"A puffy eyed boyfriend is standing on our porch, holding a box and staring at the door. Do you know anything?"

Alarmed, I look up from my book. "I didn't hear the bell ring?"

Eliot shrugs, pushing away from his stance against the doorway. "He hasn't made a move yet. He's just staring at the front door and getting wet."

"For fuck's sake, let him in!" I run past him, into the hallway, and open the front door. Alex barely reacts, he just lifts his eyes a little and is now looking at me. 

My heart immediately aches for him. He looks so lost, so hurt, so upset. It makes me want to take him in my arms and protect him against everything that could possibly hurt him, even himself.

"Hey, sweetheart," I whisper, stepping closer to him and partly opening my arms. His face falls, his expression changing as if he's trying his best not to break right now. "Jake."

The hands holding his stuff are trembling, his knees are shaking and he looks like he's about to collapse. Something definitely happened back at his, and maybe I wasn't fast enough with asking Flynn. 

Eliot quickly grabs the box and heads inside with it, leaving Alex with a backpack and crumbling façade only. I grab his hands, pull him inside and close the front door. The fact he hasn't said anything but a pained mumble of my name scares me. 

He presses the back of his hands against his eyes, a gesture I know so well. He doesn't want to cry in front of me, but he can't hold it either. Instead of allowing him to let it all out, I pull him along to  the safety of my room. 

Once my door is locked, his knees give out and he finally breaks down. "I'm sorry—I couldn't—I had nowhere to go, except you. I-I know I said we wouldn't see each other today, and I'm sorry for ruining your plans for tonight."

"What?" I sink to my knees in front of him and hold him tight. He immediately leans into my touch and cries even harder. So hard, his whole body trembles when he sobs. I stroke the side of his face, trying to comfort him, but it's no use. Maybe he needs a good cry right now. "Don't be ridiculous, you could never ruin anything."

He turns his head to the side, hiding his face in my sweater. The navy blue starts off strong, but eventually, his tears do become visible against the material. I don't care about it, but I know Alex will feel bad about it later. "What do you want me to do, baby? Should I go punch that bastard in the jaw, should I make you some tea?"

A gut wrenching sound leaves his lips as he shakes his head. "N-no, just stay, Jake. I need your hug. I need your voice. I need you."

"Okay," I whisper, sinking a little lower onto the floor. Since he's leaning against my chest, he goes with me. He's clinging to my waist as if I'll disappear into thin air if he lets go of me. 

"I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm not leaving." I repeat it, over and over again, until his breathing slows down and he isn't sobbing as hard anymore. His tears are rolling silently now, showing me just how much he's hurting, but he doesn't make a noise. 

How can someone be so cruel, so sadistic, to the point where they enjoy causing a mental breakdown? How can someone's goal in life be this, making another's life as difficult as possible?

"I'm pretty fucked up, huh?" Alex stays in my arms, staring in front of me. I'm glad he's talking, communicating, with me, but I'm not happy about the way he thinks of himself. 

I ponder over a way to tell him that without coming off as intruding or harsh as I caress his cheek and temple. His eyes close. "You're not fucked up, Alex. I don't care if you come here because you need comfort. I would give it to you any day. I don't care if you need me supporting your eating schedule. I don't care about driving you to therapy. Those are all things I do with love, because I know they're pieces of you. Sad pieces, but pieces nonetheless. Just like your smile, and your jokes and your kisses. They make you you. And I wouldn't want you any other way."

He stays silent for a while. I don't doubt he's gathering words, collecting thoughts to protest. "I don't deserve you."

Any other day, I would call this bullshit. I would roll my eyes and cuddle him tighter, waving it off as a silly thought. However, today, it feels like this is a true insecurity of him, one he has held back for a while now. 

"And why would you think that?" I ask. I want to know what's going on in his mind, what is happening with him right now. 

He sighs. He's stopped crying, though a tear still rolls down his cheek here and there. My hands move lower and start massaging his neck and shoulders, at which he relaxes a little more. We're still on the ground, and he's still laying in between my legs with his back half against my chest, but our position isn't uncomfortable. 

"I already hurt you once," he spills. "What if I do it again? I'm fucked up, Jake. Yeah, those are pieces of me, but they're not good for you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life cheering me on as I eat, comforting me when I get back from practice?"

I kiss the top of his nose. "Of course I do. And besides, you're graduating in two semesters, it wouldn't be. . . "

It doesn't even have to be that long. Coach was complaining yesterday that we don't have enough players to play decently. 

"Wanna be on my team?"

"Excuse me?"

I shift so he can't look up my nose and so his face isn't upside down. "Do you want to join our team? Coach is searching new players, so you could easily get a scholarship! And you already know the majority of the team, so it would definitely be better!"

He sits up a little straighter, now leaning against the bed instead of me. He's careful, but I see a glint of hope behind the sadness in his eyes. "Do you really think that could work?"

"Absolutely!" I grin. "You wouldn't be captain, but you'd make a great wing! And just imagine all the opportunities of showering together, and not waiting for each other's training to be done, and all the time we could spend together and—"

"Hold on now, did your horny ass just say 'showering together'?" A little, cautious smile plays around his lips. I engulf him in a hug. "Hell yes! Flynn would murder us, but that's fun, right?"

"Alright now," he laughs, prying me off. When I finally pull back, his face goes serious again. "It's a great idea, but I want to speak to your coach first. Nothing is sure. And besides that, I don't want to leave Dante all alone."

"He can transfer too!"

He gives me a look. I sigh. "Okay. Maybe you're right. But promise me you will think about it?"

"I promise. I'll come with you to practice tomorrow and we'll see then. What-what were you doing before I. . . arrived?" His cheeks color a bit red, which brings me the cutest Alex I've ever seen. I almost squish his cheek and gush over him like a grandma. Almost. 

Instead, I keep my cool and point at the book that I threw aside the second Eliot informed me. "I was reading a little. Eliot's cooking, so I didn't have enough time to start an assignment anymore."

He gets up, only to plop down on the bed again. "Percy Jackson?" 

I grab the book out of his hands and hide it behind my back. "Shut up." 

"It's cute. Come here, I'll read for you." He reaches for the book, which I give to him. Now our roles are reversed, as I'm sitting in between his legs with my head resting against his shoulder. 

"Shit. You're one of those psychopaths that doesn't use a bookmark." He shakes his head. "I'm dating a psycho."

I muffle his insults under my one hand and search my page with the other. "I can remember it. Shut up." 

His head dips until his lips are right next to my ear. "Make me." 

I'm getting a whiplash from his mood swings. 

But I'm happy he's feeling better, so I comply and turn my head, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Now shut up and read to me." 

"Mhm," he mumbles, holding eye contact. His thoughts must be far away, because all he does is stare in my eyes. I use the opportunity to stare right back, astonished by how fucking blue his eyes are. Now that they're red-rimmed, it's like the blue stands out even more.

Somehow, our faces get closer every moment. I'm sure I'm not moving toward him, at least not consciously, so he must be inching to me. The idea gives me butterflies. 

Unfortunately, he suddenly breaks out of his dazed state and blinks a few times, realizing our positions. His lips are millimeters away from me, and I already mourn the loss of the feeling of his kiss. 

I realize I'm not looking in his eyes anymore, but at his lips, so I quickly lift my gaze. Alex' eyes are little lights of joy, and crow's feet are present around them. "You can just kiss me if you want, Jake. I'm all yours." 

No words ever made me that happy. 

I grin and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing our faces close again. The book and the problems are forgotten, at least for now. "All mine."

"Oh, come on! Why do I always walk in on these!" Eliot groans. Startled, I take some distance from Alex, but he just grabs my waist and brings me back to my place. So now I'm just watching Eliot in our doorway while Alex entertains himself with my neck. 

I push his head away, but he doesn't listen and just goes on. Eliot shudders and looks away. I try kicking and squirming away, but nothing works. How is he even that strong?!  

"I swear I locked the door!" I pant, out of breath from my tries. I'm now half lying down, with Alex'arms underneath my chin. Almost there!

The bastard lifts me up again without any effort, undoing all of my progress. I sigh, giving up. At least I tried. 

Eliot shows me the keys in his hand. "Yeah, and I've  been calling your names for the past five minutes. You weren't answering, so I thought maybe you were suffocating each other. Maybe I should've thought twice before walking in on your. . . business. If I want to see such things, I'll just watch porn." 

Now, Alex' head does lift in interest. "What did you say?" 

Eliot rolls his eyes, annoyed. "I said a lot. Don't make me repeat myself. And now, chop chop, or the food will get cold!"

"Okay, mom," I grumble, finally being freed from Alex' hold. My boyfriend settles for simple hand-holding instead while we walk to the kitchen table. When I look up, at his face, he seems deep in thought. 

Alex and thinking, that can't go well. 

"What're we eating?" I ask Eli, since I get bothered by the silence. He smirks. "You'll see."

It's gonna be something I hate, isn't it? 

Alex and I groan at the same time when we see what he's cooked. Fucking coq au vin. "Great that you're French and all, but you know what else is French? Simple fries," Alex complains as he sits down. 

I smack the back of his head. "They're Belgian, asshole."

He grins smugly, raising his glass to his lips to hide that. I sit down next to him, shaking my head. What have I gotten myself into? 

"Well, if you want fries, make them yourself," Eliot shrugs, giving us our plates. "I think this is one of the best dishes ever, so shut up and eat it or leave." 

I grab Alex' shirt, avoiding him leaving. He pouts in my direction, but I ignore it and keep my gaze on the plate. "Thank you for cooking, Eli. I appreciate it." 

Eliot gives me a warm smile. "No problem. So how are you guys doing? No troubles in paradise yet?" 

I choke on my water. Alex pats my back, harshly, which is not needed at all. "No, no. All good."

Eliot nods, casually going on with the conversation. Meanwhile I'm as red as a tomato and Alex is smirking. Again. 

"So can we talk about boinking every night? Some people need their beauty sleep, and I'm not talking about myself." 

Oh God. I hide my face under my hands, absolutely mortified. Alexander starts laughing, as if this is a joke. People heard us having sex, multiple times. 

"Have you seen the way Flynn looks half dead when he gets up in the morning? All because of the bed banging against his wall," Eliot shakes his head. Alex snorts. 

"The bed isn't the problem. I bet the phone sex with Dante is," he points out. Flynn, walking in on that exact moment with his phone in his hand, freezes. 

The poor guy looks even more terrified than I am. "W-what? What are you talking about? That's not true. I'm. . . tired from school! Yes! That's it!"

Oh, Flynn. No one believes you, but nice try. 

"Oh, I guess you can keep on banging then," Eliot shrugs, hiding his grin. I don't know if this was all part of the plan or not, but he does look satisfied with how things turned out. 

The wink Alex sends me at that comment gives me shivers, and I feel like we won't get a full night of sleep tonight.