"Louis!" I yell when I get into the house. My heart is fucking racing, feeling as if it may charge right out of my chest, tearing it open.

I care about him so fucking much it's hurting. I didn't realize I could be so worried about something or someone so much that I'm practically hyperventilating. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but knowing that Louis is hardly mentally stable right cracks my damn heart in two and makes me want to be with him. Be there to comfort and make sure he's okay because I would go crazy if anything happened to him. This is too much. Too fucking much.

I'm noticing too much right now and all the realization are bursting into my heart and mind at this moment. How I feel about him, how I feel about our relationship, how much I still want it to fucking work out. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought i was over him. I was done crying about what could've been.

But here I am, yelling his name, wondering where he is and if hes okay.

He's done something to me and i've been doing so well holding it down but it's suddenly shot back up, making me confused as hell.

I realize that I get no answer. I run up the stairs to just stop in my tracks and see Louis on the floor, his knees up to his chest as he leans against the wall.

"Louis." I whisper, walking towards him slowly. I'd prefer this situation to be something on that old show Punk'd and for Ryan Seacrest to just pop out right now as I see my ex-husband on the floor, crimson blood covering his hand as he stares at the wall, expressionless. But that show was cancelled years ago and this is real fucking life.

I swallow thickly and walk beside him before sliding down against the wall to sit on the floor. "Louis." I whisper again.

He flickers his gaze to me, our faces centimeters apart.

"Louis." I repeat for the third time, but this time louder. I look down at his hand, wondering why the blood is painted there. My eyes also divert to he gold ring around his ring finger. I look back up at him. "What happened to your hand?" I ask him.

He points to the wall across from us with his other hand that isn't bleeding.

I sigh heavily with furrowed brows. If I knew this what a forming in his damn mind, I would've known he had a fucking heart and wasn't just yelling at me for his selfish reasons. I would've known he isn't fucking mentally okay whatsoever. I would've stayed to helped him despite the resistance.

"I didn't realize how everything with your father...your parents...how much it effected you. I don't want you to suffer mentally like this." I tell him.

He mumbles something but I don't hear him.

"What?" I ask, leaning closer towards him, making him look away.

"It's not that anymore." He says, slightly louder.

"What is it?" I ask, speaking gently, not wanting to make him run off.

"I dissapointed everyone in my life." He says, shaking his head as he smiles slightly.

"No, no, you didn't Louis." I say, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I was hardly good at my job, terrible at my relationship, my fucking marriage. I made my wife's life a living hell." He chuckles bitterly, making my skin chill. "I want to drink everyday until I'm wasted but I can't or else I'll fail my son even more too. So, Rauline," Louis says, looking me in the eyes again.

I part my lips, seeing the fresh pain in them.

"Don't give that pity look." Louis says, shaking his head. "Because I'm okay but," He pauses and breathes in a large breath before releasing it again.
"Please take the boy away from me before I truly fail him and kill my-"

"Stop it, Louis. Stop it!" I exclaim suddenly, even surprising myself as tears beginning to rush down my cheeks from his words. He blinks, taken aback by my reaction.

"Your a great father and you are great at your job! You got a compliment the other day, for heavan's sake! You fucked up your first marriage because you wanted to bottle everything that hurt you inside and took it out on people you cared about! But we're young! We're still learning. Don't fuck it up by making me take Thomas away from you. You deserve some happiness in your life, okay? And Thomas is that happiness."

Louis doesn't say anything, at a loss for words. And I don't know what to say either.

So I grab the back of his neck and crash his lips onto mine, moaning instantly at the contact. I taste my own tears and when I pull away, I notice he's crying as well, looking down at the ground. He closes his eyes and botes his lips before he turns away from me. "I'm sorry." He says. And I thin I actually have heard him say that for a million times.

I tug the sleeve of his arm for him to look at me again and I put my hand under his chin and lift his head up, making him look me in the eyes. I wipe a tear that rushes down his cheek subconciously. "Your father and mother are tough." I start again before sighing shakily and closing my eyes for a moment. "But you stood up to them and now your in another job that you are appreciated in and not working for more than twelve hours in." I tell him. "Your a good, sort of damaged person. And you just broke a little inside. But that's nothing you can't fix." I say softly as we stare into each other's eyes.

"I love you." He says quietly, making my eyes widen suddenly. "I always have. And I'm going to show you that." He tells me, his voice soft.

Then he embraces me into a hug, his hands running up an down my sides in a soothing manner, making my eyes flutter closed involuntarily. And I hug him back just as tightly, feeling him burying his head in the crook of my neck.

This is the first time,...for a long time...that we didn't yell at each other while having a conversation.

After I help him up, I wash his hand off in the bathroom, feeling it shaking vigurously in my hand, making my heart pound.

I notice his ring is still around his finger, while mine is resting in my suitcase back at my temporary home. I swallow thickly and fail at fighting off my small smile and the tears that threaten to fall when I see the gold still around his ring finger. The ring that I stuck on his finger myself.

Why wouldn't he take this off?

I don't want him to suffer like this. And I'll make sure the best I can that he won't.

LATER

Thomas giggles softly as I sit on the floor with him in his room, him drawing a detailed portrait of me.

"You look pretty, mommy!" He exclaims, making me giggle as I try to peek at he drawing but he pulls it back quickly. "No peeking." He says, wagging a finger in the air.

"I wasn't." I say, shaking my head and looking up at the cieling.

"I'm watching you, mommy." Thomas says in a playfully threatening tone before giggling. I laugh quietly with him before turning my head to see the door open and Louis walk inside.

He clears his throat. "Um, are you ready?" He asks.

I nod my head and look back at the little boy.

"Daddy, I'm drawing mommy!" Thomas says, standing up suddenly to run over to the man and crash into his legs suddenly, making Louis stumble backwards. Louis chuckles and takes up the drawing. He inspects it before looking up at me then back down at the picture.

"This is great, Thomas. You caught her beauty." Louis grins before ruffling the boys hair as he gives the picture back to him.

I roll my eyes and stand up to brush off my pants.

"I know I did, daddy." Thomas says as he turns around. Louis puts his hands on his hips and narrows his eyes at the boy with a small, amused smile.

"He's got your confidence and your sass." I chuckle quietly. He laughs with me and shrugs.

"Hey, artist, pick up your stuff, we're going somewhere, okay?" Louis says, making Thomas laugh out loud but quickly begin to clean up his things.

"Can we talk really, quickly?" I ask him. Louis purses his lips and nods before the both of us walk out of the room, me closing the door behind myself. I sigh heavily. "We're not going to get back together." I tell him. He stares at me blankly and stays silent. "You know that, right?" I ask him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Why?" He asks quietly, not breaking eye contact with me.

"I want to ease back into my relationship with you. I don't want to jump back in right away." I tell him. He nods slowly, making me know he understands.

"Um," he furrows his eyebrows and bites on his bottom lip as he flickers his gaze to the floor. "Do you still um...," he pauses, swallowing. "Love me?" He finally asks, grimacing slightly.

I sigh shakily at the question. "I don't know." I shake my head. "I want to wrap my head around everything that I'm just discovering but I know that I still want to be around you. Just...I need to think by myself without anything distracting me."

"So...friends?" He asks.

"We don't need to title it. But if we must just to keep your heart at ease," I say, poking at his chest lightly, making him smirk and put his hand on the spot I had touched. I'm surprised by my own playful actions all of a sudden, making me pull my hand away and behind my ask quickly. "Yes, we're friends."

"What about best friends?" He asks, grinning wider.

"I'll think about it." I tell him, waving him off as I walk away.

"Oh no. Wait, wait. What about, best friends for life?" He asks, following beside me as I walk down the steps. I laugh at him and his childish actions.

I'm glad to see he's still has got some of himself left.

"Oh fuck, wait, friends with benefits!" He exclaims.

I look at him with a wide smile. "Louis Tomlinson, shut the hell up, we've got a child in the house."

"Oh I doubt he knows what that is, Rauline." He retorts, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes, but if he comes up to me and asks what friends with benefits are I'll burn all of your Adidas shirts."

Louis' eyes widen and he closes his mouth quickly, making me smile triumphantly and nod my head. "That's what I thought."

"On a serious note, Rauline, I went to a therapist earlier."

Already? That was faster than I expected. I look down at the ground. "How was it?" I ask him.

"Um, I didn't like it."

I knew he wouldn't. "Why?" I ask anyway.

"She said things I didn't want to hear."

I finally look at him to see him looking down at the floor as well as we stand in front of the front door, waiting for Thomas to run downstairs. "Like what?" I hope this wasn't why he had called me and asked me to take Thomas away from him and why he let out everything he was feeling inside to me. He looked broken. He was broken. That's why he spilled everything on his mind to me.

"She said I damaged you." He says softly, leaning his back against the wall. The fringe of his unslicked back hair, which is usually slicked back, hangs over his eyes. "Um, and that since I did, I wouldn't be able to fix you ever again. And you wouldn't want to be with someone who damaged your heart like I did. And I should just um...move on as a distraction." He says, finally looking up at me as I stare back at him.

"You didn't damage me. I'm strong."

"You are." He smiles slightly.

I nod.

"Did you ever go out with anyone else recently?" He asks.

I notice that I didn't, which is weird. I didn't actually want to anyway. "No, I didn't." I tell him, furrowing my brows. What was holding me back from that? Work? The fact I needed to find a decent job? Was I just not over him? "Did you? Like, for real."

"No." He says with a roll of his eyes.

I smile slightly at him.

Why wouldn't he move on?

"Why'd you kiss me?" He asks suddenly.

I part my lips when I soak in his words.

I don't have answer for him.

Is it because I wanted to? Yes. But I don't want to tell him that.

I sigh heavily.

"I just didn't know what else to do." I tell him. That is also true. I didn't know what else to do.

"Oh." He smiles.

"I'm ready!" Thomas' small voice suddenly exclaims as he runs down the stairs.

"Be careful." I say, scared he might trip and fall on the large and many steps. He runs up to Louis and I.

The man picks the little boy up in his arms before we leave the house to go out somewhere so I can spend more time with Thomas and secretly, so Louis can also be distracted.