MODERN LOVE ! MODERN LOVE !

PURPLE GIRAFFE
( season 1 episode 2 )

2030, ted's living room

"so where was i?" ted asks.

"you were telling us how you met mom" penny responds.

"in excruciating detail" luke adds.

"right" he nods "back in 2005 when i was 27, my two best friends got engaged. and it goes me thinking, maybe i should get married, and then i saw robin-"

"dad" penny interrupts "you've been over this. what happened after that?"

"right, sorry. so a week went by and i decided not to call her."

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2005, maclaren's pub

"catch me up" katie says to the group as she takes a seat in their regular booth where everyone else already is.

"i just had a drink with robin" lily smiles.

"the robin? was she nice?" katie asks, taking a drink of barney's tray.

lily nods "she's great."

"i know she's great, that's why i'm in love with her" ted groans, getting hit over the head by barney "no! as your sponsor i will not let you relapse. you blew it, it's over, move on."

"i don't know" ted sighs "i just- i have this feeling she's the future mrs.ted mosby."

"and here i thought your hand would end up being the future mrs.ted mosby" katie mutters under her breath.

lily has a look on her face that just screams 'i need to tell you something'.

"she said something about me, didn't she? come on, spill it, red" ted pesters the girl.

"fine! she said you're 'something else'" she admits.

"huh" ted raises an eyebrow "i'm gonna spin that as good. a lot of guys are something, i'm something else."

"she also said you come on a little strong" lily adds.

"but that's part of my charm" ted reasons.

"she said you're sweet and charming but you're just looking for something different than she is. the most she can handle is something causal" lily explains.

"she wants causal? okay, i'll be casual" ted nods.

"oh sweetie, you couldn't be casual if it hit you in the face" katie frowns.

"i'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual" ted turns to her "you know why? 'cause it's a game. i wanted to skip to the end and do the whole 'happily ever after thing' but you don't get there unless you play the game."

"so, you're gonna ask her out?" marshall asks.

"no. i can't ask her out because if i ask her out then i'm asking her out" ted explains.

"well done. that is normally how it goes" katie nods.

"how do i ask her out without actually asking her out?" he gazes curiously into the distance.

"did you guys get high?" lily furrows her brows.

"i got it!" ted smiles "i don't ask her out, i invite her to our party next friday."

"we're having a party next friday?" marshall questions.

"we are now" ted nods "casual."

"yeah, 'cause nothing screams causal like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl, oh and lily that's my leg" barney smiles to the redheaded girl, who instantly moves from her relaxed position to an upright one.

"you waited five minutes to tell me that?" she asks furiously.

"ted, doesn't this seem a bit like something, i don't know, a crazy person would do?" katie asks.

ted shakes his head "nope, this is a flawless plan."

"alright, so call her up" marshall smiles, clearly excited about the party.

"okay, well that's a flaw" ted frowns "come on, guys. calling's not causal. i just need to run into her, now if only i new her schedule i could arrange a chance encounter."

"casual" katie mutters over her drink.

"hey" lily nudges katie subtly "that guys been checking you out since you came in" she motions to the guy by the bar.

katie turns her head slightly and sure enough, a blond man with glasses and a suit is not so subtly looking her up and down.

"nice suit" barney nods "i approve."

"that's the jerk that ran into me last week" katie shakes her head "he's an asshole."

"you're getting that off one interaction?" ted asks.

"well you're stalking a girl you've known one week!" katie defends.

a day later, maclaren's pub

katie sighs as she waits for lily, blowing bubbles into her drink with a straw.

she can feel the same eyes burning into her as she did yesterday, she looks up and of course it's the same guy.

she couldn't admit to herself that he was attractive at the least.

just as she's internally praying for lily to show up any second, he walks over to her.

"ben" he introduces himself as he sits on the seat opposite her "from long island, single" he smiles as if it's some dating profile.

"katie, from jersey city, not interested."

"well in my defense i should be the one not interested, you're from new jersey" ben quipped, making her laugh a little "ah, see? i made you laugh."

"it's always the long island ones who come to the shore every summer so clearly we're doing something right" katie smiles a little.

just as he's about to speak, ted bolts into the bar.

"there you are!" he yells to katie "party in two hours."

"i thought it was next friday?" katie questions.

"nope, robin's out of town so it's today" he explains.

"right, casual" katie nods.

"you come too" ted points to ben "just upstairs, 4C."

"where's lily?" katie asks an already frantic ted, who's currently trying to buy tequila bottles from the bar.

"she's having sex with marshall" ted yells in response as he hurries out the door.

"you don't have to go" katie turns to ben.

"no it'll be fun. see you then, new jersey" he smirks as he gets up from the booth.

the apartment

the party is in full swing, the group is circled around in conversation

"so, gastby, what are you gonna do when robin shows up?" marshall grins, slapping ted on the arm.

"okay... i got it all planned out" he smiles proudly "she steps through the door and where is ted? not eagerly waiting by the door, no i'm across the room at my drafting table, showing some foxy young thing all of my cool architecture stuff."

"so robin strolls over, and i causally give her one of these "hey, what's up?" she says "hey, nice place, etc, etc" and then i say "we'll make yourself at home" and i casually return to my conversation. then an hour later "oh, you're still here?" i say like i don't really care but it's a nice surprise. and then very casually "wanna see the roof?""

"the roof" lily and katie aww.

"i get her up there and the roof takes care of the rest" ted smiles.

"what's so special about the roof?" barney asks.

"oh the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. you can't not fall in love on that roof" lily smiles.

"it's true" katie agrees "i've accepted three marriage proposals on that roof."

"solid plan, my little friend" barney slings an arm over ted.

"we're the same height" ted mutters.

"but may i suggest one little modification?" barney starts "that foxy young thing you were chatting up? take her up to the roof and have sex with her, crazy, monkey style-"

"that's not the plan" ted interrupts.

"but it should be!" he whines "i mean think about it ted, it's like i can already see her here."

"sweetie, i think that's called schizophrenia" katie places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"she's not robin" ted insists.

"exactly" barney nods "ted, lets rap. statistic, at every new york party there's always a girl who has no idea who's party she's at. she knows no ine you know and you will never see her again. do you see where i'm going with this?"

"barney, i don't think so" ted reasons but barney just groans.

"scoping" he crouches and uses his eyes and as binoculars "beep, scoping, beep."

"man, you're a dork" lily sends him a judgmental look.

"beep, beep, beep. target acquired!" he finds a blonde woman "and now it's time we play a little game i like to call "have you met ted?"" he drags ted to go meet the girl.

marshall goes to get a drink refill leaving just katie and lily, just then she spots a tall blond man coming into the apartment.

"i can't believe he showed up" katie says to lily.

lily turns her head "cute bar guy?"

katie nods "i talked to him for like a minute, then ted invited him."

"was he nice?" lily asks her friend.

katie sucks in air "eh."

they watch as he daps up some guys.

"he doesn't even know anyone here!" katie whines.

"i hate how easily guys can make friends" lily scoffs.

"i hate how easy guys can do anything" katie mutters, lily laughing a little "i'll drink to that" she nods, clapping their red plastic cups together.

"hi" katie smiles politely as ben walks up to the girls.

"hey" he nods, with a smirk growing on this face.

"this is lily" katie introduces the pair "lily, ben."

"hi" lily smiles a little, ben nods in response.

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"like i said earlier - you can see why your aunt katie couldn't care less about uncle ben" ted explains to the teenagers.

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as conversation is about to start, a guy walks past.

"rangers fan?" the guy asks ben, noticing his new york rangers hat.

ben nods "born and raised."

"more of an islanders guy myself" the guy explains.

ben laughs "dude, the islanders suck. mike york couldn't hit a puck with a stick to save his life."

"oh and micheal nylander is such a prize?" the guy challengers with a grin on his face.

katie turns to lily with a look as the two guys keep talking hockey.

the girls struggle to hold in their giggles, but eventually let them out when marshall joins in, the three arguing over players, evidentially removing katie and lily from the conversation.

"i just got dumped for a 5'8 ginger and marshall" katie laughs.

"ah what could've been" lily sighs dramatically.

the next morning

katie wakes up groggily as ted whines, slumping himself on the couch where katie's leg were laying.

she sleepily fiddles her legs out from under him and pushes him with her foot, attempting to get back into her comfortable position.

she had slept on the couch in marshall and ted's (and honorarily lily's) apartment the night before.

"she didn't show up" ted groans.

"at least it was a great party" lily smiles hopefully.

"i ate like four whole cans of dip" marshall grins cluelessly.

"a guy picked marshall over me" katie mumbles sleepily into the couch arm.

ted's cell phone rings, in lightning speed he grabs it, checking the caller ID.

"he's robin" he tells the group.

"answer it" lily nudges him.

"no, no, no, not right away. i gotta seem casual" ted explains.

"act aloof" katie gives him advice, ted nods, waiting a few moments before answering.

"hello? who is this? meredith?" he smiles proudly at katie, who nudges him "i said aloof, not a doof" she whispers.

"oh! robin! hey, yeah, i guess you never showed up did you?" he stretches his legs and gets up to walk around the living room casually.

"i wish your party was tonight" the group can faintly hear robin's voice over the phone.

"it is. it's tonight. we turned it into a two dayer" ted nods, marshall, who had needed to study all weekend looks at him in anger.

"uh, so if you wanna swing by, you know it's casual, see 'ya" he says before flipping the phone shut, the three friends looking at him in disgust.

"you absolute moron" katie shakes her head.

"what are you doing to me, man?" marshall complains "i got a paper to write!"

"i know! i'm sorry! it's terrible!" ted yells as he runs out of the door.

"ted, no, ted, wait" marshall tries to ur ystop him.

"i'll buy more dip" ted yells before slamming the door behind him.you can tell

"get french onion!" marshall shouts back.

"boy, you sure showed him" katie mumbles sarcastically.

that night

katie stands alone at the party take two.

she's not completely alone, ted's eagerly waiting by the door so he can pretend to not be bothered by robin's presence, lily and marshall are off hooking up in their room, and barney is - well barney's coming up to her right now.

"you were so right about the roof!" barney grins proudly "the roof. the roof is on fire. that girl from last night, i took her back to my place, then this morning took her outside spun her around five times and sent her walking. she will never find her way back... and there she is" he says as he stares blankly at the blonde girl from last night.

he turns to katie with a puzzled expression "how did she get here? did you invite her?"

"i have no idea who that is" katie shrugs.

"she said she works with carlos" barney explains frantically "who's carlos?"

"i don't know any carlos" she reasons.

the girl walks up to him with a wide smile "hi, you. you're back" barney says in an award tone that she doesn't seem to pick up.

"i sure am" she smiles, leaning into kiss him, before turning to the brunette girl standing next to him "oh. who's this?" she asks defensively.

"katie. i'm a friend" katie smiles, seeing a perfect opportunity to mess with barney, burying him further into the hole "you know he has just been talking non stop about you."

"aww" the girl smiles "sweetie, i need a drink" she nudges barney in the direction of the kitchen.

"sweetie. really?" he mutters, turning back to katie as he walks towards the kitchen "help" he mouths.

"so you and barney never?" the girl slaps on a clearly fake smile.

"barney?" katie snickers "between you and me, he's too much for me" she lies, digging barney deeper into the hole "sexually" she adds with a smile.

the girl shoots her a slightly jealous glare before joining barney in the kitchen.

through the open frame, she sees the girl yell at barney, a few moments pass before barney walks back to katie.

placing both hands on her shoulders, he sighs of relief "it's over between me and works with carlos girl."

"that was fast" katie laughs.

"i don't know what you said to her. but i love you" barney praises her, placing a kiss on her cheek before going off, most likely to find his next conquest.

ted sighs, walking over to katie "marshall and lily just went up to roof. what am i gonna do when robin shows up?"

katie sends him a knowing look.

"she'll show up" ted insists.

the next morning

"she didn't show up" ted sighs as him, katie, lily and marshall lie half awake on the couch.

"alright. we throw two parties, everybody had fun. everybody wang-ed, everybody chung-ed" marshall says, getting up from the couch "now the kid has got to get to work. and the kid is not to be disturbed" he glares at the three "promise?"

"promise" ted nods "promise" lily agrees, marshall turns to katie next "what did i do?" she insists before sighing "promise."

ted's cell phone rings "it's robin" he breathes out, checking the caller ID.

"ted" katie whines "no more parties. i need to go back to my apartment."

he answers the phone "amanda? oh denise, sorry. you totally sounded like amanda. oh, robin, hi."

he paces around the room as he talks to her "hey, ain't no thing, but a chicken wing, mamacita" he moves the phone away "who am i?" he whispers in disgust.

"i don't know, but i don't like it" katie shakes her head.

"the two dayer turned into a three dayer" ted lies "the party continues tonight."

lily, marshall and katie all lunge at him, attempting to take the phone from him.

"yeah. last night people were like 'keep it going, bro!'" ted runs from the 6'4 giant chasing him "great, see you tonight."

he closes the phone, looking at his three disappointed friends "so that was robin."

that night

the party is completely and utterly dead, it's a sunday night.

katie sighs as she lays back on the couch "i can't remember what being sober feels like" she complains to barney.

"this is lame" barney sighs.

"lame or casual?" ted suggests.

"lame" katie and barney nod at the same time.

"has anybody seen an introduction to contract, tort and restitution statues from 1865 to 1923?" marshall asks the room.

"oh yeah, that was the times bestseller, right?" katie quips sarcastically, marshall giving an annoyed look.

the room is silent so he asks again "anybody seen a big ass book?"

"no" the room says, there must be less than 15 people there for the 'raging party'.

"hello barney" a familiar voice says, standing behind barney, making katie laugh.

"of course" barney nods, not having to turn around to see who it was.

"you look well" the blonde girl who works with carlos says quietly, barney standing up so hes facing her, katie sitting back on the couch to watch.

"isn't it weird that they invited both of us?" she laughs sadly.

"who?" barney almost yells "who invited you? no one even knows who you are."

"i understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel" the girl says sadly "carlos was right about you" she storms off.

"who is carlos?" barney yells behind her.

marshall walks out of ted's room "okay, where the hell is my... oh!" he yells as he pulls the expensive looking book out from under a spilled drink.

"okay" he breathes out, holding the ruined book "an introduction to contract, tory and restitution statues from 1865 to 1923 is not a coaster! ted! i'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, not two but three parties for some girl you just met who's probably not even gonna show up!"

"where is she, ted, huh? where's robin?" he screams, turning to see lily and robin standing in the frame of the door to the kitchen "hi robin..." he drops the book and drags lily to their room, giving up on law for the day.

"you must be robin, i'm katie, so nice to meet you" katie smiles awkwardly from the couch.

"so you threw all these parties for me?" robin asks ted.

"no..." ted starts "oh you thought that... no, okay, yes you got me... one of the reasons i threw these parties was so i could introduce you to uh... this guy" he grabs some random guy and pulls him towards them.

"i figured since you know it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it... anyway robin this is."

"carlos" the guy explains, making katie and barney's heads turn to him, looking at each other with an "ohhhhh."

"she's still talking to carlos" ted sighs, sitting in the corner with lily, marshall, katie and barney "i can still win this, right?" he looks to the group hopefully.

lily and katie look at each other and nod "okay buddy, time for the tough talk" lily starts.

"robin seems great, but let's look at the facts" katie continues "you want to get married and right now there's a million women in new york looking for exactly you."

"but robin ain't one of them" lily sighs.

"she's not just one of them. she's the one" ted insists.

"well the one is heading up to the roof with the carlos" barney laughs "up top!" he puts out his hand for katie to high five.

"come on, i know we're comforting ted but you can't leave me hanging" barney whines.

"you're right" katie nods "those are the rules" she slaps her hand against barney's.

"what are you gonna do?" marshall asks.

"nothing" ted shakes his head "it's a game. i gotta just keep playing it."

the friends nod, marshall comfortingly patting ted on the back as they move away to give him his space.

it takes him a few moments, but eventually ted climbs out the window onto the fire escape, the easiest access to the roof.

"well who saw that coming" katie hums in a sing songy tone.

maclaren's pub

the five friends sit around their normal booth, only this time with robin as well, robin sitting next to katie as the group chats and laughs.

ted had explained to his friends everything that had happened on the roof, about how robin knew he couldn't keep things casual, about how she explained she's new to the city and doesn't know many people, about how they agreed - much to ted's disappointment - to just be friends.

barney watches bitterly as carlos and the blonde girl make out by the bar.

"unbelievable" he mutters "that's just a recipe for disaster. they work together."

"awwww. is someone jealous?" katie coos, squishing barney's face.

"don't be ridiculous. what does carlos have that i don't?"

"a date tonight" robin grins, the table jeering.

"i love her, can we keep her?" katie asks ted, who laughs and nods.

barney still looks bitterly towards the 'happy' couple.

"don't worry barns, you're still my favorite guy" katie grins, placing a kiss on his nose.

"hey. don't you have a paper to write?" ted turns to marshall.

"dude, you're talking to the kid" marshall drunkenly slurs.

"i know it" ted nods.

"i'm gonna knock back this beer, i'm gonna knock back one more beer, i'm gonna go home, i'm gonna write a 25 page paper, i'm gonna hand it in and i'm gonna get an a. my name is rufus and that's the troofus" marshall proudly announces.

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"he failed and had to retake the class" ted tells his kids.

⋆𐙚₊🎧˚⊹ this modern love ⤑ bloc party

DIRECTOR'S NOTES 𐙚. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁🎧ྀི° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

these chapters are taking so long to write omg. for any sex and the city fans -appledoll has the most incredible fic you'll ever read called "bad girls" she literally coughs up a new, long, incredible chapter every night.

what do u guys think of katie so far?