TRACK #4 MUSIC:

🎵 "This Year" - Christina Aguilera

🎵 "How's It Gonna Be" - Third Eye Blind

🎵 "Breathing" - Lifehouse

🎵 "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley

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TRACK #4 - WINTER

"This Year" - Christina Aguilera

'Twas the day before break, and excitement filled the halls as we finally reached our final day of school. People danced in the hallways, dressed in festive holiday gear of colorful sweaters, Santa hats, and reindeer ears. I, unfortunately, looked more like the Grinch. I heaved a gentle sigh while I stood at my locker, gently placing a neatly wrapped cardboard poster holder inside. With Kody's gift safely tucked away, I headed to first period.

As an early holiday gift, Mr. McMann let everyone wear plain clothing for class as long as we agreed to actually move. It was a fair trade-off.

"Good morning, beautiful people!" Kody met Emma, Noah, and me with a Santa hat and a bright green sweatshirt with Max, the dog from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, on it. I was woefully underdressed. Emma was wearing a sparkly dark green sweater with festive holly earrings. Her hair and makeup were done perfectly. Even Noah was wearing red.

"Where's your holiday spirit, Aria Gray?!" Kody eyed me accusingly. "I'm Jewish, and I'm still dressed up!"

"I didn't know this was a thing people did!" I protested, slumping down in ripped jeans, a plain, dark purple long-sleeved v-neck, and a quilted black vest. Laughter erupted from the group. "To be fair, I was going to stay home. The only reason I came today was to do the gift exchange!" Even my hair was pulled into a messy ponytail.

"Well, I'm glad you could grace us with your presence, even if it took you minimal effort," Kody teased and poked at my ponytail. I wrinkled my face in response. We all began walking at the sound of the whistle. Noah and Emma were a few paces ahead of us. A devious smile spread across Kody's lips as he opened his mouth again. "What did you get Noah for Christmas?"

"I didn't get him for the gift exchange," I answered coolly. Was I supposed to get Noah something? Were you supposed to get a present for someone that you were into but not really dating? I mean, Quinn did it. But did I really want to be like Quinn? Damn it. Relationships were hard. Or non-relationships. Or whatever the heck this was. I could really use that manual.

"I bet I know what he wants from Santa this year," Kody murmured in a sing-song voice.

"Get out of here," I shoved him playfully. Kody was always trying to stir the pot. "We're friends." With a roll of his eyes, Kody sped up to meet Emma and Noah. I trailed behind him.

"So, what is everyone asking for from Santa?" Kody asked the group.

"Clarity," Emma joked, though I knew more than everyone else there was truth in humor. I broke into a smile.

"I'm really hoping I get an acoustic guitar for Christmas, but I don't think it will happen. My parents just put a down payment on the school's ski trip that Emma is dragging me on," I laughed as I gave Emma a sideways glance. She giggled and stuck her tongue out at me.

"I won't be going to that." Kody shook his head dismissively. "Bitter cold air unnecessarily nipping at my gorgeous skin just simply cannot be allowed."

"We're going," Noah informed us of his and Elijah's plans. "It should be a good time..." He stared for a moment before seeming to gather his nerves. "Listen, if you do get your guitar and you want to play sometime over break, I could show you some stuff."

"I bet you could," Kody cackled, which warranted the punch I gave him square in the arm. "Ouch! Aria! I was just kidding!"

"I'd like that," I smiled sweetly in Noah's direction. Thankfully, the bell rang to signal the end of Kody's reign as King of Pushing Everyone's Buttons.

Before lunch, I made sure to stop at my locker to grab Kody's present. With the gift in tow, I bounced to the cafeteria, nearly bursting at the seams to give it to him. I arrived to everyone chatting excitedly as gifts lined the table. I set mine down and slid onto my seat.

"Okay, everyone, let's try to do this in an orderly fashion. We'll draw numbers to–" Emma began, but I couldn't contain myself.

"I have to give my gift now, I can't wait!" I squealed and shoved the long, wrapped tube into Kody's hand.

"Well, so much for that." Emma gave me an accusing, yet loving glare. I feigned an innocent shrug and mouthed, Sorry.

"Ooooooh," Kody sat down in his seat and began the unwrapping process. Everyone sat to watch. Not only did he have to unwrap the actual wrapping paper, but he had to uncork the circular holder and shimmy the laminated poster out. The anticipation was killing me. "What is– OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOODDD!!" His eyes widened as he read all of the names on the autographed poster from the Broadway musical Rent, and then began to jump up and down. A loud squeal came from his mouth as the entire lunch room turned to see what the commotion was. "IT'S A SIGNED POSTER FROM THE ENTIRE CAST OF RENT!!" he screeched at the top of his lungs. Some people continued to watch the display, others went back to their regularly scheduled conversation.

Elijah laughed and pointed an accusatory finger at me. "It seems somewhat unfair that your father should be permitted to help you with your gift. All of us will automatically be outdone." I smiled innocently once again, though I found it funny that Elijah was the first one who picked up on my scheme.

"You hush your pretty little mouth!" Kody yelled at him before pulling me into an unexpected squeeze. I immediately tensed. "You abuse those connections as long as they benefit me!" he added, rocking me back and forth in his entirely too-tight embrace. He was completely oblivious to my inner turmoil. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the oncoming panic attack, but luckily, it didn't come. "Seriously," he finally let me go, speaking sincerely. I blinked my eyes open and met his. "I can't thank you enough for this. This means so much to me. I've been trying to talk Mr. Benner into doing Rent songs for the choral showcase next winter since school started."

I smiled at him, heart full. "I know. You only talk about it every other day."

"That's just 'Phase 1' of recruiting you and Noah to join. Naturally, I have to talk it up!"

Noah scoffed, "You're going to have to try harder than that."

Emma slid a neatly packaged box in front of Noah. "Merry Christmas, Noah!" she said excitedly, eyeing him with a glance that urged him to open it.

"Sweet," he automatically replied as he took the box from her. He unwrapped a huge bag of Starburst (his favorite candy), a new pair of black matte drumsticks (way cooler than flames), and an Acceptance band t-shirt. "This is so awesome. Thank you! How did you know I like Acceptance?" He smiled and stood to give her a hug.

She shrugged before slyly pointing at me. "A little birdie." Noah flashed me a grin.

Adrian then slid his chair closer to Emma on the opposite side of Elijah, and smiled warmly at her while he placed his gift down. "I definitely got the best pick this year." I could see Elijah's jaw clench.

"Thank you!" Emma exclaimed and began to unwrap her gift. "This looks beautiful..." Emma trailed off as she carefully ran her fingers beneath the edges of the shimmering gold gift wrap. It was a charming new sketchbook and a set of artist's drawing pencils.

"You said you wanted to get back into it, so I thought maybe this would help. I drew you a picture on the first page. Don't judge me, though. There's a reason why I am into photography instead of sketching," he laughed. Emma turned the page to find a silly cartoon of Adrian and Emma holding hands, hearts surrounding them. She blinked down at them, and silently touched the picture. I internally winced.

"I tried to warn you," Adrian joked, but I could hear the worry in his voice. I glanced over to Elijah, who was masking his emotions.

"No, no. It's nice," she tried to reassure him with a small smile. "This is really nice– perfect– thank you..."

"You're welcome," Adrian responded pleasantly, though the tension was palpable. He pressed his lips to the side of Emma's temple.

Elijah cleared his throat, sliding a gift bag down the table towards Adrian. "Merry Christmas, Adrian."

Adrian met Elijah's eyes with his own when he caught the bag. It looked almost as if a silent conversation passed between them before Elijah inclined his head. Adrian nodded in return and began digging into the paper to reveal a chic North Face beanie with a peace sign embroidered on the side. I wondered if this was Elijah trying to offer an olive branch. My eyes met Noah's, and I could clearly read that his thoughts were the same.

The boys looked at each other for a few moments. "Thanks, man," Adrian finally said genuinely.

"You're welcome," Elijah replied in the same manner.

"My turn!" Kody offered another beautifully wrapped package to Elijah, who smiled as it appeared to be a book.

"Much obliged, Kody." Elijah began to unwrap it.

"If you love it, I bought it. If you hate it, this was Emma's fault," Kody joked while Elijah unwrapped a beautiful early edition of Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea. Elijah's eyes widened as he inspected it.

"This is so amazing and rare. How did you even find this?" Elijah ran his fingers over the cover, obviously taken with the gift.

"We went to that new bookstore in town and dug for something you might like. I know it's your favorite," Emma chimed in with a smile.

Elijah let out a low sigh. He looked up to Emma as if he was going to add something, but he caught Adrian's eye and decided against it. He turned back to Kody. "This is extremely thoughtful. I am truly appreciative."

After the commotion was settled, the bell rang to dismiss us from lunch.

"Wait! I didn't get to give my gift," Noah huffed, holding a box out to me. "I wanted to see you open it."

I blinked a few times, unsure of how to respond. "Why don't we meet up later? I could come grab it or you could drop it off?" I offered, letting my word vomit come out before I could think twice about what I was saying.

Noah looked at me, surprised. Wait, was that a bad idea? Oh, crap. I could feel the heat spreading across my cheeks. I glanced over to Emma, who only looked proud of me for sticking my neck out there. She crossed her arms over her chest and just smiled. Looked like I was alone on this one. Great. Maybe I should take it back? Maybe I should–

"I'll drop it off," Noah answered. "How about after dinner? Like seven?" he asked hopefully.

Huh. Would you look at that. Noah coming to my house on a Friday night? That was alright with me. "Sounds great," I smiled while everyone filed out of the cafeteria. I followed Emma into our Chemistry class as she turned to eye me slyly.

"I am so proud of you!" she squealed. "But you know that he did that on purpose," she declared with a giggle. "You will be calling me afterwards to give me every single detail." I joined in on her laughter and nodded my head in agreement.

Neither of us was even pretending to do any classwork. We were all worn out and ready to get our break started, including the teacher. "I have your gift in my locker, so don't let me forget it when we leave school," I instructed her. "I know I'll see you over break, but I wanted to make sure you got it before Christmas."

"Yours is actually in my car, so we can exchange when I drop you off today. I brought it since I knew I'd be driving you to school. Is Freddy out of the shop?" Emma asked. I nodded frantically, excited I'd have my car back. It was just some basic maintenance, but I missed Freddy. Emma and I hadn't even talked about exchanging gifts, but somehow it was an unspoken rule between us now, and I was grateful I had someone to share in the tradition.

The last class of the day was slower than molasses, but I was ecstatic when the final bell rang. Finally, a break. I scrambled to my locker to make sure I had everything before going to the lobby to locate Emma. We walked to her car and sat in the slow student line of cars to exit the parking lot, many of them honking happily in celebration. Emma tuned the radio to Christmas carols, and we sang along while we made our way to my house.

As we pulled into my driveway, I already had the little red box that contained her gift in my hand and was presenting it to her. "Okay, I can't wait any longer. You have to open this!" I held it out, and she took it gratefully. "I'm the worst gift giver because I get so excited I just want to spoil the surprise."

Emma laughed as she unwrapped the box and opened it to reveal a shiny silver necklace with a delicate silver charm in the shape of a dancer's silhouette. "This... is so beautiful..." Her eyes widened as she inspected it, shifting the box back and forth to watch it shimmer in the light. "You really shouldn't have. This must have cost way too much."

"It really didn't. I had to get it for you," I smiled. She returned the gesture before reaching in the back seat to grab a neatly wrapped box.

"Merry Christmas!" She handed the box to me excitedly. I carefully unwrapped the packaging to reveal an elegant cashmere sweater with delicately colorful snowflake embroidery along the neckline. "I know this isn't your usual style, but I just thought the colors would be so nice on you. Plus, you have something festive now," she added with a wink.

"It's perfect," I answered gratefully, running my hand along the incredibly soft fabric. "And don't tell me about the necklace costing too much. I know how much these sweaters run." I gave her an accusatory glance, but then smiled again.

"Bah!" she exclaimed dismissively. "I'm allowed to spoil my best friend if I want to."

My head snapped up. Best friend? My heart soared at her words. I mean, I figured we were more than just regular friends. But to hear her say those words out loud? It meant more to me than she could ever know.

"I can't wait to wear it. I know whatever I am going to wear it for, it's going to be perfect." I leaned across the center console to give her a hug. "I'll message you later tonight to let you know how it went with Noah," I promised, gathering my things to exit the car.

Emma waved as she put the car in reverse and began to pull away, honking the horn to say goodbye one last time before she drove off. I ran inside to show my new sweater to my parents. My father sat casually on the couch, a robe tied tightly around his thin frame. It was hard knowing that one of your parents was suffering, but he tried to put on a brave face for me. I just knew better.

"How are you feeling?" I asked softly, clutching the sweater in my hand tighter than I even realized.

"Tired today. Very tired," he answered truthfully. His words were labored.

"I got this beautiful sweater from Emma for Christmas. See?" I held it against my body to show him. A smile formed on his lips.

"That is going to look so nice on you, mia figlia," he said sweetly. My chest tightened while I sat helplessly watching as my father was in pain. I wanted to do anything I could to make him feel better, but what could I do?

"Can I get you anything?" I offered, standing as my mom walked in the room. I held up the sweater to a nod of her approval.

"No, tesoro," he whispered. "I'm going to rest."

I stood stunned, blinking back an idle tear I didn't know had fallen while my mom placed a gentle arm on my shoulder. I looked up at her, eyes laced with fear.

"Let's go get some dinner," she said quietly. "By the time we get back, he'll be awake. C'mon. I think we need some Gran's burgers in our lives."

We drove to Gran's in comfortable silence. The frost gathered on the windshield as my mom's wipers worked overtime. I snuggled into my coat and closed my eyes. A deep breath filled my belly before I slowly let it out.

"Everything alright, Aria? I know your father is sick, but... is there anything else going on? You've seemed a little distant lately." My mom spoke in a calm tone, and while I knew she was a safe space, I couldn't bring myself to bare my soul. Everything in my home felt heavy, and I didn't want to add one more thing to the pile.

"I'm fine, Mom. I'm just worried about Papa," I dodged her question while we entered the restaurant. She eyed me suspiciously, but nodded.

"Chemotherapy is hard, honey, but your father is strong. He's going to beat this," she said confidently.

"I know," I said hesitantly as we were seated. It was quiet in Gran's for a Friday night, but it was also early to eat dinner.

"I haven't heard you talk about any boys lately. Is there a new one that's got your eye?" she asked with a wink while we sipped the waters our waitress brought to the table.

"No," I responded curtly, feeling my teeth clench in the back of my mouth at the implication of Brock's name. "I like hanging out with my friends, and that's good enough for me. Speaking of– I told Noah he could come to the house later to give me my gift. We ran out of time during the gift exchange at lunch." Talking about Noah instantly calmed the bile that began rising in my throat, and I felt my face relax into a softer expression.

"I'm glad you have them," my mom smiled warmly. "I think Emma has been such a blessing to your life, and I know the Walkers have been, too. Just promise me that if there is something you want to talk about, you come to me. No matter what it is. You can tell me anything, got it?" It was like she was staring into my soul, grabbing all of the deep dark parts I didn't want seen and pulling them into the sunlight.

"Got it," I agreed before quickly changing the subject. We ate the rest of our meal, chatting comfortably and indulging in burgers, fries, and shakes. I didn't realize I needed that meal and that company as much as I did.

There was a knock on the door precisely at 7:00. I opened the door to Noah carrying a thick silver box and his guitar strapped around his chest. "Hey," his smile widened when I opened the door to let him in.

"Hey," I returned the greeting and took his coat from him to hang in the closet. "Brought your guitar, huh?" Oliver trotted over towards Noah and began mewling loudly, demanding attention.

"I thought maybe I could show you a few things. I mean, if you want..." Noah trailed off, cheeks tinting pink. I could see Kody's earlier comment in the forefront of his mind. He bent down to scratch at Oliver's ear. Oliver responded pleasantly with a contented purr.

"I'd love that," I smiled, impressed once again with the level of thoughtfulness that graced this one human being. "Come say hi to my parents first. I'm sure they'll want to see you." I waved Noah through the kitchen and into the living room, where my parents sat on the couch.

My father began rising to greet him when Noah sprung to his side, offering an outstretched hand. "Oh, don't get up, please, Mr. Gray. It's nice to see you."

"Noah Walker," my father's eyes glistened. My jaw almost dropped at the love tingling in his voice. He shook his hand gratefully before settling back into his seat. Noah swung his guitar further over his shoulder before leaning down to hug my mom in greeting. I watched as he interacted with them so effortlessly. It was like he was always supposed to be included.

"You're all getting so big. I remember when you were in middle school banging on those drums," my mom teased. "And now you play guitar, too."

"Thankfully I have made some improvements since then," Noah smiled in response.

"You two would spend hours singing at the top of your lungs," my father added with a sly smirk. "I didn't realize back then how much I would miss it. It filled this house nicely."

"Papaaaa..." I pleaded. I could only imagine the level of mortification on my face.

But Noah just barked out a laugh. "Her voice, maybe," he responded before turning his full attention to my father. "How are you feeling, sir?" he asked kindly.

"Tired lately, but fighting and praying," my father answered.

Noah nodded. "We've all been praying for you. Hopefully you can come back to church when you feel well enough so we can do it properly."

"I absolutely will. It's one of the things I am most looking forward to when I get better," my father said with a final tone. It was never if he would get better, but when.

"Well, we'll be in the basement," I informed my parents and turned to lead Noah downstairs. "Yell if you need us."

"Nice to see you, Noah," my mom called after him, waving in turn with my father.

"You, too," Noah responded before following me down the stairs. He stopped to marvel, once again, at his surroundings. "I can never get over how cool it is down here." He sat himself on one of the couches, setting his guitar beside him. "Here you go. I hope you don't think it's too cheesy," he laughed, sliding my present across the coffee table.

"You? Cheesy? Never..." I chuckled while I carefully unwrapped the silver paper on the box.

I opened the box to find three items– a card with an orange cat on it (who looked eerily close to Oliver), a piano songbook for Celine Dion's album Falling into You, and a white CD in a purple case with a scribbled list written in black ink. I opened the card first.

Aria,

My mom said this is the best Celine Dion album, so I thought you could learn all of the songs to help channel your inner divas. I also thought since we are both into music so much, I'd make you a mix of a bunch of songs that remind me of you. I hope you like it. You deserve the best holiday ever. Hope to see you over break.

Merry Christmas!

Noah

#1: Queen - Somebody to Love - Football game where you said you like Queen, and I realized how cool you really are.

#2: Elvis Presley - Hound Dog - I know the words now.

#3: Carlos Santana - Smooth - Guitar testing at the mall.

#4: Hanson - Mmmbop - For middle school Aria.

#5: Led Zeppelin - Kashmir - On the way to HC. Also a cool song.

#6: Backstreet Boys - All I Have to Give - Cheesy, but I had to include it.

#7: Third Eye Blind - How's It Gonna Be - Musical whiz Aria fixing my amateur band.

#8: *NSYNC - All I Want Is You (This Christmas) - I think I still have icing in my hair.

#9: Lifehouse - Breathing - Had to include our mutual favorite band.

#10: Amy Grant and Peter Cetera - Next Time I Fall - I still appreciate your not telling anyone.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I read through the tracks. This was by far one of the nicest, most thoughtful gifts anyone had ever given to me. Noah watched while I stared at the track list, and for a moment, there was nothing but silence between us.

"It's... too cheesy, isn't it?" He bit his lower lip.

"No, no..." I reassured him. "Not at all. It's perfect," I exhaled, letting my touch linger over the smooth case. "I don't think anyone has given me anything so thoughtful before."

"Oh, it wasn't difficult or anything. I just downloaded all of the songs on Napster and burned them to a CD. No biggie," he brushed me off. I felt tears forming in the back of my eyes and a lump forming in my throat. What did I do to deserve his kindness? I took a deep breath and quickly regained my composure.

"I love it. Seriously, thank you," I smiled sincerely. I wanted to hug him, to touch him, but I couldn't. There was so much left unsaid between us. Plus, I wasn't sure whose touch would set me off at any moment. I felt lucky that Kody hadn't set me off during the gift exchange earlier. But with Noah? I couldn't risk having that happen with him. I just couldn't. I shook my head clear. "Hey, why don't you show me a few things on the guitar?" I set the CD aside and peered at him. "Maybe you can play me a Celine Dion song," I laughed as I pointed to the book.

"Well, I have been working on one thing," he confessed before he pulled his acoustic guitar out and began to pick at it. I immediately recognized the riff as the opening to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah."

"I love that song so much," I said happily while I watched as his fingers danced over the frets. I closed my eyes and started to hum the high harmony to the first verse. When the chorus came, I had lost myself so much to the song that I hadn't realized that I was fully singing, taking the lyrics an octave higher above him. He stopped playing at the end of the chorus, and my eyes blew open wide. We sat there staring at each other for a moment.

"Aria," he addressed me seriously. I looked at him quizzically and a bit abashed. "You have to sing this with me on Christmas Eve." He nodded his head, to which I quickly shook mine. "No, seriously. Dad talked me into playing it at church. I'd feel better having someone next to me, and your voice just takes the whole song up a notch. It would sound so amazing with our acoustics."

"I haven't sung in quite a while, at least not as anything other than a backup vocalist. Or the shower, if you count that." I continued to shake my head. "Plus, I haven't been to church much over the last several years. I feel like God might strike me down if I got up on that stage," I joked to both lighten the mood and dismiss his suggestion.

Noah burst into a full-fledged laugh. "I'm sure God will forgive you, especially if you're doing a good deed for a friend." His tone turned more serious when he added, "Your voice is amazing. And maybe... I don't know.... maybe your family would come watch?" I blinked a few times as I heard all of the words he didn't say. He looked up at me with large, hopeful eyes, and I could feel myself caving.

"Why don't we run through it a few times and see what we can do with it? I'll make a decision when we're done. Fair?" I couldn't believe I was letting him talk me into this. He broke into a wide grin. "I feel like you had this whole little scheme planned before you even got here." I shot him an accusatory glance.

"I truly didn't." He began picking through the beginning notes again. "But if it's going to work in my favor, then I'm all for it."

An uneven smile crossed my face at Noah's retort. We went through it several times, and I realized that we really did sound very good together. The rendition we concocted was hauntingly beautiful and absolutely perfect. I had no choice but to oblige.

"So, Monday? 4:00?" Noah questioned while I walked him to the door. It was almost 11:00, and my parents had been in bed for over an hour.

"Correct," I confirmed with a smile, standing in the dim light of the foyer. I stared at Noah for a moment, my mind racing with all of our history, but alive with all of the possibilities of the future.

"Great. Goodnight, Aria," Noah said quietly and leaned in to give me a gentle hug. I tensed, waiting for the horrible reaction that I knew my body would take at his touch. Remarkably, I didn't shudder the way I thought I would. My body only relaxed, like it was finally letting go of an enormous breath it was holding. I snuggled further into him for a moment before we both reluctantly let go.

"Night," I smiled and closed the door behind him. I watched for several moments as Noah Walker got into his car and drove away.

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night, but it wasn't because of the normal nightmares that plagued my mind since the night of Homecoming. Rather, I chose to stay awake, this time lulled by the sounds of a very special mixtape made for me by a very special boy who just might have my heart.

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⭐ There's just something about getting a personalized gift like Noah's ~*~Mixtape~*~ (Yes, we used to make cool designs like this without emoji's. You're welcome for that blast from the past. :D) Don't forget to hit the STAR to vote for MIXTAPE: Volume One!