mom: *comes home from work*

me: puppy wants love

dog: *wagging his tail and barks at mom*

mom: *gives him pets*

dog: *sniffinh the carpet*

mom: jena turn on the light i think he peed

me: uh ok *turns on the light*

mom: he did. i give that dog the slightest pets and he fucking squirts like a pornstar

me: *snorts* what the heck mom?! why!?

mom: you'll understand when you're older *empting one of those sqirt water bottles in the sink*

me: no i understand but why?!

mom: you'll understand when you're older. hey. hey *dad's name* *squirts it hard it makes the wet fart noise* squirt squirt. *squeezes it on him*

dad: stop making me weeet

me: THERE IS A CHILD IN THE ROOM THAT UNDERSTANDS ALL OF THESE SEXUAL JOKES PLEASE SAY THESE ELSEWHERE