Chapter Eighteen: Always With You.

I don't know what's going to happen to us. I can't read the stars. But I do know this: I am all in, Here and now, until I am dead in the dirt. No matter how difficult it gets, or how desperately the world tries to tear us apart, I'll be yours.

Three Months Later ...
Halaat and Adam have already settled into their new home. Halaat is three months pregnant and the baby is healthy. They have been going for checkups and everything is okay. Halaat and Adam have gotten to know each other even more and their love is set concrete. Well they decided they don't want to know the gender of the baby. Though Adam has a feeling it's a baby girl. They are doing just fine as a married couple and soon to be parents.

Halaat has been busy with the nursery and obsessing over baby clothes. Halaat and Adam are still deciding on the name of their baby. Adam's company in Dubai is doing just fine due to the investment. The investor was actually Halaat's dad partner in business. He was Halaat's father best friend. 

There is something wrong with Halaat she has been 'different' lately. She hasn't been eating well and remember her back pain. It's gotten worse. What's wrong with her?

Adam's POV.
"Halaat you're going to be okay, Halaat stay with me," I said petrified.

8 hours earlier

Halaat's POV.

"Adam don't forget we have to go to the doctor today for the ultrasound," I yelled from the kitchen.

"Hayati I won't forget I promise. I'll come pick you up," he said while walking towards me.

"I don't know why you insist on taking me."

"Because I want to be with my wife and make her happy."

"You know what would make me happy..." I said.

"Halaat we talked about this," he said in a serious voice.

"Adam it was one time," I tried to reason out. I told Adam that I wanted to drive and I almost got into an accident, I drove on the wrong lane and ever since he never lets me drive. But it wasn't my fault, Ayat was sending me pictures of cute baby cribs. And this is why people say don't text and drive. I learnt my lesson.

"Halaat," he said seriously.

"Okay fine."

"You don't have to cook Halaat, you know I hired a chef so you wouldn't have to cook," he said.

"Adam it's not fair! You don't let me do anything. I am bored at home there's nothing to do, I can't sit around for six months doing nothing. I am pregnant Adam not paralysed. I feel so useless I can't even work, UGH!" I screamed at him. He walked over to me, grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him. Adam looked at me in the eyes and smirked. Why was he smirking? I could feel his steady breathing and his calm heartbeat, he was so close to me.

"I'll pick you up at four o'clock," he said while looking in my eyes. He kissed me on the forehead and left for work. I hate it when he does this, he makes me feel so powerless. I know he does it on purpose so I can shut up.

"I hate you," I screamed at him.

"I love you too," he yelled back.

It's the pregnancy. I have mood swings now, uncontrollable moods. It's like going on a emotional rollercoaster, one minute I am happy the next minute I am crying because I finished all the ice cream. Apparently it's my addiction, my craving. It happens at night, Adam gets so annoyed. Once he had to drive to the super market to get me Oreo ice cream. I love it.

And let's not forget the morning sickness, and not to mention my swelling feet. Adam makes fun of me, I hate it when he does that he says I'll look like an elephant. I hit him with a pillow whenever he says that. I somehow feel bad because he has to endure my mood swings, my late night cravings and my early morning talks about random things. Which usually happen after fajar morning prayers. When I am done talking I go back to sleep and he gets ready for work.

I should stop doing that, the early morning conversation. Because he actually listens... What if he sleeps while driving and gets in a car accident. What if he falls asleep during a meeting and the employees start making fun of him. What if...
I am crying I am literally crying, why am I crying? Uhh probably because my mood changed and I miss Adam. I called Adam on his phone and he picked up.

"Assalam alaykum," I said in a low voice.

"Walikum Salam, what is it Halaat?"

"I miss you,"

"I miss you too Halaat,"

"I just wanted to tell you that I miss you," I explained.

"You are crying again aren't you?" he said.

"Yes," I replied. Okay it's not my first time calling him, I call him whenever he leaves the house. Because I start missing him, and I start overthinking. I end up getting worried.

"I love you and I am okay," he said.

"I love you too and take care," I replied.

"You too Hayati," he said. As soon as he said that I hang up the phone.

After talking with Adam, I went to take shower. After the shower I wore my dress. I then headed for deck. The chef brought me snacks, healthy snacks. But I wasn't in the mood of eating. I sat and watched the beautiful ocean. It  was lunch time so the chef made me lunch. I tried to finish but I couldn't. I ended up vomiting it all. So I decided to spend my hours on the deck watching the ocean waves and reading my book it's called The Baby Book. Just prepping myself. 

I love Adam, honestly it feels impossible being without him.

As I was reading, I got a painful migraine and I started crying. I decided I should go inside and rest, as I was walking. I started feeling dizzy, everything was spinning.

Adam's POV.

Halaat has been so difficult lately, but I can't blame her she is pregnant with my child. I haven't had a good night sleep since she started with the early morning conversations. And all she talks about is herself. Ya Allah...
Only she has the power to make my soul happy,  so her happiness matters to me.

I only hired a chef so she could eat. She hasn't been eating well lately. But she forgets she is eating for two. Halaat has been complaining about back pains but hopefully it's just because of  the pregnancy. I am just so worried, I just love her too much. I am on my way to pick her up.

It's already four o'clock and I am stuck in traffic, I am surprised Halaat hasn't called me to scold me. I reached at my home and it was almost five. I got in the house and I called for Halaat, but there was no reply. I started getting worried. I walk towards the deck and I see Halaat laying on the floor. Still and almost lifeless. Tears almost left my eyes and pain started in my heart. I quickly rush towards her. I checked her pulse, her pulse is faint. I carried her to the car and rushed to the hospital.

Now*
"Halaat you're going to be okay, Halaat stay with me," I said petrified. I look at her and everything felt like it was falling apart. I reached the hospital and carried her towards the entrance. One of the nurses rush towards me with a gurney, I placed her carefully. They started rushing her towards the emergency room. I followed them into the room but they told me it would be best if I waited outside.

I just didn't know to do, I kept on pacing back and forth for about twenty minutes. I just couldn't stop thinking about Halaat, if anything happens to her I don't know what I'll do. A doctor came out of the room, and I rushed towards her.

"How is she, Halaat my wife ?" I asked.

"She's stable, she's doing fine. Do you have any idea what could have caused her to faint?" She asked.

"Probably because she doesn't eat well and sometimes not at all, she also gets sudden migraines and she complains about back pains," I explained.

"Does she vomit a lot?"

"Yes but that shouldn't be a factor she is pregnant. Is the baby okay?"

"We did an ultrasound, the baby is fine and healthy," the doctor explained.

"Can I go see her?"

"Yes but she will be moved to a private ward we have to monitor her,"

"Thank you," I said.

"No problem,"she said and walked away.

I got into the room and I saw a drip bag that is connected to her hand. She is breathing but I still can't stop worrying. I stood besides her and held her hand. I can't imagine my life without her, it just feels unfeasible to breath.

"Halaat I am right here, I am not leaving you," I said in a low voice. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. The nurse came to take her to the private ward. We reached the room and she was placed on the hospital bed. I sat besides her and held her hand. I couldn't let go. I held her hands for about three hours, even while she slept. I just couldn't let go.

The same doctor came into the room, Halaat woke up and tried to sit upright. The doctor checked her and starred at Halaat in a sad way, the look you give someone who is dying.

"What's wrong?" I asked the doctor.

"We did a blood test and the results came back positive for cancer. All the symptoms: back pains, loss of appetite and weakness, show that it's pancreatic cancer..." she said in a low voice.

"The baby..." Halaat said while sobbing.

"The baby will survive. They are women who get cancer while they are pregnant and they do survive, with chemotherapy which is risky because with chemotherapy we have to do it at a specific time because it might affect the baby and you can also decide to do surgery. What I am trying to say is, we can save both you and the baby. It's stage two cancer it's curable," the doctor explained.

Halaat's eyes were filled with tears the doctors words seemed to be too heavy for her heart to weigh. I held her hand, to show her that I am present and still with her. I only remained silent and strong because I knew I had to be strong not only for Halaat but for the baby too.

"I will let you rest and I'll come back tomorrow to check up on you and to discus other alternatives, goodnight." she said and left the room.

Halaat stopped crying, she remained silent.

"I'll call them tomorrow our families and inform them you should rest now," I said. She fixed her eyes on the door and just remained still and quiet.

"Forgive me if I die," she said softly.

"I need you more than you think, we need you. We'll go through this together," I said. I put my hand on her belly and than she put her hand on my hand. I know it's not in my power nor hers, only Allah s.w.t. But I truly believe when two souls truly love each other, they will always end up together. Wherever they may be, in the world or in the hereafter. I watched Halaat as she fall asleep. I didn't let go of her hand and I never will.

She loves him, he loves her. But it's not that simple.