Walking out of the room to feel the fresh sunlight against my pale skin felt way too difficult than I had expected.

After the whole adventure that I pulled that night with Pete and family, and failed at fulfilling the mission, I didn't have the courage collected in my heart to face those smirks on the Lycans' faces. Especially, that Anton. For sure I knew, he won't let this go without attempting to bring me down for failing.

I wasn't ready to give anyone any chances to ridicule my efforts of reaching the border or worse, hear anything against my family.

Even if someone wouldn't say it, their eyes would enjoy the defeat on my face.

Pete won at his effort. I lost.

And now, they weren't letting me see Keev too, telling me that I wasn't physically and mentally ready for it.

Laying on the bed felt safe and yet torturous as each moment was filled with encountering Karam's deepest memories.

During the marking, the rush of memories from his birth to the very moment of his teeth sinking into my neck displayed in a flash. But now, these were occupying my mind and I was unable to think.

I was being forced to not think about anything else but his life. The more I learnt, the more I felt affected. I couldn't stop it. Not that I wanted to. Especially, after knowing that he himself, a Lycan, was trying to sincerely look for a solution to break the border.

So, I curled back on the bed in the dark room, despite Nysa's suggestion of going out. I hugged the pillow to my chest and stared into the dark wall.

To recall the moments he might not have talked about to anyone else.

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"Do not cry."

She cries more. These days, everyone I see just shed tears.

I don't blame them.

It just keeps getting worse.

"No one cares when a male touches another female," says Rosetta while my eyes observe the drenched red dress sticking to her skin, defining all the curves.

If only I knew she would be here, sneaking up on me in the lake during my bath, I wouldn't have come.

Trying to swim close to me, with her bare shoulders reminding me the bloodshed Nysa did in front of Robin, I swam away to the shore and wore my clothes within a blink before she could see what I didn't want her to.

And now, she says the words that she has been thinking of saying all these years. I have been aware of her emotions. But I also knew that she isn't my mate.

"I do, Rose. I care." I tell her calmly. "My mate will care. Even if she doesn't, I will hate to lose my honor in your mate's eyes."

Her lips curl up in a sob. "I am never seeing my mate, Karam."

The female who intimidated every male here, who behaved strong in front of her Beta father, was opening up her heart to me. And I was breaking it.

"You will, on the Moon." I say while trying hard not to run away from her.

The way she gazes me up and down, makes me want to look at her too. It has been the closest I have experienced with a female.

"I know you love him. You wait for him. You think of him." I say to remind her that she has a mate outside the border and so do I.

"But it is your name that brings colour in my sight. It is your smile that shakes my heart and distracts me from all of my sorrows, Karam."

I hate the way she calls my name, uses it more and more, to make an effect on me. I don't like it. It feels like a sin. A sin that I do not enjoy.

"I have a mate, Rose."

She bursts out in tears. "I hope, she dies."

The growl escapes naturally and so quick, it makes her flinch. She stables herself and glare at me with tears in her eyes.

"All I ask is for. . . you. For once." She says while breathing hard in between.

My jaws clench as my gaze moves down from her face. It goes further to the narrow neck of her dress that hugs the swell of her curves and I look away while letting out a shaky breath.

"Ask for forgiveness from your mate," I tell her before turning around.

"Karam! Karam!" She calls out. But I keep walking away.

"I hope, you get to taste the sorrow you just gave me. I hope, your heart will break just like you break mine! I'll see how sacred you leave it all for your useless mate!" She keeps yelling.

I want to turn around and rip her throat them and there. But she suffers the same pain my sister had died from. I will not hurt her family. The future Severans need someone as determined as her to take care of the temple.

Moreover, how could I hurt someone who dared to love me in a world where I felt unseen?

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"Severa does nothing."

I am out of words to console my little sister. Her eyes have bags under them and they reminded of Miggy. Except Tara's eyes holds unleashed fury.

"How hard it is to understand that she is as helpless as we are?" She whispers while I wipe the snow off the hood of her cloak. Her nose turns red in further anger and I look around to calm my unsettled painful heart. I hate seeing her like this. "We worship her day and night. And you think that she will accept your calls, brother?"

My jaws clench in helplessness.

Tara refuses to return to home, as if imitating Lucine. The elder sister has now made that temple her home. But Tara is upset with our parents. There is no other reason. Or maybe, she knows that Mother's health is deteriorating.

"She will, one day." I tell her. "I am sincere. It is not a mean motive. I ask her support for future sisters and daughters of this pack. Severa listens, I know. She just wouldn't show up because I haven't done enough."

Tara looks hopeful for a moment. I see it in her eyes as they turn glossy immediately.

My hand goes for her cheek to console her but I stop in the middle. My scent will reach the temple, it could be a sin. And it could hurt Rosetta too.

"What are you doing?" Tara whispers in shaky voice. Her nostrils flare as she controls a sob. "All you do is look for her in the air. In those eight towers. I fail to accept that there is a place like that. I won't go there because it will make me turn towards the eastern. . ."

I don't know how to breathe when she lets out a sob.

"You know my pain. Don't you? You have been waiting for her," she says while wiping her tears and still cries. Looking up at me, she smiles sadly. "Sister Lucine prays for you and Oskar. She prays for mother too and it scares me."

I take a breath and release while looking around the white landscape. The winter used to be full of Laughters and joy near the bonfires. The deer's blood and Aunts' stories. The Uncles' jokes and pups running around, covered in heavy furry clothes.

Now, it is as cold as the walls of those eight towers are. The thought of Northern land of the territory brings me shivers.

"Severa is not a Goddess. She is a friend," says Tara while sniffing softly. "An ancestor who didn't get to pass on her most cherished stories. She just understands our pain and is stuck here forever like us. She won't save us. There is nothing like saving us. We are stuck inside the border unless I get to die old like Lucine wants to and meet my mate in the Moon."

Moon? I want to be upset with her. But I obey her. She is the one my Alpha father bows to and so does my Alpha brother. I wish to complain to her but I know that she knows. I don't have to.

But is this how it will always be? Or are we supposed to think that the border is for our good? That my sisters dying without finding their loves is for all our good?

I sigh.

"I will not return after the Ceremony," says Tara, looking away at dried branches of a tall tree.

"Even if I get my mate?" I ask calmly. This way, the family won't stay family.

Lysar doesn't show it. But he misses her, I know. Father doesn't want to admit. But he feels defeated at Tara's continuous denial to enter home and meet them.

"I won't." Tara says while gulping hard. "Even when the Mystics will come. I am scared of myself. I don't know what I'll do if I smelled his scent again through any of the mystics."

My heart curls in sorrow. I wonder if she knows that she could have been a Luna.

Alvena's words ring in my mind and for a moment, the courage fills my heart. She believed in breaking the border. But since the day Anton hit her, she hasn't looked at me with the same hope. She has given up on it.

"Lucine teaches us to never favour dividing the pack. In the end, we also want welfare of our birthplace, our brothers and their future generations. In the end, the love is to be overcome by loyalty. I want to practice it, brother. Because when an Alpha's daughter like me will cry and beg for her mate, the young females will be affected. The soft grieving in the temple is better for the pack's peace."

She used to talk loud and was always chirpy. The grief has made my sister silent, forced her to grow serious when she didn't have to.

"Stop looking for Severa," she says while stepping back.

I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that her brother misses her. That he tries all ways to solve this for her. That her pain is his.

"She is here only, watching us." Tara says while looking at me. "Do not waste this time. Look for your mate, instead. Look how Virion has find his before you."

It makes both of us sad.

Virion had a soft heart for Tara. While I have been insanely jealous since the night of patrol when he smelled her. And he find her on the border to Southern Pack only.

"For once, I want to see you happy for yourself," she says and for a moment, I almost see Miggy in her. "Maybe, just like Alvena, she's waiting for you too."

She turns around and walks on to her path full of snow.

Her words linger around my ears, echo inside my head.

I almost fall on the snow-covered ground at the thought.

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Lucine watches as King throws fist full of sand on mother's corpse inside the pit.

Father's shoulder shakes, he cries. The Aunts stand behind him, sharing the pain of losing a lover.

The grand pups are in awe of what different view it is from their daily lives. The parents who wouldn't let them cry, today cries at the sight of their dead mother.

Amelia holds Tara close who looks blankly at the grave.

It all happened when the Mystic dancers arrived. It was a happy occasion. Savina's first big feast after her ceremony with Virion. The Severans returned two nights ago and Tara finally came home.

I didn't smell the scent of my mate.

Tara came because she wished to see the pack members of her mate. One of the dancers had his scent around her.

It was a message. A sign of acknowledgement.

But Tara was furious. The beast took charge and she nearly killed the young mystic widow. Had it not been King interrupting and tackling the youngest sister down, we would have killed an innocent mystic female.

It is only then, the wave of shock filled the whole pack. When all the thirteen mystic dancers bowed in front of Tara and kneeled.

Luna.

The word spoken in unison had horrified our mother. What little pieces of her world were left, fell apart at seeing the fate of her daughter in a parallel world.

Tara could have been a Luna.

Not just her mate, a whole pack was waiting for her.

The very pack our mother was born in and had not close connection with the Alpha and Beta lineage. My mother was a common, born to rule and birth Lycans.

Before any of us could understand, father ran towards our mother whose eyes were wide open and heart had stopped.

With her, died the protection roof of the pack. From last night, the stormy wind hasn't calmed down.

Alvena whispered the spells before sprinkling the sand. The incident has made her look at Tara in a different light. The gaze of admiration, I notice. Maybe, Tara is someone her brother was definitely made for.

But she doesn't want to add on to the sorrow to my sister by being a possible Sister-in-law and make Anton doubtful in any way. So, she looks away quickly.

I cannot hold the tears back. The beast in me curls up and craves his mother's touch on head. I already miss seeing her beautiful green eyes. How am I going to live without her?

I have never seen father this vulnerable. He calls out her name in whispers while blinking through the tears.

Beta Barald covers the grave, giving a hand to King and Robin as both our brothers don't hide their tears too.

I want to complain to the Goddess. But I know, mother will do it the moment she reaches there.

The rain drops hit my forehead when Amelia prays and bows in front of the former Luna.

Nysa takes Tara to join the crowd as everyone starts leaving.

I leave too.

Father stays.

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"Father!"

The growl shakes the soul in me.

I fall down from the cot and so does Lysar as we both squint our eyes to see King's grown beard forming a shadow on the wall.

Looking up at him, I get up hurriedly. "What—"

I sniff and father's scent is not rich. There are still hours remaining to dawn. Father was supposed to be sleeping on his bed in his room.

"I was patrolling and I found his scent going towards the North." Robin says while running into the room.

Lysar gets up and runs out of the house without a thought. We follow and the whole family is up too.

Salome reaches King and reports, "Nowhere."

"The eight—" Robin asks and stops. Salome nods immediately.

"Nowhere."

"The only space left is the untouched jungle under the mountains around the temple." Anton announces.

Aunt Rose widens her eyes. "Not now! That's where your fathers died!"

King doesn't listen and runs towards the east.

Amelia stops the rest of the brothers with one word. "No! Let him be. We will all search in the morning if he comes back alone."

"The scent are there on the trees around the field," Robin informs and gulps. "As if he visited all the places before leaving."

"Father is patrolling and so am I. We'll look for him," Virion says while stepping back and turning around.

Anton is about to follow him when Amelia growls lowly.

"Go back to your rooms and sleep. If mother was here, she'd not let us out on an uncertain night like this," she says while pushing Lysar my way.

"What if—" she waves off Lysar's worry by shaking her head and showing the sharp gaze.

"A Lycan doesn't go out of the border. The worst father could do is leave for his mate. And I do not mind it," she says, making my heart clench. "The lightning is striking up at the temple. I do not permit anyone to go out. You will leave not without facing me."

"Hurry!" She yells and makes us retreat forcefully.

Lysar lies on our parents' bed and moves his hand across the sheet. He stares up at the ceiling while I go to our room and lie on my side on the cot.

"Why couldn't the old Lycan just stay asleep here for my heart's sake?" his voice comes. "Without a sign."

I stare at the dark wall, hugging the pillow to my chest for some warmth as my body suffers goosebumps.

"Is this how they say our pack is dying? No one wants to live until our hair turns grey and white. No one wants to stay and watch grand pups grow." He keeps murmuring. "I hate him for leaving us like this."

I blink while remembering the last time I had seen father few hours ago. He laughed and ate food with us at King's home.

I close my eyes before replying, "I hate him too."

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Someone shook my shoulders so hard, I gasped loud while opening my eyes immediately.

Blinking more to calm my blurry vision, I looked up at the silhoutte of a girl and tried to get up slowly.

"You really weren't enjoying the sleep. I had to." She said while helping me rest my back against the pillow.

The wound on the juncture of my neck and shoulder, burnt a little. I almost winced. But it calmed down slowly.

It was Noira. She was already handing me the bowl of a soup.

The color was too green for my taste and I already looked away.

She smiled and was about to convince me about it. But her facial features reminded of Salome and Oskar.

With Salome, I remembered Natasha too.

"Where is Natasha?" I coughed a little before looking at her. "All other sisters came. She didn't. Is Salome and her upset—"

Noira shook her head and her smile was gone immediately.

"She has been going to her father's home, lately. Everyday during the noon till evening. He has not been well."

My eyes were on the soup in thought and looked back at her in realisation.

Uncle Joran.

"What happened to him?"

I sounded scared more than worried.

She raised her eyebrows and shrugged it off. "Nothing. They work hard—"

"Did Pete's presence affected him?" My eyes widened at my own words.

Noira's mouth parted. She was caught off guard as if she hadn't expected me to catch that.

"Or maybe, his brother's presence too?" I gasped while looking away in shock.

She tried to stop me by forwarding the bowl of soup. But I was keen on getting down from the bed.

"Show me the way," I said while wearing the leather sandals.

She stood up. The hesitation was glistening on her face.

"But you should first have the soup. Amelia sent it—"

I shook my head with extreme worry surfacing my head. How bad was it for Uncle Joran? I needed to see him as soon as I could.

"Amelia can wait," I muttered through gritted teeth. "I am here only, until I die. She has all the time to feed me these soups. But for now, I need to be there with Natasha and my uncle." I nearly pleaded with soft eyes.

Noira let out a long silent breath before walking past me and opening the door to lead me.

The awkwardness of going out and face the natives would still be a problem. It would take all of my guts to even raise my gaze and meet eyes. My palms were already sweaty.

But this was better than continuously witnessing the deaths of members in my mind that he had to experience.

Not just the deaths, but that absolute unnecessary nickname Rose?

Relaxing my jaws, I tried to distract myself. But my mind had literally become his.

I couldn't stop recalling all of it.

His sorrows. His secrets.

Moreover, the fact that he must be going through the same. Knowing each and every deep moments of my life I might not even remember.

_________

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