They used to bet money on Hyungwon's bruises.

"I'm telling you, abusive parent," Kihyun insisted, pointing a finger in Jooheon's direction with a challenging tilt to his eyebrows. "It makes the most sense. His dad has always been disappointed in him, and whenever Hyungwon stops by, he reminds him of it." Someone tossed a few singles over to him, and Kihyun held them up triumphantly.

Jooheon just rolled his eyes, putting the bottle back up to his lips to take another sip.

"I think he stole some guy's girlfriend," Minhyuk jumped in, easily excited by the topic even though they'd gone over it a thousand times. "Scratch that, a lot of guys' girlfriends. It's a game of his, he targets girls going out with tough guys and he gets them to fall for him. Then he breaks apart their relationship for fun and gets beat up." Kihyun slapped a five into Minhyuk's waiting palm, but the rest of the group held back, waiting for other theories.

"Have you ever seen Hyungwon even look at a cheerleader?" Jooheon asked Minhyuk, tapping the bottle against the ground. "I've never seen him give a damn about anyone. Has he even been in a relationship?"

"Once? A long time ago, I think?" Hoseok said unsteadily. He was more of a lightweight than the others, and it wasn't his favorite topic to discuss. But still, as Hyungwon's oldest friend, he felt it was his job to provide answers. "There was a girl a few years back. But it didn't end well, I don't remember why, definitely her fault though."

"Of course that's what Hyungwon would tell you," Changkyun said with a light snort. Although the youngest of the group, he was one of the most mature. He could handle his alcohol better than most of the others, and he was more interested in having deep discussions than fooling around with Minhyuk and Kihyun, who were often involved in stupid drunk shit that more often than not had them running away from the cops. "I don't know, I feel like it's something dark and dirty. Like he's actually a male prostitute and he's got a lot of rough clients only he's too scared to tell anyone."

A collective ooh rose up as the majority of the group considered the idea and found it compelling enough.

"Hyungwon is not a prostitute-" Hoseok began, flustered just at the mention of the profession, but his voice was ignored as a folded up bills from all around the circle were tossed and thrown at Changkyun, who grinned and swept the money first into his palm before it disappeared into his pocket.

"That's the best one yet," Kihyun said, nodding in acknowledgement at Changkyun, who gave a slow nod back. "I really think that might be it."

"He is not a prostitute," Hoseok repeated to deaf ears. "He's a college student studying plant biology, why the hell would you guys even think something like that was true?" He asked the question, but he didn't really need an answer. He knew what they all thought of Hyungwon, the friend he'd vouched for - a pretty face with good body proportions, calm and collected, almost larger than life. Of course, they hadn't seen Hyungwon breaking down, mumbling to Hoseok that he'd already given his heart away and now what was he supposed to do, mail order another one? They hadn't seen Hyungwon kneeling at the edge of the soil, biting his lip as he looked down on the seed that had just started to germinate, hoping desperately that this one would survive, that he would finally be able to will something into life, into existence.

They just saw a pretty face, one to match a seemingly aloof personality. Hoseok couldn't really defend that part; Hyungwon had been given plenty of opportunities to hang out with the group, to show more personal sides of himself, but he'd never seemed quite comfortable in the larger setting, always keeping quiet or speaking only to Hoseok.

The guys didn't hate him, but his behavior didn't exactly make him popular with them.

"Changkyun wins this week," Hyunwoo announced with a sigh. He hadn't gotten a chance to guess, but he figured it was better that way. He didn't really like the game in the first place, and he didn't have any ideas, either. He had always been more of a listener.

"Hyungwon is not a-" Hoseok began for a third time before sighing and letting his denial drift away on the chilly night wind that was whipping across the rooftop and into the city beyond. He turned his head, his eyes following the wind, and he wondered if Hyungwon was out there in the city that night and what he was doing.

He wondered if Hyungwon would show up the next day with more bruises.

--

"How was it?" Hyungwon asked Hoseok without looking over as he began stocking granola bars on the shelf.

"It was all right," Hoseok said with a shrug that went unseen but not unfelt as he shoved his hands in his pockets, immediately disliking the mediocre way he'd summed up their night. "I mean, we had a good enough time. Changkyun's apartment building has roof access with a little fire pit, so we all sat around in lawn chairs with some beers. It was nice."

Hyungwon nodded but kept quiet, having nothing to comment, and Hoseok chuckled awkwardly, feeling the need to fill the silence as he grabbed some of the boxes and handed them to Hyungwon, who gave a silent nod of thanks as he began placing them on the shelf.

"They were joking around a lot, saying stupid shit like always," Hoseok said, trailing after Hyungwon who had moved down to start stocking fruit snacks.

"Like what?" Hyungwon asked, although by his tone, Hoseok could tell that he wasn't really interested but was merely trying to oblige Hoseok's rambling nature. Hyungwon had truthfully never really been interested in meeting more people, but it had been Hoseok who had dragged him into his pre-established friend group. Hoseok had gone to university earlier than Hyungwon and had thus tried to impress his lifestyle on Hyungwon once he'd gone to university as well. In some ways, it had worked out fine. Hoseok had showed Hyungwon all the best cafes and places to eat in the area, and they'd quickly settled on a few favorite meet-up places. As for the 6:00 AM gym trips and late night drinking...Hyungwon had given Hoseok's suggestions a try, but he rarely participated in Hoseok's activities. When he did, it was only because he felt bad that he didn't share his friend's interests and wanted to make it up to him.

In truth, Hoseok felt equally bad because he knew that Hyungwon didn't have anyone else to room with, but Hoseok had already signed a lease with Kihyun at that point. Instead, Hyungwon lived alone, which only led to Hoseok trying to drag him out of his place more.

"One of them was saying you could be a male prostitute, ha ha," Hoseok said, his laughter a bit forced, but he couldn't help himself from watching Hyungwon's face to see if he reacted.

Because he himself didn't know the reason for the blue and purple smudges on Hyungwon's arms, either, and he was really the only one who cared.

"Mm, you think so?" Hyungwon asked without reaction, finishing up with the fruit snacks and finally looking over at Hoseok with a smirk. "If I had that gig, I wouldn't be working in a grocery store for minimum wage, now would I?"

Hoseok froze up a second, trying to consider the logic before realizing that it was just a simple joke. His laughter came half a second too late, giving away the slight doubt that had caused him to prompt Hyungwon in the first place, but Hyungwon was already moving on to the next item, giving little care to Hoseok's spiraling thoughts. "I guess not," he said, his cheeks flushing dark with shame at ever having doubted Hyungwon in the slightest, and he hurried to help stock the next items in order to make up for it.

Hyungwon batted his hand down a moment later, taking the crackers from his hand. "You aren't supposed to be doing this, you don't even work here."

"I like helping you," Hoseok said, but even as he said that, his eyes strayed downward to Hyungwon's thinly-veiled arms, his white shirt giving indications of where some of Hyungwon's darker bruises lay.

"You like talking," Hyungwon said with a small chuckle, and Hoseok looked up once more, guilt still riding over his features even as he took in the unguarded eyes and simple smile of his best friend. An innocent look, one few had the luck to see.

"I do like talking," Hoseok readily admitted, pushing his questions and doubts away for the moment as he continue following Hyungwon around the store like an ownerless puppy. "Did I tell you about the new exercise routine I'm trying out?"

"Well if you did, I didn't listen the first time so by all means..."

--

Hoseok opened the door to Hyungwon's apartment, having been granted the spare key just recently after Hyungwon had almost locked himself out, and stopped before he crossed the threshold. Dead plants, on every surface, in every windowsill. Succulents, leafy plants, grasses. All dead, withered away. Some were yellow, recent failures; others were much older. Since Hyungwon had started university, likely.

Hoseok didn't have to call out Hyungwon's name. He didn't sense any life from the apartment. Instead, he shut the door, locking it after him, and made a note to tell Hyungwon to change his major because he absolutely sucked at plants.

--

"He's some sort of sacrifice," Minhyuk said, and as some of the others went to boo his idea, he held out his hands defensively, shushing them. "Shut up and listen, okay? There's a ritual coming up when all the stars align or something, and they're planning to sacrifice him, only they need to prepare him for the ritual, so they have to tenderize his skin or something."

"Weak," one of them called out, and Minhyuk hissed at them before challenging one of them to do better.

Hoseok stayed quiet as someone else took a shot. He was uneasy, more than he usually was at these gatherings. Hyungwon's bruises never faded completely away before they were replaced by new ones that arrived, as usual, without explanation. Hoseok thought that Hyungwon had to have sensed Hoseok's worry or seen him looking at the bruises in alarm, but Hyungwon had never brought up the topic. Hoseok wondered if he asked Hyungwon flat out, if he'd just tell him the truth. Hoseok wondered if he would be ready for the truth, if he ever got to hear it.

"He's got some kind of rare disease, some kind of blood cancer so his skin bruises really easily," Kihyun said, and the circle got sort of quiet. It was strange because none of their stupid theories had ever seemed to garner any respect or care, but it was difficult for anyone to make a joke about something as serious as Kihyun's accusation. There was a chill in the air, not just of the wind but of the perturbed weight that had settled over the circle.

"Don't joke about that," Jooheon said after a moment, frowning as he set his bottle of beer down on the ground, suddenly not enjoying the mood as much as he had been before.

"You should pay us for that idea," Changkyun added with a huff, although he seemed to care less about the irreverence of Kihyun's theory and more about picking a fight with Kihyun himself.

And just like that, the odd moment was broken. They no longer questioned the wrongness of what they were doing, the wrongness of the statement itself. But to Hoseok, it still felt like they were trespassing on something, treading heavily on something that shouldn't be disturbed.

"Is there a different game we could play?" Hoseok asked, and they all looked at him with varying degrees of surprise. He'd stopped drinking at these things, mostly because he hadn't felt fully comfortable with what they were saying about Hyungwon even if it was in jest, and without the alcohol to blur his mind, he felt more in control of the atmosphere, bolder, even.

The others then looked to each other, slowly bouncing back calls for Never Have I Ever and Truth Or Dare among a few others. As they settled into a lighthearted game, Hoseok couldn't fully enjoy the fun. Kihyun's answer was scratching at his subconscious more with each passing minute. He knew it couldn't be true for plenty of logical reasons, but the thought was like needles being dragged against his brain.

--

"Hey," Hoseok said, his tone different from usual. Usually his ramblings were meaningless, inconsequential. Small talk which, oddly enough, Hyungwon professed to abhor with a passion and yet put up with on a near-constant basis from Hoseok with only the infrequent complaint. But this was different. It was the prelude to a question that demanded an answer, which was strange because Hoseok never demanded anything.

Hyungwon, too, noticed his off-kilter tone and he stopped his work, turning to face Hoseok directly with curious eyes. "Hoseok?"

"You would tell me if you had, like, a terminal illness, right?" Hoseok said, his voice sounding strained to his own ears. "Like, if you had cancer or a bad kidney or something, you'd tell me, right?"

Hyungwon tilted his head to the side, his bangs shifting slightly as he considered the question. "Probably not but I don't? If that answers your question?"

Hoseok hadn't previously known that it was possible to feel both alarm and relief at the same moment in time, and yet, inexplicably, he did. Hyungwon didn't lie. When Hoseok had asked him about it once, he'd simply shrugged and asked, What's there to lie about? But despite being able to dispel Kihyun's careless statement, Hoseok found himself more concerned than before, and for a different reason. "What do you mean, you wouldn't tell me?"

Hyungwon shrugged as he turned back to the cart, grabbing a box of cereal and sliding it on the shelf, shoving it all the way back before grabbing the next one and repeating the process. "I wouldn't want to worry you."

"Hyungwon, I'm your best friend," Hoseok said, indignation mixing in with the alarm.

"Exactly," Hyungwon said, turning to look over at him. "You're the one person I don't want to worry."

Hoseok didn't have words to respond to Hyungwon's statement. Maybe Hoseok could have told Hyungwon that he was worrying Hoseok by showing up with bruises all over on a frequent basis, but Hoseok didn't say anything.

--

"Why do you think he has all those bruises?" Kihyun asked Hoseok abruptly, and everyone turned to look at Hoseok, dropping the previous conversation immediately.

"What?" Hoseok asked. He didn't have any amplified hearing, but all the sounds filtering in seemed to be twice as loud as he knew them to be in actuality. It was the work of the blood roaring through his ears, and he tried to even out his blood flow with deep breaths, but breathing wouldn't make the question go away.

"What do you think?" Kihyun repeated, and just for that moment, Hoseok hated his roommate.

"I don't-"

"Save your speech and just tell us what you think," Kihyun said, exasperated. "You know him the best. So what do you think he's up to?"

"I-" What could Hoseok say? In a sense, he wanted to know as badly as them, only he didn't care about their game. Despite Hyungwon not wanting him to worry, his concern grew by the day. He just wanted his friend to be okay. Hyungwon said he'd tell him if he wasn't okay, right? And Hyungwon didn't lie, right?

"I think he craves the attention," Minhyuk (who honestly needed the attention more than Hyungwon ever would) spoke up, having grown antsy at the silence and altogether too eager to propose his latest theory. "He looks like he's all great and fine but deep down, he wants to feel like a victim. I bet he marks his own skin to get people to care about him."

Shattered glass flashed as the firelight twisted and crawled up toward the dark sky, and Minhyuk looked up with wide eyes to find Hoseok standing, clenching his fists uncertainly.

"Sorry," Hoseok apologized instinctively for the broken bottle before opening his mouth once more and looking at first Minhyuk and then Kihyun before grabbing his jacket and his bag. "I have to go."

"But you said you were free the whole night-" Kihyun began before Hoseok shook his head.

"No, I meant that I don't want to stay," Hoseok said clearly before taking his things and leaving the rooftop.

The others watched him go before looking at the shattered glass strewn across the ground. Nobody exchanged bets that night.

--

"Hyungwon."

Like before, Hoseok's commanding tone had Hyungwon looking over, but when Hoseok remained silent for a moment, taking a deep breath, Hyungwon looked back to his work, grabbing more boxes and stocking them with renewed energy.

"Hyungwon, please, stop, I just-"

Hyungwon's hands froze on the current box before he finished placing it and let his hands fall to his sides. He looked over at Hoseok, his eyes trusting as always. Trusting Hoseok not to pry to deep, trusting Hoseok to keep things light and simple just like his everyday banter.

"I need to know. I need to know why," Hoseok whispered, his eyes fixated on the dark mass of abused flesh he knew to be hiding beneath Hyungwon's shirt.

Hyungwon picked at his collar, adjusting it slightly, and as his shirt rose and settled back down, the darkness became a bit more visible through the thin shirt, appearing almost as a dark cloud against a white sky. "What do you want to know about them?"

Hoseok licked his bottom lip as his nerves took over, unsure how to proceed, but Hyungwon spoke.

"I've wanted to disappear for a long time," Hyungwon said, looking at Hoseok, but Hoseok was looking at the ground, too afraid to face Hyungwon's eyes. "But it's not fair to you, it's not fair to my family if I just leave, now is it? So I made a mark on my arm and I told myself that when the bruise was gone, then I could disappear. And now I keep making new ones to stop them from fading, to keep myself here, to remind me that it isn't time yet, that I have to wait." Hyungwon's words were even, thoughtful but not emotional. Calm. "I used to use plants. If the plant survived, then so would I. If the plant kept going, so would I. That was when I was younger, cause I knew I'd kill all the plants I touched. I guess I just needed an excuse." Hyungwon gave a small laugh, and it sounded so out of place that Hoseok almost looked up, but he was still too scared. "But I came to university to fix that. I thought I could learn. To keep the plants alive. To keep me alive. But-" His eyes dimmed as his good humor left. "I couldn't keep any of them alive. People talk about signs, right? Tell me that's not a sign."

"It's not a sign," Hoseok echoed hollowly before forcing his eyes up to meet Hyungwons'. "Because I don't want you to leave, Hyungwon. I don't believe in that kind of sign."

"The universe agrees with me," Hyungwon said, sounding almost stubborn, his bottom lip protruding slightly. "I don't want to be here, and the universe doesn't want me to be here either."

"But I do."

"You can't change the universe."

"Can't I?"

--

"Hey," Hoseok said as he pushed open the door to Hyungwon's apartment. As usual, plants littered every available surface, but there was a slight change from earlier. The long-dead plants were still dead; no changing that. But some of the more recently dying plants which had looked sickly just the week before were starting to look more green than yellow, new leaves just beginning to show.

"Just a second," came a muffled response before several thumps and a few swears.

Hoseok just laughed before going around and watering what he called his rescue projects. Hyungwon's bedroom door opened a minute later before he stumbled out, still hopping around as he struggled to pull his skinny jeans over his ankles.

"Hoseok, I already told you that you don't have to stop by every day to water the damn plants," Hyungwon groaned, but Hoseok just chuckled as he set the watering can down, crossing his arms.

"I know you're just mad that I woke you from a nap. Besides, they're just going to die again if I don't resuscitate them."

Hyungwon rolled his eyes as he walked further into the room and collapsed on the couch, but despite his attitude, he couldn't hide his small smile. "Don't you know all my plants filled out a DNR?"

"I know all your plants hate you, if that's what you mean," Hoseok said with a laugh before looking around at the room that was beginning to pulse with life once more. "But I won't let them die on you."

But I won't let you die on me.

Hyungwon looked down at the ground for a moment, and it was then that Hoseok noticed something that was odd only for Hyungwon.

His arms. They were blank.

No bruises.

"I know," Hyungwon said, meeting Hoseok's eyes with his own. "I trust you."

"They're gone," Hoseok said, all in favor of keeping things light and happy, but it was a fact he couldn't overlook.

"...Yeah," Hyungwon said after a long moment, looking down at his arms and holding them in front of his thin frame, examining them closely. "I just felt like I didn't need them anymore."

Hoseok smiled at him, proud, but he felt there was a question that had yet to be answered. "You wanted an excuse to...to die." He had to exhale upon saying the word. It felt just as unnatural as Hyungwon's unhurt arms. "And you had every excuse. All your plants died. You could have let the bruises fade. You could have...died...if you'd wanted. But you didn't."

"And you want to know why."

Hoseok paused before nodding.

"I guess there was always a part of me hoping that I'd want to live. A part of me that said fuck the universe. A part of me that knew you'd be worrying about me for the rest of your life if I left without warning." Hyungwon cracked a smile before getting quiet again. "It's scary to think that you're in control," he said after a moment, his voice soft as he played with his fingers. "It was easier for me to chalk it up to fate. The universe. Some divine plan." Hyungwon straightened up his posture, seeming to disengage from his thoughts as he looked over at Hoseok, his eyes still serious. "I have one question for you."

"All right," Hoseok said, biting his bottom lip. He honestly wasn't sure what Hyungwon would ask him. He wasn't even sure that he understand all that Hyungwon was thinking about.

"Did you really believe that I was a prostitute?"

Hoseok almost choked.

--

Another Friday night, another bonfire, another six-pack of beer clinking as the wind pushed bottles together.

"Hey guys," Hoseok said, approaching slowly. He felt awkward about leaving in a huff last time.

"Have a seat," Kihyun called out, clearly not bothered by the last week's events.

Hoseok collapsed in a cheap lawn chair just as Minhyuk asked, "Any new theories?"

No one had yet responded when another member showed up late.

"Hello," Hyungwon said, his voice almost lost against the crackling of the fire. "Sorry, I didn't mean to come uninvited, but...Hoseok said you'd all be here...I thought maybe I'd show up..."

Hoseok sat up straight in his chair, as shocked as the rest of them before a smile lit up his face. "Yeah, yeah, come have a seat."

Hyungwon tipped his head forward gratefully as he sat beside Hoseok before looking around the circle. "What game were you guys playing?"

"Uh..." Kihyun had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "We were betting on you, actually. Obviously we'll stop since you're here and-"

"Oh, who's the one who said I would make a good prostitute?" Hyungwon asked curiously, cutting Kihyun off as he looked around the circle with an eager look in his eyes.

Fingers immediately pointed at Changkyun.

Hyungwon laughed, which Hoseok hadn't heard him do in a while, and then Hyungwon tossed a twenty to Changkyun.

"Are you...betting on yourself?" Changkyun asked with a blink, not looking ashamed of being exposed but instead confused by the newcomer.

"Sure. I was awfully flattered," Hyungwon responded. "But unfortunately, I've got enough on my hands." He looked over at Hoseok with a small smile. "I'm actually hoping to keep some of my plants alive this time."

"I'll bet on that," Hoseok said, and their laughter was carried on the wind over the sleeping city below.