It feels cold here.

The Western fields of territory.

As I look around the vast ground full of wooden polls at the heads of the graves, the heavy wind chills my spines.

Amelia cries the loudest.

They are burying her second pup. A female. A still-born.

I have never seen a Lycan's corpse before. Maybe, I have.

The glimpses of red cloak appears in my mind in this same place. Mother told me that she had brought me here before one time. I was an infant.

But I wouldn't have felt the remorse then than I am feeling now.

Brother King is devastated. He doesn't cry. He holds his mate and puts the sand back on the corpse wrapped in white in the grave.

The whole pack is here offer solidarity. Amelia's parents are in the crowd. Her young brothers of Tara's age are too young to understand.

Lysar's drool wets my neck. I put him on another arm for left shoulder to get wet now.

Brother Robin holds Nysa close to him standing behind our parents. Nysa's hands are on her belly. It is growing from past month. I hear heartbeats.

Twin sisters are weeping softly. Tara was standing just beside them.

My heart jumps in worry. I look around immediately and my heart calms down.

She is bugging Oskar to let her hold little Noira. Salome picks her up in his arms and puts finger on his lips. She turns quiet obediently.

Anton is standing beside his father who is holding a sleepy Alma. He watches new things quietly. It is Adam who bites Aunt Rose's ear. She is holding him in her arms. I hold a snicker. She looks funny when she is pissed at her own pups.

Mother walks ahead and takes the fistful of hand. The soil slips from her fist as she closes her eyes and chants prayers.

Everyone closes their eyes. I do too.

"May she reaches the Moon and find peace." Mother says.

Her voice is shaky. But she is loud.

She stares down at the grave with blank eyes. Her tears have dried. Her face that was red before has turned pale again. Her hair slips from her braids.

The wind is turning aggressive. The sky was already grey. The brown leaves fly around on the dark ground.

I feel strange.

As if someone is whispering in my ear. But it is the wind.

"Miggy?" Sister Lucine calls out. The wind blows her hair hard.

Sister Miggy raises her hand towards the mist ahead of the first row of the graves. Behind the Mist is a vast jungle that touches the border.

"He. . ." She breathes out. Her amber eyes are curious and wide.

She sniffs. Everyone sniffs. I do too. But we don't smell anyone.

She does and steps ahead. Her eyes are looking far beyond the mist.

"He is waiting for me. . ." She whispers and take another step.

My eyes move to look at father. He is upset. Furious.

Mother is frozen.

"He is looking for me. . ." Sister Miggy screams and makes a quick dash towards the mist.

Brother King gets up immediately. Robin leaves Nysa. Both run behind her.

"Miggy!" Sister Lucine lets out a cry. Uncle Armedyl has grabbed her wrist. He is not letting her run too.

Before both the brothers could reach her, sister stops at the beginning of the mist.

I hear cracks. My stomach churns.

Her posture changes. Her neck tilts and legs starts turning longer.

The pups are horrified. Lysar lets out a cry in my ear.

Tara screams and finds mother.

"Don't touch her!" Father yells.

Both the brother takes a step back.

"Get back to your works!" Father orders the crowd.

The pack listens.

Uncle Radu comes for me. He takes my hand and starts taking me to follow the crowd.

I walk slowly and keep looking back.

Sister Miggy's silhoutte of a female is turning into the beast. Just like how father transforms during the full moon to prey. Just like how Brother Robin and Kings go out for hunt. Amelia accompanies them too when she is not pregnant with a pup.

"Let me go! Miggy! Come back!" Sister Lucine cries. Uncle Armedyl doesn't force her to come with us. But he doesn't let her run away either.

"What is happening, Uncle?" I ask.

Uncle Radu looks as young as King. Except he is broader and has fully grown beard. His hair reaches his shoulder.

"Your sister is having her first shift." He says, palming my head. "She will be fine."

Her bones were breaking. She was gagging. She was gasping for breaths.

"Who was the man behind the Mist?" I ask him.

Uncle Radu looks at the front. "Her mate, pup. Her sinful undeserving mate."

I look back at the place.

The beast is fully formed. Her silhoutte looks nothing as sweet as sister Miggy is. This beast howls up.

Her howl is so loud. It touches my soul.

Lucine breaks down. She falls on the ground and calls for her twin.

Sister Miggy has already run into the mist towards the jungle. Both the brother stays to help Lucine get up.

Father runs towards the jungle.

The painful howl echoes again.

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My finger twitched. So did my right cheek.

I tried to open my eyes. But it was hard. As if I had forgotten how to open them.

I rolled merely on the right side. But anxiety deepened.

The whole body was burning. My eyes. My heart.

Sweat was trickling down from my collar bones to my shoulders.

I whimpered.

"It's okay, Misty. I am here. Breathe. It's just hot. See, I am fanning you." It was Alvena.

"Ka. . . " I breathed hard. My body twitched at places. I felt restless. I felt the heat. "Karam."

It came out as a whimper. Desperate. Restless.

"He is waiting for you to get well. He is waiting. Get well, Misty. Get well." She said softly.

I gulped hard. My throat felt too dry to speak anymore.

My skin was burning.

I writhed and tried to feel more. But the restlessness turned agressive.

For one more time, the darkness covered my eyes and became refuge.

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"Goddess punishes us."

The faint cries breaks my sleep.

I open my eyes slowly.

Lysar is sleeping on the other cot. He is barely three years old. But he snores loud for an infant.

"Because you wouldn't break the generational curses."

Mother is crying.

"There is no such thing as curses. We are descendants of Ronyn. We follow him." Father says.

Both are whispering. It doesn't feel like they are on the bed. Their door is open.

I smell the scents of sisters too.

"Our daughters won't have to suffer this if you would look for it, my love." Mother barely calls him that. "All you have to do is to free her. The pups die. Don't you see we are losing numbers. Don't you see that your pack is dying. What if Tara is meant to wear a red cloak too?"

My heart curls.

Red cloak.

No.

They are sending sister Miggy to the temple.

"The border is out of her power. My father tried. My grandfather tried everything. You think I know where she lays dead. No. I do not. And I am not looking for it. I am looking after my pack. Our daughters will be sane at the temple." Father explains her softly.

He never used that tone with anyone else. He sounds like a lover.

Mother sobs. It makes me want to get up.

"Our daughters are going to worship her only. Even if I wish to do something, I can not. I searched the whole territory. Nothing good comes out of it. Looking for her only brings bad luck." He says.

"She is upset. She is not an enemy. All she needs is our empathy. You cannot even acknowledge her. You cannot manifest to help her reach the Moon. The border will kill the whole pack. There won't be any generations." Mother cries.

"Enough!" Father yells angrily. "Enough of this! Lucine, walk out!"

I gasp. I throw the furs away and run fast towards the hall.

"Sister!" The cry escape me when I catch them walking towards the door.

My arms wrap around Sister Lucine and I shake my head. "No! Don't go!"

"Karam!" Father orders calmly. "It is better than the borders. It is a moment to celebrate."

I look up in the yellow eyes. "You will find your mate, sister. Don't leave me. Mother doesn't want it. Think of her."

Sister Lucine smiles sadly. "I shifted. I tried. I didn't find him, brother. Severa awaits me."

I shake my head in horror and walk towards Sister Miggy. She has been silent since the day she had shifted.

I shake her hands. "Don't go, sister! I will help break the border! I will do whatever it takes! Stay with me! Don't leave!"

Mother sniffles at the back.

Father grabs the back of my neck and pulls me away from the sisters.

My eyes fill up in sadness.

"You have to complete your souls," I tell Sister Lucine.

I look at Sister Miggy. "I will look for Severa. I will ask her to not kill the pups. I will pray to her to give us a heir. I will show her empathy. I will understand her. She will help us."

Father's hands slip from my neck.

I look up at him. "Father, we will do as mother says. We will help break the border. We cannot send the sisters away."

"Kingston will take you to the mountain." He tells the sisters.

He is not listening to me.

I run to my mother. "Don't let the sisters leave." My voice cracks.

"Your brother waits outside." Father says.

Sister Lucine passes mother a tearful glance. She smiles at me and grabs Sister Miggy's wrist. Both turns around and walks out of the door.

I run after them. But father grabs my wrist.

"Leave me! No! I saw the red cloak you buried in the West. I know the females die there." I say while Mother sobs softly. "Sister!" I scream. "Sister!"

Father lets out a growl, making me fall back on the floor.

"They will return once a month. They are not dying," Father says and huffs. He turns around and look back at me. He laughs.

He laughs loud. "No one can break the border. Some souls don't have best of the fates written. Your sisters are two of those souls."

A tear leaks from my eye.

"Get up!" He growls.

I get up in a swift. My fists curl on the sides as he raises my chin roughly and stares deep in my eyes.

His yellow orbs scare me. His long hair and beard has covered all of his face. It is his eyes that hypnotizes.

"King has his own family now. Robin has his own. Now, who takes care of your mother behind my back? Your little sister and brother?" He asks.

My nostrils flare as I don't move my gaze away from his. "I."

He doesn't blink. "The border is unbreakable. Your great grandfather tried everything. Your grandfather tried everything. Sacrifices. Prayers. All kinds of ways to show empathy for what happened to Severa. But she is not empathetic. She doesn't forgive. She only holds that love for females who have the same fates as hers. Do you know what this means?"

I do not.

His orbs look like they'll turn red any soon. I have made him furious.

"That Severa holds no power to break the border. That there is no solution. No way. Talking of a way gives false hope to females like your sisters. Staying away from our homes where we live with our mates' and pups, is better for them than to live with us. If they stay here, they are closer to the border. The border kills. You want your sisters killed?"

My jaws clench and I control an urge to cry. "No, father."

"What does an Alpha-born do?" He asks.

I stare at him. Tear slides on the cheek. But I don't look away. "Protects the pack."

"What does an Alpha's brother do?" He asks calmly.

I nod. "Supports the Alpha."

He glances at the window and looks back in my eyes. "When the storm comes, what will you do?"

"I will save the most vulnerable ones."

He smiles warmly. He palms the back of neck and touches his head against mine.

I close my eyes.

"The most vulnerable one is your mother here. Don't make her weak by becoming like her. Your brothers have found their mates. Your sisters haven't. You are yet to find yourself, my son. Do not worry for them. Worry for the ones younger and vulnerable than you. Prepare for a wonderful youth. Find the beauty of this territory. Find the warmth of this pack. Find what makes you feel euphoric. Deep in her heart, Severa knows we are helpless. One day, she will forgive us and the border will disappear."

Mother lays on the bed and sobs silently.

"Until that day arrives, we will send the females with mates beyond the border, to the temple for their own good. Do you understand?" He says while pulling back his head and looking in my eyes again.

I nod. "Yes, father."

He leaves my neck and straightens up. He watches as I turn around to leave the room.

My eyes move on their own to check on my mother. She looks at me only.

I know what she wants to say. But she doesn't say.

I leave the room with her unsaid words taking rounds in my mind.

The day will never arrive.

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My eyes opened in a jolt.

The burn that I felt in them was harsh. It felt like a fever. A very high fever.

My whole spine felt broken. My legs were restless.

"Karam."

My voice wasn't my own. I sounded hoarse and weak. It was barely a whisper.

I turned my head a little to look at the nearby chair. Someone was sleeping.

But my vision was too blurry to recognise her.

A deep urge to meet Karam was writhing my heart. My hands were itching to hold his. There was an emptiness inside my heart that would only get filled by his presence.

I needed him. I wanted him.

Where was he?

I tried to raise my head. But the sharp pain in my neck, made my heart jolt with fear.

I whimpered.

The pain around the crook of my neck and shoulder turned intense. It was unbearable.

The skin felt as hard as a cardboard. I couldn't move.

An urge to squeeze and stretch my legs came. But I couldn't. I was too weak.

The headache increased because of the burning chills all around the body.

My eyes closed before I could call for my mate one more time.

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"Luna!"

Beta Barald bursts into the room. The snow is there all over his head and beard.

Mother and I were making fire to keep the house warm. We both jump at his sudden entrance.

"Alpha!"

Mother widens her eyes. I too get up in shock.

"The wolves are arguing."

Mother freezes. She blinks and dusts her hand. She walks away from me, around the bed to take her cloak from the chair.

"Kingston and Robin aren't backing away. It's snowing hard and they won't stop. I am sure, someone would get killed tonight." He explains as Mother wears the cloak hurriedly.

"Did you tell the cousins?"

Beta nods his head agressively. "They are the ones who started the fight. Only you can calm them down. The whole pack is there waiting for someone to die at the hands of Alpha. It's a mess."

Mother runs towards the door after the Beta.

"I'll come too." 

She turns back to look at me before closing the door. "You haven't had your first kill yet. Stay here!" She hates it when I show interest in fights.

And the fights happen a lot.

It is always Uncle Radu. He walks around and insults the wolves from dirty colonies. Aunt Rose is no less. She adds more to it every time.

Father is an Alpha. Even if he wants to stay calm, he cannot. The wolves don't bow to him. It hurts his pride.

The wolves do not back away either. Even when they know that they are at our mercy. I hate ungrateful souls.

"Hey!" I say while walking towards the other room.

Tara is teaching Lysar to sneer. Both are on all fours and circling around my cot, trying to copy the wolves.

The full moon has just passed two nights ago. Father showed them the wolves and Lycans hunting around the pack.

Now, they are obsessed with the beasts. Little do they understand, we Lycans stand on the twos. Not fours.

I heave a sigh when the thought of my mate shakes my heart.

What if she walks on fours like Nysa on a full moon? It will be hard to control her beast. Nysa says, the shift is always painful for her on the full moon. She still looks suspicious. But she has changed. She behaves like mother sometimes. Glassy eyes. Looking beyond. Getting paler by her own thoughts. Not showing remorse at times. It is the arrival of Stella that has distracted her for now.

I sigh again.

I wish for a Lycan mate. Wolf mates bring trouble.

"Wear it!" I say in warning when Lysar tries to remove his woollen socks.

He shows his teeth to me, makes me control a snicker. He is yet to grow all the set.

Tara messes up her braid by scratching on to her scalp. She throws away the candle at me in frustration. She is unable to scratch her head.

I chuckle and walk towards her when her lips curl, ready to sob.

"I will loosen it." I say while opening the threads. I loosen her braids and run fingers through her hair. "Scratch all you want."

Lysar climbs on my back, up to my shoulder. I sit on the carpet.

She does and looks at me with lost blue eyes. "Reveka cries."

My eyebrows narrow. Lysar starts rolling his tongue and making sounds in my ear to earn my attention. I try to hear beyond it.

"Amelia cries." Tara says.

My heart drops and I get up to bend.

Lysar falls in my arms. I pick Tara on my other side.

Running towards the door, I yell. "Open!"

Tara pulls the handle to open the door and I run out.

The snow slaps our skin right away.

Lysar's eight-nine teeth chatters immediately. Tara hides her face in my neck.

Amelia cries are faint under the noise of the windy storm.

It's hard to run fast when the snow is close to reach the knees.

I reach the door and kick it open. The cries fill my ears and I leave the pups on the floor. Closing the door hurriedly, I catch Reveka crying while playing with a wolf doll near the table.

"Tara! Make Reveka laugh. Lysar, you too!" I yell while putting the thick iron needle into the hoop, locking the door.

"Karam!" Amelia's voice is weak.

I run to her room and nearly die at the scene.

The fire is out.

She is shivering. The white bed sheet has red stains of blood. She is half conscious and trying to stay awake.

Her pregnant belly lays bare as the hem of her dress is under her bosoms.

I look away and put the wooden blocks in the bucket. "What did you do!" I ask her while sparking the stones.

The fire lights up.

I pick two of the burning woods from the fireplace, in the bucket and put it near her bed. The look at her face.

Her hoop in the nostrils is covered in blood. Her cheek has blood on it too. Her hands are covered in blood.

I feel sick in the stomach.

"What do I do?" I breathe out restlessly as my heart shakes in fright.

She shakes her head. Tears leak from her eyes. She tries to speak. But she is loosing her sight.

"I lost the pup. Take her out of me." She manages to say.

"You push!" I say in further fright while leaning down to put my cheek against her belly.

My heart reached my throat.

"The pup's alive!" I shout in shock.

My head twirls as I look around the room.

Amelia gasps for breaths when I look back at her. "Cut. . . Cut. . ."

I shudder.

Her eyes roll in between and she faints.

My soul is shaking. What do I do?

I look around and feel her heartbeats slow down.

I hear her belly again. The pup's heartbeats are barely audible.

I gulp and look around.

The knife is at the shelf above the fireplace.

My heart jumps as I grab it and walk back towards the bed.

Amelia's cries of the Western fields from two years ago makes my soul shudder. I cannot see her like that again.

"She will heal. She will heal." I chant while making a cut. My hand shakes.

The doors burst open.

Tara, Reveka and Lysar are sitting ten steps away from. They are fascinated by the new pup in my arms. I have been leaning on the wall.

Mother walks inside. Nysa follows.

They gasp and run towards the bedroom.

Mother removes the curtain from the canopy to peek at Amelia. She gasps and checks something. Definitely, the stitches.

I gulp when she looks back at me. Amelia's heart is stable. I know that she isn't dying. I am worried if I have done damage to her womb.

Nysa kneels in front of me and takes the pup. She notices my shaky hands.

"You saved both the females, Karam." She whispers.

She kisses my head and gets up. The pup surrounds her as she sits on the warm rug far away.

I wipe a tear that rolls down my cheek. Mother approaches me. It scares me. Amelia will kill me if she finds, she can't bear anymore pup because of me. She may kill me. But I will hate it if she gets hurt because of me.

I have seen the birth of lambs. I have seen the coyote delivering pups. But this was different.

"She will be fine," Mother says while putting her hand on my head. "She is a pure Lycan. A soon to-be-Luna. She has drank the juice of that bitter rogue flower more than anyone. She will heal. And she will be grateful to you."

My heart rests in relief.

My gaze fall on Nysa's cheek. Tara removes the snow from her head. She scrunches her nose. Nysa smells of Robin's blood. Mother too has Father's blood on her hands.

"What happened there?" I ask.

Mother sits down on the carpet beside me. She covers my hands with my own woollen sleeves. I push them back during a task.

She had knitted the sweater on her own for me.

"Your Uncle Radu and both the Aunts are being unfair. Salome has a mate from the dirty colonies. They wouldn't agree. Neither did the wolves. Your father doesn't try to be a mediator either. He shows anger towards the Goddess for choosing half-bloods for pure bloods. He lives in old centuries." Mother explains.

I gulp.

Of course, it has to be a wolf mate. The reason for a whole pack to riot.

I again whisper a wish of Lycan mate to the Goddess in my heart.

"What did Salome do?" I ask curiously.

Mother smiles at me.

"He didn't give a fuck about the elders and told our mother that he is pleased to have her as his mate." Nysa replies happily. Way too loud. Cheerful.

Mother shows her a eye and she turns red. She cursed in front of the pups.

Tara and Lysar look endeared by it. They are surely going to use it for next two weeks until they discover something new.

"How did you end the fight?" I ask while glancing at my mother.

She shakes her head. Her smile fades.

"I told them to wait for the winters to end. For the Ceremony to arrive," she says blankly. "Your father is furious. Your brothers looked disappointed too."

I lower my head.

"If you hate the wolves who trusted the Lycans and stayed stuck here because of the border, you hate your sisters too." Mother says blankly.

"One of those wolves could be an Alpha in a parallel world. A Beta. But here, they are being called dirt. Moon Goddess doesn't call any of her pups, dirt. Does she?" She asks me.

I shook my head.

Nysa smiles at the curious pups observing the new one. But she listens to us too.

"Being ignorant to the difference between right and wrong doesn't make us honorable. It is unfair." Mother says.

I gulp. "What if our family is wrong? We cannot abandon our family for being wrong."

Mother smiles when I look at her. The brown eyes show me a little mischief.

"There can always be a middle ground to walk on. I found one. Nysa found one too." She says.

I glance at Nysa and look back at her. "But only acknowledging the wrong, doing nothing about it, walking the middle ground— it doesn't turn the wrong into right. Middle ground is the same path as being ignorant to the difference between right and wrong." I pour out my thoughts.

Mother's smile fades. She looks deep in my eyes. Her pupils dilate.

"There is a difference. You will understand while growing up, my love. Middle ground is the only way for weak ones like us until someone courageous enough to abandon the family to turn the wrong into right, arrives."

Nysa shakes her head at me in understanding, agreeing to everything mother was explaining.

"We can only wait," says Mother with a sad chuckle.

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I gasped out loud.

Amelia raises her head from the fence of the bed. Nysa gets up from the chair.

Chills ran down my spine when I looked at their aged faces.

Deep breaths escaped me as the heat kept breaking my spine.

I raised myself. The pain in my neck was hurting like a bitch. As if my neck was made of iron. I couldn't move it at all.

I raised on my elbows and something trickled down from me.

The sweat beads on my jolting forehead.

The drool from my trembling mouth.

The tears from my burning eyes.

The burning sensations cleared my doubt. Both Amelia and Nysa watched me keenly.

The cramp came painful enough to bring out a loud whimper from me.

My eyes moved down to look at the red skirt I had worn.

It was blood.

"Misty," Nysa took a breath of relief and came closer to hug me.

My head rested against her stomach as mine hurt like someone was punching from inside.

The heat had still not left.

"You did well." Nysa patted my back while encouraging me softly. "You did well. I will bring you cloth and cotton."

It brought tears to my eyes. Partly because of everything that happened. Partly because there were no tampons and pads.

Amelia was staring at me. Her lips were straight as a line. She was probably cursing me for still being a virgin. But then, she blinked and I saw sympathy.

"Let's get you cleaned," she muttered before coming closer to help me leave the bed.

_______

"What do you think?"

Please vote and comment.

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I kept this a little long. So you all can enjoy weekend reading in leisure.

Please point out if there are any errors. I couldn't proofread it.

Hope, you liked it though.