasty parts of being in a pack that I never entirely understood—having to fight other people's battles.

"It's unfortunate," I responded, lips pressed into a thin line.

"Yeah, but that's how it works. She knew the risk she was taking," he shrugged. He was still talking about the girl. I, on the other hand, had been talking about the boy with dirty blonde hair that didn't deserve any of this.

Our conversation was cut short when someone came up to Matteo's car. I was actually thankful for it. It enticed the both of us to exit the car. The someone was a woman with her dirt brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. Clad in a black jacket, dark jeans, and boots with tread that looked like it was created to scale mountains, I assumed she was a guard on duty. She briefed Matteo on the situation with the girl which was a relatively simple conversation. She wasn't talking. There didn't seem to be a chance, and, with her being Jack's mate, they couldn't really go any further with their methods of making her.

The conversation started to take a turn, and I knew it was bound to be minutes before I began to zone out.

"Where is Jack?" I chimed in quickly, breaking their conversation.

"Uh, the Beta is on Level C, Block D," she responded. Her voice didn't waver a bit, but her eyes switched between myself and the tree behind me several times. It was hardly noticeable, but I caught it, nonetheless.

"Okay," I nodded, stepping away from them. I expected Matteo to stop me as I approached the guard outside the door, but he didn't. I was let inside the compound without an issue. Once inside, I sighed. I was never one to look at the levels or blocks. I sort of just walked around aimlessly until I stumbled across whatever it was that I was searching for. I suppose today wasn't the day for that sort of thing.

I think it may have taken me longer to locate the C Level of the building than it would have if I'd just began to wander. It was definitely colder than the level I had first entered in. Wet drops of something from somewhere rolled down the walls here and there making me feel like I was in a cave. I was just here days ago. Why did it suddenly seem so much different? So much darker?

Because what if it was you down here?

I shook the thought out of my head and walked a little faster. The levels weren't nearly as difficult to understand as the blocks were. I turned one way and I was in Block A. Make one right, and I wound up in Block H. Either I lacked direction or the person who built this did. After about ten minutes, I stumbled across the fluorescent, red letters that read, CELL BLOCK D.  With a sigh of relief, I sped up my pace down the endless hall of cold, steel bars.

"It wouldn't help your case any, so what's it matter?" A woman's voice carried through the halls. The further I walked, the louder it got.

"I don't think it needs to help the f--king case. I just want to know your name." Another voice, and this time, I knew who it belonged to. Jack. This caused my feet to slow down. Should I go back? Was he going to tell me to leave this time? No, he couldn't do that. Even if he wanted to. His instincts would never let him. I stopped walking just before the hall ended at a corner.

"Well, get me out of here, and we can talk about it over a coffee," she offered, sarcasm dripping from her lips. It didn't take a genius to know who the voice belonged to. Well, apparently it took a genius to know her name but not that she was Jack's mate.

"You know I could never," he paused mid-sentence causing my brows to furrow together in confusion. Maybe he had to sneeze? "Hello, Kaia." Busted. The tone of his voice was different, almost amused. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or if he was truly amused by me being here. I was sure that when I actually saw the look on his face, my answer would be clear. Knowing I had no choice, I slowly rounded the corner of Block D. There, I could see Jack sitting with his back against a set of cellar bars near the middle of the hall. His arms rested over his knees while his hands lazily held his head. Yeah, it was sarcasm.

"Hey," I muttered, walking as quickly as I could down to Jack. He didn't respond. He just kept his eyes glued to my awkward, speed-walking body. A low grunt left my throat as I plopped onto my butt beside him. The cement was cold, colder than the air around us. The steel bars of the empty cell behind us pushed into my back uncomfortably. I shifted slightly trying to find some sort of comfort but realized quickly that that was not an option. Sighing, I focused on something other than the bars pressing into my back like a cold iron. My gaze fixed on the woman in front of me. Well, maybe girl would be more fitting.

The first thing I noticed was her shape. I was so used to seeing Daniella and every other female in this place. All of their builds being feminine but athletic. Height was for sure another trait that carried throughout the pack. Therefore, looking up to see a girl that barely passed five feet at probably the same weight as me at 5'5 was a bit of a surprise. She wasn't exactly chubby, but she wasn't the thin, amazonian figure that I was used to.

Aside from her physical build, she had dark red hair, leaning brown. Either she really needed a shower, or she was a fan of hair dye. Probably both. Dirt smeared over her cheeks making it look like she had a mass of grey freckles. Jack must have convinced Matteo to give her some new clothes because they weren't nearly as dirty as her skin. I found myself looking into her dark eyes for just a moment before returning my gaze back to Jack. I could still feel her eyes on me, though.

"What have you been up to?" I asked awkwardly. Jack gave me a sideways look in response.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief that I even had the audacity to ask such a stupid question. It was pretty apparent by the weird smell coming off of him that he hadn't taken a good shower in a minute.

"You smell," I noted. I swear I heard the girl laugh, but when I gave her a side-eye, she was as emotionless as she had been moments ago. Jack shook his head, ignoring my insult. I was really hoping for a comeback. "Girls don't really like that," I pressed. I was hoping that I would hit a button, but, again, I got ignored.

I looked past Jack, down toward the end of Block D. Despite the place being lit up like a Christmas tree from all the fancy LED light fixtures, somehow, it all seemed so dark. I dropped my hands to my sides, allowing my palms to kiss the cold concrete floors. My fingertips pressed into the slab. It didn't give in to my touch as the carpet did on our floor. I didn't expect it to, but I couldn't shake the feeling that this was the same surface that I fell asleep on for nearly four years. Four years of my life wasted because of something so stupid.

I wanted to punch myself. That Kaia would know what to do right now. She always knew how to talk her way out of a situation...or run. I suppose that was always the safest option. I couldn't just run, though. It was irritating knowing that your younger self was better at being bad than your current self, to say the least. So, now what? I'm stuck sitting on this cold floor with some chick that I don't even know, wishing I could be somewhere warmer. That wasn't going to happen unless Jack got the hell up, though. Unless I just moved the chick. I'm sure Jack would follow her like a magnet.

I sat up a little straighter, realizing that I am more of a genius than I give myself credit for. I drummed my fingers against the concrete impatiently as I ran through the 'what ifs'. I suppose the whole thing could go a few ways, but hopefully, I knew Jack well enough.

"I hate it down here," I spat, breaking the silence. That was true. A few months ago, the musty air wouldn't have made me want to cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and run, but it did now. I didn't like the hard concrete that I used to willingly fall asleep on just to piss off Vindicta's guards. And I hated how damn cold it was. "I'm going to have other arrangements made. This block is f--king terrible." The girl perked up a bit. I knew she understood what I meant by arrangements, but Jack who was most likely functioning on little sleep looked confused.

"What?"

"Level A is by far the warmest option. Plus, I've seen the living situations in those cells. Ha, if that's what you want to call them. Some of those nice ones look like those dorm rooms you see on TV," I chuckled. Again, Jack was confused.

"What?"

"I'm having her placed in one of Level A's cells later. Actually, I'll just do it now," I shrugged, standing up. I was crossing my fingers that I knew how Jack would react to such a claim. Maybe his mate changed him. Perhaps she didn't. I was hoping for the first one.

"Kaia," Jack barked, grasping my wrist and pulling me back down, "you can't just do that. She's a threat." Perfect.

"She would be fine. They're just really nice cells," I shrugged, knowing that was far from the truth.

"They aren't just really nice cells. Those are meant for people who need a little time out, yanno? People who are from the pack and can be trusted. Level A is grounds for low-risk inmates. She is not one," he stated like a true Beta. I wanted to smirk so damn bad but held it in. Jack could be an idiot, but when it came to this kind of stuff, he was a genius. He would figure out my little mind game really fast if I broke out some Joker smile. True to his title, Jack was a grade-A Beta. He had to be in Caedes Pack.

"You're crazy. Look at her," I motioned toward the five-foot warrior thing in the cell. Even she was looking at me like I was a little crazy. "She can't do jack shit."

"Hey," Jack warned, lowering his gaze.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" I thought for a second someone else entered the hall, but no. The little thing actually spoke. And boy, did she look irritated.

"You're too afraid to pull anything. Just like you were too afraid to fight until you were the last one standing," I paused for a moment. "Well, until you weren't." I knew that wasn't entirely true. She was by far the best fighter of the three. Most likely, she was just waiting to gain leverage, but that didn't really happen. I was surprised to not see steam start rolling out of her ears. That's how angry this little chick was getting. I was impressed by how good I still was at this. My dad said I had a gift for breaking people down. They tend to be most vulnerable when they are angry. "And now look at you. Too afraid to even say your own name," I pouted, making my voice sound like I was talking to a baby rather than a teenage girl.

"I am not!" she snapped, pointing her finger at my face. Taking one solid step toward the cellar, I lowered my gaze to look her dead in the eyes. I wanted her to see the Alpha wolf that she was talking to.

"Then, say it, bitch," I hissed darkly. It was a scene that could have given Matteo a run for his money. Slowly, her face morphed into something that I could only compare to a pissed-off fire ant. Her cheeks were practically glowing red from anger and her teeth bit down on one another so hard that I'm surprised they were all still intact. "Huh, that's what I thought," I chided, unamused. I turned my back to her to face Jack. "See? She's not going to hurt anyone. She's just some dumb kid who they probably sent out here to get herself killed anyway."

"Kaia, that's enough. What's wrong with you?" Jack's question made something in my chest snap. I wanted to tell him that it was all an act, but was it? This is what I knew. This is what I was good at.

"Me? What's wrong with you?" I fired back. "I know a suicide mission when I see one." Jack didn't respond. His jaw just clenched tightly. I shook my head with a cold chuckle. "Too scared to even say her damn name."

"Taylor. Taylor f—king Verrader." The bitey response should have pissed me off, but it didn't.

I smiled. I may not have accomplished getting Jack out of the cellars, but I did accomplish something else that no one else seemed to be able to. My gloating was cut short by an abrupt yank on my arm. Before I knew it, Jack was dragging my ass out of the cellar.

So, maybe I did manage to accomplish two things that day.

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10/21/2019