[ yeah just so u kn this chapter is messed up,it makes zero sense, to a point where it could get boring? but I'm lazy to edit it yeah..

I wrote it when I was going through a emotional roller coaster:): and also I was high asf on oxygen..]

Hi so I'm well..Ash, cause my real name is super long and indian , and ash is the nickname my fam gave me so I just stuck with it..

Im Indian who lives in Dubai.

so I'm currently 13 super soon to be 14 on aug 24th actually...

I'm the ONLY child hell yeah I rule the house! Imma spoiled bitch.

And I love talking!❤️❤️ Usually in chats I'm the one who moves on with the conversation and sometimes it makes me think I'm super annoying... but yeah Idc and go on anyway..

Im sensitive, sarcastic, super duper lazy, weird, I suck at handling sad situations, (like if someone is crying idk how to comfort them like I'm clueless I usually mess the situation up basically I make it even worse...)I overthink a hella lot!, I hatee advices, and yeah I go through depression.

Yeah...idk why I'm depressed, it just hits me sometimes and I get so sad and gloomy out of nowhere...

I hv tried self harm sometimes when I just can't take it anymore but itz not often cause in reality I'm just to scared to do it..

Mostly I just starve myself or just slap myself...

And Ik ppl say I can get better if I talk to someone but no...no one fucking understands me! All my frnds r fucking happy! Sometimes they do think about life but when I compare mine to theirs, it's not a big deal but still they go around saying they hv the worst life and say they think they hv depression and shit! Like bitch u hv the perfect life! And also I just don't want ppl to feel pity for me it makes me feel even more pathetic that I already am..

As I hv already mentioned I'm different in skool it also means I used to make up scenarios where I'm super happy hanging out with ppl where irl I'm sitting in the corner of my bedroom crying silently to myself.but yeah I used to so not anymore.. Cause I think of reality has hit me hard enough to say that there r ppl worse than u but still try to be happy..

So like I feel like I act like a complete different person to ppl, a person who is not me, a person with a different face and personality a person who's trying to fit in.

But like most of the time Im happy these days, cause of my bffs

They both brighten my whole day up in just seconds, one kn me frm grade one and the other kn me since I was well..4months...

Tbh they r the only ppl to whom I'm myself, and they kn everything that happens in my life! Well one does the other is too innocent, like idk how we grew up together since grade 1,but turned out with completely opposite personalities now. I mean she is so innocent she didn't kn the meaning of a condom, 69 so and so..., but I still love her and her fam! Especially her uncle cause he's cool!❤️ she hates kpop I mean she only likes black pink, and I would blame her mom though , my mom never scolds me, she gave that job to p's mum..(let call her p cause she will kill moi if I reveal her name!), so when ever I listen to kpop aunt comes up to me and gives me a big lecture about how useless kpop is.

The other one has kn me since I was well a baby, he's well brutally honest and dirty minded asf,
He says these super lame dirty jokes, which makes me wanna hit him with my chair by just hearing them. But yeah he acts like a mom, he's also a confession diary for me, but like we used !to be together 4 years ago..then he moved to Singapore, but we still chat every single day and FaceTime once a week or so, and now recently he got into a bicycle accident... and yeah... let's just say he's fine now..his mom called my mom and told her about it and the worst part is that was this happened a month ago, and I came to kn about this just a week ago,cause both our moms thought I would be super worried and go crazy if I come to kn about this...hell yeah I would he's my lyf! but yeah Edward, u mean soo much to moi!❤️

And I also hv my big couz sis who is also one of the closest person to me!
She works in Goldman Sachs*not bragging at all*  she give the best advices!
But sometimes her lectures r annoying-_- (I'm writing this cause I kn she will never read it, I'm just too confident)