CHRISTMAS EVE

I didn't do times today because I wrote all this out later, rather than in the moment.

I wake up naturally at 7:58. I wile away time reading Keturah's update and Jasmine's Rudolph and Hermey Die Hard story.

Eventually I come downstairs and eat Cheerios, and I make hot chocolate with cinnamon and vanilla My dad and I play BlackJack and five card draw for awhile. I get stressed about stupid family/pet related things. Then the younger of the two girls Facetimes me and I forget about it.

She doesn't even realize it's Christmas Eve. When she does, she tells me about last Christmas. I can't get used to her having memories now and retelling last year. She remembers absolutely nothing about the countless adventures we had when she was two and newly three. Whenever I tell her about one, she claims "That never happened." Then I'll show her a picture and she's still very suspicious.

Anyway, I wasn't going to see the girls today because the older one was out with her grandmother and I'm not about to do Christmas without both of them. But the little one so politely tells me she can't wait anymore to see me. So I decide I can head over there right before church.

My mom wants to clean the floors today, so I vacuum and mop the bathrooms and hardwoods. I do a stack of dishes. I walk Mattie and get her bath started.

At lunchtime I'm not hungry. At work I'm ravenous because I'm bored. At home, there's so much to do I don't want to eat. I get caught up stringing air-popped popcorn, dehydrated strawberries, and fresh apples for the backyard birds and for Donald.

Then my cousin shows up. I haven't seen him or talked to him in seven years, which is literally the entirety of my adult life. I feel awkward around men I don't know. I want to retreat to my animals but I keep stringing popcorn instead. Mattie is thrilled that he is here. We briefly meet his girlfriend, who is Japanese and beautiful and seems really sweet, but she's not feeling well.

As soon as he leaves, it's time for me to go see the girls. I throw presents, my wallet, my keys, and my phone charger into a laundry basket, and on my way I pass two men in Christmas pajamas playing tubas on a driveway. The girls only live 7-8 minutes away. They're my whole heart standing in front of me. I got them one gift each from a gift shop owned by a friend and then they have stockings filled with Dollar Store stuff. The little one's favorite thing is a $1 plastic cat and the older one gets into the mind-bending puzzle right away.

The older one shows me the pin she made out of clay for her dad. I tell her he will love it. When she leaves to put it back in her room, the little one leans in and whispers, "He does love it. I already showed him."

I stay for about twenty minutes before they leave for church. I tell the little one I will never again see four-year-old her. She'll be five when I see her on Tuesday.

We both have service at 3:00 today, but my church is literally across the street so I get to mine super early and just sit there. The sanctuary slowly fills up around me. And I mean really fills up. We don't get this many people on Sunday mornings.

At first, mostly older ladies are sitting around me. Although it's only about 65 degrees, they remark to me and to each other that "it does not feel like Christmas." I chime in that I have a friend with fibromyalgia and cold weather hurts her so I'm thankful for a warmer day. They immediately turn so sweet and concerned and say they'll pray for more warm days.

My parents arrive at the LAST possible second to be considered on time. There's a sermon this year, which is a first for Christmas. There are the usual carols and communion and candles.

We get home at 4:20, and Jasmine and I start watching The Husbands of River Song. She has to leave to cook dinner, so we'll finish it tonight.

I go downstairs and we hang out. I unload the dishwasher and wash/dry other dishes. My mom cooks sweet potatoes and bakes a coconut cake for tomorrow.

We eat Chinese takeout. I hear the sirens of Santa on the fire truck, which makes me irrationally excited every single year. I open my bedroom window and Mattie and I sit in it, waiting for the fire truck.

I await Santa for an embarrassingly long time. While I wait I watch a timelapse video of raisins. It is supremely satisfying and I am linking it here.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

By 8:00, I admit to myself that Santa isn't coming. He skipped our street. I sit with my mom and brother downstairs while they watch a Hallmark movie.

The main guy in the movie looks UNCANNILY like my boss.

Halfway through, my attention span is GONE and I really really impulsively buy a dress on sale. I've never bought myself a dress in my entire life.

Around 10:30ish, Jasmine and I resume watching The Husbands of River Song. I realize I never finished fixing my dad's ornament, so I paint and glaze it while we watch. Here is the long sad stories of the ornaments.

Kellen's: Original was *chef's kiss* It broke after I gave it to him, so I glued it. When Kellen got it again and unwrapped it, it crumbled to literal pieces in his hands. He said, "It broke," as if it wasn't completely obvious. I made him a replacement ornament, this time much thicker and uglier. Part of it broke and I glued it.

Dad's: Original was *chef's kiss* One side of it broke during the wrapping. I fixed it and then the other side broke. By this point, Kellen's had crumbled to pieces, so I remade my dad's, too. The remake was chunky and ugly. While I wrapped it, it broke. I decided last minute to salvage the original one instead. It broke while I was painting it. I glued it and glazed it again. It now sits under the tree and I'm in a nervous sweat.

As for tonight, I still have to wash my hair so this will continue literally in the next day.