I lean my forhead against the bathroom stall, closing my eyes in frusteration. I feel blessed this bathroom actually smells amazing and is in great condition so I could hide out in it for a few just to escape the tiring company of all my coworkers and especially my fucking judgmental boss.

I haven't even passed out the mail yet but I'm just not ready to face people today. I didn't even want to come out of my room to be with Diane and Harry in the living room this morning, that's when I know whatever the hell I'm feeling is bad.

When I hear the creak of the door, letting me know someone is walking inside, I wait until they go into a stall and walk out myself to walk out of the bathroom and into the cleaning supplies smelling area with a ton of cubicles covering the area.

I walk to the closet that holds the cart with the mail inside, taking hold of the plastic handle, and walking to each and every cubicle, setting the mail down on their desks or simply handing it to them.

"Hey Rauline." Lucia says, making me look up and force a smile on my lips.

"Hey." I say, voice scratchy from not talking for so long.

"I was wondering, would you want to join Niall and I for coffee this evening? I didn't know you two were such close friends before and I think we should like...mend our history. You think?" She asks. Her kindness makes me want to give in. But that would be extremely awkward. Me, a single woman, with some happy, engaged couple, which makes me want to gag just thinking about after what she did to me in college.

"Um.." I trail off.

"You could bring Louis." She says quickly, making me freeze. I didn't tell her about the divorce yet. Fuck.

"I'm going to be busy." I sigh, shaking my head. "Sorry. But maybe another day. Seriously. That would be nice." I nod, smiling slightly.

"Great." She chirps. "I got your number from Niall, if you don't mind."

"I don't. Text me whenever you want." I shrug, pathetically in need of talking to a variety of people to keep my mind occupied. I sigh heavily when she walks away from me and I could continue on with my journey of giving mail to every one until I reach the last cubicle and I suddenly hear a female giggle coming from it.

I furrow my brows and walk in to see Louis in front of a Hispanic girl, cornering her agaisnt a wall and caressing her cheek as she laughs quietly at whatever the hell he is whispering in her ear.

I clear my throat, making the girl freeze in her spot and flicker her gaze to me, cheeks flushing instantly. Louis looks back at me, still holding a small smirk on his lips, not fazed at all. "Your mail, Louis." I tell him, placing the mail on the desk.

"Oh thanks, Rauline." He says, grabbing the girl's hand, getting try tugging her and making her follow him towards me. "This is Katie by the way."

"Hey." I grin. "What cubicle are you in and why aren't you there?" I ask. She blinks and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Cubicle fourteen. You?" She asks.

I furrow my brows, frowning instantly at her question. "I'm the mail girl." I say, stating the complete obvious.

"Oh really?" She laughs.

I nod slowly.

"So your Rauline, right? Louis' ex-wife? I'm Katie. His new girlfriend." She says, sticking her hand out for me to shake.

I grip her hand as hard as I can, making her visibly flinch, and shake it, for some reason, I'm not able to control my anger right now. "Nice to meet you." I say before looking at Louis who watches us, a confused expression on his face. "She really is beautiful Louis." I nod. "Keep her." I wink at him before turning around and walking out of the cubicle quickly, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

Instantly afterwards, I feel bad for being such a damn bitch to the woman. Why did I act like that? Why was I so...angry? Annoyed? I scratch at my the back of my arm, irritation from everything going on getting to me quickly.

I haven't been able to get the greatest amount of sleep suddenly either. I've been having nightmares again where I wake up in a cold sweat and I've just got to stay up until Harry and Diane are so I could start getting ready to go as well. That's probably what's irritating me so much. I haven't been getting enough sleep.

I didn't even realize I was in front of the closet again until the cart hits the door. I put the cart back inside and and close the door again, needing to go back to the boss' office to help her with paperwork now.

LATER

I hear a sudden knock on my door before it opens and Diane and Harry peek their heads inside. I roll my eyes at them and sit up. "What do you guys want?" I ask, not being able to hide my amused smile.

"We should go out." Diane says, sitting on the edge of the bed and being followed suit by Harry.

I sigh heavily. "I'm not really in the-"

"Hold up." Harry says, putting his hand up. Diane looks at him with furrowed brows.

"I thought I was going to do that." She says.

"Okay fine, baby, you do it."

"Hold up, boo." Diane says, holding up the palm of her hand to face me, making me chuckle lightly.

"We knew you were going to say that. That's why we're taking you to your favorite place on earth."

"Chuck E cheese?" I exclaim, faking a smile on my face.

"Wait wh-"

"I'm kidding. Where?" I laugh.

"Oh shit, your got me scared." Diane snaps.

"We're taking you to the mall!" Harry exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "Well, Diane is. I'm going to stay here and-"

"Eat until you throw up."

"There is chocolate in the fridge, how do you not expect me to eat that, Diane?" Harry says, quirking up an eyebrow and widening his eyes.

"I don't have any money guys and you know I hate window shopping. It just gets me depressed." I shrug.

"I've got money." Diane says, furrowing her brows.

"I'm not letting you spend money on me, Diane." I say, shaking my head.

"Well I want to." She says, crossing her arms over her chest. "So get ready and be out in the living room as soon a possible." She says, suddenly standing up. Harry imitates her and stands up as well, glaring at me. "And if your not out in half an hour, I'm barging in here." Diane says before turning around and leaving, Harry leaving as well but not before tripping on his way out, making me laugh out loud.

I decide to actually get up from the comforting warmth of the sheets and take a shower before dressing into decent clothing for the mall. I look at my nails, cringing at the chipped, burgundy colored paint. I wanted them to look classy, and they did, but now it just looks cringe-worthy, I should take care of them soon.

In at least fifteen minutes tops, since I just covered my hair with a hat, I am out into the living room, seeing the happy couple watching television on the couch. And I don't say anything, just watching them with a small smile on my face as they laugh with each other, making quiet comments about what they're watching and just naturally having a good time.

I break out of my trance when I make eye contact with Diane. She smiles before standing up quickly. "You ready?" She asks. I force a smile on my lips and nod.

"Yeah." I say quietly.

"Bye Harry." Diane says, grabbing her handbag before walking towards the front door, me following her.

"Have fun you two!" Harry exclaims before we walk out the door.

When Diane and I get in the car she turns down the radio and looks at me with a serious expression on her face instantly. "Your going to tell me something one way or another, Rauline." She says, narrowing her eyes at me. My eyes widen.

"About what?" I stammer.

Diane sighs heavily and begins to drive off into the streets. "What's up with you? Tell me everything."

I sigh heavily. "Diane no, I-" I stop and look at the woman. I can trust her. I don't know how close of friends we really are, but considering I'm living in her house and she hasn't kicked me out yet, I guess I'll look pass how reserved I truly am and just tell this woman who I know is completely loyal to most people and me. "Fine." I sigh. "Louis told me yesterday that he's dating someone else." I tell her.

She's silent for a few seconds.

"Okay? How do you feel about that?" She asks, furrowing her brows.

"I'm not sure. That's the problem."

"Are you jealous? Sad?"

"I-i don't know. But I know earlier today I met her and I saw them being happy together. And I thought-no I knew- I got over him. But then I felt angry all over again. I'm trying to think it's just because of him and that just seeing him makes me angry."

"Maybe that was it." Diane shrugs. "How do you know your over him?"

"I don't want to really like...be with him anymore, you know? It's tiring to be around him and all he does is make me angry or sad."

"And your willing to move on?"

I part my lips, not saying anything. "Yeah. I think so..." I trail off, not sure. Why wouldn't i be , though? I even told him so that I don't give a shit about him.

"You don't sound sure."

I bite down on my bottom lip silently.

"Did he ever make you happy?"

"Before we were married."

"And what happened?"

"I don't know!" I exclaim. "He doesn't want to tell me. He doesn't like talking about those things."

"What things?"

"Feelings, problems. He thinks it's stupid. I mean, we made a promise that we would tell each other eveything. I kept my deal and we worked things out, but he didn't. And he made everything that I guess made him upset, get bottled up inside him and just let it out on me a lot whenever I spoke to him."

Diane glances at me with concern in her eyes. "Has he ever hit you?" She asks quietly.

I shake my head quickly, furrowing my brows. "He wouldn't do that." I tell her. "He just yells, a lot."

Diane purses her lips. "You know what I think?"

"What?" I am actually very desperate to get another view that is more clear and will make sense in my head right now.

"I think, you guys, if you really really want to, should speak to each other. But that's only if you want to, and if you guys still want to be together and want each other."

"I don't." I snap.

Diane nods. "Okay, then, don't. Just try and get over him."

"I already am, though."

"Okay fine." Diane says. "But I see the way you look at other couples in public Rauli." She says softly. I look at her.

"I just wish I could've had that."

"Yeah. With him, right?"

"Yes."

"And...you still want to have it with him?"

"No." I respond.

"Okay." Diane says. "Well do you want to have it with anyone?"

"No." I say. "Maybe one day, but...I don't know if that's going to happen or not."

"You've got to make it happen, Rauline."

"You make that sound easy."

"It's not but...you've got to try. You have to depend on yourself to create you own life so you could be happy. Don't depend on anyone else to do it for you eventually or else you'll grow up, wondering why the hell you didn't do anything."

I take in her words, listening carefully. "No wonder Harry is in love with you." I sigh, closing my eyes. Diane laughs.

"Just thank my mom." She says, patting my knee.

"Thank you Mrs.Rod." I mumble. I open my eyes and look at her. "Did you have the same problem when you were younger."

"Not about relationships but just...like...in general, I wasn't the happiest person so I needed those words, you know?"

"Yeah." I smile.

"And they actually kind of helped." She sighs.

"How did you meet,Harry?" I ask.

"Um." She furrows her eyebrows. "I forgot." She says.

"O-"

"No, no, I'm kidding." She laughs.

"We met at graduate school." She tells me. "We both liked literature."

"Cute. Tell me about it." I grin, resting my chin on my fist.

LOUIS

"Louis." I hear her voice call from the living room, making me look up from the paper I'm writing. I sigh heavily and put the pen down before standing up to quickly walk downstairs to see this woman laying on my couch and painting her toenails.

"Yes?" I say, watching in annoyance as she lays back onto the cushions and smiles up at me. "Where's my money?" She asks.

"What?"

"You said you'd pay me sixty today. I want it now because I'm going out to a club tonight."

I walk down the steps as I take my wallet out of my back pocket. What? "A club?" I question, furrowing my brows. "With who?"

"Friends." She says, holding out her hand to take the money from me. Instead of putting it in her hand, I throw it on the coffee table in front of her, irritated by her childish actions.

I rub my temple, suddenly feeling a headache forming. "Well whatever, see you at work." I sigh heavily, turning around to walk up the steps again.

"You want to come with me?" She asks. "My friends and I are single. We can do some kinky shit."

"I'm okay." I sigh.

"What the hell? You must be really damn whipped if you don't want to do a foursome with my friends and I." Katie suddenly laughs, making me look back at her with a glare.

"Whipped on what?"

"Work of course." She smiles innocently. I narrow my eyes at her. "Rauline you idiot. Your whipped for that girl. You still love her and your not doing anything about it."

"Shut up." I mumble, turning away from her, feeling the headache worsening.

"Whatever. See you at work, you sexy piece of ass."

I ignore her words and rush up the steps, trusting that she'll walk out of my house eventually.

"The foursome is still on the table!" She yells.

"I'm okay!" I yell back, images of Rauline's sexy body flashing in my mind suddenly.

And I blink quickly to try and get the images out while also trying to think of something else. But all I can think of is the glow of her skin gleaming when the light hits it, her dramatic curves , the freckles that dot her pale flesh. A few stretch marks here and there, some scratches, scars, but her body is still so beautiful in every way, shape and form.

Her smile, the sound of her talking to me naturalky, laughing with me, subtly touching me is even more so and wow I fucking miss it so much.

She is so beautiful.

I dig my fingers into my forehead, trying to massage my pounding skull. I need to stop thinking about her so fucking much.

She said she was happy without me. She said she felt so much better and it hurt to hear it, but I need to move on.
It's only right even if I want her, need her.

Even if i have panic attacks without her by my damn side. I need to move on.

I almost laugh at myself suddenly. I almost laugh at how much I am truly an idiot. How much my father was right about me being alone, dying alone, and how much I was determined to prove him wrong. But I just proved him right and I will continue to do that because I'm a fucking faliure.

I chuckle suddenly emits past my lips from the stupidity of who I am.

I'm a faliure for losing her, listening to my father's every want and need and not my own. I was trying to get the approval of a man who's house I moved out of after proposing to someone I had fallen in love with just to let him effect me even more.

I need a drink. And i've been trying to avoid drinking and getting drunk because of Thomas but...fuck it. I can't remember the last time I had gotten drunk till I can't remember my own damn name.

I'm calling the baby sitter, and I'm going out.

(Did anyone else see the leaked pictures??

And how are y'all?)