I felt the warmth of the sun resting on my face before I saw it. It was a comforting heat that just grazed over my skin giving me a similar sensation to the little shivers I felt when Matteo touched me. It made me want to wake up and not contemplate ending my own life to escape my very unfortunate situation for once. However, the light is not what woke me up. The soft touch of a thumb running across my pouted bottom lip did. It was a simple gesture, but it had sparks shooting all the way from my mouth to my stomach.

My eyes fluttered open to see the man who was acting much calmer than I could have ever anticipated. I expected to be woken up by a shouting match, so waking up to my mate being amused simply by my sleeping self was fine by me. Although, it did make me worried that this was the calm before his storm.

"I'm so upset with you, but I'm so in love with you. It's very troublesome," Matteo admitted, turning my tired pout into a frown. "I want to scream at you for being so reckless, but I hate raising my voice at you and making you upset. I simply do not know how to explain to you how much I hated what you did last night and how angry I am that you did it."

"Well, that worked," I muttered, feeling the heavy weight of guilt fall on my shoulders. I could hear the genuine disappointment in his tone and how he was strategically piecing his words together to make sentences that would cut me like a knife but not kill me. This was a side of Matteo that I'd slowly begun to recognize after he flew off the rails during our last major fight. The image of me sitting terrified in our shower surely was an image that was burned into his conscience. I was just glad Matteo was man enough to not repeat his mistakes, well, not all of them. Minor, inconvenient fights now ended with Matteo simply stating his opinion and not bringing it up again. To be honest, I think he was afraid he was going to have a repeat of losing control of his anger.

Dropping his hand from my face, Matteo pushed himself away from me and rolled out of bed. I sat up in confusion as I watched him stand up and walk over to the closet to retrieve a shirt for his bare torso.

"What are you doing?" I asked. He slipped the white shirt over his head and pulled it down over his chest. He continued to rummage in the closet for a moment before pulling out a pair of dark wash denim jeans.

"I have to prepare a group to cross into Vindicta by the end of the week, Kaia. We know patrol routes, but that's really nothing in the grand scheme of things." His response made me want to huff like a child. It was short, and I knew he kept it that way to manage his temper. The calmer he came across, however, the angrier it made me. I didn't want to fight, but I didn't want him to just blow off what I had done as if he didn't care.

"Aren't we going to talk about last night?" I dared to question. He slipped on his jeans and buttoned them. I caught the way his hands seemed to grip the material tighter and his jaw tensed in anger.

"Is there a point?" He countered making me bite down, grinding my molars. His dark eyes bored into mine, daring me to respond to his very rhetorical question. "You'll probably just do it again, so I don't see one. You knew how stupid it was, how much I do not want you out there by yourself when your life could be taken away like that," he said, adding a snap with his fingers, "but you did it anyway. No amount of breath that I waste arguing with you about it is going to be enough to make you see how irrationally you act." If I was a baby, I would have probably started crying. For some reason, it hurt me more when he expressed his disappointment like this than when he was yelling.

"But you can't even try to have a conversation about it?" I snapped, feeling my emotions start to get the best of me. I lowered my gaze to my hands fondling the bedding as a burning sensation fizzled in the back of my throat. "At least I expected to have one," I muttered, more to myself than to him. It was odd to think that I, of all people, wanted to talk about something I had done wrong. Usually, that was Matteo's thing, and I couldn't help but feel like we had switched places.

I could see Matteo move over to me out of the corner of my eye. He towered over me before leaning over the side of the bed to get in my face. I gulped remembering how close he'd gotten in my face the last time we fought. His hand grasped my chin and forced me to look up at him. His face remained calm, but his eyes were giving away his anger.

"Why were you there? Why did I have to wake up and call every single wolf running the border to make sure that no wolves had slipped in unnoticed? Do you want to talk about the man that shared a few words with you? Because I can promise you that he is never stepping foot on this land, again. Met him on the way over to find you--fun pitstop," he chuckled humorlessly. "What the f--k were you thinking?" My mate was seething, and it made the burning sensation in my throat grow stronger. For a second, I wasn't sure if I was going to cry or vomit. I wanted to look away from those dark blue eyes of his, but I couldn't. My head told me to submit to his anger, but my heart told me that I needed to stand my ground on this. For the first time, I felt like I was almost the mature one.

"First of all, don't do that," I snapped, pushing his hand away from my face. If he wanted his hand to stay there, it would have, but thankfully he let me have my way. "Second, that man was an old friend that came here to help us. He told me that Barron sent him over here to say that he was on our side and that he sent Taylor over to gain our trust and feed us information about Vindicta. He wants to help us, but he doesn't want his fake alliance to be compromised. I knew it was stupid. You don't have to remind me, but I was trying to do the right thing. So, I went to talk to her myself because Hayden came to me, not you. Barron sent him to me," I spit. My words were like venom, and I had a feeling Matteo could taste them. I wanted him to choke on them. "What was I thinking? God, I hope this isn't a big, f--kin' lie."

Matteo stood speechless in front of me. The fire in his eyes had cooled down to a smolder, and his tensed jaw was now slack. He was contemplating what I had said. The truth of it and what the odds were of it being all one big lie, I assumed.

"I see your point, Kai, but I still wish you would have come to me first before going to the prison." I narrowed my eyes at Matteo's stupid argument.

"Exactly, you wish I would have, but I didn't need to. Barron came to me for a reason, and you know that reason. You would have just called Hayden's message one big hoax and thrown him in a cell." I crossed my arms and shot him a judgemental glare. I wanted him to deny it, but there was no way he could. My Matteo was not a liar when it came to shit like this. "You would have told me I was being stupid and turned me down before you even gave the idea a chance."

"We're just supposed to believe rumors, now? Are we becoming that desperate?" Matteo's voice was no longer full of anger. Instead, the sound of a painful strain came through making me frown. It was foreign to see Matteo become so bothered. I sighed deeply, biting the inside of my bottom lip.

Were we that desperate? I was, and judging by the look on Matteo's face, he was getting there. The safety of his mate and his pack were both a stake, and now that we were starting to enter Vindicta territory, that threat was growing even greater. We had already begun to lose pack members.

I chose not to respond. Not because I didn't know how, but because I knew words were not what Matteo needed. His anger was stemming from frustration, and nothing that I could say would assuage how he was feeling. Until Adrian died or I did, Matteo would constantly be on edge and frustrated. It was a vicious cycle that seemed to affect him more than it did to me somehow. I suppose I'd just be dead if I died. Matteo probably wouldn't take my passing very well and would live out his days as a depressed grump. He definitely had the worse of the two outcomes.

I leaned forward and raised myself on my knees so that I was closer and more level to him. He pulled away slightly, confused by my sudden shift in position, but I pulled him back. I wound my arms around his tense figure and held him to me with my head rested on his chest. His arms circled my torso, crushing me further into his chest. By the way his fingers dug into my sides, I knew my embrace was what he needed. There was never going to be a perfect answer to the situation we found ourselves in, but this was close enough.

"You've gotta stop scaring me like that. I thought you turned yourself in," Matteo mumbled into my hair. I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up in shock. I kind of expected to see him smiling at what he had just said like it was supposed to be a joke, but no. His lips were a taut, thin line and sadness was cast over his eyes.

"I would kill myself before I let him do it," I responded honestly.

"I know, but that still doesn't make me feel much better."

"Nothing will," I huffed in annoyance. Not with him, just my incredibly disappointing luck.

"You just have to trust me with these things. It's more important than you know," he paused, his eyes growing the slightest bit darker, "especially with Barron."

 "But, we have to take chances. Either Barron lies and we just continue not having him on our side or we gain him as an ally. We won't know if we don't go for it, though."

"Kaia, I know, but I have so many lives in my hands right now," Matteo sighed. It made my heart hurt. There were so many people ready to give up their lives for me when I've done nothing for them. There had already been too many who died trying to save me. It just wasn't right. It didn't sit right with me. The more I thought about it, the better the idea of suffocating myself with a pillow sounded. No one else needed to die, but I was too selfish. I didn't want to die. I wanted to sleep next to Matteo for another fifty years and maybe have a few dumbass kids. I wanted to go stay in that house he bought for us and get old and ugly with him. I didn't care about staying with Caedes Pack, but I did care about staying with Matteo. And for that, I was selfish, but I couldn't deny that I didn't want Matteo's pack to suffer.

"And taking this chance could save a few." Matteo didn't respond. He just reached his hand up to the back of my head and tucked my head back into his chest. I chose not to press my luck. I had an inkling that he was finding what I had said agreeable, and I did not want to risk it with my big mouth. Matteo was a strong Alpha who rarely had to worry about threats to his pack. Now, he had to make decisions about his pack while also thinking about me which did not seem to go hand-in-hand.

"You didn't let Hayden just cross back over our territory, did you?" I asked after minutes of silence. Deep within the pit of my stomach, I already knew his gutwrenching answer. Nonetheless, I needed to know from him. 

"No." He wasted no time responding, nor did he seem very sorry. My frown deepened as I thought about the man who could have easily replaced my father for all that he's done for me. I didn't need to ask if Hayden was in a cell. I knew he wasn't.

Sensing my shift in mood, Matteo rubbed small circles on my lower back as if it was going to magically make Hayden's murder disappear from my mind. I pesky little tear slipped from my right eye, but I was quick to wipe it away. I'm sure that Matteo knew what I'd done, but he wasn't going to draw attention to it. If he would have made even the slightest comment about me crying, I would have knocked out one of his teeth.

Honestly, I couldn't quite pinpoint why I was crying. Hayden, one of the only friends that I'd ever had, was just murdered by the man I loved. It made this sick feeling settle in my stomach, but it wasn't like me to be upset over something like that. Perhaps, I was just frustrated with the whole situation? He was so close to being free again, but Matteo ruined that for him. Maybe that's why I was crying? It was all very foreign.

"You can't tell Jack about this. You can't tell anyone," Matteo finally spoke up after like three minutes of me sniffling to myself like a baby. The thought hadn't really crossed my mind to tell Jack about Taylor, but it made sense. Taylor was his mate who he assumed was a traitor. Of course, he would want to know if she was actually helping us. It would only be fair to him that he would know of her innocence so that they could be happy together. Therefore, Matteo's little declaration didn't really make any sense to me.

"What are you talking about? We have to tell him," I argued, pulling myself away from Matteo. His eyes watched me closely as he calculated my next move.

"If she's not lying, then it would just put her and Barron in more danger of being exposed. People talk, Kai. It isn't a secret that Jack's mate is locked up for trying to come after you."

"But, she's here to help us," I argued. He had a point strategically, but morally I was questioning it.

"Well, if she really means it, then she can prove her loyalty behind bars. I can't take that much of a risk with you." I bit down hard. I could tell he was being absolutely genuine, and it made me swallow back a gulp that felt like a golfball.

"And the pack," I corrected.

"Yeah, that too." His tone was dismissive, and it made a weird feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. It felt wrong for Matteo to put anything before his pack, let alone me. Not wanting to comment on his odd behavior, I rested my head tiredly on his chest.

"I just want him to be happy. He doesn't deserve any of this," I sighed sadly, trying to change the subject. He and I both knew I was talking about Jack. Matteo's hand rubbed a soothing pattern over my back.

"Well, why don't you go talk to him?"

"Because I think he'd rather see me dead," I deadpanned, making Matteo scoff.

"I'm sure he doesn't. I know you make him happy. He needs you right now." I rolled my eyes at how stupid what he said just sounded.

"He needs a Luna," I chuckled bitterly. Jack needed a person who would hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, someone with a plan. He needed someone that I was clearly not on a pack wolf level. 

"He needs a friend." I scrunched my brows together. A friend? Jack didn't need a friend. Daniella needed a friend. Jack needed a miracle.

"Fine," I sighed. I wasn't convinced that I was the key to Jack's happiness, but if Matteo thought it was best then I'd believe him. We enjoyed each other's company for a few more minutes before Matteo decided he had to leave. He finished getting ready, gave me a quick kiss, and left to wherever it was he needed to be. I really didn't want to go talk to Jack, but I knew I needed to. I felt obligated to. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, he would put his own petty feelings aside and speak to me.

I got ready for the day so that I looked a little more human and a little less like a troll and went in search of Jack. It wasn't difficult. There were like four places that I knew Jack would be: the weight room, his room, his office, or the cellar. I suggested that Matteo not put Jack on patrols the past week to give him a bit of time to cope with the death of his brother. Thankfully, Matteo listened, so I didn't have to do an entire sweep of our central pack grounds. I checked his room first. I contemplated how rude it would be if I just barged in after knocking without any response, but settled on the reasoning that I was the Luna, so it was fine. Unfortunately, I opened the door to an empty room. I did the same with his office. I didn't go in there often because Jack didn't really like being in there. He always told me that he preferred doing his work in his room. Again, it was vacant. The weight room had the same result as the other two, so all of my money was being bet on the cellar. I had a pretty good idea exactly what cell block he'd be in, as well. 

I was thrown off by a few things upon arriving at the prison. There wasn't anyone guarding the door. The only explanation I could think of was because they were either on a shift change or they were inside. Secondly, I was under the impression that Matteo wasn't going to be here. Nevertheless, there stood his car, parked on the makeshift, graveled road.

Entering the prison was beyond easy. I didn't have to threaten anyone or make up a lie or excuse. I just walked right in. It was the same on the inside as it always had been, but I didn't expect much of a change. I'm sure Matteo wouldn't be too fond of his pack members decorating the compound.

Making my way down to the cell block housing Taylor, I expected to hear Jack's voice or possibly just silence. However, I was met with something much more interesting.

"What did you tell her?" The deep baritone of Matteo's voice demanded, making me stop in my tracks before I had the chance to round the final corner. 

"What she asked," Taylor responded causing Matteo to growl lowly. My jaw dropped a bit in shock and confusion as I contemplated the reasons why Matteo would be down here. He was probably just curious as to what we talked about the night before. That made sense. "She doesn't know." Taylor's words came out hurriedly as if her life depended on it. Knowing Matteo's temper, it probably did. Her statement furthered my confusion. So, now there's something they both know that I don't?

"I should kill you just to make a f--king point to him," Matteo snarled. The irritation in his voice seeped into my skin and drew out goosebumps. 

"Alpha Nerezza, please, I--" Her pleading was cut short by another low snarl. Silence settled throughout the concrete facility, and I held my breath for fear that Matteo was going to hear me. This was clearly a conversation that I was not supposed to be hearing. "I won't tell her," Taylor promised softly. My teeth clenched together in irritation. What was I not supposed to know? What did my mate do with this bitch?

"It's better that she just doesn't know," Matteo concluded. I could feel anger swelling within me. It made the back of my throat dry and my hands shake. I could have spit I was so irritated, but my trembling lip caught in between my teeth stopped me. I was a secret keeper, no doubt, but a secret between some random bitch in a cell and my mate did not sit right with me. I've seen the shit that Alphas can make weak girls in their custody do. 

I was seconds away from breaking down in a fit of heavy breathing and curse words, so I slipped away from the situation while I had the chance. Storming out of the cellar was not the same easy mission that it had been when I entered it. A guard now stood at the doorway with a wide-eyed expression at my figure. My angry steps did not slow or falter for a moment.

"Luna, you--" I knew what his statement was going to be before he even had the opportunity to finish it. 'Luna, you aren't supposed to be here.' Oh, shut up. Not allowing him to finish, my hands planted themselves on either side of his head, quickly jerking his face to the side. A sickening crack resonated off of the concrete walls around us, and his body fell limp to ground. My eyes followed his body as it crumpled to the floor, not feeling the slightest bit sad or worried. I suppose that can be his punishment for not being there in the first place. My eyes raised to meet the shocked ones of another pack member.  

"Get him out of here," I snarled. The boy made quick work of removing the unconscious male from the scene. "It should have been her." Seeing the male's feet disappear into another room as the boy drug him away, a pang struck my heart. I didn't mean that, did I? I didn't actually want to hurt Jack's mate over a conversation taken out of context, right?

No, I did. 

"He wouldn't do that," I said, trying to convince myself that my mate wouldn't be the first out of the two of us to do something so stupid. I felt the wet heat of a tear roll down my cheek which was becoming far too familiar to me at this point. I wiped it away with enough force to knock out a full-grown man and ground my teeth together. "You're being dumb. He wouldn't do that," I repeated, hoping that the constricting feeling in my chest might dissipate even the slightest bit. 

It didn't.

_______________________________

3/25/2020

This may just be coming to a much faster end than any of you could have anticipated. Anyway, the final chapters have been planned, and it is so crazy to think that this book will likely be coming to an end this year...if not in the next few months...maybe weeks. It has been a whole four years with this book, and some of you have been here since the beginning. Wow. absolutely nuts. Well, enjoy another day in quarantine (if you're in one).