Chapter 9

Tangina.

So, paano na? Paano na 'ko makakamove-on nito? Paano ko siya tuluyang buburahin sa utak ko kung kaunting haplos, kaunting lambing, kaunting pungay ng mata, nag-back to zero na naman ako?!

Eh, kasi naman! Bakit ba siya umaarteng may pakialam siya sa 'kin?! Makahawak siya sa ulo ko parang hindi niya sinabing wala siyang nararamdaman sa 'kin, ah? Kung hindi ba naman gago! May girlfriend siyang tao tapos ganoon niya ako tatratuhin?! Ni hindi niya na inisip kung ano'ng mararamdaman ni Psyche!

"Mahirap talagang magmahal ng syota ng iba. Oh, sakit ng ulo maniwala ka . . ."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko sa labis na inis. "Manahimik ka nga, Karsen! Wala ako sa mood marinig ang pagiging sintunado mo!"

She threw me a glare, her pinkish lips protruding. "Ang sungit! Ipinagluto pa naman kita ng corn soup para mawala 'yang hangover mo!"

I exhaled sharply. "Eh, kanta na lang ni Kobe ang kantahin mo. Hindi 'yang mga gan'yan."

"Ingay n'yo." Mill walked out of the room looking as if she'd just woken up. "Hindi ba tayo puwedeng magkaroon ng mapayapang umaga kahit isang araw lang?"

"Si Mari kasi, ang aga-aga, badtrip agad," reklamo ni Karsen.

"Ayun na nga, eh. Ang aga-aga tapos ang taas agad ng energy mo!" segunda ko.

Mill yawned. "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

Mula sa pagkakaupo ay tuluyan akong humiga sa sofa. My head was throbbing, but I knew it wasn't because of the alcohol I had last night. May kliyente ako ngayong umaga pero parang wala ako sa wisyong magtrabaho. Ni hindi pa nga ako nakakapaligo gayong dapat ay naggagayak na ako.

My thoughts were clouded by Leon's words and actions, which made it difficult for me to focus. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. He said he'd come to get something, but what was it? At na kanino? Isa pa, he looked at my neck as if he wanted to devour it. Wala naman siguro siyang lahing bampira, 'di ba?

Jusko, ang gulo-gulo niya! Kung mas gusto niyang galit ako, dapat na ba akong magdala ng kutsilyo at saksakin siya?! He was wreaking havoc on my train of thought! Sinabi niyang hindi niya ako gusto! Tapos na dapat doon ang usapan! Bakit may pagpapanggap pang may concern siya sa 'kin?! Gawin niya dapat 'yon sa girlfriend niya!

"Argh!" I grunted as I covered my eyes with my lower right arm. "Upcoming finals dapat ang pinoproblema mo ngayon, Amari Sloane!"

"Bakit, ano bang pinoproblema mo?" tanong ni Mill.

The side of the sofa a little below my feet slumped a little, indicating that she had sat there.

Umiling ako. "Boses ni Karsen."

"Ate Kat!" agad na sigaw ni Karsen kaya napangisi ako. "Si Amari ampangit na naman ng ugali!"

"Hija, napakaligalig mo," panunukso pa ni Mill.

My grin widened. I could already imagine Karsen sulking.

Napaigtad ako nang biglang hampasin ni Mill ang hita ko.

Inalis ko ang braso na nakatakip sa mata ko at pinandilatan siya. "What?"

She shook her head as if I had disgusted her. "Kumilos-kilos ka na. Alas otso na, oh." Itinuro niya ang orasan. "May kliyente ka ng 9:30, ah?"

I scratched my head for a while before getting up reluctantly. I could feel my face being framed by my loose, untamed curls.

Wala ako sa mood umalis ng bahay dahil gusto kong humilata na lang maghapon at mag-isip. Kaya lang, hindi naman haciendera at tagapagmana. Hindi ako puwedeng magpalamon sa katamaran dahil marami akong gastusin. Isa pa, tuwing weekends na nga lang ako nakakapagtrabaho nang diretso, mag-iinarte pa ba ako?

"Mari," tawag ni Kat sa akin mula sa kusina. "Puwede mo ba akong ibili ng kangkong at labanos bago ka umuwi? Mag-sisinigang kasi ako mamayang gabi."

"Yown . . ." Karsen whispered excitedly.

I stood up and nodded. "'Yon lang?"

Nag-isip pa siya saglit bago dahan-dahang tumango. I let out a sigh of resignation and gave the sofa one last look before deciding to go do the things I needed to accomplish today. I got ready for work and tried my best not to think about what happened last night. Hindi puwedeng maghapon akong ganito. Maaapektuhan nang sobra ang trabaho ko.

While I was getting dressed, I received a message from Shaira saying that she wanted to come with me because she had a lot of things she couldn't wait to tell me. Um-oo ako dahil mas madali para sa 'kin ang pagtatrabaho nang may kasama lalo at marami akong dala.

"Lasing na lasing ako kagabi, tangina, nasukahan ko yata si Meg," Shaira told me while we were walking on our way to the hotel where I would meet my client. "Si Zoey, hindi ko na naasikaso. Umiiyak pa si gaga kasi gusto niya na raw mag-shift sa dentistry."

I chuckled as I gazed at her.

Ako ang may dala sa make-up trolley at foldable chair ko habang bitbit naman niya ang ring light at ang duffle bag kung saan nakalagay ang hair accessories ko. Kung hindi niya ako sinamahan at tinulungang magbuhat ay siguradong ma-de-delay ang trabaho ko. Full package kasi ang in-avail ng client.

"Nakauwi naman ba?" tanong ko.

"Oo. Ipinahatid yata ni Maricar sa tatay niya." Natatawang napailing siya. "Langya, bigla kasing nawala si Leon, eh! Sina Thaddeus at Paolo na lang tuloy ang nag-asikaso. Grabe nga! Halos lasing kasi talaga lahat!"

Napaiwas ako ng tingin nang mabanggit niya ang pangalan ng kinaiinisan ko simula pa kagabi. Kung bigla siyang umalis sa club, hindi naman siguro dahil sinundan niya ako, 'di ba? I mean, sino namang tanga ang aalis sa masayang inuman para lang sabihin sa 'kin na panatilihin ko ang galit sa kanya?

"Ba't kasi kayo sumagad? Hindi pa tapos ang finals, nag-ce-celebrate agad kayo," I asked after a few moments of frowning.

"That's the point! Sigurado naman kasi akong hindi celebration ang mangyayari after ng finals."

Ngumisi na lang ako. Honestly, most of our classmates were quite intuitive and smart. Itinuring lang nilang biro ang lahat, pero pagdating sa exams at quizzes, kakaunti lang talaga sa amin ang bumabagsak.

Si Zoey, kahit ngayong vocal na siya na second choice niya lang ang BS Psychology, ay hindi naman nagpapahuli sa amin ni Leon. She actually held the steady rank of third place in our batch.

"O, kumusta kayo ni Thaddeus?" maya-maya'y tanong ko.

Doon siya biglang napamura. "Tangina, ito na nga!"

I laughed. "Ano?"

"Super chikahan kami kagabi, 'di ba?" she said, her voice tingling with excitement. "As in, sa sobrang tagal naming magka-usap, lahat nai-topic na namin. Ang astig pa kasi wala talagang dry air! Feel na feel ko 'yong chemistry!"

Muli akong napatawa. "Level up na ba?"

"Tanga, wait lang," she uttered, chuckling. "May sinabi kasi siya pero hindi ako sure kung tama 'yong narinig ko dahil may amats na 'ko."

Napakunot ang noo ko nang bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad. Ibinaba niya ang duffle bag sa semento at hinawakan ang palapulsuhan ko. That tensed me up a little. I haven't done anything with my wrists for almost half a year now, but I could say that the touch slightly caught me off guard.

She stared at me, her eyes gleaming with amusement and disbelief. "Tangina, girl. Madalas ka raw mabanggit ni Leon . . ." dahan-dahang sabi niya.

I used the tip of my index finger to gently pry her hand off of my wrist before frowning.

"Lasing ka nga," nakasimangot na saad ko.

Desidido siyang umiling. "Seryoso! Kaya nga nagtataka si Thaddeus kasi hindi naman daw naikukwento ni Leon si Psyche tapos biglang naging mag-jowa! Siya lang ang nakakaalam sa barkadahan nila pero sigurado raw siyang ikaw ang type no'n."

I gave her a sneering look. She definitely heard it wrong. Alam ko kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman ni Leon. He said it to me out loud.

Inginuso ko kay Shaira ang duffle bag kaya nakangusong dinampot niya iyon.

"Mas sigurado akong kaya ako nababanggit ni Leon ay dahil naiirita siya sa 'kin," sabi ko bago kami nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

She heaved a sigh. "Hindi naman mag-a-assume si Thaddeus na gusto ka ni Leon kung gano'n . . ."

I laughed as I brushed off the thought. "So, ano? Pinag-chismisan n'yo lang 'yong tao?"

She let out a flirty giggle, finally putting the topic to rest. "Oo, tapos medyo naglandian." Rinig na rinig ko ang kilig sa boses niya. "Nag-chat nga sa 'kin kanina ng good morning. Ni-replyan ko tuloy ng I love you."

"Bwisit ka," tawa ko.

We continued walking, and as we were about to reach the hotel, she suddenly poked the left side of my waist. I looked at her in fury, but all she did was smirk as if she was making fun of me.

"Paano kapag totoong bet ka nga ni Leon?"

"As if papatol ako sa may girlfriend." I grimaced. "At isa pa, wala akong time makipaglandian. Ang dami-dami kong kailangang unahin."

She raised her chin and beamed with pride. "Good girl. Hindi tayo mababang uri ng tao."

The rest of the walk to the hotel was her narrating the several kilig moments she shared with Thaddeus. Pakiramdam niya raw kasi ay darating sa puntong maglalandian sila nang todo, at baka kapag humiling ito ay maisuko niya pa ang bandera ng Pilipinas na halos dalawampung taon niyang inalagaan.

I could only laugh at her. Thaddeus was kind of attractive, so it wasn't too surprising that a pretty girl like Shaira would be interested in him. Medyo hindi lang siya magandang maging kaibigan kasi baka kapag nalasing siya, masabi niya lahat ng sikreto mo.

Pagkarating namin hotel ay dumiretso na kami sa elevator.

The client's mother was the one who reached out to me because she wanted to surprise her daughter with a makeover. May lunch date daw kasi ang anak niya kasama ang fiancé nito.

She didn't tell me her name or the name of her daughter, but she did provide me with the contact information of her secretary so that I could get paid for my service. After only a minute of talking, the secretary wired me two thousand pesos, which was twice as much as my rate.

"Yayamanin, 'te . . ." bulong sa akin ni Shaira.

"Kaya nga," I agreed. "Nakita lang daw no'ng nanay na fino-follow ako no'ng anak niya sa Facebook page ko kaya pinatawagan ako sa secretary niya."

"Ibang level ka na talaga. Baka mamaya ikaw na ang maging make-up artist ni Alya Foster."

I just laughed. Nagkuwentuhan pa kami hanggang marating namin ang sinabing room sa akin. I knocked twice, and the door opened right away.

"Good morning!" Magandang ngiti ang isinalubong sa amin ng isang may-edad na babae. "Kayo po 'yong sa ASM Beauty?"

I smiled back. "Yes po."

Nilakihan niya ang pagkakabukas sa pinto at pinapasok kami. Agad ko namang inayos ang mga gamit ko.

My make-up trolley was the most expensive item I bought for myself and the first thing I invested in. Kumpleto na rin kasi ito. It has a mirror, lights, and even built-in Bluetooth speakers inside.

"Darating na rin po agad sina Ma'am. Pakihintay na lang po . . ." sabi ng babae sa amin.

I nodded and smiled. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na nagkaroon ako ng mayamang kliyente. In fact, most of my clients have complimented me on my attention to detail and artistic sense when it comes to choosing color schemes and accents. Nakakatuwa nga dahil noong una ay mga schoolmate at kaklase ko lang ang nagpapaayos sa 'kin, pero dahil sa positive feedbacks, I was able to attract lots of clients.

"Nag-message si Ma'am Abulencia sa group chat. Ang final requirement daw natin sa zoology ay written report ng lahat ng nai-discuss niya sa animal classes, minimum of twenty pages."

Napanganga ako. "Gago?! Ang dami no'n!"

She put down her phone. "By pair naman kaya sana 'wag mo 'kong iwan."

Nagbuntong-hininga ako. Ano'ng trip ni Ma'am? Sigurado namang hindi niya babasahin 'yon kapag isinubmit namin! Kairita! Kaya ayoko kapag mag-fi-finals, eh! Back to back na nga ang re-review-hin para sa exam, napakarami pang kailangang ipasa!

"Ma, what's wrong with you?"

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nang marinig ang boses ng isang babae. I knew right away that it was the client, so I stood up straight and smiled as widely as I could, but as soon as I saw who it was, my smile began to falter.

Narinig ko ang pagsinghap ni Shaira dahil gaya ko, paniguradong nagulat din siya.

"Mari?" Psyche asked, which shocked me to my core.

Kilala niya 'ko?

"Oh great! You know each other?"

Napatingin ako sa babaeng kasama niya. May katangkaran ito at pagka-morena. Kahit may edad na ay maganda pa rin itong tingnan dahil sa pagkakapusod ng medyo kulot na buhok.

She must be Psyche's mother. She exuded such a sophisticated and refined aura.

I chuckled to relieve the tension that was building up inside of me. "Ah . . . schoolmates po kami, ma'am."

Tumango ang ginang bago bumaling sa anak niya. "See? Mabuti talaga at inilipat kita sa public university. Hindi lalaki ang circle mo kapag nag-stay ka sa all-girls school."

Circle? As far as I know, Psyche and I have never shared the same circle of friends or acquaintances.

Hindi sumagot si Psyche kaya mabining tumawa ang nanay niya. "Come on, don't be timid, anak. Alam kong ifino-follow mo ang ASM Beauty sa Facebook kaya ako na mismo ang nag-reach out sa kanya para ayusan ka."

"Ma . . ." I heard a hint of resistance in Psyche's voice.

"Sige na! You're meeting your fiancé! You have to present your most attractive look possible!"

Napakurap ako. Wait . . . did I understand things correctly? Psyche is meeting her fiancé?

Sino? Si . . . Leon?

I felt a sharp pain ripping through my chest when the realization dawned on me. I didn't know they were engaged! Nag-propose na ba agad si Leon sa kanya? But we were barely twenty! Ganoon ba siya kasigurado kay Psyche?!

"Wow . . . congrats," bulaslas ni Shaira sa likuran ko habang pasikretong pinipisil ang braso ko.

Humarap sa amin ang nanay ni Psyche. "Make her the prettiest, okay?"

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. I put on a smile and told Psyche to sit on the foldable chair. Sumunod naman siya kahit na bahagya kong nakita sa mukha niya ang pag-aalinlangan. I had to swallow the lump in my throat to be able to proceed to my work.

Una kong inayos ang mahaba at tuwid na buhok niya. I made it a point to have it look as if it had more volume than it actually did. Bahagyang nanginginig ang mga kamay ko pero siniguro kong hindi ito makakaapekto sa kalidad ng serbisyo ko. Shaira stood next to me, completely silent. Hindi ko alam kung ramdam niyang kinakabahan ako o wala lang talaga siyang gustong sabihin.

Wow. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would get to the point where I could make a woman look even more attractive to Leon . . . to the man whom my heart secretly adored.

"You're Leon's classmate, right?" tanong ni Psyche.

I forced a smile. "Yes . . . I didn't know you'd recognize me."

Nagpaalam sa amin saglit ang nanay niya kaya kaming tatlo na lang ang natira sa room. I pulled out my primer and carefully applied it to her silky skin. Maganda naman talaga siya. Kutis-mayaman at alam mong alagang-alaga. Hindi na rin nakakagulat na nagustuhan siya ni Leon.

"Do you have a preferred make-up style?" I asked as I put a thin layer of liquid foundation on her face.

She tilted her head to the side and studied her reflection. "Well, I like what you did to my hair, so I'll leave everything in your hands."

I breathed deeply. "Uhm . . . what does your . . . fiancé like? Baka may gusto siyang style."

She smiled sweetly. "Si Leon?"

I mentally cursed when a searing pain shot through my chest.

Heard that, Amari? Leon is really engaged. Siguro naman ay sapat na rason na 'yan para magalit ka lalo sa kanya, 'di ba? Hinawakan ka niya kagabi . . . tapos nilagyan niya na pala ng singsing ang girlfriend niya.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Hmm . . ." Napaisip siya. "I think he loves kissing me when I have red lipstick on."

Napaubo si Shaira kaya nagkaroon ako ng tyansa na kalmahin ang sarili. I could endure this. I'd been through hell and high water, and I'd made it out alive. Ano pa at dalawang libo ang ibinayad sa akin kung hindi ko titiisin 'to, 'di ba? I knew from the start that Leon was in a serious relationship with someone . . . it wasn't like he promised anything to me.

"Kailan siya nag-propose?" biglang untag ni Shaira.

Marahang tumawa si Psyche. "Just last week."

Nanginginig ang labing ngumiti ako. "Simulan ko na, ha?"

Tumango lang siya. I held my breath and rubbed my palms together to relieve the pain ramping up in my chest. Ayokong ipahalata sa kanya at kay Shaira na naaapektuhan ako.

I put on my smiling façade as I began applying make-up to her face, pretending like nothing was wrong.

Nakaramdam ako ng labis na pagkadismaya.

I just didn't know Leon could do something so . . . unfaithful.

I mean, what's up with him being so sweet to me while he's dealing with someone else? Hindi tama ang ginawa niyang pagpapakita ng motibo sa 'kin. Sure, I wouldn't take it the wrong way, pero ano ang mararamdaman ni Psyche kung malalaman niyang kasama ko ang fiancé niya kagabi, hinahaplos ang pisngi ko at tinatakpan ng buhok ang leeg ko?

"I think soft eyeshadows will look good on you," I suggested, and she broke into a sweet smile. "Pinks, nudes . . . okay lang?"

"Gusto naman ni Leon 'yon, 'di ba?"

My heart clenched as I nodded.

Men . . . they're never content, are they?

Kagaya lang din siya ni Jin at ng tatay ko. They would act like loyal boyfriends, but they were just dickheads who would cheat on their partners if they had the chance to.

Para saan? Sa sex? Sa atensyon? Sa past time? Hindi ba nila naiisip ang mararamdaman ng sinasabi nilang "mahal" nila habang may kasama silang ibang babae?

I put light brown eyeshadow in the crease of her eye as my thoughts became cluttered with my past experiences.

Noong niloko ako ni Jin, ilang libong beses kong itinanong sa sarili ko kung hindi ba ako maganda . . . kung ganoon ba ako kapangit para maghanap pa siya ng iba. He had sex with his wealthy friend, who was decked out in expensive clothes and had flawless skin.

It made me question my self-worth. He led me to believe that I didn't belong to myself. He had me looking at my reflection only to feel nothing but disgust. Hindi kasi maganda ang kutis ko kagaya ng mga kaibigan ko. I have stretch marks, uneven skin tone, bruises, and cuts that I made myself.

Funny how I hated myself before he came into my life, but after he wronged me, I grew to hate myself more.

I took a deep, slow breath before putting red lipstick on Psyche's lips.

Leon, I hope you don't mess up like Jin. I hope you won't make other women feel bad about themselves.

"All done!" I exclaimed, almost sounding too happy. "I'm sure he'll kiss you straight away when he sees you."

She faced me with a beautiful smile. "Thank you. Sinabi ko naman kay Mama na hindi ko na kailangang magpaayos dahil sanay naman si Leon na makita ako . . . but she insisted. First date daw kasi namin 'to bilang mag-fiancé."

Tumango na lang ako. I'm sure if I say one more word, manginginig lang ang boses ko. The fact that I had to serve as a tool to make her look more attractive for Leon was enough torture for me.

Hindi ko na hinintay na makabalik ang nanay niya. Inayos ko ang mga gamit ko at tinulungan naman ako ni Shaira.

"Aalis na kayo? Aren't you gonna greet Leon first?" tanong ni Psyche.

Ako na ang naunang umiling. "Sa school na lang."

"Oo . . . gutom na rin kasi ako," segundo naman ni Shaira.

We left the hotel in no time. What I found out shocked me, but at least now I have a better view of who Leon was. Balak niya na naman akong paasahin . . . buti na lang ipinakita agad sa akin ng tadhana kung anong klase lalaki siya.

Shaira never stopped gushing to me about how surprised she was, and I couldn't help but pretend to be having fun. Hanggang sa carenderia kung saan kami manananghalian ay sina Leon at Psyche ang bukambibig niya, para bang hindi makapaniwala na ganoon kaseryoso ang relasyon ng dalawa.

"Mamamalengke muna ako, ikaw ba?" tanong ko habang hinihintay siyang matapos sa pagkain.

Ngumuso siya sa mga gamit ko. "Kaya mo bang dalhin lahat 'yan?"

I nodded. "Labanos at kangkong lang naman ang bibilhin ko. Ipapasok ko na lang d'yan mamaya sa bag."

Uminat siya. "Oki. Antok na rin ako, eh."

Nagpasalamat ako sa kanya bago kami naghiwalay. Tricycle lang ang sinakyan ko papuntang palengke dahil mahihirapan akong isakay sa jeep ang gamit ko.

On the way to the market, I kept thinking about how disappointing Leon was. He wants me mad? Okay. Kagalit-galit naman pala talaga siya. Huh. I'll give you a taste of my rage!

Hindi naman nagtagal bago ako makarating sa palengke. I had a hard time carrying all my stuff, but I managed to do it. Sanayan na rin. Sina Kat at Karsen ang madalas mamalengke sa amin dahil kapag kami ni Mill ang nagsama, sa Puregold kami namimili. Mas madali kasing mahanap doon ang items.

One piece of advice Kat gave me was to avoid buying vegetables at the entrance except if there was no other alternative. Mas marami raw kasing murang gulay sa loob ng palengke. Minsan, mas sariwa pa ang mga ito.

I dragged along my make-up trolley, slung my duffle bag over my shoulder, and hauled my ring light and foldable chair in both of my hands. Mabuti at itinali ko ang buhok ko dahil nararamdaman ko na ang pagbubutil ng pawis sa leeg ko.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng palengke at napangiti naman ako agad nang matanaw ko ang mga kailangan ko.

"Magkano po sa kangkong?" tanong ko nang makalapit sa tindahan, ang mga mata ay nakadirekta sa gulay.

"Ten pesos ang isang tali."

Agad akong napatingin sa gilid ko nang marinig ang boses ni Leon. I was certain at that time that my eyes were wide open. I mean, alam ko namang may puwesto sila sa palengke, pero hindi ba at magkasama sila ni Psyche?! Bakit parang ang bilis naman nilang natapos?!

And god! He doesn't look like he just went on a date! He looked . . . dirty!

He was just clothed in a plain white sando that brought attention to his chest and exposed toned muscles. Pinares niya iyon sa isang tila maruming maong pants at sipit na tsinelas.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?!" tanong ko nang makabawi.

Ibinaba niya ang buhat-buhat na sako ng carrots sa gilid ng tindahan bago iniayos ang salamin niyang dumudulas sa ilong niya. Some parts of his tanned skin glistened with sweat. He took a step back when he lifted his head, looking back into my eyes.

"D'yan 'yong puwesto namin . . ." marahang sabi niya sabay sulyap sa tindahan nila. "Ikaw?"

I couldn't believe him! How come his date ended so quickly?! Halos dalawang oras kong inayusan si Psyche, tapos ganoon lang kabilis ang lunch date nila?!

The left corner of his mouth curled up into a smile as he noticed my stuff. "You're done working . . ."

Would it be too sensitive if I brought up Psyche? Baka nag-away sila? O . . . siguro na-postpone?

I shook my head. Why bother? Wala namang kinalaman sa akin ang relasyon nila.

Ibinalik ko ang atensyon sa tindahan. "Dalawang tali ng kangkong at tatlong labanos." Kinuha ko ang mga napili at ipinatong iyon sa ibang mga nakahilerang gulay.

He unlocked the small side door before carefully placing the vegetables inside a plastic bag.

"Sixty-five lahat," sabi niya.

Naglabas ako ng seventy pesos sa wallet ko at iniabot iyon sa kanya. Agad niya naman akong sinuklian. I was putting the plastic in the duffle bag when its strap suddenly slid off my shoulder and went into the crook of my arm. Napangiwi agad ako. Ang galing! Sa harap pa talaga ni Leon!

Dinaga ang dibdib ko nang lumabas siya.

"Tulungan na kita," he offered.

Umiling ako. "Kaya ko."

"Ibaba mo 'yang ilaw, upuan, saka 'yang duffle bag . . ." utos niya na parang hindi ako narinig. "I'll carry them."

I arched my brow. Dadali na naman siya sa mga gan'yan niya. Ano'ng akala niya? Papatulan ko siya? He has a fiancé for fuck's sake!

"Tumabi ka na lang sa dadaanan ko para makaalis na 'ko." Tinapunan ko ng tingin ang tindahan. "Isa pa, sino'ng tatao rito? Paano kapag may bumili?"

"Nasa court lang sa malapit 'yong mga kapatid ko. I can call them," sagot niya. "Akin na, baka sumakit ang balikat mo."

Umirap lang ako. Tumayo ako nang maayos at nang lalagpasan ko na sana siya, naramdaman ko ang paglayo niya sa akin, dahilan para mapalingon ako sa kanya.

"Problema mo?" tanong ko dahil parang diring-diri siya sa akin.

He sighed, impatience seeping through his eyes. "Ihahatid na nga kita kahit hanggang sakayan."

Binago ko ang pagtayo ko at mariing tumingin sa kanya. Ano? Ikaw pa ang maiinis ngayon?

His brow furrowed. "Bilis na. You'll strain your shoulders if you keep carrying them around."

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mata. "Bakit hindi mo kunin sa 'kin?"

He remained silent for a short while, the look of doubt and worry washing over his face. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa damit ko bago dahan-dahang umiling.

"Nakaputi ka," sabi niya. "Baka madumihan kita."

I mentally cursed when I felt my heart warming. Galit ka, Amari! Totoong madumi siya at walang nakakakilig do'n! He has a fiancé! Keep that in your fucking head!

"Stop pestering me then," I said with finality as I continued walking.

Hinigit ko ang trolley habang ramdam ang bigat ng duffle bag sa balikat ko. Unti-unting lumuwag ang pagkakahawak ko sa upuan dahil sa panginginig ng mga kamay ko. I tightened my grip. Hindi talaga magandang combination ang pagpupuyat at pagtatrabaho.

Bago ko pa maiayos ang pagkakahawak ko ay may kumuha na ng upuan sa kamay ko.

"Kulit," bulong ni Leon sabay kuha ng gamit ko.

The crease in his forehead deepened as he took the duffel bag off my shoulder and slung it over his own.

"Don't come near me," aniya bago lumayo sa akin. "I might stink."

Natulala ako sandali sa kanya. He then turned around and started walking, effortlessly carrying my stuff. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero unti-unting kumirot ang puso ko habang sinusundan ko siya.

Hindi naman siya mabaho. I even smelled his fresh, manly shower gel as he got my stuff. And just in case he stinks, isn't that natural because he's been working? Bakit parang nahihiya siya?

"Sir, bumabyahe po kayo?" magalang na tanong niya sa isang tricycle driver.

"Saan 'yan, 'toy?"

Lumingon siya sa akin. "Sa apartment sa Coop . . ."

Parang nagtatanong ang mga mata niya kaya tumango ako.

His gaze lingered on me longer than it should have. Maya-maya pa ay sumilay ang maliit na ngiti sa labi niya, dahilan para kumunot ang noo ko.

Ano'ng nakakatawa?

Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa driver. "Sa apartment po sa Coop, sir. Sa tapat n'yo po mismo ibaba, ha? Medyo marami po kasing dala."

I chewed on the inside of my lower lip, forcing myself not to appreciate the little things.

After talking to the driver, he loaded my stuff onto the tricycle. Lumapit ako sa kanya, pero katulad kanina, medyo lumayo siya sa akin.

"Teka lang, neng, ha? Bibili lang ako ng buko juice," paalam ng driver bago pumunta sa lalaking nagtutulak ng cart ng buko.

Leon cleared his throat, drawing my attention.

"I've already paid your fare," he said.

I glared at him. "Sinabi ko bang bayaran mo?"

He moved his glasses slightly. Mukhang wala lang sa kanya ang pagsusungit ko dahil hindi naman nagkaroon ng ekspresyon ang mukha niya.

"Am I blocked?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Huh?"

His eyes were racked with annoyance, yet he lifted his lips in a smirk. "Binlock mo 'ko sa messenger?"

I was taken aback. "Hindi!"

He tasted his lower lip. "My chats weren't getting through since last sem," he said as the frustration that was building up in his eyes grew increasingly evident. "Hindi mo na-re-receive?"

My heart throbbed. "A-Ano namang ichina-chat mo?!"

Hindi na siya nakasagot dahil bumalik na ang driver. I got on the tricycle immediately and didn't bother looking back at him. Sa matinding kaba ay hindi ko namalayang nakarating na ako sa apartment. Dali-dali kong kinuha ang cellphone ko at tiningnan ang spam messages.

Leon Ysmael Zamora: Congratulations.

Para akong mahihimatay sa nabasa. He sent it to me when I was named the top psychology student in our batch after the summer convention.

Leon Ysmael Zamora: You don't want the DSM-5-TR? I have some new books I can give you.

Leon Ysmael Zamora: Why can't I check to see if you're online?

Leon Ysmael Zamora: How come my messages aren't being delivered? I can't tell if you're replying.

My heart hurt so much that I couldn't even take a breath. Those were all sent before our second year started. Iba-ibang petsa. Iba-ibang oras.

Leon Ysmael Zamora: Thaddeus said you blocked me.

I balled my fist. Matapos niyang sabihing hindi niya ako gusto, uulanin niya ako ng chat? Good thing I labeled our conversations as spam! Kung hindi ay aasa ako nang sobra sa kanya!

Leon Ysmael Zamora: Galit ka?

I could hear his voice in my head. I scrolled down until I saw his next message, which was only a few days after the last one.

Leon Ysmael Zamora: Galit ka.

Napakunot ang noo ko nang makitang removed ang sumunod at huling chat niya. He sent it to me the first time I saw him with Psyche.

Ayokong mag-isip. It was nonsense. Sinabi niyang wala siyang nararamdaman sa 'kin. Bakit kailangan niya pang mag-chat kung gano'n? Isa pa, nagkaroon din naman siya ng girlfriend . . . or fiancé . . . just months after sending me those.

I was about to put down my cellphone to give my heart a break when our group chat in general zoology flashed up in my notification bar.

Ma'am Abulencia: I already paired you up with your classmates, so don't ask me if you'll be the one to choose your partners. Refer to this document and start working on your report. Also, I'll be your thesis adviser next school year, so if this pair works for you, don't be surprised if I don't change it. Good afternoon.

BSPSY2A_Partners.pdf

As soon as I opened the file, I felt like the cosmos and its mutable fates had joined forces to make my feelings even more complicated than they already were.

Pair No. 17: Amari Sloane Mendoza – Leon Ysmael Zamora

"Hate him to the core, Amari . . . that's the best way to move on," I whispered to myself.