I knock on the door of the boardroom, heart racing. There's important people in there and I am all about making good first impressions. I just wish I wasn't so anxious and awkward most of the time so it would actually work out.

I hear a "come in", making good my pulse quicken even more. I open the door and instantly make eye contact with a bald headed man with a pristine white beard. I smile politely, cups of water on a tray, resting on the palm of my hand, and I place them in front of each seat on the long table, having excess to which I just keep on the tray.

My boss tells me to stand in the corner and wait until someone asks me for something, making me want to roll my eyes but I successfully contain my annoyance and listen to her.

Multiple people I have never seen before walk in. They probably don't work in cubicles. What surprises me is that a handsome young man, with a buzz cut, walks in after a lot of older people whose hair is going gray. We make eye contact and he smiles and winks at me, making me shift uncomfortably and smile back but look away quickly.

Eventually the seats are filled up besides one. "Don't mind him." My boss says, pointing at the empty seat across from her. "I just moved him up today." She says to the man at the end of the table with the bald head.

"That's alright." He nods. "Do we have any coffee?"

The woman's eyes widen and she looks at me with a glare. "Go get him coffee, please, Ms.Paisely." She says sternly. I lock my jaw and nod my head before walking towards the door and out of the room, almost walking into another body.

I make eye contact with blue and my breath hitches in my throat. "Hey." He says. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I nod, looking down at the floor.

"I should probably get in there." He tells me, looking away now before passing me quickly and closing the door behind him.

I furrow my brows, not realizing he was in that meeting. Was he moved up already?

I sigh shakily and walk quickly to the staff's lunch room to make a good cup of coffee. I muster up the best way I've made it and gotten compliments on before walking down a long corridor to get back to the board room.

I open the door, multiple eyes looking at me when I look up to make me almost freeze on the spot, but I just bite my lip and keep walking to place the coffee in front of the man. "Thank you, Ms.Paisely." He says, making me smile.

I walk back over to where I was before and my gaze flickers to where the empty seat was to see Louis sitting there, staring back at me. He looks away quickly and drinks a sip of the water on the table.

"So, Louis." The bald headed man says, all eyes focusing on him suddenly. "Or should I say, Mr.Tomlinson." He chuckles, patting Louis on the back roughly, making him force a smile to his lips. I know he hates when all attention is set on him too suddenly if he's in a state he can't think of anything to say. "How do you propose we can team up with your dad instead of being against him?" The elder man asks.

"Make a money offer?" Louis says quickly.

I watch everyone's reactions carefully.

"How much?" The young man with the buzz cut asks as he leans back in his seat.

"An appropriate amount." Louis shrugs.

"Maybe one hundred thousand?" My boss says, her voice perkier than usual.

"That won't suffice."

"How about five hundred?" The bald headed man says.

"Maybe." Louis nods.

I notice how hard and serious his face gets when he's talking business. Just like how he was when I was married to him at home. He usually was in business mode mostly anywhere when he was working with his father. That was probably the only thing on his mind. And that makes me feel terrible.

When the meeting is over, I walk over to Louis, but I'm beat by the bald headed man who steps in front of me. "Good job, Louis. How old are you by the way?" He asks him.

"Twenty-four , sit."

"Your young and experienced. I like that. We need that. And I like you. I can't wait to work with you more often."

Louis smiles, his eyes brightening, making me smile as well. He's finally getting acceptance of his job performance, and I can tell that's effecting him greatly in the positive way. "Um,thank you sir." He says quietly.

Then the elder man walks away and we look at each other. "Hey, you okay?" I ask, frowning quickly.

He smiles slightly at me. "Yeah. Are you?" He asks.

I nod silently. "Um, can I invite you out somewhere today, if your not too busy?" I ask, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes widen slightly in suprise at my question.

"Yeah. Where?" He asks before clearing his throat awkwardly, making me grown a small smile at his anxiousness.

"Actually um, do you mind if I come over to your house?"

"Of course." He nods.

"Rauline!" The boss yells at me. I look over at her to see her by the door.

"Bye." I sigh before turning and walking towards the woman.

LATER

"Hey Rauline, going somewhere?" Harry asks when I rush into the living and struggle to put on a shoe at the same time.

"Yeah. Going to my old house." I tell him, almost falling to my death but I thankfully grab the arm of the couch quickly.

"Oh. Well have fun." He smirks.

I look at him with furrowed brows. "What's with the look?"

"What look?" He chuckles.

"That smug look like you know something."

"No. I'm just happy your going out and not staying cooped up in your room, ya know?"

"No, there's more to your look." I narrow my eyes at him.

"Just go, Rauline." He laughs lightly, throwing his head back on exasperation.

"Whatever." I mumble, grabbing my phone off the coffee table.

"I like your rings." He says.

"Bye Harry." I snap before leaving just as I hear him laugh out loud.

I rush out of the condo building and speed to my car before getting inside, skin itching to be at Louis' right now. I want to tell him so many things, talk about so many things.

I swallow thickly. It feels like he's slowly willing to open up and talk to me. It feels like I can get closer to him emotionally and he won't fucking close off when it comes to how he's feeling. Finally.

But theres another part of my mind screaming and asking me,why the hell do I want this, though?

I'm still in love with him(?)

But I concluded in my mind that I wasn't. I told myself and him that I wasn't. And it was going to stay that way. So why am I driving to his? Why did I ask to visit him? Why did I ask him?

When I reach the house, I stay inside of the car silently for a while.

We made a promise as a couple to always talk to each other. He didn't keep that. Instead he yelled at me a lot, for just about everything I talked to him about because he was holding everything inside. And it hurt. It was emotionally and mentally exhausting for years. Years.

I can't just think everything will be better now.

He won't change.

It's who he is and I have come to finally realize that.

People don't change.

It took a while but I realized it and if I forgive him easily like that just because I saw his vunlnerable side last night, I'll just be going in a circle and repeating my life again. No one just changes like that, especially such a mental thing like that that is etched into their mind like an unmovable wall.

And I can't break that wall, even if I did marry him and dated him for years. And we promised each other that we trusted each other with everything. He refuses to let it break, fully.

I pick up my phone and go to his contact to text him. Our last text was months ago.

I sigh shakily.

Me and overthinking. It's what I do constantly.

Before I can text him that I can't come, I look up quickly to see the front door open and Thomas runs out. Louis is revealed seconds later and running after the small boy before suddenly catching the little boy and bringing him up into his arms quickly.

I smile and laugh at the scene before me. I turn off my phone and stick it in my bag before quickly getting out of the car and meeting the two boys.

"Mommy!" Thomas exclaims as Louis walks up to me. The man puts Thomas down on the floor, the boy only reaching just below my knees, and he hugs my legs tightly, burying his face between them. I chuckle and drag my nails gently across his scalp.

"How are you, baby?" I ask the boy.

"I missed you ,mommy." He pouts, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I missed you too." I whisper with a small smile.

I flicker my gaze up to Louis and we make eye contact instantly. He sends me a small smile. I quickly look down to pick up Thomas before walking towards the front door. "So what have you been doing with, daddy?" I ask him, looking into his bright blue eyes, flecks of brown dotting it. It's enjoyable to look into. Just like his is.

I look out of the little boy's eyes and down at the floor.

"We play games."

"What games do you play?" I grin.

"Sometimes we play with my um my action figures. Or we play board games. I always beat daddy at checkers."

I let out a breathy laugh and look behind me to see Louis smiling at the floor. "You beat him at checkers?"

"Yeah. Daddy's bad." Thomas says, scrunching up his nose cutely.

I put him down. "I want to show you my picture I drew for you!" He exclaims before running away suddenly and up the steps. I let out a shaky breath as I stare at the steps intently, wondering how the hell I'm going to start talking to him.

"I um," I start, looking back at him, making him look up at me curiously. "I made a mistake asking to come here."

"You know you don't even need to ask, right?" He says.

"Okay, but, I should just,...leave."

"Rauline no." He snaps, furrowing his brows. "Don't...don't fucking push me away, what the hell are you doing?" He says, chuckling bitterly.

"What do you men what the hell am I doing? It's the the same reason I've been sighing you away this whole entire time."

"I thought something happened. Like, you understood why I was the way I was. But I'm better now."

"And what's going to happen when something else happens that messes with your head? Are you going to yell at me again,huh?" I ask, widening my eyes.

"No I can-"

"You can't change."

"I can-"

"No you can't, Louis." I seethe. "No you can't!"

"Fucking hell, Rauline!" He suddenly shouts. "I've been fucking dying without you! I miss you! I want you here with me, please!" He yells.

I look behind me at the stairs, noticing Thomas hasn't come down yet. I suck in a large breath as I turn back to him. "W-we can't keep yelling in the house like this." I say softly, looking down at the floor.

"My bad, let's go outside then!" Louis exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

"Louis!" I suddenly yell, my fists tightening. "Calm the hell down."

"I want you back, Rauline." He stammers, running a hand down his face.

"Stop saying things you don't mean, Louis."

"Why are suddenly not believing a word I say?"

"Because I just..." I trail off, closing my eyes tightly. I'm not even sure. "I don't want to give into you." I admit. "I don't want to start loving you too much again and fall into the circle again."

"What circle?"

"I just told you Louis. And then it'll all start to get bad when I have hope."

"Nothing will get bad. I won't treat you like shit anymore. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I will tell you a million times that I am sorry."

"Actions speak louder than words."

"You avoid me purposefully , Rauline."

I look down, feeling the unreleased anger in both of our bodies. I look back again. "Where's,Thomas?" I ask.

"Stop ignoring this conversation."

"Louis. He went to get his drawing, where is he?" I ask before turning around quickly and walking to the steps. I walk up them, hearing Louis behind me as he sighs heavily.

When we make it up, I divert my eyes to a small body sitting against the wall just beside the staircase. I part my lips and rush over to the crying boy before kneeling in front of him. "Baby, are you okay?" I ask quietly.

The little boy pulls his knees up to his chest. "Fighting." He whispers. "Always."

LOUIS

I walk up behind Rauline and look at the little boy who is pressed up against the wall. I feel a sudden pain strike my chest. I swallow thickly and rub at my eyes, feeling tired as well.

"Why?" He asks.

"We have problems we need to sort out, but it'll be fixed." Rauline smiles kindly, making me feel weak suddenly. Fuck. Why does she make me feel this way? Why did she make me fall for her like this? Why did I mess it up?

"Why don't you go to bed, baby?" She whispers.

"Okay, are you okay?" He asks. I smile weakly at him as Rauline picks him up in her arms.

"Yes I am." She chuckles quietly before walking away from me and to his room to tuck him in.

I lean my body agaisnt the wall and close my eyes. I want everything to be okay between her and I, so, so badly. I keep fucking up with my words, my actions. I need to stay calm.

"Okay." I hear her sigh heavily, making me open my eyes again. She walks past me and down the steps and I follow her quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Louis." She says, making it feel as if my heart stops beating for a few seconds. I part my lips.

"Can you stay?" I croak before quickly clearing my throat. I sound pathetic.

"No." She sighs, picking up her bag from the floor. "I'm leaving. And i've concluded that...I'm moving on. We should both move on. And not pay other girls to be with them."

I freeze in my spot. "You know about that?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah and your an idiot." She says.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, not knowing what else to say. My mind is frazzled.

"Your sorry about a lot of things, aren't you?" She says, turning to look at me as she stands in front of the front door. I feel weak, numb, like I have no feeling left unless I can be with her again,maybe even just a simple touch. I'm pathetic. So fucking pathetic. "Let me just tell you something Louis." She says. I want to listen to her speak and just for her to stay a little longer. I don't say anything but look at her. "Two words. Move on. Simple as that."

I look down at the ground. That's not simple. Not simple at all when I'm in love with you, Rauline. When all I mainly crave is you. And I figured that out when I actually tried to move on with someone else or am even in a room by myself. I crave you.

But I can't say this. It's too late now anyway and she would never believe me if I did. She would make herself think I'm lying.

"Louis, fuck," She says softly. And I start to wonder why the hell she's coming closer to me and why the hell I'm starting to feel light headed and hot, but I'm not complaining when her hands rests on my arm lightly.. "Louis, calm down." She says, looking into my eyes. I look down at my hands to see them shaking, but I ball them into fists quickly and back away. I'm having a panic attack.

I don't want her to see me like this. I don't need her to. I want her to see the good in me. Not something that I've become. An angry,stressed and panicky man who was given money by his father. That's all I am. And if someone really thinks about it, I'm a complete faliure.

"Just go, now." I plead, shaking my head.

"You shouldn't stay here by yourself like this with Thomas, Louis. It's not safe for the both of you." She whispers.

"Take Thomas." I say quietly, barely being able to talk as my breathing gets heavier. "Please."

"You too. You come too."

"Just Thomas, please Rauline." I say, shaking my head. "Please." I hear myself whisper.

"Louis, do something for me." She says. "Look at me and listen."

I flicker my eyes into hers and try to calm down in the process, but my muscles just seem to be tensing even more. I feel myself knock into the couch, making me stop moving suddenly. I lick my dry lips.

"Go to a therapist, a support group, doctor. Anywhere. I want you to be okay, okay?" She says.

She still cares.

"Nod if you understood."

I nod.

"I'm taking Thomas to Harry's." She says.

I nod again.

"Okay." She sighs. "Come here." She says, voice gentle as I feel her touch on my clammy skin. She walks me around the couch before she pushes me down gently to sit on the couch, and I do.

My breathing decreases and I feel relief wash through me at the relaxing feeling. "Sleep Louis. Please. Your exhausted." She says quietly.

RAULINE

He suddenly grabs my hand, tight. Just like how he did last night. He's sweating profusely, still breathing heavy. "I'm sorry I'm like this." He says. And I feel as if I have suddenly been stabbed, taken aback by his words.

"Don't apologize for this Louis. This isn't your fault."

"I want to be someone different. I-I want to get better for you so you could finally stay."

I bite down on my bottom lip.

"Okay, Louis." I whisper, nodding.

He then let's go of me quickly. "Go please." He says.

But I'm not going to go. I'm staying right here. "Okay." I say again before standing up, breathing heavily myself.

I stand up from the couch and rush up the stairs as quiet as possible.