Chapter twenty two: Remember Me?

Halaat is officially cancer free. Yay? But Adam, Halaat misses him. Halaat believes in their love. Halaat is still haunted by her accident. Everything seems to be falling down. Everything in Halaat's life just doesn't seem right.

Halaat's POV.

"Congratulations you are officially cancer free," Dr Mariam said while smiling. I should be happy I suppose that I am alive and breathing and living. The doctor said I could see Adam after a week, once I heal. But I haven't seen him in a almost a month. I miss him.

"Shukran Doctor Mariam," Ayat replied. Seeing that I was drowning in my thoughts, she had better reply.

"No problem. I'll let you rest," she said and left the room. I can't sit here anymore, I need to know how my husband is. I need to hear his heartbeat that soothes me. Ayat and Ummi sat a distant from me watching me in silence as my thoughts took over.

"She needs a therapist Ummi," Ayat whispered. Her whispering skills are useless. Ayat doesn't know how to whisper. My head laid on the pillow and turned away from their faces.

"She doesn't need a therapist Ayat. She's going to be okay, she's just grieving and that's normal," Ummi said. Showing no effort at whispering.

"I miss her," Ayat whispered. Another failed attempt.

"I am right here, I am not dead." I said turning to look at them.

"Then quit acting like you are," Ayat spoke.

"Honestly I wish..." I said. Ummi interrupted me.

"Don't you dare speak like that. Don't you dare let shaytan take over your thoughts," my mum said in a serious commending tone. I remained silent and turned my head away from her sad eyes. I am worried about Adam, I am scared. I don't know if he is dead or not. All I know is that he is in a coma, that doesn't assure my curious heart.

He is my first and last love. How can I not be worried about the only man I have ever loved. I bet he's dreaming just like me, about his family or something more better than this reality. How am I to tell him that our baby died. I bet he'll hurt more than I do. He's going to blame himself as long as he lives, but I am going to tell him that it's not his fault. I am going to cry in his arms and tell him that he's got me and I got him. I am going to tell him that Allah s.w.t plans are greater than ours.

I am going to kiss him and tell him how much I love him.

"Halaat, Halaat..." I hear Ayat soft voice calling me. I look at her and smile. "Hmm who are you thinking of? That rare smile and I have a feeling who is behind it."

"You already know who it is, why are you asking me?"

"Haha, because my dear sister Halaat. I want to see you smile because whenever the topic is about Adam you always light up like a light bulb. Your cheeks turn pink and your tone becomes more calm and pretty. You usually sound like a robot honestly, omg do you know how annoying you sound,"

"Ayat! Don't tell your sister that," Ummi said,"It's not true Halaat your voice is perfect."

I laugh abruptly. I couldn't contain my happiness. Ayat was imitating Ummi as she talked on and on about making fun of me.

"Ummi I love you," I said enthusiastically.

"'Ana ahibbuk jiddaan abnatay(I love too my daughter)," she replied with a sweet smile on her face.

I laughed today. Well Ayat can be amusing if she wants. Hussein is doing his final exams. I heard he almost cried. I can't wait to tease him. He always says that he is so strong, always flexing his arms that don't have anything but bones. It's kind of cute.

Jamila came over too, and checked up on me. She told me about her proposal, and how her decision is still pending. I told her if he's a  practicing Muslim, respectful with good manners she should accept and go ahead with the engagement. Jamila said she won't accept until Adam and I get out of the hospital so we could celebrate the ceremony, all together as a family. Is he whiling to wait? I asked her.
He told me he can wait, as long as I be his. I saw Jamila blushing and for the first time no teary eyes.

Days passed and I got better. My family there to support me. I felt a certain guilt that I wasn't holding Adam's hand when he needed me. My first wish as soon I got better is too see Adam. Better enough to sit up right on a wheel chair. I was taken to him. My heart was on a roller coaster. I feel anxious about seeing Adam. I haven't seen him in a while.

As we were entering the room. I close my eyes as if a huge surprise had been waiting for me. As soon as the nurse stoped wheeling the wheel chair. I slowly opened my eyes, only to see my Adam peacefully asleep. Stitches on his forehead head. My body trembled with fear as my thoughts told me that he might never wake up. I held his still hand, and I felt secure. Tears slowly left my eyes, not really out of sadness but out of love and joy.

This feeling seeing him there made my heart flutter. I only prayed while holding his cold still hand that he opens his eyes soon. The grey mysterious eyes that I long to get lost in. I hold his hand for a while, just staring at him. I couldn't form words, I couldn't make up a sentence to tell him. It felt like my  words couldn't combine, so I just sat there and starred at him.

I held his hand for as long as I could. I started talking to him. I greeted him first, I kissed his hand. I told him about what happened and every time I mentioned "our baby" a tear escaped my eyes. I told him how much I love him. Though he was still and almost lifeless, I could describe.

My heart felt happy. Everyday I would visit him and talk to him. At times I even read the Quran for him I know how he loves it when I read the Quran. Everyday for two weeks I would visit the man my heart adores.
Everyday!

Until one day suddenly, when I held his hand. I noticed his eyes moving, his heart beat increasing on the heart rate monitor, I could hear his breathing getting slightly heavier, his hand making movement and his lips quiver. As he was coming back to life, I called the nurse immediately. She quickly rushed in and started checking on him. My hand still interlocked with Adam's. The doctor came in and with another nurse. I was wheeled away from Adam but my hand was still in his.

As I was going to let go, his grip tightened. My blood rushed and my heart fluttered. I pulled my hand away from his as the doctor checked on him. I was kept waiting outside his room, after a few minutes I was wheeled back in.

I see Adam sitting upright his eyes open,
starring at me curiously. His hair still perfect though he hadn't done nothing, his beard still the same though a bit rough and his grey eyes starring at me. My whole world had awaken. Alhamdulliah, Alhamdulilah my heart uttered as I was wheeled closer and closer to him. My lips trembling not knowing what to say. I smiled as I was kept besides him. I simply smiled. Adam still processing my face, I could tell he was studying me.

I place my hand on his, and Adam still stares at me. I look at him and he doesn't say anything. "Adam," I say his name. He looks at me seriously with cold eyes, he pulls away his hand away from mine. "Adam." I say almost in tears.

"Who are you?" He asked bluntly.

For a moment it felt as if that this might be a cruel joke and we could laugh about a few years from now. But it's not. Death didn't take Adam away from me, but something did. The doctor started asking Adam questions about his life, that I too could answer. I know my Adam, I know his favourite food, what he likes and his dislikes. But I remained silent as my heart broke into a zillion pieces.

"I know my parents' names and my sisters, but why are you asking? I asked about the girl not about my family," he said. My mum came into the room with Ayat and my in laws. All of them. "Ummi who are these people?"he said pointing at my mum, "And what am I doing in the hospital?"

Silence fall and everyone's eyes were sad and teary. I looked at Ayat and she knew what to do. Ayat wheeled me out of the room. He doesn't remember me that means he doesn't have to go through the pain I went through. Alhamdulliah. But now I have to bare it all. Ayat took me back to my room and I laid on the bed tears flowing and my heart breaking. But... but I never want to stop making memories with him now suddenly we are strangers again.

......