Welcome JenniferJonnes to the Blue Light Ultra Experience. We will now continue the fanfiction of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Neuro-link begins in three, two, one...

Nevada Jonnes sulked in her office at the university. Her displeasure at losing the Golden Palm Tree to Professor Sofe was so deep she couldn't even eat the bags of popcorn her students left her. Well, OK, maybe one bite. Or two...Oh forget it, the whole bag. It was stress eating, OK!

"Nevada?" said Jonnes' oldest friend, Ranger_of_the_North , peeking her head into the office. "I know you're still upset about the Palm Tree, but there are some men from the government to see you."

***

The government men were there because intel discovered Ramsay and his Food Nazis were looking for the Dish of the Butter.

Ranger gasped. "The Dish of the Butter?"

"Yes," said one of the government men. "Is that important?"

"The Dish of the Butter would only be the greatest discovery since that guy that looks like Han Solo went after the Ark of the Covenant," said Ranger. The government men were obviously clueless. "The Dish of the Butter is a relic from the lost tribes of the dracollavenore . They carried the Dish into their battles. It is rumored that the Butter has so many calories that just looking at it will kill you. Why with the Butter...Ramsay could rule the world. People have been looking for it for ages."

Nevada rubbed her chin in silence. Part of her feared that Sofe would poach yet another discovery from her, but what were the chances she'd be going after the same artifact—it's not like this was a storybook or anything. "And the only one that got close enough was my old professor, Abner Wing. Luckily, his son, Frost, is my faithful companion. I'll just go ask him for the Headpiece of Redenbacher."

"Slight problem with that," said Ranger. "He already left for Nepal. Said he was tired of your crazy adventures, wanted some peace and quiet."

***

So, Nevada Jonnes journeyed to Nepal to find her somewhat-faithful companion. She found him at the local tavern...in a brawl.

"So much for peace and quiet," said Jonnes.

But it turned out this was no normal drunken brawl, the Food Nazi's had sent one of their best henchmen, er, commanders, MidNight Toht (also known by those who survive as MidNight_WriteR360 but who knows why), to retrieve the headpiece.

Even though Frost was kicking butt and taking names, Nevada didn't have the time to wait for the battle to finish. She fired her popcorn gun into the air in order to put an end to the violence. Instead, the shot hit the chandelier causing it to fall. This action made the in-need-of-replacement floorboards to snap free, which knocked the burning logs out of the fireplace. Within moments the tavern was ablaze.

At some point during the battle, Frost lost the headpiece. With the place burning, MidNight took this opportunity to grab the relic. He was about to when he realized that the metal object was laying in fire. MidNight used a poker from the fireplace to retrieve the item. His victory was sort lived as the relic was snapped out of his hands by Jonnes' whip.

The relic went airborne. Jonnes removed her fedora and using a nearby chair as a springboard leapt into the air. She caught the small headpiece in her hat.

"Time to go, Frost," said Nevada.

"Smoke bomb!" shouted Frost before the room filled with a foul-smelling smoke.

While everyone else coughed, MidNight clenched his fist. "I will have the headpiece, Dr. Jonnes."

***

The two travelled to Cairo. There they met up with Jonnes' friend Joe Rover (were you expecting someone else to be the skilled digger). Turned out that the Nazis were already there; they had reconstructed the headpiece and staff thanks to the fact that the tavern had security cameras. One of the cameras got a good look at the headpiece's map.

Jonnes had some hope. The headpiece's text was in a dead language.

"That's why they brought in Klara Sofe," said Joe.

"Well, that's that," said Frost. "They've found the legendary Land of Lakes."

Nevada flopped into a chair, defeated. She twirled the headpiece in her fingers and sighed. But then her eyes lit up. She sat straight forward. "Guys! There's more on the back!"

The security cameras had only picked up one side of the headpiece. The bad guys were digging in the wrong place!

***

The trio headed to the marketplace for supplies. But had a run-in with some of the Nazi's hired hands. They'd learned of the second piece of the map, thanks to a spy in Joe's house—a black cat.

The goons wanted Frost and the headpiece, mostly just the headpiece. A fight broke out, but eventually Frost was overwhelmed and taken. Nevada chased after the goons only to run into a swordsman. He slashed and swiped and growled and spun his sword. Nevada pulled her gun and fired one of her popcorn bullets at the man. The bullet of buttery goodness struck the man in the head and sent him into a kernel coma.

With her foe defeated, Nevada continued her chase, but the abductors and Frost were long gone. But, thanks to Nevada planning ahead, the headpiece was still safe at Joe's. They at least still had a chance.

***

With Frost in the hands of the enemy, Nevada needed to find the Land of Lakes and fast. Thanks to the second part of the map, which also gave instructions on how to make the true staff, Nevada and Rover quickly uncovered the Land of Lakes.

Well, eventually they found it. The headpiece map actually only led to a map room. The staff and Headpiece of Redenbacher once installed into the map room would then led to the Land of Lakes.

As soon as the Lakes' location was discovered, work began on digging up the ancient temple-tomb. It seemed to take hours; but finally, a stone slab that sealed the temple was found. Immediately upon removing the stone cover, a buzzing sound brought fear to Nevada's ears. "Wasps," she said. "Why did it have to be wasps?"

But that problem was easily solved with smoke. The wasps dropped to the floor and appeared to be dead.

"After you, Nevada," said Joe.

"Gee, thanks, pal."

The lack of wasps made the task of retrieving the lost Dish of the Butter easy. Unfortunately, thanks to Sofe, the Nazis had figured out they were in the wrong place. Jonnes was soon captured.

"Are you going to throw us into the pit?" Nevada asked Sofe.

"And leave you alone so that you can escape and pull off some last minute heroic save? No way. You and Frost are coming with us. We'll be opening the Butter Dish together."

Joe and the other workers were released because they were minor characters and not important to the plot.

***

Soon all the players were gathered together. Nevada and Frost were tied to a pole. Sofe, dressed in fine clothing, preformed some kind of ritual. MidNight rubbed his hands together in glee; he knew he'd get a promotion out of this. The rest of the henchmen stood around the giant covered butter dish. It was a very elegant looking dish, like something from a China set.

"I can't believe you left me with the bad guys," said Frost.

"I sneaked into their camp and tried to free you."

"Why didn't you?"

"You were in the bathroom."

"So what do we do now, Nevada?" Frost asked.

"When the time comes, don't look. Whatever happens keep your eyes closed."

Sofe finally finished the ritual. "Now is the time," she said.

The soldiers gathered around the dish cover. Slowly, they lifted the cover. Excitement filled Sofe's body as years of thieving and murder came to fruition. She would finally look upon the lost Butter.

Meanwhile, Frost and Nevada closed their eyes.

Finally, the cover was removed and...and...and...it'd melted. The perfect butter, the stuff of legend, the food of gods was nothing more than a puddle that smelled moldy.

MidNight laughed wildly. Sofe ran her fingers through the melted dairy product in disbelief. Suddenly, a howl rose up out of nowhere. Whispery voices began to fill the air. The land grew cold and dark as if even the sun had closed its eyes in fear of what would happen next.

The melted butter began to bubble. Sofe pulled at her fine robes; was it getting warmer? MidNight began fanning himself. How could this be? The sky was overcast. How could it be getting hotter?

The soldiers began to groan from the heat. Meanwhile, Frost and Nevada actually shivered. The Dish started to rattle as the Butter bubbled more and more. The temperature now seemed to be unbearable. Finally, Sofe realized what was happening, but it was far too late to do anything about it.

Suddenly, poof, one of the soldiers transformed into a pile of popcorn. The rest stood in silence until another soldier exploded into bits of popcorn. Soon another popped and then another. Panic spread through the ranks as each became a pile of salt and popped corn. The whole time MidNight continued to laugh until finally he too became popcorn.

"This is not the way it was supposed to go!" shouted Sofe before transforming into popcorn.

Somehow during all of this, the Dish's cover was replaced. Then just as sudden as the darkness and whispering came, it faded.

"Is it over?" asked Frost.

"There's no more screaming, so I'm assuming yes."

"That's great." Frost paused for a moment. "Just one more thing. How do we get untied?"

"Uh..." said Nevada.

***

Two weeks later, Nevada exited the local government building in a huff. "Fools," she said. "They don't know what they have." The Feds had spirited the Dish of the Butter away to some secret location for study. Nevada figured ancient people had the right idea—bury the Dish. It was just too powerful for anyone to have.

"Doesn't matter," said Frost. "We can't do anything about it."

"I suppose you're right." Nevada then pulled the Golden Palm Tree from her jacket pocket. "At least I got this back."

Frost let out a deep sigh. "So, what next?"

"I hear that Shanghai is nice."

"Just as long as we don't end up in India. They have some crazy temples there. There's this one cult..."

Nevada and Frost began walking towards the setting sun.

***

Elsewhere, a lone worker pushed a crate down a long hall packed with crates. One crate read, "Krabby Patty Formula." Another crate was stamped with, "Colonel Sanders' Recipe." The worker moved the crate marked "Dish of the Butter" into its new home. The worker patted the crate, "Welcome to Area 42," he said. He then began his long walk across the vast, crate-filled, warehouse.

Ending simulation. I hope you enjoyed your ride. If you did, don't forget to leave a comment and a vote. If you didn't, you can still leave a comment and a vote. Ha, ha, ha...

Have a nice day and thank you for choosing BLUE for your virtual reality needs.

Don't forget to visit the gift shop (chapter 3) before leaving.

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Land of Lakes is a joke on the brand Land O' Lakes butter.