The things I do for my friends. . .

I swear to everything and anything, Elias better find a good way to pay me back for this. I'm in a coffee shop that reeks of weed, with my leg bouncing like crazy and the possibility of being stood up very present.

Jake is four minutes late. He never used to be late. Hence why this isn't a good sign.

I'm surprised he agreed to meeting up. I thought he would block me the second I said my name, to be honest. That's fair, because I know I would have in his place.

Two people enter the shop. I look up, seeing it's Jake and a friend of his, who's wearing sunglasses and sneaking away to a table close to me. That makes me smile a little. Still the careful one, huh?

He stays at the door, seemingly doubting if he should continue his steps to me. I stand up, too nervous to stay on my butt. With a little wave, I motion for him to come join me. 

This is going to be awkward.

It was fine in the rink, because he didn't know who I was and I wasn't sure who he was. But now we both know the other, and the feelings of five years ago are still pressuring me. It's like every bit of feeling comes back at the sight of him.

He finally reaches me, eyes set on reading me and not on showing me how he's feeling. I swallow past the lump that forms in my throat. Of course he's changed in five years. I can't expect him to still be the same.

"Hi," I whisper, scratching the back of my head. I frown, coughing once because I did not mean to whisper at all. Why is my voice fucking with me?

"Hello," he answers, taking a seat across of me. I fumble a little with my hands, not quite knowing how to do these things. "Um, thank you for coming. I know it's not easy with. . .  all that's happened."

He stays silent, only raising an eyebrow when I glance at his face. My eyes quickly turn back to the vase on our table again. "Right. Uh, is your head better? I heard you fainted in the locker room."

"I'm fine. I'm also still waiting for an apology."

I gulp, taking a deep breath. He's bolder than he used to be. "Of course. I just want to say, before I apologize, that you don't have to accept any of what I'll say. I understand if I was too much of an asshole when we were teens."

He steals the cookie I got with my coffee and nods, showing he's ready to listen. I'm tempted to pout and take my cookie back, but maybe that biscuit is my only hope on forgiveness.

"You need something from me," he points out. My cheeks redden a little more, but I attempt to hide it in my sweater. "Alex, I can tell from your guilty look."

"N-no, well, my friend—no, I want to apologize first. I'm not here solely for my own good, I swear. I do want to apologize, and not because my friend wants you to tutor him." Fuck. This is going worse than I expected.

A skeptical look takes over his handsome face. "You suddenly felt the urge to apologize, after five years, right when we see each other again and right when your friend needs me? What a coincidence." 

Shame covers my skin, another layer on top of the rest. I sigh. "I never wanted to leave you, Jake. And certainly not after that night. I'd been crushing on you since so long, I can't even remember. Gosh, I—I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"

He shakes his head, finishing up my cookie before saying, "Why don't you start with how and why you so suddenly left?"

Thankful for the structure, I nod. My hands can't stay still, so I move them under my thighs and hope for the best. "That night. It was prom night for the seniors, and we went to watch. Everything was so perfect. The laughter, the stars, our closeness. . . I felt like we finally reached the point where you had a crush on me, too."

"I did," he fills in, surprising me. He doesn't give me much time to adjust to that new piece of information and demands more answers.

"I kissed you. When I got home after, everything was packed. I was so confused, because I hadn't expected it, you know? Then mom told me, out of the blue, we were moving here, and we would be leaving that night. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and I'm sorry for that."

He frowns and holds up a finger in thought, just like he did when we were younger. "You didn't know you were moving?"

I shake my head. "No. And if I did, I never would've led you on like that. I wouldn't kiss you one night and then leave the other, Jake. Not intentionally, at least."

"That doesn't explain why you couldn't send me a text," he points out. I wince. "I was. . . am an asshole. I'm sorry. I just felt like it was pointless. I mean, what was the point in texting you when I lived at the other side of the country? We wouldn't have been able to meet up, at all."

That wasn't smart to say, apparently. "It mattered to me, Alexander."

Alexander. Not Alex.

"It mattered to me because I didn't know where you were, why you were gone and if it had anything to do with the fact we had finally kissed. I felt. . . I felt like I was abandoned. You were gone and I was so alone, and everyone just pitied me. Do you know how bad I felt?"

Guilt wrenches my gut. "I'm sorr—" "No, clearly you're not if you never bothered to search contact with me. I didn't dare to be alone. I was screaming and crying and almost throwing up whenever my parents went away for groceries together. It was fucking pathetic, but I felt like it was right to feel like that, all because my fucking best friend left without a word."

Silence. 

I don't dare to look at him. "It wasn't meant like that. I thought it would only hurt you even more if I kept in touch with you, always being so needy and clingy when you were trying to go on with your life."

He stares at me, as if all this is just really unbelievable. "You had no right to think like that in my place."

I nod, feeling small. "I know, and I'm really sorry. Don't you think I would've given everything to go back again? To be with you again?"

"Everything? Clearly not, if even a message was too much to ask already," he scoffs. I close my eyes, keeping my face pointed at the table while I try to breathe in decently. I will not show him my watery eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say," I whisper. He groans and hides his face in his hands too. "The truth."

"About what?" I softly ask. I'm on the edge of desperate. "I've been saying nothing but the truth."

He doesn't speak for a while. I glance at his friend, who is glaring right back. Immediately, I look back and stare at my empty cup. "Look, I know I was wrong. And I'm so fucking sorry, I can't even begin to explain just how much. I really do want to be close to you again, if you'll allow that. And if you don't, that's okay too. Elias wanting a tutor isn't the reason I came to talk to you—you were, and still are, a very important person to me, Jake. I'm so sorry this is how it went between us. I—"

"Stop," he whispers, voice pained. I look at his face, seeing him press his hands against his ears and blinking his watery eyes. "Please, stop."

Surprise colors through me, but I listen and stay silent. I play with the flowers a little, waiting for his sign to start talking again. He whispers, "I always thought you knew. I thought you knew you were going to move and you still didn't tell me. That's what hurt me the most."

I open my mouth to apologize again, for not telling him afterwards, but he adds, "That, and you leaving in the first place. God, I was so scared to be alone. Can you believe I even quit hockey? Just because you weren't there."

My shoulders slump. "I'm really sorry, Jake. I should've texted you and kept in touch."

He nods, sitting a little straighter again. "Yeah, you should've. But I don't think I can stay mad at you for simply being as clueless as I was. "

Despite that I really don't want to, I crack a little smile. "I mean, you can if you want. I would understand."

"It's going to take some time, I think," he whispers, still not looking at me. "But I also think I'm not too mad about it anymore, so you can start talking about your friend's needs."

"Oh, right," I nod, feeling awkward all of a sudden. I hadn't expected him to move on this fast, and maybe I was silently hoping for forgiveness. "So, um, Elias is my teammate, roommate and everything. He's our goalie and was extremely impressed by what you did last weekend. Then he found out we know each other and asked me to ask you for some of your time."

He cocks his head to the side, sighing. "I would really love to. Except that I'm already drowning in my work. If I didn't have this much assignments, I would do it in a heartbeat, but now. . ."

"Hey," I interrupt him. "That's okay. He'll definitely understand. Are you. . . are you studying to be a lawyer? I know you always wanted to be one."

That surprised look is back on his face, combined with parted lips and wide eyes. "You remember that?"

Chuckling, I nod. Finally, this feels god. "Hell yeah. It's always been cool as fuck. So, are you?"

He grins and nods. "Of course. I'm not sure what to do exactly, but I'm definitely becoming a lawyer. Maybe divorces? I'd love to yell at all the abusive guys."

"Of course you would." I'm tempted to chuckle again, but limit it again. "This was actually really nice. If you're up to that, maybe we can do this again sometime?"

His friend is next to us in a blink of an eye. He's even abandoned his sunglasses, now shamelessly and full-on glaring at me. "Jake, we're going."

Said Jake flushes red. "Flynn, it's okay. Really. Gosh, this is embarrassing."

Frowning even more now, Flynn turns to him. "I'm embarrassing you by saving you from a narcissist? Geez, thanks, J."

I open my mouth to tell him I'm not really a narcissist, but Jake cuts me off. "We talked about this, Flynn. Just because I went a little overboard, doesn't mean he's the bad person."

Flynn is now looking at me like he wants to punch me into oblivion. "What did you say, hm? How did you manipulate him?"

I sputter in surprise while my brain leaves its duty of forming coherent words. "I—what? How would I even—huh?"

"Yeah, you know what you did, hm?" He's getting bothered now, fuming even more. "His mom even called it—"

"Flynn," Jake warns. "Do not."

The larger boy finally shuts up. He takes a step backwards, hands Jake his sunglasses and marches back to the door of the coffee shop. 

"Um. . ." I hint, wanting Jake to snap out of his trance. He does, with a slow blink. "Right. Ugh, I'm so sorry about him. He gets protective, and especially after everything's that happened between us. Once, he almost beat a guy into a coma for going on and not caring whether or not I said no."

I shrug. "As he should, to be honest. But, um, I don't think I'm a narcissist. Unless, you, uh, do?"

Christ, Alex, get it together.

A little smile plays around his face. "Unless you still kiss yourself in the mirror, I don't."

"That was one time! To practice!"

Snorting, he nods and gets up. "Sure, Alex, whatever you say. Anyways, I've got to go now. We got here with Flynn's car, so if I'm not fast, he'll go without me. Not actually," he reassures me when he sees my smile drop. "He just gets pissed off even more when he's already pissed and I wait too long with packing up."

"Oh," I mumble. "Well, okay then. I'll see you around?"

He shrugs, putting on his coat. "We'll see, okay? This was nice, but we don't even go to the same college. It'll be hard to keep in touch. But again, we'll see how it goes. Bye."

And he's gone.