Truth be told, I was never really good in high stress situations. I tended to panic and say whatever I could to avoid them. It was one of the things my dad hated about me. Like I said, I never had the collectivity of Kaden—physically or emotionally.

Kaden was a bit of a stoic. It wasn't that he had full control over his emotions, he was just really good at locking them away. I, on the other hand, fought with my emotions on a day to day basis.

I'm an emotional girl, what can I say?

I don't mean emotional like I cried a lot. No. Gross. I mean emotional like everything would just build up and eventually feel like I was being suffocated. It normally never ended well when I got to the point of just snapping. I suppose that was what kind of happened between Jack and I.

I wanted to punch myself several times in the face for giving in so easily. I can see now why my father blatantly told me how much he hated how emotional I could get when I was younger. He always said, 'rogues don't feel. They just do,' but I was more of a 'feel and then do' kind of person. Kaden was more of a 'just don't' person all around. Don't feel. Don't do. Probably one of the reasons my dad had said he wanted to disown him so many times. He never meant it, though.

For the first time in a while, I was having a war with my head and my heart. My head because I was trying to deal with the thoughts of what could be and what already had been. My own thoughts were practically eating me alive. My heart, on the contrary, was involved due to Matteo being involved. The mate bond was a wicked thing, let me just say. The way it managed to get into my head and make me do things I'd never even think of doing confused me and concerned me at the same time—maybe even scared me a little bit. I'd never admit it, but at this point I just felt drained.

I couldn't help how I felt towards him. I hated to deny it, to push it away, but I felt stuck. I wanted Matteo, but not his way of living—but then again, a little part of me kind of craved it. I just blame it on the whole mate thing. It's just not easy giving up rogue life when that's all I've known. It keeps me attached to my parents. Even though they left, there was still that small chance that they could come back floating around in the back of my mind, and I'd be standing there with open arms when they did.

I suppose the thing I craved about it was the permanency of it which also happens to be the thing that scared me the most. Normally, if I had any sort of issue I could just run away from it. That's not really the case anymore. The issue I have currently is forced upon me by fate, and, whether it is a curse or blessing, I can't out run fate. That seems to be making itself obvious. It feels extremely unnatural but natural at the same time, and it's confusing the heck out of me. It's almost like tasting a food when you aren't sure if you really like the flavor on the first bite, so you take another just to taste it again, and it ends up tasting exactly the same, but you still just don't know if you like it or not.

I don't know. All that I can say is that I was confused by what I was taught to be right and what I feel is right.

I'm stuck between just accepting that Matteo is my mate and being in a pack isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, or face the mental disappointment of my father and possible future regret if being part of a pack is everything my dad told me it was.

I probably would have already figured out my situation two days ago if anyone could get a hold of Matteo who still happens to be looking for me even though I'm currently laying in his bedroom.

From what I had gathered from Jack and I's few brief conversations, Matteo has most likely—to be short—gone insane and has allowed his wolf to take over in order to track me down (Hence why he won't answer his stupid phone because wolves can't unlock an iPhone), or he's dead. I chose to ignore the second option when Dani had offered up the idea by simply telling Jack and Dani that if they didn't leave me alone, I'd strangle them with their socks through the locked door.

The door has quite literally remained locked. I only leave when I get hungry about once or twice every hour, but I just don't have the mental strength to deal with people. I also couldn't pull myself to look at Daniella in the eye after she witnessed me panic like a five year old at the mention of my parents abandoning me.

It's a cringey moment for me.

Jack comes up and has a nice conversation with the other side of the door often. I know he feels sorry for what he did even though I'd never said or done anything in the past to show him how much my parents leaving had affected me. I know he did due to the seventy-nine times he had said sorry and counting. I made it seem like I was chill with my parents leaving when we had spoken about it before, and I know that. Something deep within me makes me want to go hug him and tell him it's okay, but I'm a little disturbed by it so I choose to ignore it and use that to fuel the pettiness I have toward him at the moment. I kind of felt like my miserable self being locked up in Vindicta's cells again trying my hardest to ignore Dallas.

I was currently making my way out of the shower when a very loud knock rapped on the outside of the door. My fashion for the evening consisted of a pair of vibrant green underwear covered by a pair of grey running shorts that my butt cheeks felt like they might fall out of and a whitish grey t-shirt I stole from Matteo's closet. My hair was still soaked from my shower which made the back of Matteo's t-shirt uncomfortably wet.

I groaned loudly as I stomped over to the door. I had just assumed the person who repeatedly to knock on my door was Jack. I'd left him there when I had decided that taking a shower would be better than facing my problems.

Just being my normal, petty, arrogant self avoiding things I really shouldn't be.

I aggressively opened the door snapping at the person behind it with a quick 'what?!' expecting to see a familiar lie of green eyes, but was genuinely surprised when I hadn't.

Instead, I was matched with a pair of dark brown ones that made me want to blow off my left leg with a firework.

"Oh, it's you," I grunted as I began shutting the door in Daniella's face, but she managed to wedge her foot in between the door and the frame before I could completely shut it.

"Yeah, it's me," she barked as she pried the door back open, "and unfortunately for you, I'm not quite as easily ignored as Jack."

"That's a matter of opinion," I stated with my arms crossed. She stepped past me and into the room, making her way over to the bed where she took a seat.

"Well, I'm already in the bedroom after like twenty seconds of trying which is like two days faster than Jack, so I'd say I'm winning," she concluded, running her freshly manicured nails through her long, blonde hair.

"Exactly. I can ignore even as you're in the same room as me," I commented cockily, walking past her to go crawl into the bed, but her hand grasped my wrist. My eyes snapped to hers, and my lip curled up into a snarl. Dani just rolled her eyes at me and motioned to the bed beside her.

"Sit down. We need to talk to you," she ordered causing my eyes to narrow.

"Being highly offensive, but last time we had 'a talk' I ended up with a silver bullet in my side."

"That was different kind of talk. I'm clean. Wanna pat me down?" Dani questioned as she raised her arms in the air. Her brows were raised giving me a look that said 'try me, please. I'm waiting,' with her dark eyes.

"Fine," I huffed. "Talk."

"First of all, you need to talk to Jack." Just the mention of his name had my eyes rolling. Even when he wasn't trying to get me to talk to him through my door, someone was still trying to get us on speaking terms.

"No."

"You're being dumb an you know it," Daniella accused. "Now, knock it off and solve your god damn issues because that boy just wants what is best for you."

Well, that sounded weird. Someone actually wanting what is best for me.

"Because he knows what's best for me?"

"Yes! He does! And, you do too, so cut the crap, Kaia. Jack might baby you a little more than I do, but I'm not going to sit here while you ruin your life."

"I'm not ruining my life by not talking to Jack."

"Yeah, but you're going to ruin it by not letting anyone in but your imaginary friends," she retorted which offended me way more than it should have. I have friends. Hayden was my friend, I think, and I'm pretty sure Dallas would be my friend if I said sorry and twirled my hair around my finger a few times.

"I don't have imaginary friends, asshole," was my absolute genius remark.

"Well, I was trying to give you at least one."

"I do have friends!"

"Who? Jack?" She asked getting up from the bed. I was about to give her a piece of my mind clarifying that I do possibly have two friends, but she continued talking. "Yeah, okay. Some friend you are trying to tell someone how mates work when they already went through it," she snapped harshly, making her way over to the door.

That shut me down real quick. I think my brain actually shut down for a second. Am I even breathing? Did I blink?

"Wait, what?"

"I'm not repeating myself—"

"No, what do you mean he already went through it?"

"He doesn't like to talk about it." The look in Daniella's eyes told me what I needed to know and already assumed she meant.

"He had a mate?" She nodded meekly to my question with her head down as if she knew that by telling me she was doing something very wrong. "What happened to her?" I pressed.

"Gone."

"Gone as in?"

"Dead." I'm pretty sure my face paled. It made sense, though, why Jack was so obsessed with the whole idea of mates and fate and what not. He understood because he experienced it. "I swear to the moon, if you bring this up to Jack, I'll personally make sure you never have the opportunity to say another obnoxious remark again," Daniella threatened. I could tell Jack's mate must have been a very touchy subject for him.

The asshole within me wanted to bring it up just as payback for bringing up my parents, but I just couldn't seem to pull myself to do it. Before, I would have done it in two seconds flat. I would have bolted out of this room just to do so, but I just couldn't bring myself to stoop that low.

"Alright, alright. I didn't know," I mumbled slightly annoyed by her yelling at me even though I didn't really say anything.

"Yea, well, he doesn't like people to know," she stated which just made me even more curious.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. He just chooses to act like nothing ever happened. It's how he copes, I guess."

"How did it happen?"

"Freak accident."

"Freak accident?"

"It happened a while ago, and it did some damage to all of us, okay? She was our friend, so I'd rather not get into the gory details, thank you," Dani stated suddenly becoming defensive. I was slightly taken back by the sudden emotion coming from her. Although it was still her usual rude behavior, it was different. It seemed emotion driven.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, whatever," Dani muttered shooing away my apology like it was no big deal. Well, excuse me. That was a huge deal for me. I rarely apologize. "Will you please just talk to Jack, and actually listen to what he has to say? I know he sounds like he's often just spewing mushy gushy nonsense, but he just wants to help you," she said, turning to head out the door.

"Thank you, Dan," I said sincerely causing her to go tense and freeze in her spot, "for not being a complete prick." With the end of my statement, her body seemed to relax. She turned around and shot me a dazzling smile.

"Don't mention it," she winked before turning back around to leave. "Seriously, don't ever talk about it!" And with a harsh slam of the door, she left the room.

I knew what I had to do. I felt like a big, stupid idiot, but I knew what I had to do.

First of all, I needed to go talk things out with Jack. Then, I need to listen to his boring speeches about fate, and actually take them seriously and learn from them. And after I do that, then I can go be mentally shaken over the fact that Daniella actually tried to help me and be decent for once.

With my mind made up, I bounded out of the room. I was on a mission. I needed to do what was best for me.

If fate wanted me to be a rogue the rest of my life, I wouldn't be mates to an alpha. Plain and simple.

No matter how much I pretty much hated it, I needed to accept it.

Sure my dad would be so disappointed, but my mom would be proud of me...I think.

I mean, I hope she would.

You know what, the more I think about it, the worse this plan sounds.

I was about to turn back around, completely abort the mission, and head back up to the room when the front door flew open, scaring the crap out of me, and almost made me pee myself. My sense of smell was evaded by the most perfect, panty-dropping, mouthwatering scent that I'd grown to be addicted to, and my eyes found a tired pair of deep-blue orbs framed by full, dark lashes. His dark, disheveled hair accompanied by tired eyes with bags to go along with them. Somehow even as a mess, he was still the most bangable thing on the face of the planet. He was like sex on legs.

In that moment, I didn't even care about finding Jack anymore. I didn't need Jack's words of wisdom. After the man in front of me spoke just three words, I knew that I no longer wanted to prove to my parents what I could do, but to him because although his words felt sincere I could still sense the underlying doubt in the way he looked at me. At this point, it might be the mate bond talking, but I was determined.

"I'm so sorry."

'I am definitely going to regret this decision later,' I thought to myself as I surprised Matteo by running into his muscular arms, enjoying every minute of being held by him.

Oh, yeah. Definitely going to regret this.

_________________

I'm sorry that Kaia is insane and she is hella indecisive but that's just how I make her character because that's how the story is built around. She's the way she is due to how she grew up and how her father was to her and stuff and you'll see you'll see. SORRY IF SHES ANNOYING.

I also need to get the show on the road because I gotta start the main plot which will be occurring shortly. ITS ABOUT TO GET LITTY TITTY.

OOOOO DANI WAS ACTUALLY KINDA NICE. SHOOK.

Anyway I have nothing else to say but

Hasta la pasta 5/31/17