TRACK #12 MUSIC:

🎵 "Torn" - Natalie Imbruglia

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TRACK #12 - FALL

"Torn" - Natalie Imbruglia

I awoke in a foggy haze, sprawled out on an unfamiliar king-sized bed. My mind slowly started to clear, and I was surprised to find myself clad in only a large t-shirt that did not belong to me. I felt my throat swell as a tremor began to work it's way down my spine.

Where was I...?

I stretched my fingers out before reaching down to touch my outer thigh, a gentle sigh of relief escaping my lips when I realized I was wearing underwear. I sat still for a moment, trying to search my brain for the last thing I could remember.

I was at Homecoming. I came to a party with Brock. I was drinking Diet Cherry Coke when... that was it. My mind was blank. The sight of a stark white sheet pulled over Brock's taut abdomen anchored me back to Earth. I was in bed with Brock, and he was snoring.

Bile rose in the back of my throat while I tiptoed around the dark room to find my dress. I recognized the smooth fabric against the carpet and worked it back over my frame. I tossed the strange shirt to the floor. Locating my sweater and boots proved to be slightly more difficult, but I eventually managed to at least find my shoes. I didn't dare turn on a light lest I risk waking a very obviously sleeping Brock.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, a loud groan grumbled from the bed, and I jumped, holding my breath while Brock toppled over onto his side and fell back to sleep. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of there. My clutch lay on the couch. I grabbed it before gingerly opening the door to slip out of the guest house. I hadn't bothered to check my reflection in the mirror, scared of what I might see.

It was dark outside, and the chill hit my bones. I would have shivered, had I not already felt numb. Early-morning, my brain supplied. I walked slowly over dew-covered grass to the kitchen door of the main house. To my surprise, it was unlocked. I pushed it open to find myself in unfamiliar territory. The kitchen bore elegant bright white cabinets with silver-speckled granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. The architecture stood in stark contrast to the empty bottles and Solo cups littered along the space. It was a wonder how anyone's parents allowed them to do this regularly.

My eyes darted from one end of the kitchen to the other, and I gripped my clutch so hard my knuckles went white. I stumbled across the empty cans and trash, peeking inside of the living room. People were strewn along the modern couches and chairs, curled up along the O'Briens' Persian area rug. Suddenly, my eyes fell on a blonde girl in a sparkling teal dress. Emma.

My heart leapt from my chest when I crouched at her side, softly shaking her shoulders. Her eyes flitted open as she met my gaze with confusion. "Aria?" She sat up immediately. "Where have you been?!" she whisper-shouted. "We looked everywhere for you! We couldn't find you–"

"We have to go. Please," I begged while I tried to catch my breath. I needed to be anywhere other than where I was, and I needed to go now. Something in my voice must have registered with her, for she didn't question me further.

"Adrian," Emma gently turned his body and his weary eyes opened. "Let's go."

"Now?" Adrian protested sleepily before receiving a death glare. He immediately sprang to his feet and helped Emma to hers.

I stifled my need to vomit before seeing myself out, knowing deep in my soul that I would never see the inside of Liam O'Brien's house ever again. Adrian threw his jacket over my shoulders, then led Emma and me to his car. None of us spoke.

Fear and confusion rose in my belly while I replayed the events of the night over and over in my head as we drove. Bits of faded memories haphazardly pieced themselves together as I tried desperately to place them. Still, I had no memory of what happened after I blacked out. The cool autumn breeze nipped at my cheeks from the cracked window. Instinctively, I tugged at my dress to cover more of my shivering legs; and I noticed a long rip at the hem, the edges frayed. I narrowed my eyes to inspect it further when a trail of dried blood dotting my inner thigh caught my attention. Slowly, I pressed my legs together as if to hide a terrible secret. My throat tightened.

Tears streamed down my cheeks. Adrian's car rolled quietly up Emma's driveway and stopped. My body was anchored to my seat, unable to move. Without a trace of judgment in her eyes, Emma opened the door and wrapped her arms around me. My face found her shoulder, and I wept. We sat like that for several moments, silent, save for the few muffled sobs I allowed to escape.

Finally, Emma spoke into the cool morning air. "Let's get you inside," she whispered softly and helped me into the house. Adrian wordlessly followed behind us. As we approached the threshold, he pulled me into a strong and tight hug. I could feel the deep concern radiating from his body. When he pulled away to look at me, he began to say something, but thought better of it when he caught Emma's warning glare. He knew something happened, but he also knew that I didn't want to talk about it. I gave him one last fleeting glance before stepping into the house. Emma nodded in farewell to Adrian and briefly watched as he returned to his car to drive off.

"Where's your dad?" I asked in a hoarse voice when we entered the empty home.

"Spending a few days with my brother at his university," Emma responded as we walked further inside. It wasn't my first time in her home, but I immediately felt the same sense of warmth wash over me as if the house itself was welcoming me back, reminding me that I always belonged there. Emma scrambled to turn on a nearby lamp. The dim light shone on the small, but cozy entryway. She led me down a narrow hallway towards the kitchen and turned on that light as well. "Can I get you something to drink?" she offered, opening up the refrigerator. "Diet Coke, right?" She smiled, holding up the silver can with red lettering for me to inspect. The gesture brought a fresh batch of tears to my eyes.

Shocked, she quickly put it back in the fridge and returned to my side. "Um, why don't we go upstairs so you can shower? Your bag is in my room. You'll feel better and then... maybe we can talk? If you want," Emma said tenderly. I nodded and brushed away the tears.

Emma motioned towards me to follow her to her tidy bedroom. "I laid out a fresh towel in the bathroom for you."

"Thank you," I mumbled before grabbing my bag and heading into the bathroom. I shrugged Adrian's jacket to the floor and brought my dress above my head. I examined myself in the mirror. Dark circles had gathered beneath my eyes, and my hair was not in the pristine updo where it began. I blinked a few times while I zeroed in on my shoulders. Purplish bruises were beginning to form on each side, and I winced at the same time I realized they were sore. My lip quivered as I tried to imagine how that came to be.

I stepped inside the shower, allowing the scalding hot water to strip my body of all the repugnance I felt. Tears mixed with soap as I laid my head on the hard tile and cried until I went numb. Small pieces of the night swept through my mind while I tried to scrub everything that physically happened to me into oblivion. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't remember everything. I soaked for what felt like an eternity, letting the water run down my back before scrubbing away all of the makeup and hairspray that was caked to my body. When I finished, I slipped into my own oversized night shirt and combed through my hair. My face was a deep shade of crimson and as swollen as a latex balloon. Unfortunately, this was no party.

I stepped back into Emma's room, and she patted an empty space next to her on the bed. I lay down beside her, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. We sat in silence for several long moments.

"Thank you for..." I could feel my eyes involuntarily tearing once again. I shook as a shiver ran down my spine. Emma grabbed a blanket and placed it over me.

"You don't need to thank me, but..." she trailed off, seemingly searching her brain for the right words. "We should probably talk. Did something happen?"

The waterworks continued while I shook my head from sheer frustration and brushed the tears away. "I don't know," I sobbed, burying my head in my hands. Emma wrapped an arm delicately across my back. "We were at the party, and it was so loud. I just wanted to leave. He had a key to the O'Briens' guest house. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie, and then we'd find you guys. It seemed innocent enough, and I figured it would give him time to sober up a little. I was sitting on the couch drinking a Diet Cherry Coke, and the next thing I know..." My voice trembled, unable to finish the sentence. Emma held me tighter. "I woke up in the bed in a shirt I didn't own, and I just felt... wrong. I got dressed and came to find you."

The air between us was still for several moments as Emma digested my words. "Aria, do you think..." I could tell, yet again, that she was choosing her words carefully, but I knew what she was going to ask. I nodded before she could finish. A somber look washed over her face. "Don't you think we should tell somebody? Take you to the hospital?" she suggested as gently as she could. She started to reach for her phone. "We should at least call your parents–"

Fear immediately gripped my stomach and squeezed. "NO!" I shouted before grabbing her hands, my head shaking violently. "Please– please don't. My father–" I froze. Oh my god. My father. If he ever found out, it would kill him! I couldn't be the reason to make his illness worse! The tears fell again, harder this time. Emma bit her lower lip lightly. I took a few breaths and tried to think rationally. "Please, Emma. You have to keep this between us. I don't even remember any of it. I completely blacked out."

She exhaled, then nodded hesitantly. "Were you drinking before that?" Emma's voice was steady, though I could hear the hints of apprehension. I knew how this all sounded.

"No! You know how I felt about going to the party. I didn't have a single sip of anything until it was just me and Brock. I remember I was so thirsty, I drank both my drink and his. Then he said he needed to go get paper plates. Then nothing. Blank."

Emma took a deep breath. "Aria, what makes you think that something happened while you blacked out? You know... between you two?"

I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I felt comfortable telling her about everything else, but this, this felt too personal. Too raw. "I just do," I whispered as more tears fell.

Emma held me until my tears ran out, and I slept soundly at the edge of her bed until the next morning. On the drive to my house, we agreed that I should get Brock's side of the story and for him to answer all of my questions. She was adamant about being there when I did, which I agreed to if she stayed out of direct sight; I didn't believe he would answer me honestly if she was there. And although I had already known she wouldn't say anything about what had happened, having Emma promise that she'd keep this between us helped to ease my mind.

After she dropped me off, I did my best to convince my parents that a great time had been had by all and that I felt outstanding. When I was confident that my performance had convinced them, I casually made my way upstairs. Since I had canceled the piano lessons I would have had, there was nothing to keep my mind occupied. I laid down on my bed, but it was all I could do to just stare into space. I closed my eyes to take a calming breath when–

A pair of lips pulled back slowly to show bright, white teeth as the smile that encased them turned into a menacing grin. "I'm going to enjoy this..."

I was violently thrown back into reality while my lungs fought to breathe. I blindly pushed myself backwards off of my bed and onto my nightstand before hitting the floor, knocking things over as I tried to defend myself against that wicked smile. I blinked several times to try and clear my vision, my chest still heaving as my room began to come into focus.

What the hell was that?!

It took a while before I finally accepted that my vision wasn't something that was currently happening to me, and even longer before my breathing calmed down. But even though I was no longer gasping for breath, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. So, I decided to do something I hadn't done in a long time– I was going to go for a run. I found some appropriate clothing and laced up an old pair of running shoes. I thought it might help to bring some clarity to the clutter that was my mind.

Outside, the wind was cold against my face. I inhaled deeply while using the front step to stretch my legs. Running was something that I used to do often in middle school, but lost touch with when we went on the road. I found myself craving the solitude and the peace that pounding on the pavement brought to my soul. I pushed off, determined to return to my home with a much quieter mind. Halfway through my old route, sweat began to gather on my forehead and trickle down my face. As I tried to blink some of it away, I saw that same, terrifying grin burst into my mind's eye, and it took everything in me not to scream. I quickly rubbed my eyes with the long sleeve of my athletic sweatshirt and pushed myself to run faster. I knew in the back of my mind that I was reaching a speed that I couldn't even remember reaching before, but what I was really trying to do was outrun that horrific smile.

After I physically could no longer run, I cooled down by taking another easy lap around the block, then stopped to stretch again on my front stairs. I had every intention of going back inside to take a long shower and wash all of the worry off of my body. That was just before a red Jeep with a smiling Brock Miller drove directly into my driveway. My heart twisted in my chest as he got out of the vehicle and approached me.

"Hey," Brock said with a casual grin when he slipped out of his car. I ached with an uneasiness I had never felt previously. Before I could speak, he continued, "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I woke up and couldn't find you."

"I, uhhh..." I stammered while I searched for a plausible story. My throat was dry, and I could feel my pulse surging inside of my body. I knew I needed to have an honest conversation with him about what happened, but the words escaped me. Tears began to gather in my eyes before I could stop them.

"Hey... what's wrong?" Brock took a step towards me as I instinctively raised my hand to him and took a step backwards. Something in his eyes shifted, and it frightened me. "Didn't you have fun? I mean, you seemed like you were having a really good time... I know I did." A grotesque smile spread over his lips, and I thought I'd vomit.

"I don't... I don't remember anything that happened," I said quietly, eyes trailing the perimeter of my block to make sure my neighbors weren't listening. The coast seemed clear, but I wished more than anything that Emma was waiting in the wings for me like we had planned. An idle shiver ran down my spine as I shifted my arms around my body. I was suddenly cold.

"Ah, come on Aria. We were just having a good time. You probably drank too much." He shrugged my concerns off like they were a fly to be swatted.

My eyes narrowed as anger flushed my cheeks. I glowered at him. "There was alcohol in my drink?"

Brock laughed. "It was a party, Aria. Of course there was alcohol in your drink."

"Why would there be alcohol in my drink, Brock? You knew how I felt about that," I hissed. Frustration gnawed at my belly while a fresh batch of tears fell from my eyes. Somewhere deep in my core I knew that alcohol was not the only thing in that drink. And now I was angry.

"Listen, it's not a big deal. We just had a few drinks and fooled around." He said the words like he was also trying to convince himself. I wasn't buying it.

"We just 'fooled around,' but I woke up with your shirt on?" I challenged him. He shifted uncomfortably, unused to anyone calling his bluff.

"I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. You certainly sounded like you were having a good time," he sneered before a menacing grin spread across his face.

"I'm going to enjoy this..."

No, not a menacing grin. My sight zeroed in on his mouth.

"I'm going to enjoy this..."

The menacing grin.

My body winced, and it took me a long moment to steady my breathing. "I don't want to see you anymore," I declared matter-of-factly.

"That's fine. I'm done with you, anyways," he snarled lowly. Tears drenched my eyes yet again. He turned to leave, but quickly turned back to face me, eyes cold as steel. "Oh, and one more thing... If you tell anyone about this, anyone, I will make sure the whole school knows what a dirty little whore you really are." His words were like fire burning into my skin. I recoiled at the heat, unable to move, unable to speak. I stood rooted while he angrily turned on his heel to slam himself back into his Jeep. The screeching of his tires was the last thing I heard before running up to my bedroom and crying myself to sleep for the second time that day.

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⭐ You made it to the end of fall! Up next: what will happen to Aria and the friend group in the cold months of winter? 🤔 Don't forget to hit the STAR to vote for MIXTAPE: Volume One.