/ flashback \

"Jungkook?" my dad knocks on my door, taking me out of my game. "Yeah?" I reply, trying to hide the anxiety in my voice.

He opens the door and gives me a concerned look. "Can we talk about what happened yesterday?"

I frown and run my fingers through my hair. "Yesterday?"

"Yes. I heard talk about y/n to your little brother," he says, causing my heart to race even faster. "Yeah," I nod, feeling the anxiousness settling in my chest. As he closes the door behind him, I quit my game and clear my throat. He sits down on my bed and intertwines his hands.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I kind of figured out something was going on before I even heard talk about it," he begins. "I noticed you were acting differently towards her. Often mentioning her, then showing some jealousy. I can also see the way you look at her. You have feelings for her, don't you?" he gazes at me, his words making me feel dumb.

I run my fingers over my lips and look down at the ground, unable to meet his eyes. "Yeah."

He breathes out and smiles. "I could tell. Has something happened? Did she say something that hurt you?" he attempts to know more, but I just shake my head, still unable to speak.

This is the first time we have this type of conversation. This never happened before. I've never felt so vulnerable with him.

"How do you know she won't like you back then?" he uses my words to question me, to hear me say something. "I don't know. She's just...She often pushes me away when I get closer. She, like, makes it obvious this can't go further. And I know she won't want me because I'm younger."

He nods his head, acknowledging my concerns. "How does she act towards you? I mean, how does she make it obvious this can't go further?"

"She...She acts...I don't know how to describe it, but I feel really good with her. But I asked her if I could spend more time with her at her house, and she'd rather not have me over again. She avoids having too much physical contact with me. She said I don't make her uncomfortable, though. She takes care of me and shows me love better than my exes or any other woman ever did. She seems to favor me too 'cause apparently, I'm the only one she allowed in her house, she let me have her phone number and doesn't mind when I text her anymore, even though she gave it to me only for the math teacher thing. It's just...when I get a little closer, she stops me. She doesn't like when I look too much into her eyes either."

"What happened at her house? Nothing wrong, right?" he makes sure. "Nothing. We had a good time, she was affectionate, cooked for me, made sure I was doing fine. So nothing bad happened. It wasn't different from what we do here."

"And did something in particular that made you sad yesterday that you feel that way since then?" he listens to me, taking more time than I would have expected him to. "She just...I wanted to go to the party with her, but she refused. I wanted to take care of her kitten while she was away, but she said no. But I don't know. It feels like sometimes she lets me come closer, and sometimes she looks nervous and pushes me away."

"Are you sure she doesn't like you back? Or is it just something you believe?" he asks, trying to make sense of the situation. "I'm not sure. I feel like she's maybe attracted to me but doesn't wanna let anything happen. But I don't know. Do women of her age react the same way as girls of my age when they find a guy attractive?

"Well, women mature faster than men do, so it's possible she's just more cautious. I do believe women can react pretty much the same way to some things no matter how old they are. It all depends on the maturity. Some women just don't show their emotions too much. You said she doesn't like when you look into her eyes, do you know why she may have said that?" he tries to help me, gathering as much as information. "She joked and said it distracts her, but I can tell it makes her nervous. She becomes fidgety and avoids eye contact if I stare into her eyes."

"Hm. Take this with a grain of salt, but to me, it seems like she is attracted to you, maybe has a soft spot for you, but she keeps some boundaries between you and her because of the age gap. Of course, it must hurt because you have feelings for her, but it is a good thing that she doesn't take advantage of you. She is probably very aware of how you feel, and that is why she keeps a respectful distance, without pushing you away completely," he gives me his opinion, bringing me some much-needed clarity on the situation.

"Yeah..." I try my best to not let my emotions control me as he is looking at me. "I know this is hurting you, so the best thing you could do right now is talk it out with her. If you're too scared to be straightforward about it, you can distance yourself for a little while and see how she reacts, and if she comes to you and wants to talk, then you'll have the opportunity to address the situation in a more comfortable manner."

"I understand. I'll try to do that," I reply, agreeing with his point of view. "It's just an advice. I know that it might be difficult to do at first, but it's important to communicate openly."

I nod to him, wondering why he suddenly took the initiation to have this conversation. "Thank you for...for talking about it with me. It helps a lot..." I say gratefully, hoping he does not find it ridiculous. "No need to. I know I'm not present enough because of work and my nature, but you're my son, and I love you, so I hope you'll always know that I'm here for you."

I smile but feel weird. "Have you...Has someone told you something? Is something bad happening?" I suspect.

"No. Just...Some words from your brother made me realize that I haven't been as present in your life as I should be. I noticed you never open up to me, that both of you crave her attention and care much more mine, and...yeah...I felt the need to talk to you," he says, guilt lacing his words. "It's okay. It must be hard to take care of two kids alone, so I understand. I love you too."

He smiles sadly and looks away. As if his throat was closing up, he clears it and stands up. "Come up to me more often when you need to talk, okay? No matter what this is about."

"I will," I hold my hands together, and he nods in response. "Good. Don't worry too much about what's going on with y/n, alright? It will be okay."

"Yeah," I say softly, feeling comforted by his words. "Well, I'm leaving you alone. Enjoy gaming, but don't go to sleep too late."

"I won't, don't worry. Have a good night," I reply as he opens the door. "Have a good night too," he smiles and goes out.

/ end of flashback \

I truly hope he will not talk about this with her.

•••

8 am.

Y/n finally parks in front of my school after a short but silent drive. "Thank you," I say as I grab my bag and open the door. I get out before she could say anything and put my hood on, feeling too cold this morning to not wear it.

I enter the schoolyard and head towards my friends, who are already gathered in a circle near the entrance. All of them greet me once I join them, and I do the same.

"Let's get inside, the cold's gonna make me pass out, bro," one of them guides us to the building, and we all follow along.

"How are you doing today?" my best friend, Leo, asks. "Fine, and you?"

"Same. Have you been able to finish your math homework?" he expresses concern as we walk into the building together. "No. I couldn't."

"I'll give you mine before we start class," he says, willing to help me not get bothered by the teacher for not doing my work. "You don't need to. It's my fault for playing instead."

"Nah. I'll give it you," he shakes his head, and I grin. "Thanks," I respond, feeling grateful for his kindness. Upon reaching our classroom, we all enter, with some students already settled in their seats. I head towards mine, and Leo sits down next to me.

I drop my bag on the floor and rub my hands over my face, yawning. "Here," Leo puts his work before me, so I grab it and get my unfinished one out. "Thank you."

I take my hood off and get ready to tackle the work in front of me. I take a pen and proceed to copy his answers.

"Did you come here by foot?" he asks me, resting his head on his hand. "No. She gave me a ride."

"Oh. Was it okay? Did you talk with her?" he becomes curious, aware of the situation. "No. I think she knows. My dad had a talk with her this morning, though, and I sent him a text to know what it was about. He said it wasn't about what we talked about, so I don't know."

"Well. Did she not try to talk to you in the car or before? Did she act weird after talking to him?" he attempts to understand. "Not really," I comb my messy hair back and look at him, feeling like shit. "She kinda tried to talk to me, but I kept it short."

"Does it hurt you to have to do that?" he asks the wrong question, my emotions makeING me too sensitive to be unaffected by my thoughts. "I wish it didn't," I force a smile and write the last answer.

I drop my pen on the paper and lean back, sliding my hands in the pockets of my jacket. "If I were you, I'd talk to her about it. I'd be straightforward."

I scoff and shake my head. "No, you wouldn't. 'Cause when you have a woman like that so close to you, you're too scared to lose her. So you shut up and wait until you eventually have to speak up 'cause it hurts too much."

"Well, it hurts too much right now. Doesn't it?" he makes a point, challenging me to speak my truth. "Yeah...that's why I'm distancing myself from her."

He remains silent, looking at me and sighing. "Listen," he drops a hand on my shoulder. "Let's make out 'till it dulls the pain."

I laugh and glance away. "Dumbass," I yawn again and hide my mouth under my jacket this time. "It's too early to be horny, so let's wait for the break," I joke as well, feeling much better with him by my side. "Fine. It's hard to wait when a hot guy is sitting so close to me, but I'll wait."

I cannot help but chuckle, appreciating his playful attitude, which he knows will help me take my mind off everything else for a bit.

•••

12:20 pm.

The boys having an argument around the table, I lean back on my chair and tangle my hands in the back of my head. I listen, finding it funny but keeping quiet.

I drop my eyes to my thighs, feeling a hand on it. "Do you ever stop?" Leo mentions, noticing the bouncing of my leg. "Sometimes. I don't even pay attention to it anymore."

"Bro, you nearly make the floor shake with that thing," he takes another sip of his chocolate milk. "By the way," he inches closer. "When are we making out?"

"Ayo, excuse me?" one of our friends, Noah, hears him. "What did you just say?"

"I wanna make out with him," he does not hesitate to repeat himself, looking at him. "That's gay."

"No, it's not. It's just a brother thing. Don't you do that with your best friend when they don't feel good?" he sips harder on his drink as I cannot hold back from grinning. "No, bro. I suck his dick."

Leo turns his head and looks into my eyes. "Want me to do that?" he asks, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Yeah. In front of everyone 'cause I like voyeurism."

"Nah. I don't do this in public," Leo responds. "A handjob is fine, though."

"You'd never. You're too straight to even hold his hand," Noah retorts, not believing he would. Leo does not answer, he moves up from his chair and lands on my lap. "Just 'cause I'm straight doesn't mean I cannot enjoy a good time with my bro."

I smile and do not complain or push him away, playing along. "Grind on him now," Noah dares to suggest.

With no hesitation, Leo does it. "He's bouncing off my booty cheeks, I love the way he rides," he starts singing, and I stop him, holding his hips still. "Are you sure you're straight? You're a little too good at this."

"Who knows? I often find myself questioning my sexuality because of you," he says, talking about my physical appearance again and making me wonder if he is just joking.

"Wait, wait. So that means you liked it?" Noah points his finger at me, his mouth full of food. "Yeah. Got a problem with that?" I grin.

"No, now I wanna experience it too," he says, munching and looking up at Leo.

My best friend moves away from my lap and sits back down on his chair. "I don't do this for anyone else."

"Wait, guys. Do any of you know about a dude called Alessandro?" I ask them, not holding back anymore. The three of them look at me, but only one quickly responds, "There's a guy called Alessandro in twelfth grade. He's friends with my brother. Why?"

"Do you know if he's got a brother or sister?" I attempt to get the confirmation this is the one I am looking for. "Hmm. I think he has a sister and brother. Yeah."

"And do you see him here right now?" I do not explain myself yet, and he looks around the cafeteria to check if he is here as I hope for him to say yes.

He tilts his chin up and nods. "He's over there, with a group of friends."

I turn around to see where he is. "Which table?" I do not look away, not fearing he could notice us. "The one with the guy that wears a red beanie and a black shirt. Alessandro is the one with the silver earrings and dark brown hair. He's weariung a balck hoodie."

"I see him," I bounce my leg again, uncontrollably releasing some negative emotions. "Why are you looking for him?" Leo asks.

"Because y/n takes care of his sister and brother now," I set my eyes back on my friends, hating the sight of that guy. "That means he's around her often."

He looks exactly like I expected him to. Dressed like we are still in twenty-twenty-one with cringe e-boys everywhere who make their whole personality centered around TikTok trends.

"Apparently he's a flirty bitch and has hooked up with half the girls in our grade. He makes thirst traps on TikTok. Like, when my brother told me about it, I checked his account. It's full of shirtless mirror selfies, dancing videos, or videos of his veiny hands. The typical cringe guy, you know what I mean?" he draws a picture of him, depicting someone I did not expect to be better at all.

"I'm not surprised. I bet he's gonna fucking flirt with her, this dogass bitch," my anger takes over me, my jaw clenching. "This dude literally said in one of his TikToks that he loves women and respects them, so he's very gentle with them, but when they end up in his bed, it's a different story."

"Ew. Girls like that shit?" Leo responds, expressing what I did not have time to say. "Given the amount of likes and subs he got, yeah, I guess they do. That's not even the worst, though. There's another one where he does some push-ups but breathes hard and whines, and all the comments are just full of horny teenage girls, man. Or there's another where he thrusts into the phone, brother, I had to put my phone down after seeing it."

"This dude is in twelfth grade and acts like a thirty-year-old guy with plenty of experience. How the fuck does he not feel embarrassed?" Leo speaks my mind, and the one who gave us much information chuckles. "I have no idea. I just don't understand why pretty guys just feel the need to do that. It literally shows your personality is trash."

"He's not even pretty," I disagree with him. "I hate him, but he's hot, and he knows it."

"No, he's not. The fuck? If I was a girl, I would never go for him. Just looking at him makes me cringe," I cannot listen to him without feeling outraged by his statement. "What type of guy would you go for then? 'Cause like, if you forget the fact you hate him, there's no way you don't find him attractive."

"I don't find him attractive at all. I'd go for a guy like Leo," I say, gesturing towards him. "That's what you call a pretty guy."

"Then it's just 'cause you like cute guys more. Some girls would like Leo more too, but you're denying the truth because you don't like him," he states what I do not want to admit. "Whatever you say."

"Do you hate him because you know y/n is often gonna be around him?" he asks, and with no second thought, I reply, "Yeah."

"Honestly, he's too young for her. So, if she rejects you because she believes you're too young, which is not the case in my opinion, then there's no way she'd fall for him," Leo does his best to brighten up my mood and helps me not get paranoid. "I guess," I reply. "But I bet he's gonna get some hugs and kisses from her too, and that pisses me off."

"Aw, don't worry about it. I bet you're her only babyboy," Noah makes fun of me. "Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to recover from a heartbreak."

"Well, let's go out and smoke a cigarette," he says, pulling out a pack from his pocket. We stand up and leave the table, putting our jackets on as we head outside. I close it up to my face and wear my hood, feeling too cold not to.

"You better hurry up, 'cause I don't want to freeze my ass up," Leo complains, shivering as soon as we step out of the warm building. "Stop being a baby," he smirks at him, sticking the cigarette in his mouth to light it up.

"I wish I had a mask like those balaclava things you see a lot," I mutter, hiding my hands in my pockets to seek some warmth. "I got one if you want. I barely wear it," Noah tells me, leading us to another spot.

"You do?" I look at him, surprised. "Yeah, here," he takes it out of a pocket of his jacket and hands it to me, stopping in front of some benches. "Does it really help with the cold?" I grab it and take my hood off for a few seconds.

"It does," he confirms as I put it on, the warmth instantly enveloping me. I fix my bangs under the fabric, making sure they don't stick out. It's incredibly soft and comfortable, much more so than I expected.

"It actually looks good on you," Noah chuckles as my eyes are now the only feature visible. "I know," I put my hood back on and sit down on one of the two benches that face each other.

I spread my legs and slide my hands in the pockets of my cargo pants, two of the boys joining me.

"Can you hold me at gunpoint and tell me to get on my knees?" Leo laughs at his own dumb words that got me to shake my head with disbelief. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I scoff, moving my legs uncontrollably.

"Sorry, that mask made me act up," he jokes, leaning back in his seat and taking his phone out. I keep my eyes on him, grinning slightly at his attempt to divert my attention. "Don't you have a knife you always carry around?" Noah asks, pulling his cigarette out of his mouth.

"I do, it's in my pocket here," I touch the one on the side of my right thigh. "Bro, what? Do you have any idea how fucked you'd be if you get caught?" one of the other boys gapes at me. "Well. Do you have any idea how fucked I'd be if I got attacked and had nothing to defend myself?"

"I know, but like, I bet you'd be expelled if they find it," he tells me. I shrug and lift my hand up to my head, resting my forearm on it. "I don't care."

"How long is the blade?" Noah shows some curiosity. "Between four and five inches. It's a tactical one. It looks really good."

"Have you already used it?" he asks, eyeing me suspiciously. I smile under the black fabric and tell a lie. "No."

"Your eyes smiled, bro. What did you do with that knife?" Leo notices, knowing the truth. "It's nothing. Just my ex...She was into it and shit, and yeah. I won't say anything more," I say, trying to brush off the topic.

"Damn," Noah blows some smoke out. "Didn't expect that from the subby boy."

"I'm not a sub, shut the fuck up about that," I click my tongue and grin, dropping my hand on my thigh. "We all remember that day when 'Mommy' came here, dude. Quit lying."

"Fuck you," I sigh, feeling embarrassed whenever they bring this up. "I didn't even do anything. She just treats everyone like that."

"That's bullshit. I'd never let a woman treat me like that," he lies to himself for sure, acting like he did not do worse with his ex. "You are bullshit. And shut your mouth 'cause I got a knife and wouldn't hesitate to use it."

"Brother, chill," he comes closer, knowing I am not serious. "Here, take a drag."

"I don't wanna pull the mask up," I refuse out of laziness, and he sits down next to me. "You can smoke through it, though. I already did it."

I take the cigarette out of his hand and push it against the fabric to touch my lips with it. I inhale, feeling the smoke fill my lungs, and I exhale, letting the nicotine rush through my body.

"See?" he says, a smirk playing on his lips. "I'm keeping it now," I smile and consume the rest of the cigarette. The taste of it is bitter, but it's a comfort that I can't resist.

"Indirect kiss," Leo mutters, glancing at the cigarette in my hand. "It's not in contact with my lips, dumbass," I tap the ash off between my legs and take another drag before exhaling slowly, the smoke escaping through the thick material.

"You're right. Stop smoking that shit, though," he cannot help but worry about my health. "It's just the second cigarette I ever tried. I'm good."

"Yeah, but you don't wanna get addicted. It's not worth the risk. Smoking ain't attractive," he says with concern, knowing the reason why I do it. "He's right. Give it back," Noah agrees with him and snatches it out of my hand.

"You- Come on," I grumble, feeling annoyed. "You're the one who put it in my mouth, you bitch."

"What the hell? No, I didn't," Noah denies the truth. "What? You gave it to me and told me to take a drag."

"Nope. You made that up in your head," he dares to lie and smirks, stubbing the cigarette out.

"Fine, keep lying," I mutter under my breath and glare at Leo. "It's your fault."

"I'm glad it is," he says, proud and unapologetic. "And stop giving me that look when wearing that mask "cause I'm gonna fold."

Against my will, I laugh and look away. "You're fucking stupid."

"One of my exes had an obsession with masked dudes, bro. I never understood why, but apparently, a lot of girls like that," Noah exposes her, and I cannot help scoffing. "Wait, is that why you got a balaclava?" Leo asks, making me fear the answer.

"No," Noah laughs, relieving me. "It's just for winter. I'd wear that type of shit way before dating her."

"Hm. Probably why she wanted your dick," he states, letting out what we must be thinking. None of us ever liked or appreciated that girl. She was a cliché. It was obvious to everyone they would not last.

"Yeah, she literally admitted when I broke up with her. She dated me because I'm a biker with tattoos, and she liked how I looked with a mask. She was superficial and only interested in my appearance. That bitch," he says angrily, crossing his arms and remembering their last fight.

"Honestly, we all saw it coming. I told you, she was a walking red flags with those ugly fake lashes, designer handbags, ten-inch fake nails, and shit. I don't even know how you could fall for that," Leo does not hold back, still feeling hatred towards her. "I know, I learnt my lesson. Don't worry."

"Does y/n wear that type of stuff?" Leo asks me. "No. She wears makeup, but not those things. Honestly, some fake lashes can look good, my ex used to wear some, and it was cute. It's just that too much girls nowadays like looking like those ugly reality show ones."

"Yeah, those clowns always ruin everything. It's like those injected lips, some of them can look natural and pretty, but most don't," he continues, and I nod, agreeing with him. "Anyway, give that look to y/n. There's no way she can resist it if you wear that mask."

I shake my head, smiling. "No, you know what you should do?" Noah lifts one hand up, ready to give his own advice. "You act like you don't care, but you keep flirting. Stare into her eyes without smiling, as if it didn't affect you. She may be twenty-six, but she's still a young woman with hormones, so it will do something to her. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about."

"You know what you're talking about? Stop pretending like that thirty-year-old woman isn't made up," Leo still refuses to believe the story he told us about some weeks ago. "Bro. I showed you the texts and pictures, what else do you want me to do to prove it?"

"She's a groomer, though. You were eighteen, and she only wanted to have sex with you," Leo defends his point of view. "I was legal, and it was consensual 'cause I only wanted her for that and money."

"Yeah...Still, though. It feels wrong to me," he disagrees with his perspective, getting Noah to smile. "You already don't like friends with benefits shit, so I'm not surprised," he replies and stands up. "Anyway, I'm going back in because I'm freezing right now."

"Well, I'm coming with you," our other friend follows. "Yes, come with me, baby," Noah jokes with him as Leo and I both look at each other.

"We're alone now," he crosses his arms over his chest, not glancing away. I smile and put my hands in my pockets. "Yeah," I spread my legs, his eyes moving down to them. "We got five minutes before the bell rings. What do you suggest?" he smirks and comes to sit down next to me.

"I don't know. You tell me," I drop one hand on his thigh, slapping it. "You know what I'm gonna tell you?" he touches it and slides my hand higher, my eyes probably exposing the smile I hide under the black fabric. "No, go ahead. I wanna hear you," I give a squeeze, holding back from bursting out in laughter.

"You're gonna date that woman. Got it? In one month, I want you to come up here and tell us all you're dating her and that everything is going amazing. Alright?"

I wish this could happen.

"Yeah, you'll have to wake up afterwards, though," I tap his thigh again and stand up. "Come on, man. You got everything you need to do this. You're hot and pretty, you're cute too. You're tall as fuck, you know your eyes make every girl fall for you, you get them all obsessed with your hands, you're respectful, sweet, and I could go on. So, there's no way this woman doesn't fall for you. Just flirt until your birthday, then ask her out."

"I will. What if it doesn't work and I have to live the rest of my life with depression?" I walk back to the inside with him, a laugh escaping his lips. "Shut up. I'll take care of you. As a very good best friend, I'll make you very happy in every way."

"Sure, I'm glad to hear it," I say, chuckling but knowing he means it when he tells me he will be there for me. I can always count on him to help me through anything.

•••

4:20 pm.

Feeling tired after a long day with the worst subjects, I rest my head on the back of the car seat and close my eyes. I could fall asleep at any moment, but y/n is right next to me, and I fear I might have a wet dream and make some noise.

"Did you not sleep last night or something?" she asks, parking near Minjun's school. "I didn't. I won't do that again, though."

"I thought you'd study and try your best to get good marks," she reminds me of what I subtly promised. "Well...I needed a day off."

She breathes out and gets out of the car, leaving me to ponder my behavior. She heads closer to the gate to be there for my little brother, and I keep my eyes on her. What if she starts disliking me or getting tired of me?

What if that other guy manages to win her affections instead? I have to make sure she knows how much she means to me. I believe that she already does, but I need to stop being a coward.